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Core Beliefs 1
Today I got into an argument with someone who is very close to my heart. Thinking about the argument later makes me think about what is painful about the relationship in general and the core wounds that it brings up.
Core wounds are damaging beliefs that we have about ourselves that we repeatedly look for evidence for (and traumatize ourselves constantly with).
Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches us that core wounds can be reprogrammed by finding evidence to the contrary. Thais Gibson recommends doing this for at least 21 days for the new beliefs to set in.
This is day one for me.
Core Wound 1: I’m not good enough (attractive physically and personality-wise)
Evidence to the contrary (I am good enough):
- A girl in college who was very beautiful who I liked blushed every time I talked to her and liked me back. She was mean to other guys who showed interest.
- When I was being myself and feeling confident recently, lots of women from girls on the plane, on the trail, at rental properties all seemed really eager to talk to me and help me. I’ve been told I have really good energy.
- A girl that I love told me she likes the way I look, likes my thin frame and my hands.
- A girl in high school once had a crush on me after flirting with her once. I might have made an impression on her.
- A girl who I met playing a mobile game with, added me on her Snapchat and would talk to me for hours, there must have been a reason.
This is a really strong core wound for me. I often compare myself to others and feel like I’m less attractive. I feel that no one really likes me.
Core Wound 2: My emotions are not good and push people away
Evidence to the contrary (My emotions are good and bring people closer):
- A lot of my art tends to come from my emotions and feelings and lots of people like them
- Because of my emotions, I tend to be more honest, open and empathetic in support groups
- I tend to connect with a lot of women by emotions. It’s why I like to have girls as friends and a lot of girls like me.
- Emotions make me experience things more deeply, like when I cry watching Moana.
- My emotions help me read other people much better because I can feel what they are feeling.
I always feel, especially with some people, that my emotions are too much and push people away. I worry people like hard and cold unemotional guys since they are stronger and don’t need anything. I also sometimes want to be strong and dominant and I don’t know how to reconcile that with emotions.
Singing Relaxed Solved
I’ve always wanted to find a way to sing relaxed no matter what position I’m in, standing, sitting, playing the piano.
I figured it out finally.
It’s actually quite simple.
Relax everything, specifically the jaw, shoulders, and stomach.
Put all the tension right above the stomach (at the diaphragm).

Valorant 18: Strafe Clearing
I’ve been killing it on the aim front. In deathmatch, I absolutely own.
I have been working on a new aiming mechanic, what I like to call the strafing clear. First, I went from silver all the way to gold simply off of working on my site clears. A few things I noted:
- Practicing in custom matches is extreemly helpful
- Way more helpful than DM flicks
- Close angles call for very small clears, big angles are for big wide swings
I’ve been trying to pair this with the counter strafing mechanic and I think I figured out something.
Simply by paying attention to which side of the head you expect your crosshair to be on, you can get a much better strafing shot when you peek/clear an angle.
When you clear, you shoot like normal, if your shot is off, you adjust in the direction you need to.




Let’s say you are clearing one angle, and an enemy pops up on your right. Your crosshair is far to the left of your target, so you quickly adjust, while strafing to the right to line up the perfect flick.
This is extremely useful because not only does this mean that your shots can be super accurate, it means you are moving a lot and making it extreemly hard to hit you (or atleast headshot you).
I think the coolest part, is when you strafe out in one direction, realize the enemy is to the other side of your crosshair so you strafe in the other direction to get the shot.
I also abuse the hit slow (how you freeze if you are hit) to get better accuracy and try to tap the enemy down if I am stopped midstrafe.
That being said, I think that there are a couple of different types of aiming mechanics in Valorant.
- Spray control – used for wall spams and smoke spams and long gun fights
- Strafing – used for clearing and gun fights out in the open
- Distance shooting – used for really far fights
- Holding – used to hold again specific peaks
Spray control
- Got no real strat. Just try to watch the bullet tracers
Strafing
- Watch the relationship between the crosshair and the head (whether left or right). Details are above
Distance Shooting
- Use a lot of movement-based aiming for really accurate shots. Tap fire.
Holding
- Prepare to duck behind cover, spray a few shots and duck back.
Sales Conference Health 3: Transitioning Home
Yesterday I came home, and I felt that I met my goal. I literally felt better than when I first left home.
