So I’m most of the way through my second part of my challenge – Week 2: Big appetite (increase hunger throughout day) and I’m having a huge amount of issues.
I try to eat a lot but I don’t seem to be able to find a way to digest the food.
Several things seem to be standing in my way:
Extreme chronic stress
Lack of exercises and energy
Poor sleep
I’m going to do what I always did in these situations of great stress. I’m going to simplify and try to find something very small to focus on. And that thing will be breathing.
Whether or not I feel full, hungry stressed, tired or anxious, I am going to strive to do only one thing. To breathe. I find that breathing has tremendous effects for all the of things I listed above as obstacles standing in my way.
I learned a couple of things when it comes to Valorant. Firstly, I need to either warm up less, or find a different way to warm up, because I notice that both my overall body and my hands get tired after 3-4 deathmatches.
I also learned that it isn’t always good to position for the strafe kill since usually you want good first shot accuracy and even though you are hard to hit when you are strafe shooting, I realized strafing is more of a niche skill rather than how you want to take most gun fights.
However, the best way to use strafe shooting is using cover to shoot.
Here is a step by step breakdown:
We strafe to the right to clear left.
As we move to the right, we expect the enemy somewhere on our left.
As we peek out, we try to predict/micro adjust to the head. We are already thinking about moving left now.
As the shot fires off, we are already back behind cover.
Here is a short clip of me demonstrating this concept in a deathmatch.
The point is to always look for cover, if you notice, I get overexposed a couple of times in this clip and I recorrect behind cover quickly. These are a lot of long shots, but it gets even cooler for tight close angles and you can use it hold angles after peeking as well (you don’t need to overpeak everything).
I saw an ad on Facebook. It was talking about making money as an introvert and making money without giving up your inner peace.
I immediately signed up. It was about 20 dollars.
Now I have done a bunch of the exercises for the prework of the challenge and here are my reflections.
Some major questions that I have right now:
What am I willing to give up and how will I go about giving it up?
How do I live my values every day in a way that is in flow and not forced or mechanical?
I have some initial ideas.
First, I was thinking originally about what I wanted to give up in terms of things like YouTube, or socializing. But recently it made a lot more sense for me to think about time. Specifically, I wanted to dedicate my entire morning to succeeding at these goals.
From the time I wake up, I usually am doing what JT Franco calls “buffalo brain” (the idea of being one of the herd that moves without thinking). I listen to audiobooks, and watch YouTube videos. I don’t eat breakfast or drink water. I keep the blinds closed. I feel awful and I don’t feel the feelings.
Someone once said (might be Melinda Gates) that the first few hours of the day are the most important because they set the stage for the entire day to come. If I want to give up anything, I want to give up my mornings to getting up, drinking water, feeling my body, and going downstairs into the lounge to write on my blog and work on achieving my dreams.
Middle of the day has to be reserved for work and for talking to my girlfriend. End of the day has to be reserved for me time. Being alone, taking time, creating art, and letting the magic of nighttime take over.
This is what I’m thinking roughly:
7/8 AM – 9/10 AM: Dedicated to living the magical life
9/10 AM – 12 PM: Dedicated to doing the impossible at work
12 PM – 1/2 PM: Lunch, meditation
1/2 PM – 5 PM: Work, performing at the highest levels
5 PM – 7 PM: Misc time
7 PM – 11 PM: Alone time, creativity, play
During the weekend, work will be removed, leaving more time for dedication to my magical life. I think it will look something like this:
7/8 AM – 12 PM: Dedicated to living the magical life
12pm – 7 PM: Misc time
7 PM – 11 PM: Alone time, creativity, play
With this balance, it seems that my breakdown is this:
Weekday
1-3 hours per day on living magical life
5-7 hours of work
4 hours of alone-time/play
2 hours of miscellaneous time
Weekend
4-5 hours per day on living magical life
4 hours of alone-time/play
7 hours of miscellaneous time
I suspect, I will have to do careful planning during the weekend, in order to perform at the absolute highest levels of work and potentially spend less time there.
In terms of living out my beliefs of empathy, intuition/following feelings, creativity/imagination, and honesty. I’m not entirely sure what actions I need to take to feel that I am in congruence with my values.
My main thought right now is about taking risks, breathing through difficult emotions and sensations, and following connection theory.
I played with my brother and his friend who are in Gold 1 and Plat 1 respectively.
I feel that a huge part of the problems I run into in playing Valorant is self doubt.
When I get worried that I am playing with people better than me, instead of learning and adapting, I freeze up and cannot think properly and play worse than I would normally:
I make bad decisions
I don’t take time to aim and spray wildly
I push too fast
One way I’ve handled this is lowering my expectations for myself and my game but this is still an ongoing challenge for me.
I also played with a girl who wasn’t that good at the game on my slow laggy laptop. It was an interesting experience because at first, I did really bad, but I ended up getting so many kills. She wasn’t very good so I felt the people we were matched with were in iron (who I should easily beat) but I found it hard because it’s hard for me to flick onto their head with my laggy laptop. I always find it tough to play on the little f*cker.
Two ways that I adjusted:
Hold angles, stop pushing so fast
Make sure I isolate as much as possible. Even if I miss, I might not die if I don’t peek out to 3 or 4 enemies.
I feel like these lessons can pass over to my regular gaming PC.
I’ve since taken a different approach to Valorant. I think I had a lot of good ideas in the past but I realized the value of simplicity.
Having too many things to worry about in Valorant makes it hard to focus on the game.
So I narrowed things down to just three:
Piano hands: Keep your arm at a 90 degree angle, let gravity pull your arm down and use the force of gravity in all arm and wrist movements. This allows for the most relaxed posture.
Imagine success: The most simple and straightforward way to have a good mental is just to visualize yourself killing everyone and winning the round.
Stay clean: Instead of wildly aiming and shooting, stay calm, precise, and efficient. Peek cleanly using just the A and D keys.
An example of staying clean is Curry:
Watching his gameplay makes me realize how much I panic and do so much extraneous movement.
After applying these three tactics, I started doing very well in my games.
After trying out the first two AGT (ATHLETIC TRUTH GROUP) Zero workouts from the Knees Over Toes guy, I’m feeling very hopeful. The kinds of exercises we are doing legitimately make the knee feel stronger and more flexible and like it was worked out in the right ways.
The main issue is inflammation. After a few days of non-stop traveling, weeks of stress and sleep deprivation, and a workout that left my knees shaking, it’s no wonder I felt extremely inflamed and depleted afterward, the thing I always worry about when I work out.
Luckily, I talked to my coach today about feeling like I shouldn’t work during depletion even though work sometimes makes me feel stronger and more energetic. I finally have a sort of solution to depletion and inflammation. It’s a version of self-soothing that I like to call self-cuddling. I thought of it because sometimes I just wish my girlfriend was here so I could cuddle with her, but I can actually hold myself and freeze in soft comfy positions that I can then move and change. There are elements of stillness and comfort and delicious movement.
There is a sort of feeling that work is similar. That interesting and powerful work can be delicious movement and calmness can be holding myself and cuddling with myself.
All this is very similar to the dance practice I used to do all the time. Some self-massage, holding myself in comforting poses, and fast spinning clearing movements.
A short test of this yields amazing results. I felt the inflammation moving and melting. My system fluid and de-stagnated.
I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.
I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.
Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.
I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.
I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.
On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,
I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.
