Snuggles
Snuggles
I snuggle next to my little sloth
Her bright eyes shining at me
Laughter across her face
I feel the soft warmth of her
All around me when I kiss her cheek
She smells good
It’s nice to be held in her arms
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Workpost 34: Refocusing
Byjack
My eyes hurt. I feel tired. My face is numb and buzzing. I feel heat and buzzing up my back. I feel like I pulled an all niter when I haven’t.
Today is the time when we learn how to be successful while taking care of ourself.
This is the challenge that is brought before us today.
I’m going to be drinking lots and lots of water.
I plan on practicing some tai chi.
I want to focus my attention on the very specific work that I need to do, and just relax afterwards.
By relaxing I mean, refuse to look at my todolist until I feel desire to. Go to the gym, drink water, do art therapy.
P.S. One note I want to make is that I remembered the point of these posts, to help do the hard work to achieve what I want, to be the person I want to be. The stepping stones to greatness.
Today I Search for the Simple Answers
I walk the way of water
Of scribbles on a paper
A simple job well done
The path isn’t clear for the weary
To find your place home
I search for my slice of Eden
The Invitation From Life
Byjack
A few days ago, my coach asked me a powerful question. I don’t remember what it is but I came up with this poem.
the summer sun on the blue pool
smell of chlorine, flip flops on the concrete
the late nights in your city, lights on long streets
big dreams in a small classroom on a paper on the board
paint covering the canvases, dripping off the walls
life has always been waiting
for you to be recklessly, wildly, lovingly creative
This led to me deciding the most powerful question in this whole poem is “why has life always been waiting for you”?
I felt in many ways this is true. I live in a wonderfully creative city. I have a youtube channel, a coaching practice, a well-paying job with lots of free time. Life is waiting on me to make a move.
I Felt Relieved Sort Of
Byjack
I Felt Relieved Sort Of
When she didn’t want to talk about it
But it hurt
Like it always hurts
When I feel
This chasm
Between us
Her on one side
Telling me
I’m anorexic
Me trying to tell her
That we cannot control others
That we need to take responsibility for our emotions
It feels like abuse
Emotional abuse
The words that’s she says
I just realized
I never thought about that before
Because I am so used to my parents doing it
To me
To each other
I feel relieved
Sort of
Because I want to think about
Her soft skin
And her warm body
So sweet and kind
I don’t want to argue
And fight
Yet
I realized today
That doubt and comparison for me
Are the symptoms of repressed unhappiness
Maybe that’s obvious
I made a video about it once
About how comparison is about having a need that is not met
How we compare ourselves with others because we feel a lack
But I didn’t want to think about what that meant for us
That we aren’t compatible
I guess I don’t believe that is true
She feels right in the light of day
Like when you wake
From a bad dream
Yet
I am reassured
To know
My doubts are there too
In the light
Normal
Profit In Peace 18: Tired
Byjack
4 AM Again
It is 4 am again
But this time
I feel strange when I wake up
I feel happy when I read her messages
Then guilty
I am so tired
Her emotions are so attractive
My little sloth
Then I remind myself of the feeling
Of being trapped
Unable to leave
Into a life
Alone
Unhappy
Unheard
Anxious
I wonder if it’s her
Or me
That I feel so cold
Alone
I’m trying to understand the right thing to do
But as I write these words
I realize
That the right thing is to sit here
In my depression
Waiting patiently for the answers
To come to me
I Feel Sad
Because I love her
Her emotions like the ocean
I know her
Her little sloth fingers
And I still feel
It is over
I Can Be Brave
I feel overwhelmed
So many emotions
So tired
So much stuff to do
So little time
I tried to keep them down for now
But I realized
I don’t need to
I can work and cry
At the same time
Core Wounds 6
Byjack
Today I want to address the core wound that I am undesirable and a bad person specifically because I want to make other people happy.
He Looked Sad
He looked sad in the sharing circle
I’m having a rough time
He said
He didn’t say much more
And I don’t think
Anyone else knew
That this was a call for help
Only me
I see that you usually are very happy
I said
I feel that you must really be going through a lot
And I want to tell you
That it will be ok
He smiled
And I felt
Happy
I Felt Powerful
I knew
During the meeting
He was judging me
Trying far too much
To try to speak for me
I was angry
But I bided my time
When he tried to take control
And asked if I wanted to show the customer something
I said no
Then
After the meeting
Fresh from my success
I let myself be still and quiet
Let the doubt creep into his mind
Let him understand
That I knew exactly what I was doing
That I was the one
In control
Ugly Water
Byjack
Ugly Water
My little sloth talks about her ugly water
In a roaring ocean
Of fear and hatred
Roaring outside
Inside her little room
She stands by the room
Holding it closed
Always holding
As she feels the pressure of it
About to overwhelm everything
Leaking
Like the seeping of dread
She looks and
It was a mistake
Because she forgot to hold the door closed