Taking Care of Myself

Byjack
Taking Care of Myself

It’s the hardest thing

The first instinct is to fix it

To figure out what would I need to do

To make it work

It’s hard to let that go, and take time for myself

To do the things that I need to do

I’m starting to figure out the mystery of why I lost motivation

And that clarity gives me hope

My first instinct would be to tell her

What was missing for me in the relationship

What I need for me to want this again

But maybe she doesn’t want to hear it

Maybe it’s too much for her already

And I know it is too soon anyway

I need to forgive myself

Be loving to myself

Sleep

Take care of myself

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Dancing With Posture and Other Things to Try

Byjack

I just checked out this video from a channel my dance teacher recommended and it’s literally soo good.

Here are some of the concepts I’m taking from this:

  • I need to stand up much straighter and play with the levels more, instead of being hunched and looking at the floor.
  • I need to work on seeing where the movement goes, let the movement keep going, follow where it goes.
  • Start with the most comfortable posture, then develop from there.
  • I always am told to imagine the story but its hard for me, because I’m imagining MYSELF
  • I think what will work for me is imagining the world or space I’m IN (instead of visualizing myself, I visualize an imaginary box I’m in, imaginary walls).
  • I can also try visualizing the “gesture” of the move (kind of like a drawing gesture).

Nothing to add here. Exercises are AMAZING for musicality:

  1. Dance to music with your fingers
  2. Dance to music with very small movements
  3. Dance with full movements
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Valorant Challenge 1: Spike Rush Cypher

Byjack

Today I didn’t have the time or the pc to play competitively. I played a couple of spike rush games as cypher.

Impressions:

  • Hot damn it’s hard to play cypher. So much to put down in so little time. The cages are HARD to use as well.
  • I don’t know if playing different agents will help me play. Maybe I should just refine my mains.
  • I think agents like cypher play around their utility (they almost never peek unless they have to). I wonder if I should do that more with all agents (play around flash and grenades, shockdarts and mollys)
    • Makes me think flashes are waay worse at getting info. It’s all or nothing. The timing needs to be right and you need to be able to push with your team to gain ground rather than flashing randomly.
  • To counter a cypher I need to guess where the camera is and shoot it out. Requires knowledge of common cam spots. Dunno how I will get that knowledge without watching tons of videos. Poopers.
  • Cage + wires can be OP since wires reveal and cage block their vision.
  • You need to be f*cking fast on the camera or they will shoot it out.
  • Crouch and shoot wires head level to get wires you cannot jump or crouch over or under.

I feel like my posture was pretty terrible after the practice. My left shoulder blade was hurting and my stomach was clenched.

I need to work on processing the emotions better and feeling my body more (using the sensual feeling technique I will discuss later). I will also need to work on posture exercises way more. After working my body for about 20 minutes with shaking, stretching, and posture exercises, my should mostly doesn’t hurt anymore and my digestion feels much better.

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Recap Video Ideas

Byjack

This is a recap of an exercise I did a few weeks ago. I was watching a ThinkMedia youtube video about how to succeed at youtube. He went through and exercise looking at 3 things in this order: passion, proficiency, and profit.

Basically, he said to make a list of all the things that you are passionate about, either things you like or things you hate, and things you do even if you weren’t getting paid to do it.

My list was:

  1. Making money
  2. Finding leverage
  3. Valorant
  4. Corporate life (hate)
  5. Coaching
  6. Challenges
  7. Superhuman abilities
  8. Graphic novels
  9. Children’s books, fantasy
  10. Health
  11. AI
  12. Surface level thinking (hate)

Then, he said to take that list of things and think about what we have at least 1 year of proficiency in, where we have been doing that thing semi-successfully. So I narrowed down my list to:

  1. Making money
  2. Valorant
  3. Feeling stuck in life
  4. Deeper thinking
  5. Coaching
  6. Health
  7. AI

Then, he said to narrow down that further into things that we could build an audience around, something people need or would want to buy. Here was my list:

  1. How to get started with a business
  2. How to aim
  3. How to get unstuck in life
  4. How to unlock your potential
  5. How to repair your body
  6. How to use AI to improve your life

I don’t know if I have any interest pursuing youtube in this way, but it was an interesting exercise to reflect on.

