Our words to each other
Are poor feeble tools
Unwieldy, inefficient, inaccurate
Yet they built something
We fumbled yes
It’s part of our practice
And make me feel hope
That when we meet
We find ourselves
In a place where all else disappears
Except the two of us
Our minds
Our emotions
Mixing
Like water in a bowl
A place where words dissolve
Like mints
Into their true feelings
And our minds as one
Find a place
Outside space and time
I feel really tired today. I am worried about my sleep cycle. At least I went to bed 30 minutes earlier than I did the night before at 1:30 AM. I really feel I need more sleep than that to be healthy.
I suppose I can commit to taking a nap today.
Something I was wondering, is if I put positive, confident people on a pedestal. I mean, they can’t be that great right? I like how calm I can feel around them, but I can get that anywhere. In fact, one of the ways that I want to develop myself as a coach is to live more by the coaching mindset (you’re in my house, be patient, take risks, be ok with silence). If I live by that mindset 24/7, not only will I get more clients, I will also feel more calm in everything that I do.
Ok now onto the projects:
Goal: Shoot 3 videos, spend 3 hours on each. I have 2 days to do this.
I think today this will be my primary focus.
The videos I want to choose are:
Ok, so in doing this exercise I realize that I have to pivot. none of these ideas are going to take 3 hours to make. I need to choose something that is really really fast to make.
My new top 3:
Ok time for Goal 2.
UNIT ONE: Focus on my craft – become a coach I would hire for 1000 per month | Day 1 Create plans
4 AM Again
It is 4 am again
But this time
I feel strange when I wake up
I feel happy when I read her messages
Then guilty
I am so tired
Her emotions are so attractive
My little sloth
Then I remind myself of the feeling
Of being trapped
Unable to leave
Into a life
Alone
Unhappy
Unheard
Anxious
I wonder if it’s her
Or me
That I feel so cold
Alone
I’m trying to understand the right thing to do
But as I write these words
I realize
That the right thing is to sit here
In my depression
Waiting patiently for the answers
To come to me
I Feel Sad
Because I love her
Her emotions like the ocean
I know her
Her little sloth fingers
And I still feel
It is over
I Can Be Brave
I feel overwhelmed
So many emotions
So tired
So much stuff to do
So little time
I tried to keep them down for now
But I realized
I don’t need to
I can work and cry
At the same time
It is extremely hard to be yourself all the time. There will always be things that you want to avoid, that you are afraid of. Specifically, things that you don’t like about yourself.
Control gives the illusion of happiness. The fear of loss of control is like all fear and uncomfortable feelings. It is not something that needs a solution or be avoided. You don’t solve the lack of control by being more controlling. You don’t solve fear by avoiding your fear.
Emotions are meant to be reacted to, and the solution is meant to come to you, not something to be forced into existence. The most healthy way to process painful emotions is through physicality, expression and meditation:
I used to write that you should follow what you feel. Sometimes, you don’t KNOW how you feel. That’s ok. Clarity is about patience. The patience to wait for the answers to come, to be able to sit in the pain for long enough to see the truth.
And at the end of the day, clarity will bring an understanding of not just how we feel, why we feel it, but what we truly want. That is truly being ourselves, following what we want in the moment. Embracing that is the key to true happiness, confidence, and feeling truly alive.
So the groundwork is essentially laid for a lot of things.
I plan on investing $600 into the AI coaching business.
60% of revenue will go to my living expenses
10% will go business expenses
30% will be held in a high yield savings account for taxes
I plan on investing $5000 for the creation of the funnel for my art coaching business. It is already set aside for that purpose.
When I get to the 3 month mark (and I run my businesses full time) I will dip into the savings I have set aside in my emergency fund.
To make things simple, I just decided to funnel all business expenses through my AI coaching account. I will keep my coaching income a separate account.
I feel tired.
My body buzzing with pain in my stomach.
My eyes are sluggish.
Last night, I went to bed at 11, but fell asleep after 1AM.
I feel totally drained.
Maybe its time to go back to bed for a little.
So I wrote that at 8 in the morning. I just took a nap after cooking for the entire morning with delicious tea eggs and soup. Then I spent a few hours napping and now I feel much better.
I really think my productivity is so much worse when my health is worse.
More napping, meditation, and exercise in the future! Napping if I’m sleep deprived, meditation and exercise if I’m not.
Today, the aim I want to focus on is content creation. I want to finish my post, and workout and meditate for the rest of the day.
I’m now on the road and I feel absolutely exhausted. Tired from the travel to Austin, tired from not sleeping well, tired from getting up early today, and not sleeping well again.
I really want to just sleep and sleep for a long time.
Other than sleeping, I want to focus on taking care of myself, this means sparing no expense, and getting myself what I need when I need it.
This means fulfilling my needs through my values of Health, Freedom, Honesty, Respect, Empathy, and Ambition. This means using connection theory on myself.
The Gravel Road
My body feels like a gravel road
Worn and crunchy and bumpy
My eyes hurt
My energy spent
Tired
Yet scratchy throat
Sore knees