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What She Saw In Me

Byjack
What She Saw In Me

I saw a video today

About how we should love ourselves

For things

The people we love

Saw in us

She loved my appearance

Thought I was handsome

I’ll indulge in my appearance

Feel proud

Groom myself

She loved my intelligence

I’ll indulge in that

Try to decipher

The world’s problems

She loved me for my emotions

I’ll indulge in that

Seek to find emotion

In art

In myself

In other people

She loved me for my skill

I’ll indulge in that

Not being afraid

To take the game

To new levels

She loved my laugh

I’ll indulge in that

Surround me with humor

She loved me because she understood me

I’ll indulge in that

Confide in her

Confide in people who get me

She loved me because I needed her

I’ll indulge in that

Seek to be taken care of

To be cared for

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Stuck Between Two Worlds

Byjack
Stuck Between Two Worlds

She told me she got used to it

Being gone

But I don’t ever want her to be used to it

I want her to feel a pain deep in her chest

Like a part of her is missing

When I’m gone

That all she wants

Is to be whole again

I’d do anything to feel that love again

But I realize, that in order to make room for her love

I forgot some of my own

I forget the world where everyone tries to be kind

Where people push themselves to learn and succeed

Where facing your fears is exciting

Where nothing is impossible

And I wonder

If she has anything else to give me

But her love

And when that love is faint

I feel

Bored

 

It is sometimes a difficult thing to be in love. All you want is to be together all of the time but if you are moving at different speeds it can hurt so much. You worry if you want to move forward, you will be doing it alone. It’s hard to feel like the only way you can be with someone, is if you stay where they are. I think there is hope though. Relationships that aren’t in person will also struggle with connection. But I worry sometimes there is no hope. And that worry fills my heart with fear.

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The Bubble

Byjack
The Bubble

Our words to each other

Are poor feeble tools

Unwieldy, inefficient, inaccurate

Yet they built something

We fumbled yes

It’s part of our practice

And make me feel hope

That when we meet

We find ourselves

In a place where all else disappears

Except the two of us

Our minds

Our emotions

Mixing

Like water in a bowl

A place where words dissolve

Like mints

Into their true feelings

And our minds as one

Find a place

Outside space and time

Workpost 17: Sick

Byjack

I’ve been sick in the past two days. Not a terrible sickness thankfully. I credit that to the copious quantities of water I consumed as well as the zinc I took and the lymph node massage to clear my stuff nose. I can’t smell anything, I feel tired, and my mind feels fuzzy but other than that I’m actually doing ok.

Earlier my throat was hurting and I woke up many times in the night, but overall I slept pretty good. I’ve been self-medicating a lot by playing games, and I want to stop. I did go for a walk this morning and workout, and I feel that helps.

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Profit in Peace 11: Moving On???

Byjack

Ok, I decided something weird that I’m not sure is going to work yet.

I decided that I’m going to keep this challenge going on forever and we will have different objective driving it constantly. It will be a sort of daily journal where I get to focus on Profit in Peace, finding my ikigai, tapping into my coaching energy, feeling into my body, working on my challenges, and discovering that the world is a magical place.

It will continue to be labeled like the other challenges, but it is different in the sense that it doesn’t have a specific end date. The end date might be just when this mentality, thinking of this as a Profit in Peace no longer serves me. Which might be never.

You know in a way this should be called Blog Post. Because it is the most blog post of blog posts. The sole purpose of these posts is literally to work on my life through my blog. But “Blog Post” just doesn’t evoke what I need for it to evoke, so we ain’t doing it.

So what is the focus for today?

Today we have a similar bent to yesterday but a little more focused on gaming. In no particular order, I want to:

  • Play lots of valorant and create poems about how I feel about dropping to gold 1 and STILL losing
  • Cook lots of food, be creative and have fun eating
  • Watching another 20 minutes of the VOD review
  • Work on my knee challenge
  • Go for a run

Yesterday, I went for a short run.

Here is a poem about it:

Tingling in My Back

That’s the feeling when I push myself

My knees not ready for the impact

I want to massage my stomach and back

I’m aware of others watching

I wonder if Alice would be embarrassed of me

I want people to like me

Especially the girls

I think about how I learned to control what other’s thought of me

And that’s when everything went to a place

Shaky and scary

I remind myself

What others feel

Is out of my control

I’m proud of my innovative knee exercises

They make my prickly knees

Feel warm and supple again

I just came back from my most recent run. Today I focused on processing the anxiety being surrounded by everyone’s opinions of me. I realized a couple of things.

Dr Bea Mackay

She told me an exercise

The same one

Every session

Breath in breath out

I realized

It isn’t about other people

They never mattered

Neither did their opinions

I’m them

As a trigger for my pain

The sharp inhale

To take the pain

The release of the exhale

Filling me with warmth

From head to toe

The point was never to win their approval

It was to feel my pain

It is so interesting how Dr. Bea Mackay’s exercises are so similar to Wim Hoff’s. And Wim Hoff’s exercises are about enduring and thriving in pain too, just his are about cold and her’s are about emotions. No wonder so many people talk about the Wim Hoff method bringing them relief from chronic anxiety.

