| |

Profit in Peace 12: Peace Disrupted

Byjack

My peace today was disrupted by work early. It is nice to have time to talk about strategic leadership things. I usually don’t have that much time during the week.

However, it’s not the type of morning that I aim to repeat.

I intend on reclaiming as much peace as I can in this 20 minute span.

I feel that respect is a really important need for me in work, and I feel that this need was not met at my previous job, it remains to be seen whether or not it is met enough in this job. I have my doubts to be sure.

Today, I woke up feeling much better, even though I went to bed a bit late. It’s because, on top of journaling, I also did cupping on my body to unblock anything that was blocked. Turned red on my chest, I guess a lot of blockages there specifically.

I feel with the level of stress this morning with no peace and no running I’m feeling surprisingly good.

I wonder how to push back on blatant hostility and disrespect in a way that I want to. I suppose some rage journaling should help and maybe my coaching mindset.

Today I want to focus on making a video on how to handle lack of respect in the workplace.

I don’t know how that is going to go but that’s what I want to do.

Perhaps I need to meditate on it some more.

Maybe finally watching another 20 minutes of the coaching call will be nice as well.

|

Valorant Poems

Byjack

Today I will be playing a lot of Valorant and hopefully processing a lot of the stress and feelings I have around Valorant through the use of poetry.

Pregame Stress

I’ve got knots in my stomach

What if it is another day

Of humiliation

That drop in my stomach

Feeling helpless

Like I’m worth nothing

I go down in rank

The more I play

What is wrong me

That I cannot get better

I hate this

Myself

Me

Hands Sweaty

On my keyboard

Heat on my face

Clenched stomach

It is no wonder

Valorant has such a big impact on me

I wish to let go of my fears

And remember the satisfaction of shooting

I starting to find it a challenge to write poetry because my mind always turns to thinking strategically and thinking in terms of sentanaces and bullet points. I’m going to roll with that. If that is how I feel, we are just going to write in sentences and bullet points.

I feel a bit tired like I’m walking through a haze. I’m scared to start a ranked game, and yet there is an eagerness to gain rr. Gold 1, what could go wrong? Yet I’m scared. HOW DID I GET TO GOLD 1? That’s unhead of. It gives me so much anxiety that I don’t know what is going on.

I want to remind myself of my main valorant tenants:

  1. Think of it as a 1v5
  2. Follow your feelings, peek when you are ready
  3. Keep wrist relaxed, use movement keys to aim

Some additional tenants:

  1. Find a space angle to hold, something that feels safe
  2. Peek expecting them there
  3. Notice things about aim, don’t try to change them, noticing is the pathway to the unconscious mind

Goddamn, this fucking omen can’t hit him while he’s moving . Why is Silver Movement so good?????

WHY IS THE RAZE HIDING IN THAT AREA? NO FUCKING COMMS? I hate this team. Why can I not hit shots.

I think I wasn’t aware of the danger I was in when clearing heaven. Maybe need more of that 1v5 mindset. Also, maybe need to notice where my shots are going. Scared but playing again. It is silvers I am with WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY KILLING ME. Counterstrafing, one tapping me??? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?

THIS IS LIKE GOING BACK 2 FUCKING YEARS. I guess what I thought before is that I would never drop this low because I can beat them on gamesense alone.

I feel tired. Why are the braindead idiots getting more kills? I feel a bit better now. I adjusted and I was able to get a bunch of kills in the end. I guess its just about holding better angles.

I don’t like this bullshit bottom fragging. I feel so tired and awful and I feel hungry.

It is interesting that with these reflections I was able to drop 39 kills in one of my games.

| |

Setting Boundaries With Others

Byjack

I recently had a situation at work where I felt like I needed to set some boundaries. In order to get more strategies on how to do it, I went with my trusty expert Thais Gibson, who I feel is the absolute best when it comes to coming up with scripts and strategies with processing feelings, dealing with attachment styles and setting and enforcing boundaries.

Taking what Thais says in this video and adding in my own knowledge, I have come up with the follow step process for setting boundaries.

  1. Rage pad: write down or record yourself saying everything you want to say to the person. This gives permission to anger and allows you to process it.
  2. Determine whether or not a boundary was crossed, and if so, what specific one?
  3. Try to empathize as to why that boundary was crossed
  4. Communicate in this format:
    1. Communicate in the positive the boundary violation (what they did, not what they didn’t do). <Insert empathy> At the same time, this is not acceptable under any circumstances.
    2. Explain what you want instead
    3. If repeated violations, add in consequences

Make it really obvious to the person what is going on.

|

Knowing When You Are in Danger

Byjack

What was really striking about this commentary is about how amateurs play chess vs grandmasters, and how grandmasters play vs computers.

This is interesting because Hans Neiman was accused and proven multiple times of being a chess cheater, someone who uses chess engines to play certain critical moves.

If he actually is, his gameplay is more similar to an AI moving rather than a human.

What is interesting about that is that human seem to react a lot to emotional threats, when they are not actually in danger, thus putting themselves in greater danger.

I can relate to this a lot in Valorant, and I wonder if understanding the greater picture better in Valorant will help me understand how much danger I am in, and not unnecessarily put myself in more danger by peeking just because I feel threatened.

| | |

Profit in Peace 11: Moving On???

Byjack

Ok, I decided something weird that I’m not sure is going to work yet.

