Similar Posts
Workpost 3: Pleasant Uncertainty
Today I feel a bit like there is a lot of uncertainty. There is uncertainty with my coaching business and with my career as an AI consultant, but there are also lots of opportunities moving forward.
I want to strive to move forwards and not start to distract myself from the emotions via games and videos.
The first thing I want to tackle is sleep. That is my main priority today. I want to understand why I feel unfulfilled at night, like something wasn’t quite done.
My intuition tells me that I desire to create art. I don’t know why.
Perhaps my first step is to start working on art at 9:30 PM.
Before that I want to achieve something in Valorant, so I will need to do some gaming earlier in the day.
I also desire to work on myself more, I think it really helps to think about emotional development as work. When I think about it as vulnerability, it feels not productive. But when I think of it as emotional work, it takes on new meaning and purpose.
Ok so lets take a look at my two projects right now:
So for my AI Consulting plan, I want to stick to the plan, but the timeline has changed a bit.
I wanted this current goal (Be known, give preview of consulting) to finish by Feb 27th. That leaves 7 days to film, shoot, edit and get feedback.
UNIT ONE (ends 23rd): Shoot 3 videos
- Spend total of 3 hours per video (9 hours total)
UNIT TWO (ends 24th): Write 2 LinkedIn posts
- Spend total of 1.5 hrs per post (3 hrs total)
UNIT THREE (ends 26th): Get feedback, harden process
Looking at my goal for art coaching, I feel dissatisfied with my current structure on process for that. I feel I need to work on finding more ambitious and exciting goals at every step of the way (even if I have a lot of time to get there). I realized in order for the syllabus method to work, you need to have very ambitious exciting goal…then think about how to make it difficult to expect anything other than success.
So let’s revisit the master plan here.
Goal: Ramp up to an income of 8333 per month (100k per year) within one year
I want to choose a new goal…make 1500 per week in coaching.
I want to achieve this within the next 3 months.
UNIT ONE (1 month): Focus on my craft – become a coach I would hire for 1000 per month
- Create plans (10 days, ends March 2nd)
- Deeply understanding clients
- Creating extreme focus and presence in life and sessions
- Developing connections clients need
- Materials and exercises to create and track strategy
- Execute on plans (10 days, ends March 12th)
- Research and refinement (10 days, ends March 22nd)
- Interview other coaches
- Read books
- Further brainstorming
UNIT TWO (1 month): Build 100 hot leads – depends on having free stuff
- Random try posting (10 days, ends April 1st)
- Get feedback and do networking and outreach (10 days, ends April 11th)
- Turn warm leads into hot leads with offer (10 days, ends April 21st)
UNIT THREE (1 month): Meld and combine top level coaching with leads machine
- Talk about my clients achievements, use it to push their art (10 days, ends May 1st)
- Clients have voice on my platform to talk about concepts in my coaching (10 days, ends May 11th)
- Refine call for action to get warm leads to ask for my offer, then turn into hot leads (10 days, ends May 21st)
Okok, I finally have a good framework, but working on this framework makes me realize I really do need to work on free products in the meantime.
Goal: Create free products in 1 month
UNIT ONE (10 days, ends March 2nd): Complete research
- Transcribe and think, what is the million dollar problem or breakthrough?
