Vision Exam Challenge 1

Byjack

Today I booked at eye exam.

The date of the exam is Tuesday May 25th, which gives me about 6 days to prepare.

What I’m looking for this exam to do is to validate where I am visionwise and jumpstart my journey to better vision.

I’m going to be using the following ideas.

  • Feel the feelings
    • Don’t need to try to relax or try to tense, just notice the feelings and sensations
  • Feedback loop
    • Lots of vision tests to understand whether or not I’m improving or not
  • Analogies
    • Understand how vision works and try to strengthen and stretch where needed
    • Use the same knowledge from stretching a good posture here (muscles work in groups)

Understing the Eye

According to this article, it says:

“When you look at things that are far away, muscles in your eye relax and your lens looks like a slim disc.

When you look at things that are close, muscles in your eye contract and make your lens thicker.”

So the key is to relax right? Well, yes and no. Muscles always work in groups. If certain muscles are constantly too tense, then there are certain muscles that must be weak (since if one set of muscles never relaxes, the other set must always be weak).

After researching further, I found the muscle responsible for focusing the lens of the eye. It’s called the ciliary muscle and it looks like it doesn’t actually work in pairs but is like smooth muscle tissue of the stomach.

An interesting article is here and I signed up for the guys course to see what was up.

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Valorant 17: Choosing My Own Path

Byjack

I’ve looked at multiple things recently:

  • My lesson with a CS Go / Valorant coach
  • A excellent video of someone reaching radiant from silver
  • A video of how to aim well by Scream a team liquid professional valorant player

What I realized is that there are many ways to improve and win valorant games and climb to plat. There are somethings that will make it easier but you don’t need to do all of them.

Valorant, like life, is a game with specific rules, but how you play it is up to you.

A few different examples:

  • You can play only solo queue (deciding to team up with random people)
  • You can play only with people you know
  • You can play the game to gain rank
  • You can play the game to try out the different agents
  • You can play the game for the high reaction time and mechanical skill like aiming
  • You can play the game for the strategy required

I decided to make a list of how I want to play Valorant in the context of this challenge.

  1. I want to play with people who are fun to hang out with
  2. I want to make the entire game comfortable to play for me
  3. I want to focus on the actual objective, killing all the enemies and winning each round

Step 1: Finding people to play with

The most efficient way is just to focus on playing with people I already like playing with and try to meet new people by adding new people from games I play. I should also focus on unadding people I don’t like playing with.

Step 2: Making the game comfortable for me

The areas I need to focus on being more comfortable:

  • Minimap
    • Being able to visualize where everyone is just looking at the map
  • Aiming
    • Being able to comfortably get the physical mechanics of aim and crosshair placement down
  • Movement
    • Knowing the different ways and distances to peek comfortably
  • Abilities
    • Knowing lineups and ability planning
  • Clearing
    • Knowing how to path through a site properly
  • Switching weapons
    • Knowing the physical coordination of switching knife, pistol and main weapon

Step 3: Focusing on winning rounds

Usually, I am laser-focused on two things:

  • Abilities
  • Killing people and not getting killed

I want to reframe Valorant for me.

Generally, you want to either play for a plant/defuse or try to kill every member of the enemy team. 

As a result, I want to think about Valorant in the following plays:

  1. Brute force brawl with team, if team is pushing site together
  2. Try to get the enemy to trip up and make a mistake by confusing them and holding weird angles or lurking
  3. Try to set myself up for an ace by having my abilites and pathing planned out

Overall I think Valorant meets the following needs for me:

Growth: Getting better over time

Significance: The chance to practice my learning techniques in a measurable area

Love and connection: Playing with people who I like hanging out with

Here is what I think my routine should generally be:

  1. Warmup physically, and stretch, get pumped up with music
  2. Warmup in deathmatch, get a feeling for the mouse
  3. Warmup in the range and spike rush and defuse
  4. Meditate
  5. Play a game, focus on winning rounds
  6. Vod review, focus on the minimap awareness
  7. Practice in custom game lineup and setups to win next time or win by more
  8. Meditate, reflect and write blog post

 

Core Wounds 9

Byjack

I kind of dropped the ball on these because I don’t know if I feel like challenging my core wounds, but I think I need to keep going for the 21 days at least. It is interesting because you are supposed to focus on one core wound. I don’t know which one I would focus on, but maybe if I just keep going there is one that I will want to focus on.

