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Warm Days In The Middle of December

Byjack
Warm Days In the Middle of December

I run on the worn pavement

And it’s warm

So warm it feels like balmy spring

Not the middle of December

It makes wonder

How the fuel in the car

So hot

Can make our world burning up

Those plane flights to those wonderful places

Are the poison that fills the air

A girl who

You want to be with

Likes to hurt other people

For fun

December is sure

A strange month

And all the wonderful paradoxes

Won’t let me get out of my damn head

About it all

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Workspace 48: Making Things Up to Myself

Byjack

Today is the day to make things up for myself.

Reminding myself of the mantra:

  1. This is my house
  2. Take time, patience
  3. Take risks
  4. Be ok with silence

Today I want to establish the finances, goals, and structures of my businesses.

This means finishing the following things:

  1. Business plans
  2. Financial plans
  3. Create all necissary business bank accounts
  4. Move around finances
  5. Reinvest stocks
  6. Answer the question, how much am I willing to invest and for how long?

Here is how I want to divide it up:

UNIT ONE: Logistics

  1. Log the new DBA documents
  2. Switch Epiphany AI over to a new account
  3. Switch expenses that are related to business over to new business bank account
  4. Apply for a second business credit card

UNIT TWO: Longterm planning

  1. Answer the question, how much time and money do I want to put into each experiment?

UNIT THREE: Business planning

  1. Finish business plans
  2. Finish financial plans
  3. Finish self growth plans
  4. Finish marketing plans

UNIT ONE: Logistics

  • Logged the new DBA documents
  • Created the new business account
  • Still need to apply for new business credit card and switch over expenses

UNIT TWO: Logistics

  • All I want to do is to set up the funnels for both businesses
  • I am willing to spend 3 months setting up the funnel for both businesses and 2k for the AI Consulting, and 10k for Art Coaching
  • Then I am willing to spend 3 months working on the funnels to see if I want to do it fulltime

UNIT THREE: Business Planning

  • I’m running into issues deciding how my funnels will look
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Profit in Peace 12: Peace Disrupted

Byjack

My peace today was disrupted by work early. It is nice to have time to talk about strategic leadership things. I usually don’t have that much time during the week.

However, it’s not the type of morning that I aim to repeat.

I intend on reclaiming as much peace as I can in this 20 minute span.

I feel that respect is a really important need for me in work, and I feel that this need was not met at my previous job, it remains to be seen whether or not it is met enough in this job. I have my doubts to be sure.

Today, I woke up feeling much better, even though I went to bed a bit late. It’s because, on top of journaling, I also did cupping on my body to unblock anything that was blocked. Turned red on my chest, I guess a lot of blockages there specifically.

I feel with the level of stress this morning with no peace and no running I’m feeling surprisingly good.

I wonder how to push back on blatant hostility and disrespect in a way that I want to. I suppose some rage journaling should help and maybe my coaching mindset.

Today I want to focus on making a video on how to handle lack of respect in the workplace.

I don’t know how that is going to go but that’s what I want to do.

Perhaps I need to meditate on it some more.

Maybe finally watching another 20 minutes of the coaching call will be nice as well.

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Workpost 3: Pleasant Uncertainty

Byjack

Today I feel a bit like there is a lot of uncertainty. There is uncertainty with my coaching business and with my career as an AI consultant, but there are also lots of opportunities moving forward.

I want to strive to move forwards and not start to distract myself from the emotions via games and videos.

The first thing I want to tackle is sleep. That is my main priority today. I want to understand why I feel unfulfilled at night, like something wasn’t quite done.

My intuition tells me that I desire to create art. I don’t know why.

Perhaps my first step is to start working on art at 9:30 PM.

Before that I want to achieve something in Valorant, so I will need to do some gaming earlier in the day.

I also desire to work on myself more, I think it really helps to think about emotional development as work. When I think about it as vulnerability, it feels not productive. But when I think of it as emotional work, it takes on new meaning and purpose.

Ok so lets take a look at my two projects right now:

So for my AI Consulting plan, I want to stick to the plan, but the timeline has changed a bit.

I wanted this current goal (Be known, give preview of consulting) to finish by Feb 27th. That leaves 7 days to film, shoot, edit and get feedback.

UNIT ONE (ends 23rd): Shoot 3 videos

  • Spend total of 3 hours per video (9 hours total)

UNIT TWO (ends 24th): Write 2 LinkedIn posts

  • Spend total of 1.5 hrs per post (3 hrs total)

UNIT THREE (ends 26th): Get feedback, harden process

Looking at my goal for art coaching, I feel dissatisfied with my current structure on process for that. I feel I need to work on finding more ambitious and exciting goals at every step of the way (even if I have a lot of time to get there). I realized in order for the syllabus method to work, you need to have very ambitious exciting goal…then think about how to make it difficult to expect anything other than success.

So let’s revisit the master plan here.

Goal: Ramp up to an income of 8333 per month (100k per year) within one year

I want to choose a new goal…make 1500 per week in coaching.

I want to achieve this within the next 3 months.

