Workpost 52: Exhausted
I’m so tired from being sleep-deprived for a few days now.
Today I want to focus on a couple of things:
- Completing all the hours of work I want to get done
- Focusing on my health
- Get screws from Home Depot
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Workpost 55: Refocusing
Byjack
Today I want to spend some time solidifying knowledge from my project for my AI consulting business.
I also want to spend some time on my art coaching business. Also, I want to spend some time gaming and working on my project.
I think I will spend 1 hour on each of those things. AI consulting business in the morning, project in the afternoon, art coaching at night.
The reason why is that I’ve been out of balance, spending so much time working late at night. I need a little recharger. I want to work at stage 2 (like 60-70% max workrate).
If I feel 3 hours of work is at the lower end of stage 2, maybe it’s 40%, max workrate is maybe 8 hours. That makes sense, I think 8 hours is pushing it for absolute maximum amount of effective work (you can obviously work ineffectively for longer than that).
But now I think about it, maybe it is less about how many hours I work, but more how intensely I think. I dunno, interesting concept.
Ok so after feeling out of sorts all day, there is feeling I want to process:
Hopelessness and exhaustion. After obsessing about the project for many hours every day, I gave it my all, and all in all I think I failed. I got a few “this is great” “good work” but deep down I don’t feel people were inspired and even if they were, I don’t see a vision anymore. I’m not excited for the vision and I feel extremely tired and burnt out.
I feel sharp pain and burning in my heart and buzzing exhaustion in my head and eyes, and tension in my stomach.
The wounds coming up are: my work is meaningless. Nothing I do has any impact. Everything feels gray and uninteresting.
Feels almost like a stitch in my side but in my heart instead. My eyes feel sore and dry and my mind feels numb. There is a strong feeling of emptiness in my head, almost like meditation but instead of open, I feel drained, empty.
I feel anger in response, frustration burning in my abdomen, hatred for feeling so stuck by people who are not inspired. I feel disconnected. I am alone. I have no meaning.
There is also fear in my heart that nothing will have meaning, even coaching and AI consulting.
I feel really burnt out.
I feel pressure not to get left behind, to face the overwhelming work with little motivation to spare.
Ok, well I felt the feelings for some time. Here is my response:
- This is good, because it allows you to take a break from work and focus on what you love
- My client always tells me that having a good vision is not enough…that’s his coping mechanism he learned as a child, it doesn’t mean I have to agree or stop my creative process to prove him wrong
- My job is to be inspired and spending time on things that inspire me is not a waste of time
- Maybe it will be a good opportunity to meditate and see what comes up
Workpost 39: Making the Most of It
Byjack
This morning I had a very slow start. Seems to be the same for a lot of days.
I really really focused on the idea that everything could be turned into an advantage. And today, I realized that the reason why I have slow starts is because my stomach burns, aches, and has gnawing empty pain. It is so bad, it is hard to focus and feel motivated to work.
The opportunity this morning is to devise some techniques to help with my stomach and be able to test it with the worst possible conditions. In other words, if the techniques work now, they will work anytime.
I tried this video first, and it was pretty helpful.
Then I tried this video which was helpful, but too boring to finish:
Finally, I tried drinking hot tea, which seemed to help some as well.’
And then, even though my stomach starting feeling better, I ran into another problem with avengance.
This problem was simple. Absolutely no motivation to do anything, being that I still felt tired and overwhelmed. Instead, I wanted to play games and watch tv shows.
I’m going to take the same approach here: use this as an opportunity to test out some new ideas with productivity.
So I have many many techniques in this area already, but I want to innovate further today in a different direction instead of meditation, letting go, focus, etc.
I want to look at why, even in my overwhelmed state, do I want to play Valorant and Fallout Shelter, and how I can fundamentally apply the same things to the things I want to do.
Things I Want To Do
- Consulting work
- Linkedin posts
- Coaching work
- Working out
Before I forget, here are some additional mindsets I can add the useful pile:
- Walking to vent stress, find peace, ask tough questions, get answers
- Workpost is to innovate something
Main Reasons Why I Want to Play Valorant
- Can work on a specific skill like aim, movement, gamesense
- Want to level up really quick and be a top player
- Inspired by demon1, tenz, oxy, and aspas – want to be the best as well
- Like working with a team, getting clutch plays off, good vibes
Main Reasons Why I Want to Play Fallout Shelter
- Get control of my vault
- Satisfaction in optimizing my vault
- Satisfaction in leveling people up, and getting new weapons
Why It Is difficult to get the same feeling with work?
- There is no specific simple skill to work on
- Nothing I want to level up in
- No one to inspire me
- No team to work with
- Don’t feel in complete ownership of the project
- In a hurry to get it done
What skills am I excited want to work on in terms of work?
- Faster problem solving skills
- Intuition + precise logic for accurate but rapid decision making
- Ability to think deeper with less effort
- Memory and recall with less energy
What do I want to level up in terms of rank?
- Money
- Intellect
- Thought leadership
- Communication and charisma
Who do I draw inspiration from?
- Elon Musk
- Alex Hormozi
- Khalid Sharara
How might I work off my team more?
- Showing off the results of my work
How might I feel more in control of my work?
- Understand that charisma, leadership are part of what I need to own and protect my work, just because there are other players involved doesn’t mean I don’t own it
Using all this information, I want to develop a unit of work, called a “game” or “match” to simulate what I do in Valorant. In Valorant you play a match with a clear objective, and you warm up before the game, and take breaks after the game.