Now, this fact was immediately undercut by the fact that I went to bed at 3:40 AM in the morning. I was dealing with a great deal of discomfort, perhaps from being home and the taxi ride where I felt like I couldn’t leave. The taxi driver was trying very hard to preach Christianity to me. I feel perhaps the permission exercise may be helpful here in order to give myself permission to leave, but also to stay and feel trapped.
Today when I woke up I felt completely horrible with lower back soreness, stomach issues, dry eyes and tense shoulders and back. My throat and nose felt acidic and burning and I felt sick.
I did the warmups in order of massage first, then stretching, then range of motion. I feel that I can take the warmup much further, so today, I did mental warmups and vocal warmups.
I wanted to do this mental warmup but it felt exhausting. I feel that I needed more of a meditation but maybe my mind just needs to be warmed up more.
Fitness Challenge 4: The Evolution of the Challenge
It’s been officially four months since I posted about this challenge, so I think it is safe to say that this challenge is over…well not over per se, but evolved.
So what happened? First, I got very sick on the tail end of the fitness challenge. It was the sickest I’ve been in years and I lost a lot of weight.
Second, I have split this challenge into about 3 other challenges, two that I am tracking and one that I didn’t track but sort of is successfully completed.
Those challenges are:
- The posture challenge. I literally came up with my own posture exercises inspired by some of the most common and popular posture exercises and I’ve literally done it. My posture is much much better than it was before and I continue to improve it every day. What is the best part? I now can tell and feel uncomfortable when in a bad posture. I didn’t document anything and may never do so.
- The bedtime challenge. This is a version of a sleep challenge. My latest attempt involves ignoring the whole sleep side of it. Ignoring falling asleep, ignoring getting enough hours, or even habits of turning off electronics. I’m going to make it simple for myself. In the next 66 days (Dec 12, 2023) I will go to bed by 11 pm every night.
- The jiujitsu challenge. This challenge was a couple of things but I haven’t completely formed my goals around it so clearly yet. The main ideas I have right now are: getting comfortable and confident in moving and utilizing my body to defend myself, getting stronger and more fit, and mastering a lot of jiujitsu techniques.
So, it is a bye for now on this challenge, but there might be some future retrospective posts analyzing some of the biometric data I gleaned from this challenge.
Taking Care of Myself
Taking Care of Myself
It’s the hardest thing
The first instinct is to fix it
To figure out what would I need to do
To make it work
It’s hard to let that go, and take time for myself
To do the things that I need to do
I’m starting to figure out the mystery of why I lost motivation
And that clarity gives me hope
My first instinct would be to tell her
What was missing for me in the relationship
What I need for me to want this again
But maybe she doesn’t want to hear it
Maybe it’s too much for her already
And I know it is too soon anyway
I need to forgive myself
Be loving to myself
Sleep
Take care of myself
Core Beliefs 1
Today I got into an argument with someone who is very close to my heart. Thinking about the argument later makes me think about what is painful about the relationship in general and the core wounds that it brings up.
Core wounds are damaging beliefs that we have about ourselves that we repeatedly look for evidence for (and traumatize ourselves constantly with).
Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches us that core wounds can be reprogrammed by finding evidence to the contrary. Thais Gibson recommends doing this for at least 21 days for the new beliefs to set in.
This is day one for me.
Core Wound 1: I’m not good enough (attractive physically and personality-wise)
Evidence to the contrary (I am good enough):
- A girl in college who was very beautiful who I liked blushed every time I talked to her and liked me back. She was mean to other guys who showed interest.
- When I was being myself and feeling confident recently, lots of women from girls on the plane, on the trail, at rental properties all seemed really eager to talk to me and help me. I’ve been told I have really good energy.
- A girl that I love told me she likes the way I look, likes my thin frame and my hands.
- A girl in high school once had a crush on me after flirting with her once. I might have made an impression on her.
- A girl who I met playing a mobile game with, added me on her Snapchat and would talk to me for hours, there must have been a reason.
This is a really strong core wound for me. I often compare myself to others and feel like I’m less attractive. I feel that no one really likes me.
