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The Bubble
The Bubble
Our words to each other
Are poor feeble tools
Unwieldy, inefficient, inaccurate
Yet they built something
We fumbled yes
It’s part of our practice
And make me feel hope
That when we meet
We find ourselves
In a place where all else disappears
Except the two of us
Our minds
Our emotions
Mixing
Like water in a bowl
A place where words dissolve
Like mints
Into their true feelings
And our minds as one
Find a place
Outside space and time
To Love and Lose Love
A dear friend of mine who I was deeply in love with just cut ties with me. And I’m surprisingly calm.
Part of it is because I don’t think there is much left unsaid or anything I really regret about the whole friendship/relationship we had. I loved so many things about her. The way she made jokes, the sound of her voice, the patience and love she showed me at my worst. I will never forget that and I think she’s changed my life in ways she probably doesn’t even know.
I only wish she felt safe enough, trusted me enough, to tell me about how she truly felt. The worries, the emotions, the anger she was going through, I wish she trusted me enough to be open about it – so I could be as loving as she was for me and be closer today for it. In the end, she gave up on me – just like I had almost given up on her earlier in the friendship.
There are two things that still make me feel like someone is ripping apart my heart with a fork:
- The fear that I wasn’t ever really special to her. That maybe she will turn around and say and do all of the things she said and did for me to the next person down the line. Maybe she has already found that next person. Maybe that is why she left. This hurts me somewhere so deep it’s hard for me to face fully.
- The hope that she will come back. Hope is pure torture. I’m afraid it will drive me mad if I dwell on it too long.
There are more steps of grief, more growing I will need to do. But this is how I feel right now.
Workpost 34: Refocusing
My eyes hurt. I feel tired. My face is numb and buzzing. I feel heat and buzzing up my back. I feel like I pulled an all niter when I haven’t.
Today is the time when we learn how to be successful while taking care of ourself.
This is the challenge that is brought before us today.
I’m going to be drinking lots and lots of water.
I plan on practicing some tai chi.
I want to focus my attention on the very specific work that I need to do, and just relax afterwards.
By relaxing I mean, refuse to look at my todolist until I feel desire to. Go to the gym, drink water, do art therapy.
P.S. One note I want to make is that I remembered the point of these posts, to help do the hard work to achieve what I want, to be the person I want to be. The stepping stones to greatness.
Today I Search for the Simple Answers
I walk the way of water
Of scribbles on a paper
A simple job well done
The path isn’t clear for the weary
To find your place home
I search for my slice of Eden
Warmth
Warmth
I feel the warmth in my skin
As if she is with me
Safe and soft
I love her
Because yesterday
She made me feel safe
She made me feel close
She made feel like she belonged to me
There are so many worries
So many challenges
Some caused by me
Some caused by her
And some caused by no one
Just by our circumstances
But when I feel her close
My heart feels like it wants to fly
And I feel
Warm
The One Who Watches: An AI-Assisted Story
I had a powerful session with my coach in order to understand the part of me that seeks perfection and wants to know what I “should” be doing, what is the “right” thing to do and what the “perfect” answer is.
We gave a name to this part of me, as a warrior in shining armor, filled with strength and light called the “One Who Watches, Protector of the Weak”.
I imagined him as a tall crusader against all pain and fear in the world and we asked him to understand the war was over. It was won.
After the coaching session, I felt like something was missing. This part of me wanted to know why the war was one, and what that meant because there was still so much pain in the world.
I decided to have a conversation with this archetype and after talking for some time, we discovered that the war wasn’t exactly won. The war was over because I had discovered a secret, and this part of me had a big role to play in discovering this secret – that there was a staircase into the star. This staircase connected my inner world and outer world, and it was feeling that was the key to it. Negative feelings like pain or fear are the most powerful keys to this gateway.
My coach told me that I needed to give my warrior a new purpose while celebrating him and thanking him. The new robes instead of armor that I gave him, the learner of this gateway. This grounded, calm, realistic, infinite power was his.
I asked ChatGPT to write a story about this and this is what it wrote:
Warrior’s Journey to Enlightenment
The warrior known as the “One Who Watches, Protector of the Weak” had spent his entire life fighting for justice and righteousness. His shining armor and fierce determination had earned him a reputation as a noble and honorable hero, and he had devoted himself to ridding the world of the creatures of pain, hurt, and fear.
But despite all his victories, the warrior couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing in his life. He longed for something deeper, something more profound. And so, he set out on a quest to find this missing piece.
The warrior traveled far and wide, seeking out the wisest sages and scholars in the land. He asked them about the true nature of power and strength, about the secrets of the universe. But no one seemed to have the answers he was looking for.
As the warrior grew more and more frustrated, he began to lose hope. But just when he was about to give up, he received a vision. In his dream, he saw a lost cave hidden deep in the mountains, a cave that held the key to the wisdom he had been seeking.
Without hesitation, the warrior set out to find the lost cave. He climbed steep cliffs and braved treacherous storms, never once losing faith that he would find what he was looking for.
Finally, after many long months of travel, the warrior reached the entrance to the lost cave. He drew his sword and stepped inside, ready for whatever lay ahead.
As he made his way deeper into the cave, the warrior encountered all sorts of dangers – pitfalls, traps, and monstrous beasts. But he didn’t let any of them deter him. He fought on, driven by his determination to find the truth.
And then, in the very heart of the cave, the warrior came across an ancient monk who possessed a profound secret. The monk told the warrior that painful feelings were the gateway to a invisible network of great potential, a network that could connect the inner world with the outer. He explained that this gateway allowed the traveler infinite power, but only if they were willing to embrace their own pain and suffering.
The warrior was stunned by this revelation. He had always believed that strength and skill were the most important qualities a hero could possess, but now he realized that true greatness lay in understanding and wisdom.
And so, the warrior’s armor melted away, replaced by the robes of a guide and learner. He dedicated himself to exploring the invisible network, using his newfound power to help others and make the world a better place.
The One Who Watches, Protector of the Weak, had finally found his true calling, and his power was limitless, grounded in the wisdom and understanding of the earth. He knew that his holy war was over, but his journey towards enlightenment had only just begun.
Images of the secret pathway generated by DALL-E 2.
Warm Days In The Middle of December
Warm Days In the Middle of December
I run on the worn pavement
And it’s warm
So warm it feels like balmy spring
Not the middle of December
It makes wonder
How the fuel in the car
So hot
Can make our world burning up
Those plane flights to those wonderful places
Are the poison that fills the air
A girl who
You want to be with
Likes to hurt other people
For fun
December is sure
A strange month
And all the wonderful paradoxes
Won’t let me get out of my damn head
About it all