My intuition tells me that three things will unlock the money making potential that my abilities have.
Focus. I need to be ok with saying no to more things, focusing on one thing at a time. Lack of focus is creating overwhelm, which in turn costs me my productivity.
Fear of rejection. My fear of rejection holds me back from doing things that would instantly make me more money.
Youtube and content creation. This is a communication/art skill that has tremendously high leverage if I can figure it out.
Currently, I don’t have much time every day because I go for a run everyday and I am working on my vision and taking care of my health. That means I have perhaps 3 or 4 hours of good working time.
I originally was thinking about giving up or changing this practice I have so I’m less tired and can work more, but I’m actually gonna practice something different, which is saying no to more things.
Recently I’ve been feeling immense pressure with the sensation that I’m somehow running out of time.
I feel a lot of frustration and anger in my chest.
I feel like I have no time anymore to work on the projects, and making progress in my own WordPress. I feel burning rage and frustration in my chest and stomach.
It might be the I am out of control wound.
I’m really angry at myself for procrastinating and not being able to get anything done.
Today I did come up with a really cool idea for an AI benchmark for:
Creative writing
Problem solving
Research
Contracts
I also feel overwhelmed. I feel like there is so much work to do, I don’t know where to start. I am overwhelmed. I am not able to deal with it.
I have a lot of projects I’m working on and it is scary to feel that I don’t know how to handle that.
I feel pressure because there are all difficult challenges that are important to me.
I failed big at succeeding in them…I’m so proud of myself!
This is a good thing. To fail big is to learn big.
The lessons are slowly being revealed.
The first question is…what did I need when I was in the overwhelmed state?
Well, I needed to feel the feelings, to be ok with just processing first.
After feeling the feelings to the fullest, what I need next is to find the courage in myself to face the challenge. To remember that I’m capable of anything.
And after feeling embracing the challenge, thinking tactically how I want to face it, and specifically, what small steps I want to take.
I want to take everything that I know as a small task and add it to my todolist. We will start there.
I feel overwhelmed and exhausted today. I want to finish a lot of things today but I feel overwhelmed thinking about it. Maybe it’s time to process more fears.
I have to finish my work today.
I feel it in the pit of my stomach, my chest this numbing roaring anxiety but also exhaustion and numbness in my head.
I feel like a failure. I’m panicking about not being able to get work done.
One thing that came up for me is that working really hard can help me sleep. All I need to do is fail at creating a package. All I need to complete the deliverable, it doesn’t matter if I do it in a shitty way.
Tony Robbins said to fall in love with your customer.
I want to see my customer succeed. I want to see them happy and thriving. I can make that happen.
I’m afraid to sleep. I’m afraid the day will pass me by.
Not being able to sleep means there is extra energy I have to use. I can use that energy to help my customer and myself. You don’t need to sleep until you feel that release.
I’m afraid I will play Valorant or do something else to cope. I’m afraid the day will pass me by. I’m afraid my addictions will drain me of energy.
Wanting to play Valorant is a sign for massage and addressing some of the physical issues I am experiencing.
“This is my Valorant jacket. I got it when I watched the world championship in LA a year ago. I love playing Valorant.”
“But this is the 21 day youtuber challenge”
“I’ve yet to figure out how to connect those two passions together. But that changes today”
“Hi everyone, my name is Jack, and this in the Youtuber challenge, the challenge where I post a video everyday, working not for views, but for the love of making videos”
“There are a bunch of things I’m super passionate about, but haven’t figured out how to connect to a Youtube video yet. And one of those things is gaming.”
“But here’s my problem with gaming. I like playing alone, I don’t like talking while I’m gaming, but I do feel like there are certain things I like to share after the game is done.”
“Here is the plan. I have fun gaming. In between, I’ll do a little bit of journaling, and afterwards, I’ll just edit a video that is fun for me”
To be fast and effective and efficient. What percentile do I fall in terms of the human potential for efficiency?
To be able to see through problems in a genius like way. What percentile do I fall into for my perception?
Warmup ideas:
Emotional processing on stress (5 min)
Workout (5 min)
Meditation (5 min)
Postwork Review:
I was very calm and measured during this work. I also did not take breaks.
