Some thoughts:

• I’m stressed out because even though I feel like I’m making progress, I feel that I’m not getting results until I learn specific words
• I am doing unorthodox way of learning language but expecting orthodox results
  • The orthodox was of learning is memorizing words – thus your results will be on how many words you memorize
  • I feel like I want those results when my methods are completely unorthodox, it makes sense that my results are not going to be the same, at first at least
• I worry about forgetting everything after French practice, but nothing in the subconscious is forgotten, my goal is to harness and bring out the subconscious knowledge
• If I were to state my goal another way, it could be to learn French subconsciously…which means that forgetting actually makes sense, since I am not consciously learning anything (that would be memorization)
• Since I am forging my own path, I want to capture everything I experience and feel because I want to know how this new process works (what should I expect from subconscious learning?)

Overall I feel much more encouraged. This is the right path for me. I feel confident in my methods. I’m forging a path that no one has ever forged before. The point is not to get orthodox results, the point is to capture my progress, my feelings, and my experience. I will continue to use connection theory on French in order to learn more intuitively and use connection theory on myself in order to deal with my feelings of uncertainty and being overwhelmed.

This is definitely one of the most difficult challenges I’ve undergone in a while.

I’ve tried a couple of things and I feel frustrated.

The Reaching for the Untouchable

The frustration

The reaching in my heart

Is getting to me

Reaching for the untouchable

I wonder if I will ever know

The doubt creeps

I seek to know

And when I rush there

There is still nothing

Frustration in my chest

Like a roar that wants to escape

But is trapped behind bars

I have created multiple messages to my girlfriend in French, multiple times I’ve tried to imitate. I feel like imitation is the key, but I grow tired of seeing no results. I feel tired and frustrated.

I feel angry and unhappy.

I suspect failure is such a hard thing for me to grasp. It is such a tough pill to swallow.

I saw a video with a lot of potential:

It is about learning jiujitsu really fast. But really it is about learning. He talks about many ideas in the video, ideas that I’ve myself considered. Ideas that I think are pretty profound and helpful:

1. Performance vs. growth
   1. Train in the gym to fail – growth
   2. Compete to win – performance
2. Form to leave form
   1. Repetition until it is second nature
   2. Turn something thought into something intuitive
3. Smaller circles
   1. Reduce something from intuition to a conscious idea
   2. Look for different ways to apply it

He mentions some really interesting sounding books:

1. The Art of Learning: An Inner Journey to Optimal Performance by Josh Waitzkin
2. The Will to Keep Winning by Daigo Umehara
3. Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment by George Leonard

Anyway, I feel if I were to embrace my fear of failure, I need to meditate on it, but also come up with a plan.

I first want to come up with the plan to train From to Leave Form…and be repetitive about the most common words in French, say them until they are second nature.

So what are the top most common 10 words in French:

• Oui: Yes
• Non: No
• Merci: Thank you
• Je: I
• Tu/vous: You
• Le/la/les: The
• Un, une des: A, an, and some
• Le/la/les: It, them
• Et: And
• Mais: But
• Bonjour: A general greeting meaning “hello” or “good morning”
• Au revoir: Goodbye
• Salut: Hello
• Amour: Love
• Bonheur: Happiness
• Chat: Cat
• Chien: Dog

But these words are too basic. What about the top 10 most common phrases?

• Bonjour: Means “hello” or “good morning”.
• Merci: Means “thank you”.
• S’il vous plaît: Means “please”.
• Ça va?: Means “how are you?” .
• Je ne sais pas: Means “I don’t know”.
• Parlez-vous anglais?: Means “Do you speak English?” .
• Bienvenue: Means “welcome”.
• Madame/Monsieur/Mademoiselle: Means “Mrs.”, “Mr.”, or “Miss”.
• Anchante enchante: Means “nice to meet you”.
• Sava: Means “how are you”.
• C’est simple comme bonjour: Means “it’s simple as hello”.
• Et patati et patata: Means “and so on”.
• En avoir ras-le-bol: Means “to have had enough”.
• Tu m’étonnes: Means “tell me something I don’t know”.

Ok that is a little better, but what about the most common French verbs?

Aller
Means “to go” and is also used to describe the near future tense.
Avoir
Means “to have” and is used to express possession, relationships, physical and mental states, and many other contexts.
Être
Means “to be” and indicates the action or state of being.
Pouvoir
Means “can” or “to be able to”. It’s an irregular verb like prendre or faire, belonging to the third group.
Savoir
Used to indicate knowledge or understanding. It can also be used in many idiomatic expressions, such as “savoir-faire” (know-how).
Mettre
Means “to put” but can also be used for dropping someone off somewhere, laying the table, taking time to do something, laying a carpet.
Prendre
Means “to take”, including “to travel” on particular forms of transport. It is also used for having meals.
Venir
Means “to come”, and it can be easily used to conjugate the recent past or convey the idea that you have just done something recently.
Vouloir
Often translated as to want and to wish in English, as its main usage is to express desires and wishes.

I want to read more about verbs in French but it is too late and I need to go to bed.