I feel pretty overwhelmed and unhappy to work because there are a lot of tedious work to do that I don’t feel is very fun. In this first match, I just want to get everything done so I can move on.
Criteria for success:
Speed (percentile)
Efficiency (percentile)
Intellect (percentile)
Energy (1-5)
Warmup: Cleaning + walk + meditation/breathwork
Gameplan
UNIT ONE: Set up api calls
UNIT TWO: modify prompts
UNIT THREE: testing
Postmatch analysis:
I definitely did not follow the plan, yet everything somehow got done anyway.
Speed – 65% I was pretty fast, knowing what I need to do and was focused. Nothing too special though.
Efficiency – 60% I was ok efficiency, could have coded my way to better efficiency though
Intellect – 60% I definitely used my intellect to speed things up but it could have been accomplished by many people.
I feel like it was an absolute slog getting back on my blog. I felt like I had to force myself. I’m afraid what happens if I don’t force myself. I just want to ignore everything. I’m not happy right now.
I feel so overwhelmed with work and stocks.
I really wish I could go back to those days when I wrote in my blog and I felt like I was on track and going places. I feel so frustrated. I feel a strong desire to take action, but its as if I don’t have the leverage.
These days I feel a bit lethargic. It might just be because I’m recovering from 5ks and need more rest than normal. I also just feel a lot of pressure overall. I see these mornings as a way for me to slowly set up my house, set up my mental space as a good place to work.
I like to go through my to do list, my calendar, and work things out.
On thing that occurs to me when I’m thinking through my to do list is that I’m way to ambitious and unfocused. The point of the to do list is to brain dump and really find the most important high priority thing (using emotional priority not logical priority).
And before I even think about prioritizing, I want to get back to building my house – you are in my house, take risks, be ok with silence, take your time.
Today my main goal is to finish my business cards and website for my art coaching.
Another main system or habit I want to institute, if I miss a time block to do something on my calendar, I delete the event and add it back to my to do list.
I am slowly getting back into things. After completely messing up my bedtime, getting it back, getting sick, losing my bedtime again, I am finally getting back into the swing of things.
I want to refocus on the things that I set out to focus on: Health, AI Consulting, Art Coaching.
I want to have an 11-12 PM bedtime, journaling at night, morning walking meditation, and morning todo list and blog post.
Today on my morning walk I contemplated rejection.
You know I always felt that working on yourself made you more prepared for life in general and I always felt my fear of rejection was holding me back from a lot of things in life, initially from getting a girlfriend, but later from being a life coach.
Recently I had the experience of meeting with a client for a free session for which they were super impressed by but when I sent them my rates, they did not respond. This immediately triggered the rejection wounds within me. I also just had an artist interview who was late to our conversation, did not agree to the full hour, and did not want to schedule another time to complete our conversation which triggered rejection wounds within me.
I feel scared that if I ask for things, people will reject me. I’m afraid it will be awkward to talk to them afterwards, I’m afraid how others will view me after getting rejected.
This morning I came up with a couple of nuggets to handle and process rejection:
Take up space: there is a part of me that wants to hide when people reject me. I want to take up as little space as possible. This concept is doing the opposite. I deserve to be here like everyone else. Take up space! Make the ask!
Enthusiastic yes: I don’t want people to feel pressured. I am going to follow the philosophy on the Prosperous Coach. It’s either an enthusiastic yes, or its a no. Maybe is a no. And tell them that. If they are not sure, they know where to find you.
Slow down: I realized this new revelation in Valorant has implications in life too. When I feel stressed about rejection and awkwardness, shame, and judgement, slow down. I usually try to speed up, to move past it. Slow way down, focus on what is going on before charging ahead.
Stay busy, focus on the process not the outcome: one thing that I noticed, when I’m busy doing what matters, I won’t care as much about anything else. I want to focus on health, coaching and consulting. Don’t let anyone’s rejection take away from that. It’s like what they say about cold calling. Focus on the process, not the outcomes (focus on improving your process for cold calling, not for the outcome of every call).
It’s been a few days after my deadline of September 12th.
I haven’t created business cards for my art coaching business. I haven’t learned the principles of javascript or front-end development or created a game.
