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Don’t Show Empathy

Byjack

Don’t Show Empathy

He told me

He looked matter a fact

Almost amused

He looked over to my boss

At least that’s what I was told

Because then they will try to negotiate for more

He said

My boss nodded slightly

I asked them how to do this with empathy

And they told me not to

They told me to use words

To make him feel good

As if I valued him

They didn’t know

I’m not scared of this conversation

But I did value him

I don’t need to pretend

But they are asking me to wait until the last minute to tell him

I talked to him today

And he looked at me

And I felt so caged

Unable to meet his eyes

Unable to be honest

They want to wait

To spring it on him all at once

As if this is something that needs to be done

With the fear of retribution in mind

My boss told me that it would be kindness to drag things on

But I didn’t sleep last night

So tired

Wound up tight

Like something is squeezing my heart shut

Like a hydraulic press

I wonder if it is worth

Being in a place

Where I feel this way

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Profit in Peace 25: Traveling

Byjack

I’m now on the road and I feel absolutely exhausted. Tired from the travel to Austin, tired from not sleeping well, tired from getting up early today, and not sleeping well again.

I really want to just sleep and sleep for a long time.

Other than sleeping, I want to focus on taking care of myself, this means sparing no expense, and getting myself what I need when I need it.

This means fulfilling my needs through my values of Health, Freedom, Honesty, Respect, Empathy, and Ambition. This means using connection theory on myself.

The Gravel Road

My body feels like a gravel road

Worn and crunchy and bumpy

My eyes hurt

My energy spent

Tired

Yet scratchy throat

Sore knees

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Poem Draft: Peanut Butter Diamonds

Byjack
Peanut Butter Diamonds

They say that even peanut butter turns to diamonds when you crush it hard enough

peanut butter

spread onto the sandwiches in a million homes

by the knives of moms in aprons every morning

turned rare and special

under the treads of an iron industrial tractor

 

the ones I found

took the shape of words of a girl

laughing, crying, and clinging on to me

like the warm reflection of faraway lands

in the morning dew

 

I let myself fall in

and it was like the sigh of the ocean

the freedom of running as hard as you can

before your lungs remember they need air

but then

 

it slipped away away

and trying to catch it

I wondered

if those diamonds fall back

to peanut butter

when the tractor moves on

 

This poem is about mourning the loss of who someone was and celebrating all the magic they brought to your life before learning to accept them for who they have become. It is my first iteration.

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Cleaning Furiously

Byjack
Cleaning Furiously

I’m trying to clean as fast as I can

I wonder what feeling I’m running from

When I look at the art supplied filling the closet

That I slept in last night

I feel like I want to cry

My heart hurts

Is there a point to setting up

My own place

If I have no one to share it with

I miss

Feeling safe

Everything just feels

So empty

Just like me

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Drafting out My Disclaimer

Byjack

Intro goal:

  • Create a disclaimer for my hot takes channel
  • Make people understand why I’m doing what I’m doing
  • Make it ok for people to disagree and debate

It is important to talk about controversial issues because controversial issues are controversial because they are important issues. I have strong opinions and will say exactly what I mean and be very direct. I am not an expert on everything. I can be wrong and you can disagree with me. I might also change my mind, this is just what I believe right now.

Outro goal:

  • Get them thinking deeper
  • Get engagement

What came up for you during this video? What is your hot take? Add to the conversation in the comments sections below. I read everything.

On Vlogging In Public

Byjack

Yesterday I was vlogging a guy \asked me if I was a YouTuber, and he asked me all these questions like what my channel was about and how many subscribers I had.

I felt REALLY self-conscious because I AM a YouTuber, but not a famous or successful one and I feel like I’m disappointing people when I tell them that I have three hundred subs. I realized a few things when I felt the feelings of shame:

  • People LOVE the idea of youtube, you don’t need to be big for people to be excited about it. Sure some people will judge you but I think most people like the idea that you are trying to succeed and are probably curious enough to look me up and subscribe. In fact, isn’t that what I want? People who are legitimately interested in my journey subscribing to me?
  • I’m always REALLY self-conscious when people stare at me when I’m vlogging and I always try to solve the problem by either NOT vlogging or trying to ignore the embarrassment. I realized that there is a third better option. Any time I’m feeling embarrassed, I should just feel the feelings until the right path becomes clear to me. Usually, I feel so uncomfortable I will do ANYTHING to avoid the feeling, but I should just embrace it as I should do in any uncomfortable situation.

 

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Silence Speaks In Terrible Ways

Byjack
Silence Speaks In Terrible Ways

She told me she thought I wouldn’t notice

When she only replied to a handful of things

Of a series of long letters I wrote

How could I not notice

When I spend an hour

Pouring my heart out

Waiting every second of the day

For a response

She tells me she likes it when I write long letters

But I have grown wary of them

When I know

Most of it

Will never receive a response

She probably thinks that no response is better than a bad response

But silence is a response

It’s a blank check

For the deepest fears

And paranoia

Lurking in your brain

Letting your mind fill in the spaces

With explanations

For why the reason why the truth was too hard to say