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Knee Strength 9: Videos for this Challenge

Byjack

Other than walking backwards, I found a new video that seems to have some very good videos for knee repair:

Also, I saw this video a long time ago and it did not work great but I still want to reference it in case I want to try them again at some point:

Practicing Courage

Byjack

Today I felt overwhelmed. Work felt like a huge heavy complicated mess.

Making a smoothie felt like it would be hard and painful (to walk around).

I played games to avoid the feelings…for hours.

I was so desperate for a solution I spend time with AI to work through the emotions.

First, the therapy led me to the wisdom that I needed to spend some time to feel the fears I was feeling:

  1. The fear of death – the great unknown of my injuries and with work
  2. The fear of inadequacy – letting my carefully maintained image of myself as successful and smart and talented crumble before me
  3. The fear of abandonment – feeling that if I let others know how bad of a place I am in, that they would know how defective I am

The fear of abandonment and being defective was so strong I felt I needed to remember a time when I felt safe and whole. And that led me back to New York, many years ago, approaching women on the street with a dating coach.

I felt free. It wasn’t until I thought about it more that I realized why. daygaming gave me a glimpse of ultimate self love. A time when you bare your soul on the street and allow people to reject you is the most freeing emotions of all time.

I will say though that daygaming also traumatized me. Majorly. After mulling it over some more I concluded the main difference was that when I was alone, I was scared. And instead of seeking support, I beat myself up and criticized myself.

I’ve been seeking the daygaming formula for freedom for so long I feel excited I figured out a part of it:

  1. Courage is the currency of self love. Ask yourself what the courageous thing to do is and make a decision to do it. If possible involve someone in on this decision (can be yourself).
  2. Let the energy carry the action. Instead of being spurred forward by pressure, feel the moment, let the tension of the moment stand your hair on your arm. Let the noisy energy of fear and anxiety make you feel alive, spur your action.
  3. If the fear becomes too great, seek comfort, reassurance from someone else, someone you trust (this can be yourself)

Follow what you feel.

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Emotional Processing Techniques

Byjack

I wanted to write down these methods of emotional processing for a while since they are super helpful for me.

Method 1: Somatic

  1. Take a breath
  2. Clench the top of your body and breathe
  3. Unclench and breath
  4. Clench bottom of your body and breathe
  5. Unclench and breathe
  6. Clench whole body and breath
  7. Unclench and breathe
  8. Go into your body and feel the sensations and validate the feelings
  9. Let the sensations spread out like ripples
  10. When the ripples subside, bring in a memory that feels in connection with the world

Method 2: Thought based

  1. Write down and validate what you believe
  2. Somatically process (go into your body)
  3. Write down and validate core wounds
  4. Come up with a more balanced and realistic take on your initial belief
  5. Look for a positive way to think about it to balance things out
  6. Find a way to remind yourself of the positive way
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Knee Mobility Challenge 3: Fasting

Byjack

Today I fasted and I had mixed results. Fasting seems to create more inflammation as my stomach felt irritated and painful and my body felt hot. The left side of my body felt blocked right where my spleen is. It sort of feels like I have an enlarged spleen. The only thing that sort of helps with this is doing meditation. I’ve been having sweats. My lips are cracking from the dryness.

But I decided not to give up. I am going to address the problems at their root, which is certainly the stomach and the spleen. Digestion issues are not new to me. I started using dance therapy techniques and feeling the discomfort in the spleen as sensual and my body started to move. I started to feel pain inside the spleen area. It feels cold. The pressure relieves a little and I feel a trickle.

I wonder if the stress of the drawing challenge and traveling soon are making my stomach clench. It is certainly possible.

I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. Dance therapy is like magic. I don’t know why I stopped using it. There is this interplay between feeling the feelings and finding comfort. I guess that might be why I left this technique behind. I left it behind to feel pain. To feel without judgement or plan.

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Workpost 14: Tired

Byjack

I am worrying about a couple of things. First of all, I went to bed at 2AM again. This is becoming a pattern that I need to address ASAP.

Thinking about what I need via connection theory here is what I came up with:

  1. I need to be able to let go of not being productive during the day. It is hard, but I need to be able to say, I accept where I got to today.
  2. I need some way to process that pain and any anxiety from the day. Connection theory is telling me to yell and scream or hyperventilate.
  3. I need to get into bed at the proper time but again, like last time, I can intice myself with being able to use my phone while in bed.

Also, I feel linked to this is my anxiety around work.

My initial thought is to stop “trying” and pushing harder against a problem, rather everytime I hit an issue, write down all of the questions I have, then work out those problems outside my apartment, walking or going to the gym.

Connection theory is telling me drawing might help as well.

Overall, I feel like total shit and I feel the lack of sleep is taking a toll on my digestion. I hope to relax enough to take a nap and get back into working order.

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Profit in Peace 3: Asking Questions

Byjack

I just had a realization. I was thinking about what I “should” be doing in the mornings with this new blog commitment. But I think that EXACTLY what I “should” be doing.

I want to spend my time asking questions. And if an action speaks to me, I will do it.

In fact, this was a major technique in Connection Theory that I forgot about. Connection Theory is about understanding is the pathway to change.

One technique for understanding is to ask many many questions. Very good, specific questions. Questions that beget more questions.

Through questioning, we begin to understand.

Another technique I used to do was to ask myself questions. Imagine myself older and wiser, and come up with questions to ask my current day self, and then answer those questions.

Anyway, I have to transition to work, so this will have to wait for now.