Manipulators Are The Ones Who Are Weak

Byjack

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Workpost 8: Crawling

Byjack

I did not wake up feeling good. I went to bed at 11:40 (much earlier to my credit! I ended up not working on one of my projects and didn’t play Valorant). However, I couldn’t fall asleep because I just showered and my body was too hot.

This morning, I went for a walk and I crawled for about 30 minutes. Crawling feels EXTREMELY good. I found a way to do it very naturally. I think it is funny how great hardship yet again provides so much value. I know how to crawl because I had to learn how to walk properly after messing up my knee so much that it hurt to walk. In learning how to walk I have a clear idea of how to shift my weight and do the same thing when I crawl. I’m going to try to crawl more throughout the day.

Other than crawling, I did feel extremely happy last night driving around but again in the morning I feel kind of lonely and depressed and I wonder again what I can do to soothe that.

Perhaps, I will play some Valorant today, do some art and music, and more crawling because those things all make me happy. I also reached out to a lot of friends yesterday and a lot of people wanted to talk today so maybe I will talk to them too. I am excited to go on the trip to California with my brother and sister!

As for the different projects, here are my thoughts:

  1. AI Consulting: I’m happy with the new direction, but nervous about shooting the videos
  2. Art Coaching: Really excited about my new ideas, interested in creating the materials that I’ve been planning for
  3. Art Coaching Product Research: Feeling pretty anxious about this since this is what I dropped yesterday due to time constraints
  4. Demo work: feel bored by it
  5. I also want to revist my knee challenge for my spar with my friend coming up and my knee challenge for the same reason

Giving Too Much

Byjack

I was in Taichi class the other day and my instructor said something very interesting.

She told us that if you are leaning forward, then you are “giving too much”. And if you lean back too much, you are “accepting too much” and when someone gives you a compliment, all you need to do is say a simple thank you.

It is an very interesting concept in taichi, this idea of always being in balance, always sitting on your heels even when pushing forwards.

I really want to experiment and see how much I can apply this to things like Valorant or productivity.

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Valorant Challenge 1: Spike Rush Cypher

Byjack

Today I didn’t have the time or the pc to play competitively. I played a couple of spike rush games as cypher.

Impressions:

  • Hot damn it’s hard to play cypher. So much to put down in so little time. The cages are HARD to use as well.
  • I don’t know if playing different agents will help me play. Maybe I should just refine my mains.
  • I think agents like cypher play around their utility (they almost never peek unless they have to). I wonder if I should do that more with all agents (play around flash and grenades, shockdarts and mollys)
    • Makes me think flashes are waay worse at getting info. It’s all or nothing. The timing needs to be right and you need to be able to push with your team to gain ground rather than flashing randomly.
  • To counter a cypher I need to guess where the camera is and shoot it out. Requires knowledge of common cam spots. Dunno how I will get that knowledge without watching tons of videos. Poopers.
  • Cage + wires can be OP since wires reveal and cage block their vision.
  • You need to be f*cking fast on the camera or they will shoot it out.
  • Crouch and shoot wires head level to get wires you cannot jump or crouch over or under.

I feel like my posture was pretty terrible after the practice. My left shoulder blade was hurting and my stomach was clenched.

I need to work on processing the emotions better and feeling my body more (using the sensual feeling technique I will discuss later). I will also need to work on posture exercises way more. After working my body for about 20 minutes with shaking, stretching, and posture exercises, my should mostly doesn’t hurt anymore and my digestion feels much better.

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Recap Video Ideas

Byjack

This is a recap of an exercise I did a few weeks ago. I was watching a ThinkMedia youtube video about how to succeed at youtube. He went through and exercise looking at 3 things in this order: passion, proficiency, and profit.

Basically, he said to make a list of all the things that you are passionate about, either things you like or things you hate, and things you do even if you weren’t getting paid to do it.

My list was:

  1. Making money
  2. Finding leverage
  3. Valorant
  4. Corporate life (hate)
  5. Coaching
  6. Challenges
  7. Superhuman abilities
  8. Graphic novels
  9. Children’s books, fantasy
  10. Health
  11. AI
  12. Surface level thinking (hate)

Then, he said to take that list of things and think about what we have at least 1 year of proficiency in, where we have been doing that thing semi-successfully. So I narrowed down my list to:

  1. Making money
  2. Valorant
  3. Feeling stuck in life
  4. Deeper thinking
  5. Coaching
  6. Health
  7. AI

Then, he said to narrow down that further into things that we could build an audience around, something people need or would want to buy. Here was my list:

  1. How to get started with a business
  2. How to aim
  3. How to get unstuck in life
  4. How to unlock your potential
  5. How to repair your body
  6. How to use AI to improve your life

I don’t know if I have any interest pursuing youtube in this way, but it was an interesting exercise to reflect on.

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Finding the First People On Social Media

Byjack

I had a thought today. I have a friend on Instagram who has a handle @theirname1. I was wondering who got the handle without the number at the end. I was thinking, they cannot be that old since Instagram itself is not that old. And why stop there…why not look at the people who old the handles for the most common names? Like who owns @bob? Or @john or @mary? Do famous or rich people ever buy those handles or are they owned just by early adopters?

I Made Myself A Deal

Byjack

When I left, I made myself a deal. If it was meant to be, she would reach out and try to make it work. If it wasn’t, I would at least set both of us free to pursue our lives.

If it wasn’t meant to be I wonder why. I told her she could be forever for me. When I had her, I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. But now I feel more alone than ever. I wonder if she can even love a man with her trauma. I wonder if she’s more immature than I thought. I wonder if I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. She wasn’t after all, able to give me what I needed.

All I can do is sit and try to feel the feelings of heartbreak, anger, shame, and fear. And enjoy creating art from it.

Today created a video to myself.

Sometimes we don’t always win. Sometimes we have to be ok with losing. Sometimes we have to be ok with not being good enough.