The other day a friend was asking me about how to start a side gig and I had so much to tell him, yet these days I’m feeling a bit down and undermotivated.
A few realizations are perking me up a little.
Realization 1: My coaching program is not overvalued.
I want to charge $25,000 per year for my coaching program to help someone create a masterpiece. Before even pitching it to anyone, I felt like this was too big of an ask, I should lower my rates etc.
But as I thought about it deeper a few things occurred to me:
I will be spending a lot of time with a client. I plan on spending 2 hr every other week with clients on formal coaching sessions, but that’s not it. My entire professional attention and all my skills are aimed at helping my clients succeed. So outside of formal coaching sessions (in person if I can manage it). I will be taking calls emails, and setting up times to do virtual sessions. My goal is not to be a doctor you see for checkups or an art class you regularly go to. My goal is to understand your art inside and out, and be a true partner, mentor, strategist, and guide in your process. I think $25,000 for a year is an absolute crazy steal for that.
I’m not focused on getting clients that are poorer or don’t really have the funds. That would be both unethical and a bad fit. I already offer another class that can satisfy that demographic of people where it is more like a regular class, albeit a somewhat vetted and serious class (and not serious at the same time). I’m focused on the people who have the money and the passion to back it up, and we can spend some time to do something special. For someone retired with several millions of dollars, this will be nothing to them as long as they want it enough.
Realization 2: The process is complicated, but I have my blog
The whole point of this blog is be a place where I can incrementally work on works of progress and get better at things over time, instead of getting the final version all at once. If I don’t use this blog, I can also use my google drive, google docs, and slides to draft out things step by step and track overall progress in the blog.
I feel frustration as aching in my chest cavity and stomach.
I am helpless wound coming up. I am overwhelmed. I feel hopeless. I feel undermotivated. I am lost.
I am tired.
I discovered some things yesterday. I realized that I was obsessed about getting the brand and vision correct, but my goals for my consulting project are actually much more simple:
Get experience in creating funnels/pipelines that are simple, effective, easy to maintain
Make my client’s company cooler and inspire the people within to do more
The brand and vision just serve as a tactical basis for getting the funnel right because having no vision leads to pretty shitty, unclear websites and ads and makes decision making much harder than it needs to be.
Another thing I recognize is that mission, vision, and values are all things that need to evolve and change as what I want becomes clearer and clearer.
I’m feeling a lot of pressure for not making a huge amount of progress in finishing my funnels and progress in my businesses as a whole. I feel that I need to get much more productive in general and I’m not getting there currently in the working environments I’m in. I perhaps need to spend more time out of the apartment working out and in working spaces that help me focus.
I made a change today by going to one of those working spaces.
Let me process the emotions, then look at the dates strategically.
My tailbone and my neck are in tension and sore, probably from running a 5k yesterday.
I feel my heart is gripped in a vice when I think of the time running out.
I feel scared. I feel a bit of the trapped feeling as well.
I almost feel this hollowness in my heart. Almost the same feeling as feeling unloved and misunderstood.
I’m remembering what I felt last night:
I need to focus on the end goal (for my art coaching its helping people who want to pursue this beautiful masterpiece and feel so alone on this journey)
Those people need me, there is some urgency to get it done immediately
I want to inspire my own artistic journey
I just need to create and let the art be what it wants to be
I also saw this amazing video:
It makes me want to do YouTube again, but I feel overwhelmed.
Now that I think of it, it may be a better fit for my AI consulting business. That is a space that is likely very hot, gets a lot of clicks and views and I don’t have a clear idea or mission on what I want to do.
Now let’s look at timelines:
Art Coaching
Start: 7/12 | End: 9/12 | 63 days total
What needs to be done for the funnel:
Payment/banking systems How much to pay myself vs save for taxes vs reinvest into business Website Business cards Calendly Client contracts Mailing lists/CRM
AI Consulting
Start: 7/12 | End: 9/12 | 63 days total
What needs to be done for the funnel:
Payment/banking systems
How much to pay myself vs save for taxes vs reinvest into business
Website
Business cards
Calendly
Client contracts
Mailing lists/CRM
Branding
New contract for funnel
So we are day 26/63 meaning we are 41% through the period, we have 37 days left