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I’m Afraid To Let Go
I’m Afraid To Let Go
One day you will see
How you were so focused
On self-soothing
On finding your comfort alone
You forget that you ignored
A man who loved you
For a game
So trivial
You may lose interest in the next month
For you, it’s a question of winning
Of being right or wrong
But for me
It’s a question of love
I wonder
If I have so little self-respect
To spend so much time
Money
Effort
To cheer you up
Just for you to go back to the game
And put me second
Or perhaps this is what love is
And I should keep believing
That you just need
More time
To see
That you can let yourself
Need me
Rental Car Nightmares
A couple of weeks ago, I rented a car at National car rental. My sister returned it for me, and I got a shock in my email a few weeks later.
I immediate assumed this had to be a scam, or some sort of mistake. But the more I read, the more that I could tell this was actually legit. They had the right time, the right place and right company. They were charging me for $1295.81 for damages to the vehicle.
Looking at this deeper I noticed that the line items were VERY extensive, replaces door parts and handles. According to them, the car was HEAVILY damaged.
Looking at the pictures, I could barely see any of the damages they were indicating. It almost felt like they were offloading the cost of wear and tear on me.
Obviously I was LIVID.
- I knew that there were some small marks on the car when I picked it up, but I never took any pictures.
- I knew that no damage whatsoever happened when I had the car. I didn’t think any of this damage was on the car when I picked it up, but the damage in the photos are so subtle its hard for me to be sure.
- I had rental insurance specifically for this car, but didn’t want to file a claim for something I didn’t do.
- My sister had someone walk around the car and CONFIRM it was ok before she returned it. They parked it, and who knows what happened after that.
- National has a service for their “Emerald Isle” premium members where you can pick up and drop off a car without ever seeing someone.
- This now seemed like a LIABILITY not a PERK since now I can’t get them to acknowledge damage on the car.
- I’m a new member and if they were going to be f*cking sticklers about this whole thing, they should have EXPLAINED it to me. I would have got them to sign off on EVERY F*CKING SCRATCH BEFORE AND AFTER returning the car.
So I went to chase down this problem:
- I called National Support, and they told me that I needed to call their damage unit. I asked them to make a note on my case so I wouldn’t have to repeat myself.
- After I called their damage unit, they redirected me to someone else.
- After getting to another person, they redirected me to someone else.
- The last person seemed to know what they were talking about, but I had repeat myself because she could not access any of the notes that National Support wrote down.
The last woman who oversaw the appeals to the damages told me the following information:
- Generally its better if you take photos beforehand, however, in situations where the “damage” is so small it is easy to miss, you can appeal and they will dismiss it. They consider it human error.
- She told me that my “damages” were definitely small enough that someone might have missed it before (so it may not be caused by me).
- She agreed to waive all of the fees.
So my lessons learned from this whole experience:
- Always get rental car insurance just in case.
- Take a video when you pick up the car to prove the condition of the car beforehand. (It’s gonna be me in the parking lot being like “hey this is me in the parking lot picking up this car at X time” so they have proof I didn’t take the video at some other place or time)
- Take a video of the car when you return it.
- If they try to charge you for something really small and not visible in your videos, appeal, and they will probably dismiss it.
- It’s good to be a mix of legitimately angry (I was furious) but polite at the same time (I apologized in advance telling them I was very upset but I knew it wasn’t their fault personally). As a result, they were helpful and resolved my issue quickly.
A day later I got an email.
Goal Setting
Today in the King’s council, part men’s group, part coaching session, we talked about setting goals.
I didn’t have an idea of what my goals are but a couple of visions came to mind:
- Coaching is a large part of my life. I saw about 3 coaching conversations with clients or potential clients every week.
- Youtube challenges being a large source of energy in life. I saw myself dedicating a little time every day to focus on an active challenge. This could be writing about the challenge, doing the challenge or shooting videos and thinking about the final video.
- I imagined feeling a lot more confident and in control of my challenges. I saw this as having successfully editing and posted a single challenge to youtube.
- I saw myself being outside and having a lot more energy. I would spend different parts of my day in different places.
- I saw my work-life come alive again. This meant posting posts on Linkedin every week, and engaging with people at work about my life outside of work.
I need to choose three main ones for the intention of the Kings Council.
I will choose the following goals:
- To have a powerful coaching conversation with three more people.
- To have one paying client.
- To have produced three challenge videos and posted them to youtube.
Sova Fanart 5: Class Unit 2 Day 2
UNIT TWO: Dynamic Figure Drawing | Day 2 – Copy a pose from memory, trace, and correct original
I am going to interpret this as just using real life references.
Again, since we had so much success last night we are going to break things down again.
Suggested time: 90 minutes (30 minutes per unit, 10 minutes per part)
Unit 1: Gather images
- Part 1: Look for reference photo sources
- Part 2: Brainstorm action poses
- Part 3: Brainstorm perspective poses
Unit 2: From memory
- Part 1: Pose 1
- Part 2: Pose 2
- Part 3: Pose 3
Unit 3: From life
- Part 1: Pose 1
- Part 2: Pose 2
- Part 3: Pose 3
Unit 1: Gather images
Part 1: Look for reference photo sources