Game Structure
Warmup: 15 minutes
Use to do list, practice one skill at a time:
- Faster problem solving/solution creation skills
- Intuition + precise logic for accurate but rapid decision making
- Ability to think deeper with less effort
- Memory and recall with less energy
Main game: 45 minutes
Fights:
Capture questions and answers.
Level up in:
- Money
- Intellect
- Thought leadership
- Communication and charisma
Result Calculation:
- How much do I think this work is worth?
- How difficult intellectually was this work from 1-10?
- What percentile do I place this work in terms of innovation?
- Gains in communication and charisma?
Workpost 5: Panic Attack
Byjack
I was just on the border of a panic attack when I went to go exercise.
My Head Hurts
Eyes are swimming in a pain in the back of my head
Heart beating like its a race
And no matter how fast it beats
It isn’t fast enough
To catch up
With the work I want to do
After hanging for a little bit, I decided something. I need to go back to basics. As the level of work, my ambition, my organization go up…so have my stress levels. It is beginning hard to relax, hard to feel in the moment. It feels like I’m in an endless race with no chance to catch my breath.
So here are the basics:
- The planning I’m doing in these blog posts give me a huge edge in terms of direction and thought process in a huge number of goals at the same time. However, I now need to do the opposite. The basic I have in mind is this – focus on one thing at a time. Make a todo list. Create prioritization. Make it emotionally make sense (choose what emotionally feels important to focus on first, not logically). Clear all distractions and focus on one thing.
- Use the taoist approach to achieve fulfillment. Work until you feel empty.
- Use the coaching mindset…let the world come to you, have patience.
I also realized I did not work on the product research goal.
So here it is:
Goal: Create free products in 1 month | UNIT ONE: Complete research | Part 1 Transcribe and think, what is the million dollar problem or breakthrough?
- One interview per day
Matches: Let’s Go Again
Byjack
I have a new structure I want to propose for my matches.
- 5 mins – pregame win conditions (set my win conditions for the match)
- 15 mins – warmup
- 40 mins – the match itself
- postgame eval (see how close I am to my win conditions)
Match 1
Objectives: Go through todo list and work list for anything quick and get it done or make progress
Win conditions:
- Speed: how quickly I make decisions and make progress (percentile)
- Precision: how accurate my decisions are (percentile)
- Ease: how rejuvenated and relaxed I feel (1-5)
- Innovation: how creative and efficient “smart” my solutions are (percentile)
Post match review:
I went through the tasks pretty fast and I was left trying to find more work to do. I thought some tasks were super tedious and it makes sense why I didn’t want to do them. I did experience some stress from the sheer speed I was going at and some breaks might have been nice.
- Speed: 65% percentile, fast but not crazy
- Precision: 65% percentile, accurate but nothing crazy
- Ease: 2 I honestly feel kinda tired, maybe no breaks
- Innovation: 20% percentile, not really innovative at all
I haven’t figure out a way to do the process of downloading statements faster before I started. I didn’t think particularly much about the upwork post before I did it. One thing I learned is a little of prep might go a long way also, some breaks can help.
Workpost 25: Tired and Weak
Byjack
Tired
I feel so tired
And weak
I just want to sleep
But the worries gnaw at me until I am awake
I look for comfort
Anywhere I can find it
I’m just feeling exhausted and I wonder what it takes to get well rested again. Maybe I can try to take a nap. Right now my physical health is the most important things to me. My eyes ache. My back aches. My sinuses ache.
The main issues that I’m working through is trying to understand what I am selling for coaching and also what I am selling for AI. For coaching I figured out the high price which is 25,000 for helping someone make their dream (creative) project a reality, whether it is a book, video, painting, etc.
I’ve been told multiple times to look for things that might be more affordable, but I actually thought about it a lot and I don’t think I can think of anything like that.
I just want to work on coaching a few clients who want to do something really special, beautiful, and profound.
Turning my attention to AI, I want to do something similar. Make the impossible possible. Provide 10x value, charge high prices.
Workpost 69: Getting More Work Done
Byjack
One of the most recent realizations is that Valorant is meeting my need for significance maybe in a narcissistic way.
One of the ways that I can fulfill my needs and move on to getting more work done is by reassuring myself that even if I’m not getting better, even if I don’t win I am worthy, I am ok.
Today I really want to focus on getting all the contract work done but also visiting non-profits and getting more information about them.
If I can, I also want to be in good shape for jiujitsu and will probably need a bit of napping to get there.
Something else I was thinking about watching some podcasts about fighters today, when I go to jiujitsu, I go to learn and be really good at grappling and self-defense, but that’s not really my focus right now.
I’m really focused on my businesses, and in order to stay focused, I want to focus everything in my life on that.
This means jiujitsu is less about being good at grappling or fighting, but much more about being healthy, relieving stress, and getting a break from the computer.
I’m feeling kinda shitty right now trying to get past the lack of sleep I got today.
What I’m going to start out with is going to a nice place to work and get the basics done, then try to go to the gym and take a nap when I can relax my body enough.
After that, I’ll consider creating a focus for the day on what I want to complete.
Today I would like to work on my personal website.
I want it to reflect all the things that it represents for me:
- My workspace – messy creative space for me to work through things, sort of like akimbo
- A place that mirrors my coaching
- Welcome to my house
- Be patient
- Take risks
- Be ok with silence
- A workspace – sort of like profit in peace
- My way to be myself in a public way
- If people stay, it helps me, if people leave, it helps me