Core Wound 2: My emotions are not good and push people away
Evidence to the contrary (My emotions are good and bring people closer):
- A lot of my art tends to come from my emotions and feelings and lots of people like them
- Because of my emotions, I tend to be more honest, open and empathetic in support groups
- I tend to connect with a lot of women by emotions. It’s why I like to have girls as friends and a lot of girls like me.
- Emotions make me experience things more deeply, like when I cry watching Moana.
- My emotions help me read other people much better because I can feel what they are feeling.
I always feel, especially with some people, that my emotions are too much and push people away. I worry people like hard and cold unemotional guys since they are stronger and don’t need anything. I also sometimes want to be strong and dominant and I don’t know how to reconcile that with emotions.
Singing Relaxed Solved
I’ve always wanted to find a way to sing relaxed no matter what position I’m in, standing, sitting, playing the piano.
I figured it out finally.
It’s actually quite simple.
Relax everything, specifically the jaw, shoulders, and stomach.
Put all the tension right above the stomach (at the diaphragm).

Valorant 18: Strafe Clearing
I’ve been killing it on the aim front. In deathmatch, I absolutely own.
I have been working on a new aiming mechanic, what I like to call the strafing clear. First, I went from silver all the way to gold simply off of working on my site clears. A few things I noted:
- Practicing in custom matches is extreemly helpful
- Way more helpful than DM flicks
- Close angles call for very small clears, big angles are for big wide swings
I’ve been trying to pair this with the counter strafing mechanic and I think I figured out something.
Simply by paying attention to which side of the head you expect your crosshair to be on, you can get a much better strafing shot when you peek/clear an angle.
When you clear, you shoot like normal, if your shot is off, you adjust in the direction you need to.




Let’s say you are clearing one angle, and an enemy pops up on your right. Your crosshair is far to the left of your target, so you quickly adjust, while strafing to the right to line up the perfect flick.
This is extremely useful because not only does this mean that your shots can be super accurate, it means you are moving a lot and making it extreemly hard to hit you (or atleast headshot you).
I think the coolest part, is when you strafe out in one direction, realize the enemy is to the other side of your crosshair so you strafe in the other direction to get the shot.
I also abuse the hit slow (how you freeze if you are hit) to get better accuracy and try to tap the enemy down if I am stopped midstrafe.
That being said, I think that there are a couple of different types of aiming mechanics in Valorant.
- Spray control – used for wall spams and smoke spams and long gun fights
- Strafing – used for clearing and gun fights out in the open
- Distance shooting – used for really far fights
- Holding – used to hold again specific peaks
Spray control
- Got no real strat. Just try to watch the bullet tracers
Strafing
- Watch the relationship between the crosshair and the head (whether left or right). Details are above
Distance Shooting
- Use a lot of movement-based aiming for really accurate shots. Tap fire.
Holding
- Prepare to duck behind cover, spray a few shots and duck back.
Sales Conference Health 3: Transitioning Home
Yesterday I came home, and I felt that I met my goal. I literally felt better than when I first left home.
Now, this fact was immediately undercut by the fact that I went to bed at 3:40 AM in the morning. I was dealing with a great deal of discomfort, perhaps from being home and the taxi ride where I felt like I couldn’t leave. The taxi driver was trying very hard to preach Christianity to me. I feel perhaps the permission exercise may be helpful here in order to give myself permission to leave, but also to stay and feel trapped.
Today when I woke up I felt completely horrible with lower back soreness, stomach issues, dry eyes and tense shoulders and back. My throat and nose felt acidic and burning and I felt sick.
I did the warmups in order of massage first, then stretching, then range of motion. I feel that I can take the warmup much further, so today, I did mental warmups and vocal warmups.
I wanted to do this mental warmup but it felt exhausting. I feel that I needed more of a meditation but maybe my mind just needs to be warmed up more.
Fitness Challenge 4: The Evolution of the Challenge
It’s been officially four months since I posted about this challenge, so I think it is safe to say that this challenge is over…well not over per se, but evolved.
So what happened? First, I got very sick on the tail end of the fitness challenge. It was the sickest I’ve been in years and I lost a lot of weight.
Second, I have split this challenge into about 3 other challenges, two that I am tracking and one that I didn’t track but sort of is successfully completed.
Those challenges are:
- The posture challenge. I literally came up with my own posture exercises inspired by some of the most common and popular posture exercises and I’ve literally done it. My posture is much much better than it was before and I continue to improve it every day. What is the best part? I now can tell and feel uncomfortable when in a bad posture. I didn’t document anything and may never do so.
