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Workpost 44: Overwhelmed

Byjack

I feel like it was an absolute slog getting back on my blog. I felt like I had to force myself. I’m afraid what happens if I don’t force myself. I just want to ignore everything. I’m not happy right now.

I feel so overwhelmed with work and stocks.

I really wish I could go back to those days when I wrote in my blog and I felt like I was on track and going places. I feel so frustrated. I feel a strong desire to take action, but its as if I don’t have the leverage.

I feel so angry

I want to break to tear be violent

I feel trapped like an animal

I don’t want to write blog posts

I don’t want to process my feelings

To do taichi

Fuck all this shit

I just want to be left alone

I feel lost and alone

Very lost

I don’t know what to do

It’s as if I lost the motivation somewhere

Art Coaching Day 2/21

Byjack

I also figured out why I have troubling making a coaching website and why it felt so wrong. It had pricing and generic things on it.

I want my funnel to be an homage to my mission and vision, which is to foster the creation of more artistic masterpieces. So I want my website to have a feeling of magic, of the way Harry Potter felt when he was got his invitation letter to the Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. I want to remind myself of the feeling of reading children’s books. I want the website to be an homage to dreams, creating worlds, and fantasy.

I want my business cards to feel like a work of art, like a magical invitation.

Today I accomplished the following things:

  1. Bought masterpiececoaching.org
  2. Ordered samples of premium business card samples from Jukebox

Tomorrow I really want to design and put together my website asap using a template on wordpress.

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Workspace 21: Be the Underdog

Byjack

I’ve been thinking more about rejection and working through some of my thoughts with it.

I want people to validate me to feel confident being myself. But validation and confidence are completely different.

Confidence is all about being ok with not getting other’s approval and validation, being ok with not being the strongest, the smartest, the most attractive. I want to find a way to let go of seeking approval from everyone. That is seriously holding me back.

The first thing I realized is that I need to be clear about what I value outside of approval.

I love solving difficult problems. I love learning, growing, and improving myself. I love creating. I love meeting new people and connecting with those people on a deep level. I love consuming art and music, writing and dance.

Being rejected doesn’t stop me from pursuing those things. In fact, people who reject me might realize my path is one they admire and want to follow.

The second thing I realized is that I can use rejection as motivation. It’s just a challenge to my ego. It makes me stronger.

I don’t want anything handed to me. The hero has the slay the dragon. I want to be the underdog, and I strive for greatness.

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Financial Software

Byjack

I want to do some planning to work on a software that will help me keep track of my financial situation while also taking far less of my time.

What I want the financial software to help with:

  1. Verify credit card transactions
  2. Make me aware of money in vs money out
  3. Make me aware of potential savings strategies
  4. Ideally teach me some javascript

Workpost 77: High Leverage

Byjack

These days I’m focused on increasing my leverage.

My intuition tells me that three things will unlock the money making potential that my abilities have.

  1. Focus. I need to be ok with saying no to more things, focusing on one thing at a time. Lack of focus is creating overwhelm, which in turn costs me my productivity.
  2. Fear of rejection. My fear of rejection holds me back from doing things that would instantly make me more money.
  3. Youtube and content creation. This is a communication/art skill that has tremendously high leverage if I can figure it out.

Currently, I don’t have much time every day because I go for a run everyday and I am working on my vision and taking care of my health. That means I have perhaps 3 or 4 hours of good working time.

I originally was thinking about giving up or changing this practice I have so I’m less tired and can work more, but I’m actually gonna practice something different, which is saying no to more things.