10 Best Free Pose Reference Sites For Figure Drawing – Improveyourdrawings.com
Part 2&3: Brainstorm action and perspective poses
023 Male Action Pose — Characterdesigns.com
011 Gun Action Pose Male Model — Characterdesigns.com
*Not a pose, but a really cool course I might want to check out
(155) The 6 Types of Joints – Human Anatomy for Artists – YouTube
Now I need to decide on the specific poses I want to try:






Unit 2 & 3: From memory & life
So the poses I most want to choose in order of precedence are:
- Pose 7
- Pose 3
- Pose 1
- Pose 2
- Pose 6
- Pose 8
- Pose 5
I’m going to try the first four (7, 3, 1, 2).
Part 1: Pose 7


Part 2: Pose 3



Part 3: Pose 1



Part 4: Pose 2



Overall Takeaways
Rough Sketch
- Recreate the pose as itself instead of memorizing the image
- Visualize the twist of the torso
- Try to visualize the space they are holding with their arms (like a beach ball) and space with their feet (like a pyramid)
Refined Sketch
- Focus on the different sides of body parts, what side is facing where
- Mark the attachment point of the neck
Back Home
After almost 3 months away from home, I’m finally back and I’m reminded of the life I built here. Peaceful, open, free, and lonely. There are so many possibilities and spaciousness to fill my life with wonderful things.
Today I want to focus my time in building the life that I want to live in the next few months when I will be transitioning to a part time role in my day job in order to spend more time on coaching and building my life up.
Here are some things I want to do:
- Unpack
- Clean & Tidy
- Cut my nails
- Look into Gi Doctors
- Look into a sleep study
- Spend some time with the gf
- Cook food
- Plan my trip with my brother and sister
- Cross off any remaining things on my todo list
Basically, I want to have a clean slate for the next stage of things such as:
- Finding a part time gig where I can exercise without hurting myself
- Signing back up for jiujitsu
- Editing youtube shorts of coaching sessions
- Setting up more coaching sessions
- Working on sales plays for AI consulting
- Researching into buying a house
I went for a morning walk and I wanted to express some appreciation that I gained from my journeys.
Parents House, appreciations for:
- Health
- Cooking
- Playing games with my brother
France, appreciation for:
- Walking
- Beauty of old buildings
- Cuddling
My happiest times in my parent’s house were eating food, and spending time with my brother and parents.
My happiest times in France were spending time with my girlfriend and coming up with crazy schemes.
I was also stressed in both places. In my parent’s house, it was being watched by my parents. In France, I felt very unsafe. Unsafe in stores, on the streets, unsafe in the Airbnb (afraid to break or spill things), unsafe while working (afraid not to be productive).
I think safety is something I want to work on as France is somewhere I would like to feel more at home at.
Workpost 36: Satisfied
I feel tired today. Back is stiff. Eyes are blurry. Fatigue racks my body.
At least today, I tried to nap and relax in the morning. Will, try to continue today.
My goal is to feel satisfied enough by the end of the end so when I enforce strict bedtime at 11PM, I will feel good about it.