Did they tai chi method I mentioned in the previous post. Went really slow and relaxed.
I noticed that there is a natural way to aim.
Here are the steps:
Voila! Amazing pain free aim!
Tai chi class was very interesting. I had a thought when the instructor was answering a question by one of the students. They were asking whether or not the movement called the “whip” was supposed to have a whipping motion. The instructor told him that as a beginner you always want to go slow. She also said that she teaches with words.
I was thinking that I can apply this Tai Chi mentality to some of the things that I work really hard to do such as work or Valorant or content creation.
Some thoughts I want to try out:
What I want to try for my LinkedIn 50 days of posts:
Incredibly interesting podcast about reaching for the goal of never dying, even if you cannto get there and not worrying about whether or not it is true.
Huge emphasis against the grind culture and for sleep and exercise
I’ve been thinking more about rejection and working through some of my thoughts with it.
I want people to validate me to feel confident being myself. But validation and confidence are completely different.
Confidence is all about being ok with not getting other’s approval and validation, being ok with not being the strongest, the smartest, the most attractive. I want to find a way to let go of seeking approval from everyone. That is seriously holding me back.
The first thing I realized is that I need to be clear about what I value outside of approval.
I love solving difficult problems. I love learning, growing, and improving myself. I love creating. I love meeting new people and connecting with those people on a deep level. I love consuming art and music, writing and dance.
Being rejected doesn’t stop me from pursuing those things. In fact, people who reject me might realize my path is one they admire and want to follow.
The second thing I realized is that I can use rejection as motivation. It’s just a challenge to my ego. It makes me stronger.
I don’t want anything handed to me. The hero has the slay the dragon. I want to be the underdog, and I strive for greatness.
I am slowly getting back into things. After completely messing up my bedtime, getting it back, getting sick, losing my bedtime again, I am finally getting back into the swing of things.
I want to refocus on the things that I set out to focus on: Health, AI Consulting, Art Coaching.
I want to have an 11-12 PM bedtime, journaling at night, morning walking meditation, and morning todo list and blog post.
Today on my morning walk I contemplated rejection.
You know I always felt that working on yourself made you more prepared for life in general and I always felt my fear of rejection was holding me back from a lot of things in life, initially from getting a girlfriend, but later from being a life coach.
Recently I had the experience of meeting with a client for a free session for which they were super impressed by but when I sent them my rates, they did not respond. This immediately triggered the rejection wounds within me. I also just had an artist interview who was late to our conversation, did not agree to the full hour, and did not want to schedule another time to complete our conversation which triggered rejection wounds within me.
I feel scared that if I ask for things, people will reject me. I’m afraid it will be awkward to talk to them afterwards, I’m afraid how others will view me after getting rejected.
This morning I came up with a couple of nuggets to handle and process rejection:
Something that I noticed when playing Valorant today, is that I tend to speed up and rush when I feel under pressure or stressed, when in actuality, I need to slow down.
Last game I trusted my instincts, and really slowed down when I felt danger and I felt it was much better.
I realized that when I feel safe, I can move fast. When I feel in danger, it is time to exercise extreme caution like in real life.
I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.
I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.
Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.
I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.
I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.
On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,
I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.
I was doing some deep journaling in the form of questions and answers, where I would ask all the questions I have, feel deep in my heart what answer is coming to me, and then asking more questions about those answers.
For example, I will ask myself, what do I do about the anxiety with art? The answer that I feel come up intuitively is to create art which then poses the question, what do I do with art? Then I have the answer, use art to create richness in your life.
I was doing this exercise because I realized at this point in my life, I am so confused on what will happen next and what direction I want to go for my coaching, my career, and my relationship that the best way to serve myself is to get some clarity about what I am feeling and what I want. The faster you make decisions, the faster you progress. I felt that having clarity would make it much easier to make faster decisions.
I had quite a few revelations from this exercise I wanted to note down a few of the most important ones:
One more note I wanted to make…I had a new idea with coaching a few days ago. I always wanted to create video clips of my coaching in order to show social media, but I was thinking recently, I can create clips that can be used to share something a package that can be used to motivate my clients (clips of songs created during the session, major breakthroughs etc.)
Yesterday I played two 10 man customs with my brother. It was interesting because everyone was higher elo (high plat to diamond, and immo peak).
I realized something while playing with them. First, they aren’t much better skill wise, but take much fewer risks when they place. I often take a lot of risks and rely on my aim.
However, something occurred to me recently while watching profession Valorant play.
Diamonds and even immortal are not the best Valorant players and I know even from my own Valorant games that playing defensive is not always the best move.
The point is the take risks when you need to, like when your team is down numbers, or if you have a read. In those moments, you need to believe in yourself, trust in your aim and play aggressive, not afraid.
Often times, when I play aggressively, it is out of fear, confusion, and pressure to make a play. When I play defensive, I’m always afraid, confused and defensively hide.
I wonder what it would be like to play in a more yin yang balanced approach. As you would in tai chi, be soft when they are hard, hard when they are soft. What that might me in Valorant is to be gone from places where the team is holding strong map control, and be present in places where they are weak.
I don’t exactly know how this will work as a technique, but I’d like to try it out today.
Takeaways