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Workpost 18: Addicted
I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.
I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.
Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.
I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.
I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.
On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,
I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.
How to Face Things Head On
So something that I’ve been sort of obsessed with recently is how to face your problems head-on. In so many areas of my life, I struggle to do that. In my professional career, tasks that stress me out send me to my couch with my phone. When I don’t know what to say to my mom and my dad, I immediately turn on my audiobook, eager to dull the pain in my chest. When I am feeling stressed about a fight in Valorant, I rush and try to ignore the mounting feelings of anxiety.
I would really like to find a way to flip the script because it is so rewarding. When I do a task that I worry about, I feel energized, and not tired from work. When I focus on my feelings of anxiety in Valorant, I become much more aware of what my intuition is telling me, that I need to slow down and play the situation very carefully.
I think this is a really interesting concept. I want to make a bit of an amendment. In the video they talk about trying to get better problems, that being able to have money problems when you are rich vs money problems when you are poor is much better (where you invest, vs how to survive). But I kind of disagree. The problem of survival is ultimately a much more rewarding problem for me than where to invest.
I do think that this is a powerful idea, and a way to reframe problems. My thoughts are as follows:
- Avoiding problems comes from the fear of failure
- We can address this by embracing failure
- But we don’t want to just fail at anything…this is where choosing your problems come in
- Instead of failing at a random problem, embrace failing and learning from a meaningful problem
- Ex: I am afraid I don’t know how to respond to my parents
- The meaningful problem here is to learn to create a bond with my parents while standing strong in my own life and boundaries
- Accept failure and believe in my ability to learn from a failure at this problem
- Essentially, turn every problem into a challenge
- Another example: I don’t know what to do next in my demo build and it’s overwhelming and a lot of work
- The meaningful problem here is finding how to be efficient at my job, and to work as a team without people pleasing to my own detriment (creating boundaries)
- Accept failure at this and my ability to learn from that failure
Profit in Peace 13: Peace Disrupted Again
My peace is disrupted, again. Today I have to get up even earlier and start preparation for work even earlier because I have to travel, and get on the plane for an early morning flight.
I am frustrated because of the complete stinginess in the finances, I have a lot of stress in terms of asking for a better setup such as traveling the day beforehand.
As a result, I didn’t sleep very well (if at all), and now feel tired and stressed.
I have a couple of things working in favor today though:
- Because I woke up at 4:30 for a flight that boards at 6:40, I do have some nice free time in the morning where I can spend on myself and reconnecting with myself
- I get to do my favorite thing of sleeping on the plane
Howling Winds in My Heart
I feel the howling winds
In my heart
The internal blizzard
Unforgiving
Being buried my a mountain
Of worry
The pain of the winds
In my ears
Today I did this. I felt much better afterwards, especially after the breaths. Those are really important as I discovered with the Bea Mackay and Wim Hoff methods. Saying the “I Love You” felt strange, especially since I’ve been feeling that I don’t like my face recently, just thinking I gained too much weight, but saying them I think I did feel the anxiety go away and I feel much more at peace, less stressed about work and everything.
In fact, I feel like going back to sleep.
Profit In Peace 17: Preparation
This morning I feel damn tired. And I feel stressed.
I know I have to pack my bags for home, check into my flight, and cook all the raw food in the fridge.
I also want to play more Valorant since I never have time for more than 2 or 3 games without interrupting my bedtime. I finally placed an alt account in Silver 1 and I’m loving it, not having to think very hard, just play for the fun of it.
I would also love to work on my French challenge and spend some time with the mimic technique. I was thinking last night about using connection theory to understand what it would take to think in French, instead of just being really good at translating in my head from English to French and the answer that came to me is that I just need to mimic a lot of French speakers, and not just mimic what they say, but how they say it.
Also, for today, right after my morning run, I would like to continue and finish my next section of my VOD review and perhaps plan out some posts for my art coach Instagram.
Just came back from my run and I have to say, I want to be out there more. A walk out in the world is a wonderful way to think through stuff.
A Sacred Thing
The biggest disservice that they did me
Was getting me onto the ideal of controlling
How others feel about me
Because controlling how others feel
Puts ME into a cage as well
The mask of their surface wants
Is forced upon my face
And I would trade my freedom
For their approval any day
I think, as I walk past people
That how someone feels about you
Is a sacred thing
There is no need to change how they feel about us
Just as much as we can seek to understand not control our own feelings
To look upon the world
Without fear
Means to own the world again
Calling in the One: Manifesting Your Ambition
Ideas in this video
- Go for something that is impossible, we inspire the angels when we do that.
- See yourself as the source of everything. How did I give my power away, how can I reclaim my power?
- Make our identity the one that has the thing we want.
- Generate the future with the action you take. Become the person you need to be.
Also, the idea of meditating in what your vision is and looking into three things you have to let go of in order to become the person you need to be.