Emotional processing, exercise and meditation are quite effective.
Grading:
Efficiency: 65% I think most people would be able to do what I was able to do but I suppose there were more steps than I thought and I was quite efficient at them.
Perception: 70% The task didn’t require insane perception until the very end where I did solve a problem really fast by realizing the problem.
I feel exhausted. My head feels numb. I feel hot and tired. My back aches.
My heart feels heavy. I feel angry at myself. So helpless. My mind in a fog.
My apartment is a mess. I just want to cry.
I can’t work. I just play games all day long. my eyes feel tired.
It’s 2 o’clock in the morning. All I want to do is eat and play video games. The pull is so strong in my heart like there is a strand of honey getting pulled.
I feel a numb panic deep in my chest. I’m afraid of failure. I’m scared I will disappoint myself and everyone around me. Pushing myself to make my business cards is only making me curl up even harder.
It was a long week. I’m exhausted. But the work just keeps coming.
I guess I can cancel tai chi tomorrow. Sleep in.
Tonight I can clean my apartment until I feel more peaceful.
I know I can use the gym as a way to process emotions, but I don’t use it.
I feel this pull, this overwhelm, like the honey being pulled, from my heart.
I’m capable of anything. Even rising from this challenge. This is important because as I get more successful, there will be days I feel exhausted, and in those moments, I need to find a way to find balance, to find peace.
I also want to learn to embrace failure. Failure is so scary to me. There is an image in my mind of my business cards being a complete disappointment and I feel a pit in my heart. A horrible amaturish website I’m not proud of and I can’t fix it.
Everyone starts somewhere. Everyone starts at the beginning. The people who are exceptional, who are savants are not people who started at the middle. They are people who enjoyed the beginning.
But how can I enjoy this? I feel so scared it won’t be good.
Makes me think of this video:
In this video, Jesse talks about how play allows us to feel pressure while still being able to learn.
That fun is the key to this.
But what is the key to fun? What would make this fun for me, regardless of the outcome, what would make designing and drawing fun for me?
What would make it an infinite game, not just a finite game focused on an end goal?
It’s true, the thought of designing business cards does not sound fun to me at all. It sounds like a slog. But maybe that’s because I’m worried about failing.
Ok, what if I tried to merge my painterly style with “woodcut” style prints. What if I created a new drawing technique that I could use to create cool stuff for friends and to sell as products?
That definitely sounds more like play to me.
So what about going to the gym, because I like it so much when I actually go, but I find it hard to go to begin with.
What if I saw it as supercharging myself – which it really is doing. Whether I go to lift weights or just to hang from the bar and stretch it really is building my body up to full potential. It might even solve my sleep problems.
And what about sleep, why do I not want to go to bed? Because if I go to bed, tomorrow, I wake up with tons of problems. Well maybe, that’s not a bad thing. Maybe before I go to bed, I fill my to do list with questions that I want to search out the answers to.
Here are the questions I have today, that if I knew the answers to I would rest easy:
What am I going to do about my art coaching and AI gaming companies?
Am I behind schedule and if so what do I do about it?
Should I extend the schedule?
Am I losing money?
How do I get out of my procrastination phase and get working?
What do I do about my art coaching website?
How do I get everything done in such a short period of time?
Should I start registering for fairs?
Should I pay someone to design the website for me?
How am I going to get the motivation to start drawing? How do I start drawing consistently?
How do I start going to the gym and working outsite the apartment consistently?
How will I start cooking again and cleaning up my apartment? Where will I find the time?
How will I prepare for the next week of work? How do I balance my other businesses?
When will I continue to work on my Javascript projects? What is the breakdown between AI work time and coaching work time.
Today, I have many different paths that I can walk down.
I can focus on work. I can spar with my friend, I can go to jiujitsu. I could try to do it all. But I feel weary and tired from not sleeping yesterday. I feel stressed and pressured, and so I want to focus on a few things.
I suppose, first thing is first, I need to focus on work, because without that I cannot be focused tomorrow. Nothing matters until I get that piece done, and once that part is done, all manner of things are possible.
I did indeed get that done, and I feel extremely proud of the work I did.