Workpost 53: Overwhelmed

Byjack

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted today. I want to finish a lot of things today but I feel overwhelmed thinking about it. Maybe it’s time to process more fears.

I have to finish my work today.

I feel it in the pit of my stomach, my chest this numbing roaring anxiety but also exhaustion and numbness in my head.

I feel like a failure. I’m panicking about not being able to get work done.

One thing that came up for me is that working really hard can help me sleep. All I need to do is fail at creating a package. All I need to complete the deliverable, it doesn’t matter if I do it in a shitty way.

Tony Robbins said to fall in love with your customer.

I want to see my customer succeed. I want to see them happy and thriving. I can make that happen.

I’m afraid to sleep. I’m afraid the day will pass me by.

Not being able to sleep means there is extra energy I have to use. I can use that energy to help my customer and myself. You don’t need to sleep until you feel that release.

I’m afraid I will play Valorant or do something else to cope. I’m afraid the day will pass me by. I’m afraid my addictions will drain me of energy.

Wanting to play Valorant is a sign for massage and addressing some of the physical issues I am experiencing.

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Workpost 18: Addicted

Byjack

I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.

I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.

Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.

I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.

I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.

On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,

I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.

Workpost 64: Slow Start

Byjack

These days I feel a bit lethargic. It might just be because I’m recovering from 5ks and need more rest than normal. I also just feel a lot of pressure overall. I see these mornings as a way for me to slowly set up my house, set up my mental space as a good place to work.

I like to go through my to do list, my calendar, and work things out.

On thing that occurs to me when I’m thinking through my to do list is that I’m way to ambitious and unfocused. The point of the to do list is to brain dump and really find the most important high priority thing (using emotional priority not logical priority).

And before I even think about prioritizing, I want to get back to building my house – you are in my house, take risks, be ok with silence, take your time.

Today my main goal is to finish my business cards and website for my art coaching.

Another main system or habit I want to institute, if I miss a time block to do something on my calendar, I delete the event and add it back to my to do list.

AI Gaming + Art Coaching Days 60/63

Byjack

Ok, we are in the home stretch for the first part of this business experiment.

The first big question I set out to solve is what is my lead magnet for art coaching? I know that I want to offer some free intro sessions, but it is now apparent to me that I want to do other types of lead magnets with people as well because I can’t do a free intro session with just people at the farmer’s market or at a conference (potentially at a conference but I’m not so sure).

Here are the potential lead magnets I have so far:

  1. Prompts for dream creative projects
  2. Artist masterpiece problem diagnosis
  3. Free 1 hr Masterpiece planning call to determine creative project, project timeline, and plan
  4. Free 2 hr coaching call after intro call

The second question I am pondering, is how do I make money off of the AI business?

I guess the answer to that, is that it doesn’t really matter if I make money off of it (at least initially), I just need to get good at dev because that in itself will make me money if I want to.

Workpost 69: Getting More Work Done

Byjack

One of the most recent realizations is that Valorant is meeting my need for significance maybe in a narcissistic way.

One of the ways that I can fulfill my needs and move on to getting more work done is by reassuring myself that even if I’m not getting better, even if I don’t win I am worthy, I am ok.

Today I really want to focus on getting all the contract work done but also visiting non-profits and getting more information about them.

If I can, I also want to be in good shape for jiujitsu and will probably need a bit of napping to get there.

Something else I was thinking about watching some podcasts about fighters today, when I go to jiujitsu, I go to learn and be really good at grappling and self-defense, but that’s not really my focus right now.

I’m really focused on my businesses, and in order to stay focused, I want to focus everything in my life on that.

This means jiujitsu is less about being good at grappling or fighting, but much more about being healthy, relieving stress, and getting a break from the computer.

I’m feeling kinda shitty right now trying to get past the lack of sleep I got today.

What I’m going to start out with is going to a nice place to work and get the basics done, then try to go to the gym and take a nap when I can relax my body enough.

After that, I’ll consider creating a focus for the day on what I want to complete.

Today I would like to work on my personal website.

I want it to reflect all the things that it represents for me:

  1. My workspace – messy creative space for me to work through things, sort of like akimbo
  2. A place that mirrors my coaching
    • Welcome to my house
    • Be patient
    • Take risks
    • Be ok with silence
  3. A workspace – sort of like profit in peace
  4. My way to be myself in a public way
    • If people stay, it helps me, if people leave, it helps me
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Workpost 29: Health

Byjack

Today I woke up feeling really tired. I felt undermotivated to do the things that I want to do: take walks, write in my journal. I think I’ve also been finding it hard to retain purpose for some reason, or motivation or energy to power that purpose.

I realized this morning that a big reason as to why is simply health. I felt too much discomfort in my stomach in my head, too tired.

Today’s goals are simple:

  1. Clean up my apartment to a level that I could invite people over and feel good about it
  2. Focus on my health and wellness, drink lots of water and take naps, eat good food
  3. Move around a lot, I have a lot of todo list items, and I can take them different places

I’m really excited for the last one, to get outside my apartment a little more. I have more money now to do these sorts of things, so I would like to explore austin a little more, go to the library, parks, coffee shops and just have a good time while I’m working through all the different to-do list items. I have some truly excellent protocols for figuring out how to work on the move and I want to use them.

Workpost 67: Feeling a little scattered

Byjack

Today I feel a bit scattered between cooking and working on multiple things at the same time. I feel the need to create some order or at least some vision for today.

Here are the possibilities today:

  1. Work on consulting work
  2. Work on my AI business
  3. Work on my art coaching business
  4. Watching hunger games
  5. Work on my relationship
  6. Cooking