- Collate results, come up with solutions
- Research competition
UNIT TWO (10 days, ends March 12th): Develop products
- Planning and gathering materials doing research
- Create products
UNIT THREE (10 days, ends March 22nd): Continue development
- Testing and creating more products
I Felt Relieved Sort Of
I Felt Relieved Sort Of
When she didn’t want to talk about it
But it hurt
Like it always hurts
When I feel
This chasm
Between us
Her on one side
Telling me
I’m anorexic
Me trying to tell her
That we cannot control others
That we need to take responsibility for our emotions
It feels like abuse
Emotional abuse
The words that’s she says
I just realized
I never thought about that before
Because I am so used to my parents doing it
To me
To each other
I feel relieved
Sort of
Because I want to think about
Her soft skin
And her warm body
So sweet and kind
I don’t want to argue
And fight
Yet
I realized today
That doubt and comparison for me
Are the symptoms of repressed unhappiness
Maybe that’s obvious
I made a video about it once
About how comparison is about having a need that is not met
How we compare ourselves with others because we feel a lack
But I didn’t want to think about what that meant for us
That we aren’t compatible
I guess I don’t believe that is true
She feels right in the light of day
Like when you wake
From a bad dream
Yet
I am reassured
To know
My doubts are there too
In the light
Normal
We Played A Game
We Played A Game
The other day
We played a game
It had butterflies in it
My heart felt like a butterfly then
Light in my chest
Now it feels more like the stones
I picked off the ground
Heavy
And painful
As if I swallowed it
And it got stuck
Halfway down
We joked about her being a housewife
I would like that
To put everything that stresses her out
Safety away
And the only thing she would have to worry about
Is me
My desires
And the hunger I have
Like a fire
So ravenous, it threatens to take us both
We could take care of each other
Like in the game
But life isn’t a game
It’s not enough to just don’t starve
You have to forge your path through life
Create the road you walk on
I would be happy to be her home
Her comfort
If she could just find her way to me
Poem Draft: Peanut Butter Diamonds
Peanut Butter Diamonds
They say that even peanut butter turns to diamonds when you crush it hard enough
peanut butter
spread onto the sandwiches in a million homes
by the knives of moms in aprons every morning
turned rare and special
under the treads of an iron industrial tractor
the ones I found
took the shape of words of a girl
laughing, crying, and clinging on to me
like the warm reflection of faraway lands
in the morning dew
I let myself fall in
and it was like the sigh of the ocean
the freedom of running as hard as you can
before your lungs remember they need air
but then
it slipped away away
and trying to catch it
I wondered
if those diamonds fall back
to peanut butter
when the tractor moves on
This poem is about mourning the loss of who someone was and celebrating all the magic they brought to your life before learning to accept them for who they have become. It is my first iteration.
Tired
I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m feeling tired lonely and unmotivated.
Feeling into more my feelings, I feel exhausted. Probably need to just hang for a bit.
I went to go hang for a bit and I feel a little better. However, I still feel pretty tired.
One thing that I want to point out is that I at least slept much better last night than previous nights and was able to go to sleep around 1 am instead of 2 or 4.
One of the things that I’ve been struggling with is mewing. Just like last time, I think I don’t know what to do with my jaw. I’m thinking I will focus on keeping the tongue in the top of my mouth and a good posture and not worry about closing my jaw because that feels uncomfortable (and for some reason my mouth gets really dry).
I’m trying to get back into my coaching mindset:
- You are in my house – this is a big one because I feel out of control of my life at the moment
- Don’t be afraid to be silent
- Take risks
- Be patient
Well I got an artist interview in about 6 minutes, but after that, I want to go somewhere fun and write about the artist interviews as well as compile my notes.
Profit In Peace 17: Preparation
This morning I feel damn tired. And I feel stressed.
I know I have to pack my bags for home, check into my flight, and cook all the raw food in the fridge.
I also want to play more Valorant since I never have time for more than 2 or 3 games without interrupting my bedtime. I finally placed an alt account in Silver 1 and I’m loving it, not having to think very hard, just play for the fun of it.
I would also love to work on my French challenge and spend some time with the mimic technique. I was thinking last night about using connection theory to understand what it would take to think in French, instead of just being really good at translating in my head from English to French and the answer that came to me is that I just need to mimic a lot of French speakers, and not just mimic what they say, but how they say it.
Also, for today, right after my morning run, I would like to continue and finish my next section of my VOD review and perhaps plan out some posts for my art coach Instagram.
Just came back from my run and I have to say, I want to be out there more. A walk out in the world is a wonderful way to think through stuff.
A Sacred Thing
The biggest disservice that they did me
Was getting me onto the ideal of controlling
How others feel about me
Because controlling how others feel
Puts ME into a cage as well
The mask of their surface wants
Is forced upon my face
And I would trade my freedom
For their approval any day
I think, as I walk past people
That how someone feels about you
Is a sacred thing
There is no need to change how they feel about us
Just as much as we can seek to understand not control our own feelings
To look upon the world
Without fear
Means to own the world again