- The bedtime challenge. This is a version of a sleep challenge. My latest attempt involves ignoring the whole sleep side of it. Ignoring falling asleep, ignoring getting enough hours, or even habits of turning off electronics. I’m going to make it simple for myself. In the next 66 days (Dec 12, 2023) I will go to bed by 11 pm every night.
- The jiujitsu challenge. This challenge was a couple of things but I haven’t completely formed my goals around it so clearly yet. The main ideas I have right now are: getting comfortable and confident in moving and utilizing my body to defend myself, getting stronger and more fit, and mastering a lot of jiujitsu techniques.
So, it is a bye for now on this challenge, but there might be some future retrospective posts analyzing some of the biometric data I gleaned from this challenge.
Taking Care of Myself
Taking Care of Myself
It’s the hardest thing
The first instinct is to fix it
To figure out what would I need to do
To make it work
It’s hard to let that go, and take time for myself
To do the things that I need to do
I’m starting to figure out the mystery of why I lost motivation
And that clarity gives me hope
My first instinct would be to tell her
What was missing for me in the relationship
What I need for me to want this again
But maybe she doesn’t want to hear it
Maybe it’s too much for her already
And I know it is too soon anyway
I need to forgive myself
Be loving to myself
Sleep
Take care of myself
Core Beliefs 1
Today I got into an argument with someone who is very close to my heart. Thinking about the argument later makes me think about what is painful about the relationship in general and the core wounds that it brings up.
Core wounds are damaging beliefs that we have about ourselves that we repeatedly look for evidence for (and traumatize ourselves constantly with).
Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches us that core wounds can be reprogrammed by finding evidence to the contrary. Thais Gibson recommends doing this for at least 21 days for the new beliefs to set in.
This is day one for me.
Core Wound 1: I’m not good enough (attractive physically and personality-wise)
Evidence to the contrary (I am good enough):
- A girl in college who was very beautiful who I liked blushed every time I talked to her and liked me back. She was mean to other guys who showed interest.
- When I was being myself and feeling confident recently, lots of women from girls on the plane, on the trail, at rental properties all seemed really eager to talk to me and help me. I’ve been told I have really good energy.
- A girl that I love told me she likes the way I look, likes my thin frame and my hands.
- A girl in high school once had a crush on me after flirting with her once. I might have made an impression on her.
- A girl who I met playing a mobile game with, added me on her Snapchat and would talk to me for hours, there must have been a reason.
This is a really strong core wound for me. I often compare myself to others and feel like I’m less attractive. I feel that no one really likes me.
Core Wound 2: My emotions are not good and push people away
Evidence to the contrary (My emotions are good and bring people closer):
- A lot of my art tends to come from my emotions and feelings and lots of people like them
- Because of my emotions, I tend to be more honest, open and empathetic in support groups
- I tend to connect with a lot of women by emotions. It’s why I like to have girls as friends and a lot of girls like me.
- Emotions make me experience things more deeply, like when I cry watching Moana.
- My emotions help me read other people much better because I can feel what they are feeling.
I always feel, especially with some people, that my emotions are too much and push people away. I worry people like hard and cold unemotional guys since they are stronger and don’t need anything. I also sometimes want to be strong and dominant and I don’t know how to reconcile that with emotions.
Singing Relaxed Solved
I’ve always wanted to find a way to sing relaxed no matter what position I’m in, standing, sitting, playing the piano.
I figured it out finally.
It’s actually quite simple.
Relax everything, specifically the jaw, shoulders, and stomach.
Put all the tension right above the stomach (at the diaphragm).

Valorant 18: Strafe Clearing
I’ve been killing it on the aim front. In deathmatch, I absolutely own.
I have been working on a new aiming mechanic, what I like to call the strafing clear. First, I went from silver all the way to gold simply off of working on my site clears. A few things I noted:
- Practicing in custom matches is extreemly helpful
- Way more helpful than DM flicks
- Close angles call for very small clears, big angles are for big wide swings
I’ve been trying to pair this with the counter strafing mechanic and I think I figured out something.
Simply by paying attention to which side of the head you expect your crosshair to be on, you can get a much better strafing shot when you peek/clear an angle.
