Ok, we are in the home stretch for the first part of this business experiment.
The first big question I set out to solve is what is my lead magnet for art coaching? I know that I want to offer some free intro sessions, but it is now apparent to me that I want to do other types of lead magnets with people as well because I can’t do a free intro session with just people at the farmer’s market or at a conference (potentially at a conference but I’m not so sure).
Here are the potential lead magnets I have so far:
Prompts for dream creative projects
Artist masterpiece problem diagnosis
Free 1 hr Masterpiece planning call to determine creative project, project timeline, and plan
Free 2 hr coaching call after intro call
The second question I am pondering, is how do I make money off of the AI business?
I guess the answer to that, is that it doesn’t really matter if I make money off of it (at least initially), I just need to get good at dev because that in itself will make me money if I want to.
I wonder if I have prediabetes since I do not feel well after eating sugar. I feel a bit numb and my stomach doesn’t feel good. I feel it in my kidneys as well.
I really want to tackle my bloating and take it seriously. I was able to find way to tackle my knee issues, I should be able to tackle them too. My first thought is just to massage right below the belly button softly but for a long time, it tends to work and is very gentle.
I want to refocus on my businesses, maybe create some challenges around them now that I’m excited and motivated to work on them again.
I want to do what I set out in the last workpost, cleaning out my to-do list as cleanly as possible.
Ok here are some of the symptoms of prediabetes:
Increased thirst – yes at night
Frequent urination – nope
Increased hunger – nope
Fatigue – not really more than usual
Blurred vision – nope
Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet – nope, more on the back
Unexplained weight loss – nope
Dark spots on the skin – nope
Skin tags – nope
Slow healing of cuts and wounds – nope
So I probably don’t have prediabetes, just don’t respond well to glucose spikes or processed sugars.
In terms of bloating, I want to keep it simple, just doing very light circles right below my belly button really is causing me to feel like my gas is leaving. I want to make it a habit to do that when I’m feeling bloated.
Also, when I feel stressed, I want to focus on breathing. I want to charge my watch more often and use it to check my stress levels.
I’ll leave my business planning to dedicated blog posts, but overall, my next step is to improve my working tools and setup.
Today I want to spend some time solidifying knowledge from my project for my AI consulting business.
I also want to spend some time on my art coaching business. Also, I want to spend some time gaming and working on my project.
I think I will spend 1 hour on each of those things. AI consulting business in the morning, project in the afternoon, art coaching at night.
The reason why is that I’ve been out of balance, spending so much time working late at night. I need a little recharger. I want to work at stage 2 (like 60-70% max workrate).
If I feel 3 hours of work is at the lower end of stage 2, maybe it’s 40%, max workrate is maybe 8 hours. That makes sense, I think 8 hours is pushing it for absolute maximum amount of effective work (you can obviously work ineffectively for longer than that).
But now I think about it, maybe it is less about how many hours I work, but more how intensely I think. I dunno, interesting concept.
Ok so after feeling out of sorts all day, there is feeling I want to process:
Hopelessness and exhaustion. After obsessing about the project for many hours every day, I gave it my all, and all in all I think I failed. I got a few “this is great” “good work” but deep down I don’t feel people were inspired and even if they were, I don’t see a vision anymore. I’m not excited for the vision and I feel extremely tired and burnt out.
I feel sharp pain and burning in my heart and buzzing exhaustion in my head and eyes, and tension in my stomach.
The wounds coming up are: my work is meaningless. Nothing I do has any impact. Everything feels gray and uninteresting.
Feels almost like a stitch in my side but in my heart instead. My eyes feel sore and dry and my mind feels numb. There is a strong feeling of emptiness in my head, almost like meditation but instead of open, I feel drained, empty.
I feel anger in response, frustration burning in my abdomen, hatred for feeling so stuck by people who are not inspired. I feel disconnected. I am alone. I have no meaning.
There is also fear in my heart that nothing will have meaning, even coaching and AI consulting.
I feel really burnt out.
I feel pressure not to get left behind, to face the overwhelming work with little motivation to spare.
Ok, well I felt the feelings for some time. Here is my response:
This is good, because it allows you to take a break from work and focus on what you love
My client always tells me that having a good vision is not enough…that’s his coping mechanism he learned as a child, it doesn’t mean I have to agree or stop my creative process to prove him wrong
My job is to be inspired and spending time on things that inspire me is not a waste of time
Maybe it will be a good opportunity to meditate and see what comes up
Today I feel very exhausted and tired. I still feel struggles with going to jiujitsu and going to bed on time. I feel overwhelmed with where I’m going with my business.
Here are some of the things I learned over the past few days:
I can combine the powerful techniques of connection theory and flow theory in the following way: first use connection theory to validate and understand my feelings, then use flow theory to somatically process it. I can then use connection theory to understand deeper, better and have a more grounded explanation.
It isn’t about what you do, it is about how you show up
It’s ok to not know where you are going, but aim your northstar and measure everything at it
Today here are the things I want to achomplish:
Complete the three tasks I created for myself
Have additional time to play Valorant before jiujitsu
Spend time after jiujitsu working on my businesses
Take a nap during the day to recover from tireness
I feel exhausted. My head feels numb. I feel hot and tired. My back aches.
