Feeling Awful Waking Up

I’ve been thinking more about confidence in Valorant and it actually made me think a lot more about what makes confidence. I originally was interested in how to multitask because I thought that was what would make me stronger in Valorant, but I wasn’t able to find any useful information on it.

I ended up searching multitasking in sports, and I was specifically in interested in the basketball videos when they talked about confidence.

The first video was this:

Ideas:

• Confidence is not about positive or negative thinking
• There are two ways of thinking
  • Logically and analytically
  • Intuitively
• Confidence is about trusting the second type of thinking
• Timing cannot be thought

Ideas:

• People often rely on outside sources of confidence
  • Success
  • External Validation
  • Comparing ourselves with others
• These outside sources of validation are not reliable
• Confidence comes from being able to trust yourself
• Trustworthiness is from people who follow a code
  • Ex: Warrior code “no man left behind” (inspires confidence in your unit because other people won’t leave you behind)
  • Ex: Courage over success, valuing courage over failure or success validation
• Code must be specific and have specific actions you take to fulfill it
• Mantras can be helpful

So as they say in the video to do, I am writing down the things I use for confidence in Valorant:

• Success – high KDA, increasing elo
• Comparison – high KDA compared to others, higher rank
• Knowledge and practice – learning techniques and practicing them
• Performance – being able to predict moves, hitting my shots

What I admire in other players:

• Clarity in thinking
• Creative plays
• Fast reactions
• Precise mechanics
• Boldness/confidence

I’ll take each of these a step further to draft out my code. I’m going to see if I can break down what I make each of these things mean:

• I make success mean that I’m smart that I’m special
• I make comparison mean that I’m special, that I’m a valuable or worthy person
• I make knowledge and practice mean I’m smart and that I deserve to be heard
• I make performance mean that I’m special and I’m capable

For the second list:

• I make clarity mean that someone is smart
• I make creativity mean intelligence, specialness, worthy of love and admiration
• I make fast reactions means someone is attractive
• Precise mechanics I make it mean someone is capable, valuable and worth a lot
• Boldness and confidence I make it mean someone is valuable and special

To think about it further my code might need to address:

• Inner value – what is valuable about myself
• Inner specialness – what do I think is special about myself
• Inner love and admiration – what do I love and admire about myself
• Inner capability – what makes myself capable

I don’t really know what my code can be but one aspect that keeps coming up for all of these things are valuing feelings and focusing on radical permission.

Those are two things that I feel make me unique, I value myself and are a way to find freedom and give myself love and admiration.

I suppose I can also focus on the challenge in life, the idea of courage or challenge over success is something else that I admire about value about myself. Deep thinking, letting the answer of hard questions come to me as well.

The ways that I could act out this code in Valorant:

• Check in to how I’m feeling
• Vocalize my feelings
• Check in to how others are feeling
• Let the energy carry action
• Let the plan form in my mind
• Create a challenge at the start of every round