I was talking to a friend about how it is hard to work on yourself sometimes. What I told her is that it is sometimes scary to think about who you might change into, but I think there is another reason. Sometimes it is hard to work on yourself because in order to work on yourself you first need to look at yourself in the mirror and face who you are, and that isn’t easy to do.

I think a big core wound or belief is that there is something wrong with me, that no one will actually like me if they know who I really am, that I’m weak and creepy and unattractive.

She Said I Made Her Day

Walking up to her out of the blue

On the streets of new york city

On the college campus

They both told me

I made their day

The next girl

Will think you are the one

She told me

And when I asked the girl

Lost in her own world

In a song she just found

Whether or not she thought I was attractive

She said yes

I felt she wanted to say more

But was too shy

Core Wounds 8

Byjack

Today I wanted to look at the core wound of feeling like no one will truly understand me and or truly love me.

Sharing Circle

I was in the circle

Of kings they said

I didn’t want to be there

I was just too sad

But they opened up the space for me

To tell my story

Of how I fell in love with a girl

Who I felt others wouldn’t approve of

But I still loved

How I felt like things went wrong

But not because I broke them

But because life

Sometimes

Isn’t easy or simple

I cried

When I thought about it

Felt safe to feel it

Like the time when I was at the party

Solomon turned to me

And said

I know how that feels

And Tim asked me to

Channel it into the karaoke 

My pain my loss

I feel that pain now

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Valorant 15: Reframe

Byjack

I’ve been doing my Valorant challenge for about four months now and I haven’t seen much progress.

I think there are a couple of changes that needs to happen.

  1. I need to be kinder to myself. I don’t have much time for gaming and this is my very first FPS game. I have already improved by quite a lot in the time given.
  2. I need to be a lot more focused on learning and make the learning less effort. I will try to play only one ranked game every day on my main and VOD review that.
  3. I need to focus the rest of my time with having fun with Valorant. Creating more motivation is important.
  4. I am going to get more outside help, will get more people to review my gameplay with me.

I am going to make a list of things I actually like doing on Valorant:

  1. Trying new agents
  2. Playing on my smurfs with ridiculous challenges:
    • A specific gun (sheriff, marshall etc.)
    • Play only with guns from ground, never buy
    • Rushing in as quickly as possible
  3. Deathmatch can be fun
  4. More aggression in general

Core Wounds 6

Byjack

Today I want to address the core wound that I am undesirable and a bad person specifically because I want to make other people happy.

He Looked Sad

He looked sad in the sharing circle

I’m having a rough time

He said

He didn’t say much more

And I don’t think

Anyone else knew

That this was a call for help

Only me

I see that you usually are very happy

I said

I feel that you must really be going through a lot

And I want to tell you

That it will be ok

He smiled

And I felt

Happy

 

I Felt Powerful

I knew

During the meeting

He was judging me

Trying far too much

To try to speak for me

I was angry

But I bided my time

When he tried to take control

And asked if I wanted to show the customer something

I said no

Then

After the meeting

Fresh from my success

I let myself be still and quiet

Let the doubt creep into his mind

Let him understand

That I knew exactly what I was doing

That I was the one

In control

Core Beliefs 5

Byjack

I don’t know exactly if this is a core wound, but I strongly believe that I am responsible for people’s emotions and that I am a bad person.

In order to process this (a rebalance my emotions), I am going to focus on a time when I hurt someone and focus on the part right before it so I can remember that there is a good reason for doing what I did and perhaps have a little more compassion for myself.

The Phone Call

She was a lonely girl

Quiet and shy

I wanted to be kind

By being a good friend

But she seemed to want more

When she asked me

If she could sleep in my bed

What to do

If she was sexually frustrated

I did my best to set my boundaries

I did my best to be firm

But she kept pushing

And it was too much

I knew too little

To do anything than

To push her away hard

After years

Of sending me letters and emails

She must have know

I didn’t want to talk

I just wish

She knew

It wasn’t her fault

That I didn’t like her

But I needed

To be able to say no

Core Beliefs 3

Byjack

Today I was talking to someone who thought that reprogramming your core beliefs and I’ve given this some thought.