My heart feels heavy. I feel angry at myself. So helpless. My mind in a fog.
My apartment is a mess. I just want to cry.
I can’t work. I just play games all day long. my eyes feel tired.
It’s 2 o’clock in the morning. All I want to do is eat and play video games. The pull is so strong in my heart like there is a strand of honey getting pulled.
I feel a numb panic deep in my chest. I’m afraid of failure. I’m scared I will disappoint myself and everyone around me. Pushing myself to make my business cards is only making me curl up even harder.
It was a long week. I’m exhausted. But the work just keeps coming.
I guess I can cancel tai chi tomorrow. Sleep in.
Tonight I can clean my apartment until I feel more peaceful.
I know I can use the gym as a way to process emotions, but I don’t use it.
I feel this pull, this overwhelm, like the honey being pulled, from my heart.
I’m capable of anything. Even rising from this challenge. This is important because as I get more successful, there will be days I feel exhausted, and in those moments, I need to find a way to find balance, to find peace.
I also want to learn to embrace failure. Failure is so scary to me. There is an image in my mind of my business cards being a complete disappointment and I feel a pit in my heart. A horrible amaturish website I’m not proud of and I can’t fix it.
Everyone starts somewhere. Everyone starts at the beginning. The people who are exceptional, who are savants are not people who started at the middle. They are people who enjoyed the beginning.
But how can I enjoy this? I feel so scared it won’t be good.
Makes me think of this video:
In this video, Jesse talks about how play allows us to feel pressure while still being able to learn.
That fun is the key to this.
But what is the key to fun? What would make this fun for me, regardless of the outcome, what would make designing and drawing fun for me?
What would make it an infinite game, not just a finite game focused on an end goal?
It’s true, the thought of designing business cards does not sound fun to me at all. It sounds like a slog. But maybe that’s because I’m worried about failing.
Ok, what if I tried to merge my painterly style with “woodcut” style prints. What if I created a new drawing technique that I could use to create cool stuff for friends and to sell as products?
That definitely sounds more like play to me.
So what about going to the gym, because I like it so much when I actually go, but I find it hard to go to begin with.
What if I saw it as supercharging myself – which it really is doing. Whether I go to lift weights or just to hang from the bar and stretch it really is building my body up to full potential. It might even solve my sleep problems.
And what about sleep, why do I not want to go to bed? Because if I go to bed, tomorrow, I wake up with tons of problems. Well maybe, that’s not a bad thing. Maybe before I go to bed, I fill my to do list with questions that I want to search out the answers to.
Here are the questions I have today, that if I knew the answers to I would rest easy:
What am I going to do about my art coaching and AI gaming companies?
Am I behind schedule and if so what do I do about it?
Should I extend the schedule?
Am I losing money?
How do I get out of my procrastination phase and get working?
What do I do about my art coaching website?
How do I get everything done in such a short period of time?
Should I start registering for fairs?
Should I pay someone to design the website for me?
How am I going to get the motivation to start drawing? How do I start drawing consistently?
How do I start going to the gym and working outsite the apartment consistently?
How will I start cooking again and cleaning up my apartment? Where will I find the time?
How will I prepare for the next week of work? How do I balance my other businesses?
When will I continue to work on my Javascript projects? What is the breakdown between AI work time and coaching work time.
I feel strongly that my client will not value the work that I did.
I feel that he will say, “yea is this what you’ve been spending all your time on??? This is not what we need”. Then I will feel frustrated because it IS what we need.
I feel unseen, underappreciated, and misunderstood.
I feel uncomfortable in this room with someone else on the phone. I feel watched, judged, and disliked.
I am now realizing this is a time that I can let go of taking responsibility for others emotions. I can have faith in their abilities to process feelings themselves.
I’m feel numb buzzing fear in my heart and stomach. I feel a little trapped in my shoulders from feeling watched.
Maybe this guy is friendly, both of us clearly like to work. We are both trying to get something done. Maybe this is a warm environment after all.
Reframe: I get to work with people near me, I can get a little sense of community without having to talk
I worry about him being uncomfortable walking behind him or listening to his calls.
I feel fear in my stomach and trapped in my shoulders. I feel I am not safe.
Maybe his calls can motivate me to work on my stuff. I feel rejected, pain in my heart, fear of rejection.
Chase rejection, it will set you free.
With the feeling for my client, I feel deep painful fear in my heart and stomach. I feel a fear of rejection again.
Reframe: if I have a fear of being misunderstood, I can take this time to understand myself.
What I do is important because clarity will give a lot of direction and power to everything you do. Noone like to buy a confused product from a confused company with confused founders. Noone is passionate about a product that isn’t clear in its purpose with a company that isn’t clear on it’s purpose.
I want to be excited about this product and company. Excitement and passionate is the lever arm for work.
Inspiration is the lever arm for creativity. Purpose is the lever arm for fulfillment. Branding is the lever arm for product value. Vision is the lever arm for decision making.