UNIT ONE (1 month): Focus on my craft – become a coach I would hire for 1000 per month

  1. Create plans (10 days, ends March 2nd)
    1. Deeply understanding clients
    2. Creating extreme focus and presence in life and sessions
    3. Developing connections clients need
    4. Materials and exercises to create and track strategy
  2. Execute on plans (10 days, ends March 12th)
  3. Research and refinement (10 days, ends March 22nd)
    1. Interview other coaches
    2. Read books
    3. Further brainstorming

UNIT TWO (1 month): Build 100 hot leads – depends on having free stuff

  1. Random try posting (10 days, ends April 1st)
  2. Get feedback and do networking and outreach (10 days, ends April 11th)
  3. Turn warm leads into hot leads with offer (10 days, ends April 21st)

UNIT THREE (1 month): Meld and combine top level coaching with leads machine

  1. Talk about my clients achievements, use it to push their art (10 days, ends May 1st)
  2. Clients have voice on my platform to talk about concepts in my coaching (10 days, ends May 11th)
  3. Refine call for action to get warm leads to ask for my offer, then turn into hot leads (10 days, ends May 21st)

Okok, I finally have a good framework, but working on this framework makes me realize I really do need to work on free products in the meantime.

Goal: Create free products in 1 month

UNIT ONE (10 days, ends March 2nd): Complete research

  1. Transcribe and think, what is the million dollar problem or breakthrough?
  2. Collate results, come up with solutions
  3. Research competition

UNIT TWO (10 days, ends March 12th): Develop products

  1. Planning and gathering materials doing research
  2. Create products

UNIT THREE (10 days, ends March 22nd): Continue development

  1. Testing and creating more products

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Happy Without Me

Byjack
Happy Without Me

I’m scared

That you will like him

More than you ever liked me

That he will see your beauty want to win you over

Just like how I felt

When I first heard your voice

In a way,

I’m glad that I feel the anger and desperation

That it makes me feel the passion again

Want you to be mine

But I remember another time

When I felt like I was left behind for someone better

That I felt not good enough

And I wonder if you would like someone new

Like the first bite of an apple

Before the taste grows boring in your mouth

Sometimes I’m confused

Whether I’m pushing or pulling

Like the dream I had about you sitting next to me on a train

Your curls framing your face

So warm

Even with the beautiful view outside

I only had eyes for you

And the morning when I wondered what it would be like

To treat dating like another adventure

A new face every day

A new smile

Do you ever wonder the same?

Have you already felt so?

Did you wonder today?

When forget to ask me

If I still felt sick

 

This poem is about the painful feeling of desperation and jealousy when you are not always the center of someone’s world. Beyond the feeling is the passion you feel when you remember how desirable someone is.

Writing Prompt: Comfort Item

Byjack

Prompt: What is a comfort item you enjoy? Why?

I love my couch. It is white but that is just a custom cover I bought for it. The cover cost me a pretty penny, about one hundred and fifty dollars. My dad said it wasn’t worth it. My couch wasn’t always mine. I bought it on Facebook Marketplace for about two hundred fifty dollars. It expands to be a queen-sized bed.

I love it because it always can give me a safe place to sleep when I’m spending late nights on my computer. It’s a nice place to meditate. I have more memories of sleeping on my couch than on my bed. The white cover is a bit scratchy but I like the feeling of it on my skin. It feels a bit like the canvases for my paintings before I put paint on them. Underneath the off-white cover is hiding a beautiful deep blue. I like thinking about how its still pristine under the cover.

Core Beliefs 1

Byjack

Today I got into an argument with someone who is very close to my heart. Thinking about the argument later makes me think about what is painful about the relationship in general and the core wounds that it brings up.

Core wounds are damaging beliefs that we have about ourselves that we repeatedly look for evidence for (and traumatize ourselves constantly with). 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches us that core wounds can be reprogrammed by finding evidence to the contrary. Thais Gibson recommends doing this for at least 21 days for the new beliefs to set in.

This is day one for me.

Core Wound 1: I’m not good enough (attractive physically and personality-wise)

Evidence to the contrary (I am good enough):

  • A girl in college who was very beautiful who I liked blushed every time I talked to her and liked me back. She was mean to other guys who showed interest.
  • When I was being myself and feeling confident recently, lots of women from girls on the plane, on the trail, at rental properties all seemed really eager to talk to me and help me. I’ve been told I have really good energy.
  • A girl that I love told me she likes the way I look, likes my thin frame and my hands.
  • A girl in high school once had a crush on me after flirting with her once. I might have made an impression on her.
  • A girl who I met playing a mobile game with, added me on her Snapchat and would talk to me for hours, there must have been a reason.

This is a really strong core wound for me. I often compare myself to others and feel like I’m less attractive. I feel that no one really likes me.

Core Wound 2: My emotions are not good and push people away

Evidence to the contrary (My emotions are good and bring people closer):

  • A lot of my art tends to come from my emotions and feelings and lots of people like them
  • Because of my emotions, I tend to be more honest, open and empathetic in support groups
  • I tend to connect with a lot of women by emotions. It’s why I like to have girls as friends and a lot of girls like me.
  • Emotions make me experience things more deeply, like when I cry watching Moana.
  • My emotions help me read other people much better because I can feel what they are feeling.

I always feel, especially with some people, that my emotions are too much and push people away. I worry people like hard and cold unemotional guys since they are stronger and don’t need anything. I also sometimes want to be strong and dominant and I don’t know how to reconcile that with emotions.