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Her Anger Like A Fire

Byjack

Her Anger Like Fire

I felt her anger like fire

Burning in my face

Searing like acid

Felt the heat of it

Within her body

But all I could think of

Was the weight of the cold stones filling my heart

While I wondered

What happens

When love

Gives up

 

I realized something today. Sometimes when you love someone so much, you can’t give them space. Love needs space to grow, absence to remind you what it is made of. Sometimes, if you really love someone, you have to let them go. Even if it means they may never come back.

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Profit in Peace 23: Values Update

Byjack

I have an update in my values.

It’s been interesting see how my values used to feel really unclear back in this post and recently got much more clear in this post, but now I feel even more clear.

Knowing your values is so important because it helps you set boundaries. When you don’t know your values it is hard to know when someone is crossing a boundary and if they are, what boundary they are crossing.

Here is the new list:

  • Honesty (push people who don’t accept you away, pull people who do, closer)
  • Empathy/Emotion (everyone is going through struggles, be present for people’s emotions without taking responsibility)
  • Freedom (used to call this time and space)
  • Ambition/Possibility/Dreaming
  • Respect (value others, others value you)
  • Health
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Profit in Peace 12: Peace Disrupted

Byjack

My peace today was disrupted by work early. It is nice to have time to talk about strategic leadership things. I usually don’t have that much time during the week.

However, it’s not the type of morning that I aim to repeat.

I intend on reclaiming as much peace as I can in this 20 minute span.

I feel that respect is a really important need for me in work, and I feel that this need was not met at my previous job, it remains to be seen whether or not it is met enough in this job. I have my doubts to be sure.

Today, I woke up feeling much better, even though I went to bed a bit late. It’s because, on top of journaling, I also did cupping on my body to unblock anything that was blocked. Turned red on my chest, I guess a lot of blockages there specifically.

I feel with the level of stress this morning with no peace and no running I’m feeling surprisingly good.

I wonder how to push back on blatant hostility and disrespect in a way that I want to. I suppose some rage journaling should help and maybe my coaching mindset.

Today I want to focus on making a video on how to handle lack of respect in the workplace.

I don’t know how that is going to go but that’s what I want to do.

Perhaps I need to meditate on it some more.

Maybe finally watching another 20 minutes of the coaching call will be nice as well.

To Love and Lose Love

Byjack

A dear friend of mine who I was deeply in love with just cut ties with me. And I’m surprisingly calm.

Part of it is because I don’t think there is much left unsaid or anything I really regret about the whole friendship/relationship we had. I loved so many things about her. The way she made jokes, the sound of her voice, the patience and love she showed me at my worst. I will never forget that and I think she’s changed my life in ways she probably doesn’t even know.

I only wish she felt safe enough, trusted me enough, to tell me about how she truly felt. The worries, the emotions, the anger she was going through, I wish she trusted me enough to be open about it – so I could be as loving as she was for me and be closer today for it. In the end, she gave up on me – just like I had almost given up on her earlier in the friendship.

There are two things that still make me feel like someone is ripping apart my heart with a fork:

  • The fear that I wasn’t ever really special to her. That maybe she will turn around and say and do all of the things she said and did for me to the next person down the line. Maybe she has already found that next person. Maybe that is why she left. This hurts me somewhere so deep it’s hard for me to face fully.
  • The hope that she will come back. Hope is pure torture. I’m afraid it will drive me mad if I dwell on it too long.

There are more steps of grief, more growing I will need to do. But this is how I feel right now.

To the People I Love

Byjack

Today I came up with a realization. I was sitting on the couch just tired of dating, tired of trying.

And I realized that I shouldn’t think of dating as just a chore that I have to do, something that is tied to an end goal. Dating and making yourself vulnerable, trying to go outside of your comfort zone makes helps you confront the deepest parts of yourself. Your insecurities, your fears. Dating will make me a better person. But it’s not just dating.

This is also true for many other things in life. For starting a business, a Youtube channel. Going to the clubs at night. Anything.

I wrote this post with one friend in particular in mind. She is someone really special who I love on multiple levels. And whether or not I ever date her, or if we will just be two people who love each other platonically, I know one thing for sure. I love her because she has accepted me and loved me for everything she knows about me, not just the shiny good parts everyone likes to see. I want to be the kind of person who is able to support her, just like she has supported me. In every way, I can. Emotionally, financially, and strategically.

But it’s not just her. I want to use my love for everyone that I love in my life as motivation. Motivation to pursue what I want despite the fear in my heart that I will fail. To be me, even when I am afraid of being rejected. To be so successful and have learned to embrace my emotions so deeply I can support them in ways they cannot fathom.

XOXOXOXO

To the future!

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Snuggles

Byjack

Snuggles

I snuggle next to my little sloth

Her bright eyes shining at me

Laughter across her face

I feel the soft warmth of her

All around me when I kiss her cheek

She smells good

It’s nice to be held in her arms

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Workpost 4: Tired

Byjack

I feel really tired today. I am worried about my sleep cycle. At least I went to bed 30 minutes earlier than I did the night before at 1:30 AM. I really feel I need more sleep than that to be healthy.

I suppose I can commit to taking a nap today.

Something I was wondering, is if I put positive, confident people on a pedestal. I mean, they can’t be that great right? I like how calm I can feel around them, but I can get that anywhere. In fact, one of the ways that I want to develop myself as a coach is to live more by the coaching mindset (you’re in my house, be patient, take risks, be ok with silence). If I live by that mindset 24/7, not only will I get more clients, I will also feel more calm in everything that I do.

Ok now onto the projects:

Goal: Shoot 3 videos, spend 3 hours on each. I have 2 days to do this.

I think today this will be my primary focus.

The videos I want to choose are:

  1. Can AI be used to create a cure?
    1. Today I’m going to try to use AI to cure all diseases.
    2. How do cures work?
    3. What part of the process can AI help?
  2. What skills are still needed in the age of AI?
    1. AI can do everything, write essays, create art, open doors, and even create videos
    2. Where does that leave you?
    3. Today I’m going to figure out what humans still need to know in the age of AI
  3. How can AI be used to develop innovative products?
    1. Let’s say you got a product – reliable, affordable, but a little boring
    2. Today I’m going to use AI to develop an innovative product

Ok, so in doing this exercise I realize that I have to pivot. none of these ideas are going to take 3 hours to make. I need to choose something that is really really fast to make.

My new top 3:

  1. GPT Prompt: Ask AI to explain a really difficult concept to you on a 2nd grade level
    1. Do you want the be the world’s smartest man…or woman?
    2. Today I’m going to use AI to enhance my intelligence with one simple prompt
    3. Explain it to me like I’m in 2nd grade
  2. GPT Prompt: Take everything in your fridge and ask for recipes
    1. Can I cook like Gordon Ramsey with nothing in my fridge?
    2. Today I’m challenging myself to cook like a high dining chef using one simple prompt
    3. Give me a high-dining recipe
  3. GPT Prompt: Take a boardgame and invent new rules
    1. Monopoly is boring
    2. Let’s make it insane with one simple prompt
    3. Use the monopoly boardgame and make it more skill based

Ok time for Goal 2.

UNIT ONE: Focus on my craft – become a coach I would hire for 1000 per month | Day 1 Create plans

  • 1 hr of meditation every day
  • 1 hr of speaking to other people about this every day