The Jiujitsu Challenge

Byjack

I honestly don’t really know what I want to say about this challenge.

I know I wanted to learn jiu jitsu but it was for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I could feel myself falling apart and I couldn’t bring myself to work out. I’ve always loved martial arts and jiu jitsu was always something that I wanted to learn as a martial artist because of its practicality and strengthening an area of fighting that I am particularly weak in – which is grappling.

Secondly, I wanted to see more people in real life and make more friends. My girlfriend joined a running class and it helped her get into exercising more and also just interact with more people. I wanted to do the same with something that I love, which is fighting.

So I signed up to a jiu jitsu gym, one that I was really excited about because it specializes in no gi grappling (10th planet), but now that I’m rolling a few times a week, I kind of don’t know where to go.

I worry about my knee a lot, and that actually has given me more motivation to continue working out.

I feel much happier and have more energy after going to class. I feel myself getting stronger and having better posture.

But I still don’t know what to challenge myself with.

Valorant 38: Back To Structure

Byjack

Today I am back to following the structure I set about in Valorant 30 but with some edits.

UNIT 1: VOD Review

  • Day 1 – Apas – 6/3/23
  • Day 2 – Klaus – 6/4/23
  • Day 3 – Yay – 6/5/23

UNIT 2: Map Understanding

  • Day 1 – Lotus – 6/7/23
  • Day 2 – Split – 6/8/23
  • Day 3 – Bind – 6/9/23

UNIT 3: Mechanical Breakdown

  • Day 1 – Crosshair Placement – 3/15/23
  • Day 2 – Flicking – 3/16/23
  • Day 3 – Spray Control – 3/17/23

How to Face Things Head On

Byjack

So something that I’ve been sort of obsessed with recently is how to face your problems head-on. In so many areas of my life, I struggle to do that. In my professional career, tasks that stress me out send me to my couch with my phone. When I don’t know what to say to my mom and my dad, I immediately turn on my audiobook, eager to dull the pain in my chest. When I am feeling stressed about a fight in Valorant, I rush and try to ignore the mounting feelings of anxiety.

I would really like to find a way to flip the script because it is so rewarding. When I do a task that I worry about, I feel energized, and not tired from work. When I focus on my feelings of anxiety in Valorant, I become much more aware of what my intuition is telling me, that I need to slow down and play the situation very carefully.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SgkiR5tSmo&ab_channel=TheOutcome

I think this is a really interesting concept. I want to make a bit of an amendment. In the video they talk about trying to get better problems, that being able to have money problems when you are rich vs money problems when you are poor is much better (where you invest, vs how to survive). But I kind of disagree. The problem of survival is ultimately a much more rewarding problem for me than where to invest.

I do think that this is a powerful idea, and a way to reframe problems. My thoughts are as follows:

  • Avoiding problems comes from the fear of failure
  • We can address this by embracing failure
  • But we don’t want to just fail at anything…this is where choosing your problems come in
  • Instead of failing at a random problem, embrace failing and learning from a meaningful problem
  • Ex: I am afraid I don’t know how to respond to my parents
    • The meaningful problem here is to learn to create a bond with my parents while standing strong in my own life and boundaries
    • Accept failure and believe in my ability to learn from a failure at this problem
  • Essentially, turn every problem into a challenge
  • Another example: I don’t know what to do next in my demo build and it’s overwhelming and a lot of work
    • The meaningful problem here is finding how to be efficient at my job, and to work as a team without people pleasing to my own detriment (creating boundaries)
    • Accept failure at this and my ability to learn from that failure