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Workpost 28: Taxes & Art Therapy

Byjack

Today I feel very tired but at least better rested than normal. I really want to finish my taxes today and I also want to experiment with art therapy and exercise to help get through the stress and effort of finishing.

My initial thoughts about art therapy is that it is all about reconnecting with your body…to do flow theory or follow what you feel. Art is about touching the forms with lines and paint, music is about creating sound, dance is about moving your body.

I’m doing more research. Here is a video that talks about using art to find a safe place:

Here is another video:

Current art therapy ideas:

  1. Express what you feel kinesthetically
    • Scribbling
    • Banging on the piano
    • Flow theory dance
    • Free writing
  2. Create a safe space, express what feels safe
    • Drawing
    • Writing
    • Music
  3. Repetitive motions
    • Shapes
    • Chords
    • Motions

But how does this translate to greater art creation? How does this create a world?

Thinking about this more, art creation is about the following:

  1. What you want to share with others
  2. What you find beautiful
  3. What you feel wonder about
  4. What stories you want to tell
  5. What is quirky, unique, and creative
  6. What worlds you want to live in and provide others

I have a couple ideas of how to transition from therapeutic art to art art:

  1. My therapy exercise (take a problem and solve it in the story by making the main character face a problem 10x more painful)
  2. Express what emotions you are feeling strongly
  3. Capture a memory
  4. Start with a characters
  5. Start with world
  6. Do a fanfic
  7. Daydream

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Sales All the Way Baby

Byjack

So I’ve been thinking a lot about, well sales. This video sums it up pretty well.

I have been focusing on a lot of things recently, coaching, youtube, France and my girlfriend and on top of all of that, work and my day job in AI consulting. I recently decided to say fuck it for everything but three things:

  1. My girlfriend and relationship – we don’t have much time together and I want to enjoy it
  2. Exploring France – again not much time, amazing opportunity to relax and explore
  3. Going crazy as an AI Consultant and bringing in a crazy amount of business

My relationship is going pretty good, and for France I don’t want to think about it, I just do whatever I want. So let’s focus on the last thing.

I want to do exactly what Mark Cuban said. I want to be the best-performing salesman at my job. I want to take that experience to build my coaching business. I want to use my success to do consulting like I do coaching and have a lot of fun. I want to use my success to request more pay.

I want to learn how to master content creation. Build a social media presence. Build my connections. Get the reputation and respect that I’ve always felt I deserved.

The main conundrum I’ve been facing is this:

  1. How much information do I give away?
  2. If I give away tons of free information, what are they hiring me for?
  3. If I give away free 30 minute sessions, does that mean I will never talk to them ever again?

After some meditation, I came up with the following thoughts:

  1. I can give away everything
  2. For focusing on their specific problem. The most difficult thing is not to come up with a solution it is to come up with a solution to the right problem (just like coaching)
  3. No, I can always talk to them again. In fact, I can give away unlimited 30-minute sessions. However, it isn’t about the 30 minutes in the session that costs me a lot. It is the 30 minutes of research that I need to do before the call. It is the structure of writing out a plan for them that is costing me more.
  4. I can always have more conversations with less prep or even more 30 minute conversations with them.
  5. In the future, if they pay for consulting, they are paying me to invest more deeply into their solution. That means more research outside of the calls. That means more knowledge of their product and aligning my goals with theirs (just like in coaching).
  6. If I wanted to sell educational products, the cost for me and the added value for them would be in the way I packaged the information. Not the information itself. For example, a special website, platform, a book or an app.

There are three parts of a solving a problem:

  1. Having the knowledge
  2. Transferring it to someone
  3. Using the knowledge to solve the problem

When you create free content, you are mostly some #1 and some #2. I use a lot of my current knowledge + a little research + some production (design, videography, writing).

When I get on random calls with people, it is a little #1 and a little #2. I’m using my current knowledge with no research, and trying my best to transfer it to someone on a call.

When I get on “free” high value calls with people, I’m doing some of #1 and some #2 and a tiny bit of #3. I do a lot of research, use my current knowledge, trying my best to transfer the knowledge, and might even implement a small deliverable (like a roadmap, plan, strategy, or diagnosis).

When I’m doing consulting for them, I’m doing a lot of #1 and a lot of #3 with some #2. I’m doing tons of research, using my own knowledge, leading the charge on actually solving the problem (either building it myself, finding the right solution to buy, or hiring the people needed to build it), and doing a bit of education.

When I’m selling an education solution, I am doing a lot of #1 and a lot of #2. I’m doing tons of research, and spending a lot of effort on transferring the knowledge.