When you clear, you shoot like normal, if your shot is off, you adjust in the direction you need to.




Let’s say you are clearing one angle, and an enemy pops up on your right. Your crosshair is far to the left of your target, so you quickly adjust, while strafing to the right to line up the perfect flick.
This is extremely useful because not only does this mean that your shots can be super accurate, it means you are moving a lot and making it extreemly hard to hit you (or atleast headshot you).
I think the coolest part, is when you strafe out in one direction, realize the enemy is to the other side of your crosshair so you strafe in the other direction to get the shot.
I also abuse the hit slow (how you freeze if you are hit) to get better accuracy and try to tap the enemy down if I am stopped midstrafe.
That being said, I think that there are a couple of different types of aiming mechanics in Valorant.
- Spray control – used for wall spams and smoke spams and long gun fights
- Strafing – used for clearing and gun fights out in the open
- Distance shooting – used for really far fights
- Holding – used to hold again specific peaks
Spray control
- Got no real strat. Just try to watch the bullet tracers
Strafing
- Watch the relationship between the crosshair and the head (whether left or right). Details are above
Distance Shooting
- Use a lot of movement-based aiming for really accurate shots. Tap fire.
Holding
- Prepare to duck behind cover, spray a few shots and duck back.
Sales Conference Health 3: Transitioning Home
Yesterday I came home, and I felt that I met my goal. I literally felt better than when I first left home.
Now, this fact was immediately undercut by the fact that I went to bed at 3:40 AM in the morning. I was dealing with a great deal of discomfort, perhaps from being home and the taxi ride where I felt like I couldn’t leave. The taxi driver was trying very hard to preach Christianity to me. I feel perhaps the permission exercise may be helpful here in order to give myself permission to leave, but also to stay and feel trapped.
Today when I woke up I felt completely horrible with lower back soreness, stomach issues, dry eyes and tense shoulders and back. My throat and nose felt acidic and burning and I felt sick.
I did the warmups in order of massage first, then stretching, then range of motion. I feel that I can take the warmup much further, so today, I did mental warmups and vocal warmups.
I wanted to do this mental warmup but it felt exhausting. I feel that I needed more of a meditation but maybe my mind just needs to be warmed up more.
Fitness Challenge 4: The Evolution of the Challenge
It’s been officially four months since I posted about this challenge, so I think it is safe to say that this challenge is over…well not over per se, but evolved.
So what happened? First, I got very sick on the tail end of the fitness challenge. It was the sickest I’ve been in years and I lost a lot of weight.
Second, I have split this challenge into about 3 other challenges, two that I am tracking and one that I didn’t track but sort of is successfully completed.
Those challenges are:
- The posture challenge. I literally came up with my own posture exercises inspired by some of the most common and popular posture exercises and I’ve literally done it. My posture is much much better than it was before and I continue to improve it every day. What is the best part? I now can tell and feel uncomfortable when in a bad posture. I didn’t document anything and may never do so.
- The bedtime challenge. This is a version of a sleep challenge. My latest attempt involves ignoring the whole sleep side of it. Ignoring falling asleep, ignoring getting enough hours, or even habits of turning off electronics. I’m going to make it simple for myself. In the next 66 days (Dec 12, 2023) I will go to bed by 11 pm every night.
- The jiujitsu challenge. This challenge was a couple of things but I haven’t completely formed my goals around it so clearly yet. The main ideas I have right now are: getting comfortable and confident in moving and utilizing my body to defend myself, getting stronger and more fit, and mastering a lot of jiujitsu techniques.
So, it is a bye for now on this challenge, but there might be some future retrospective posts analyzing some of the biometric data I gleaned from this challenge.
Taking Care of Myself
Taking Care of Myself
It’s the hardest thing
The first instinct is to fix it
To figure out what would I need to do
To make it work
It’s hard to let that go, and take time for myself
To do the things that I need to do
I’m starting to figure out the mystery of why I lost motivation
And that clarity gives me hope
My first instinct would be to tell her
What was missing for me in the relationship
What I need for me to want this again
But maybe she doesn’t want to hear it
Maybe it’s too much for her already
And I know it is too soon anyway
I need to forgive myself
Be loving to myself
Sleep
Take care of myself