  • It can be cringe if it isn’t genuine (forcing yourself to believe something that isn’t true)
  • It isn’t actually meant to be mindless affirmations but rather trying to get your mind to see a more balanced version of the truth. 
    • Ex: We are bad and our emotions do push other people away sometimes. But it’s not all the time. When you have a core wound, it’s something you are deeply afraid of and look for evidence for instead of looking at things clearly.
    • For example, if you believe you aren’t attractive, if ten people say you look good, and one person says you are ugly, you will believe the ten people are lying and the one person is telling the truth without being rational or logical about it. It doesn’t mean you aren’t ugly to some people, it just means it’s not as simple as you think it is.
    • If you successfully reprogram, you will take negative things less personally.
  • Reprogramming your subconscious means countering your habits of looking for evidence for the opposite of what you believe so you can see the fuller picture.
  • It can also be cringe if it is very surface level (mindlessness listing out five things)
  • Perhaps I want to take a more artistic approach and revisit different memories that contrasts against my core beliefs that takes me back to the feelings

Today I’ll do a little poem.

Zubats

It was nighttime in the art studios

Brandon’s smiling face

Shiny in the lights from above

He told me that the zubats were talking

And that he asked 

Jack or Michael

Jack of course

He told me that they said

Even though

They thought

I was a bit too arrogant

Core Beliefs 1

Byjack

Today I got into an argument with someone who is very close to my heart. Thinking about the argument later makes me think about what is painful about the relationship in general and the core wounds that it brings up.

Core wounds are damaging beliefs that we have about ourselves that we repeatedly look for evidence for (and traumatize ourselves constantly with). 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches us that core wounds can be reprogrammed by finding evidence to the contrary. Thais Gibson recommends doing this for at least 21 days for the new beliefs to set in.

This is day one for me.

Core Wound 1: I’m not good enough (attractive physically and personality-wise)

Evidence to the contrary (I am good enough):

  • A girl in college who was very beautiful who I liked blushed every time I talked to her and liked me back. She was mean to other guys who showed interest.
  • When I was being myself and feeling confident recently, lots of women from girls on the plane, on the trail, at rental properties all seemed really eager to talk to me and help me. I’ve been told I have really good energy.
  • A girl that I love told me she likes the way I look, likes my thin frame and my hands.
  • A girl in high school once had a crush on me after flirting with her once. I might have made an impression on her.
  • A girl who I met playing a mobile game with, added me on her Snapchat and would talk to me for hours, there must have been a reason.

This is a really strong core wound for me. I often compare myself to others and feel like I’m less attractive. I feel that no one really likes me.

Core Wound 2: My emotions are not good and push people away

Evidence to the contrary (My emotions are good and bring people closer):

  • A lot of my art tends to come from my emotions and feelings and lots of people like them
  • Because of my emotions, I tend to be more honest, open and empathetic in support groups
  • I tend to connect with a lot of women by emotions. It’s why I like to have girls as friends and a lot of girls like me.
  • Emotions make me experience things more deeply, like when I cry watching Moana.
  • My emotions help me read other people much better because I can feel what they are feeling.

I always feel, especially with some people, that my emotions are too much and push people away. I worry people like hard and cold unemotional guys since they are stronger and don’t need anything. I also sometimes want to be strong and dominant and I don’t know how to reconcile that with emotions.

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Valorant 13: Advice From My Brother

Byjack

Today I had a strategy session with my brother who is almost at the rank I want to be (Plat) about major mindset shifts I need to do to get out of Bronze and Silver.

Here are the main areas we came up with:

  1. Learn to play off of contact better: 
    • Swing when you see teammates swinging
    • If you see someone holding, pre-aim and get ready to trade
  2. Crosshair placement and preaiming
    • Holding for wide swing vs close
  3. Methodical clearing
  4. Ability usage
    • Have gameplan for ability usage for the beginning of every attack and defending round
  5. Map awareness
    1. Look at minimap more