I decided that I’m going to keep this challenge going on forever and we will have different objective driving it constantly. It will be a sort of daily journal where I get to focus on Profit in Peace, finding my ikigai, tapping into my coaching energy, feeling into my body, working on my challenges, and discovering that the world is a magical place.

It will continue to be labeled like the other challenges, but it is different in the sense that it doesn’t have a specific end date. The end date might be just when this mentality, thinking of this as a Profit in Peace no longer serves me. Which might be never.

You know in a way this should be called Blog Post. Because it is the most blog post of blog posts. The sole purpose of these posts is literally to work on my life through my blog. But “Blog Post” just doesn’t evoke what I need for it to evoke, so we ain’t doing it.

So what is the focus for today?

Today we have a similar bent to yesterday but a little more focused on gaming. In no particular order, I want to:

  • Play lots of valorant and create poems about how I feel about dropping to gold 1 and STILL losing
  • Cook lots of food, be creative and have fun eating
  • Watching another 20 minutes of the VOD review
  • Work on my knee challenge
  • Go for a run

Yesterday, I went for a short run.

Here is a poem about it:

Tingling in My Back

That’s the feeling when I push myself

My knees not ready for the impact

I want to massage my stomach and back

I’m aware of others watching

I wonder if Alice would be embarrassed of me

I want people to like me

Especially the girls

I think about how I learned to control what other’s thought of me

And that’s when everything went to a place

Shaky and scary

I remind myself

What others feel

Is out of my control

I’m proud of my innovative knee exercises

They make my prickly knees

Feel warm and supple again

I just came back from my most recent run. Today I focused on processing the anxiety being surrounded by everyone’s opinions of me. I realized a couple of things.

Dr Bea Mackay

She told me an exercise

The same one

Every session

Breath in breath out

I realized

It isn’t about other people

They never mattered

Neither did their opinions

I’m them

As a trigger for my pain

The sharp inhale

To take the pain

The release of the exhale

Filling me with warmth

From head to toe

The point was never to win their approval

It was to feel my pain

It is so interesting how Dr. Bea Mackay’s exercises are so similar to Wim Hoff’s. And Wim Hoff’s exercises are about enduring and thriving in pain too, just his are about cold and her’s are about emotions. No wonder so many people talk about the Wim Hoff method bringing them relief from chronic anxiety.

|

Profit in Peace 10: Wrapup and Moving On

Byjack

I’ve completed the profit in peace challenge but there is a few things I want to wrap up.

  1. I want to go through the recordings again and see if there is anything I want to add to my previous posts
  2. I want to do some more actions as necessary
  3. I want to go back to my original profit in peace mentality as the real challenge is not actually peaceful to me
  4. I want to watch another 20 minutes of the coaching VOD and try some running and thinking today
  5. I also want to revisit the sleep and knee challenge as those will contribute to my overall physical vitality and energy
  6. I want to revisit the challenge objectives as I now completed the real challenge by JT Franco but want to keep going based on my coaching goals

Profit in Peace 9: Day Five

Byjack

I’m sooo tired. This is completely the wrong energy in the morning for me.

It is disrupting my peace.

My thoughts:

  • I’m about done with this challenge
  • I feel absolutely horrible tired and I don’t want to continue
  • This is the opposite of peace for me
  • A line of credit is better than a loan for businesses
  • I don’t know why JT is with this 7 figure profit guy, seems kinda scammy
  • It is important to know the right question to ask
  • The question sometimes isn’t how, it is who
  • Your potential is relative and contextual
  • It is about the place and the people
|

Profit in Peace 8: Day Four

Byjack

I feel really tired today. I really like this course but I’m having a couple of worries:

  • I don’t know what products to sell because I like utilitarian stuff, things to make things and all those items, quality matters a lot and there are existing players
  • For more complex items, I don’t know if my RFQ will require a lot of work (cad models and blueprints)

Anyway, excited to see what happens today.

Thoughts and questions:

  • Money is like soldiers
    • There was a village that borrowed soldiers from other villages until they became an empire…they become Rome
  • “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Einstein
|

Ugly Water

Byjack

Ugly Water

My little sloth talks about her ugly water

In a roaring ocean

Of fear and hatred

Roaring outside

Inside her little room

She stands by the room

Holding it closed

Always holding

As she feels the pressure of it

About to overwhelm everything

Leaking

Like the seeping of dread

She looks and

It was a mistake

Because she forgot to hold the door closed

|

I Felt Relieved Sort Of

Byjack

I Felt Relieved Sort Of

When she didn’t want to talk about it

But it hurt

Like it always hurts

When I feel

This chasm

Between us

Her on one side

Telling me

I’m anorexic

Me trying to tell her

That we cannot control others

That we need to take responsibility for our emotions

It feels like abuse

Emotional abuse

The words that’s she says

I just realized

I never thought about that before

Because I am so used to my parents doing it

To me

To each other

I feel relieved

Sort of

Because I want to think about

Her soft skin

And her warm body

So sweet and kind

I don’t want to argue

And fight

Yet

I realized today

That doubt and comparison for me

Are the symptoms of repressed unhappiness

Maybe that’s obvious

I made a video about it once

About how comparison is about having a need that is not met

How we compare ourselves with others because we feel a lack

But I didn’t want to think about what that meant for us

That we aren’t compatible

I guess I don’t believe that is true

She feels right in the light of day

Like when you wake

From a bad dream

Yet

I am reassured

To know

My doubts are there too

In the light

Normal