Our words to each other
Are poor feeble tools
Unwieldy, inefficient, inaccurate
Yet they built something
We fumbled yes
It’s part of our practice
And make me feel hope
That when we meet
We find ourselves
In a place where all else disappears
Except the two of us
Our minds
Our emotions
Mixing
Like water in a bowl
A place where words dissolve
Like mints
Into their true feelings
And our minds as one
Find a place
Outside space and time
I feel really tired today. I am worried about my sleep cycle. At least I went to bed 30 minutes earlier than I did the night before at 1:30 AM. I really feel I need more sleep than that to be healthy.
I suppose I can commit to taking a nap today.
Something I was wondering, is if I put positive, confident people on a pedestal. I mean, they can’t be that great right? I like how calm I can feel around them, but I can get that anywhere. In fact, one of the ways that I want to develop myself as a coach is to live more by the coaching mindset (you’re in my house, be patient, take risks, be ok with silence). If I live by that mindset 24/7, not only will I get more clients, I will also feel more calm in everything that I do.
Ok now onto the projects:
Goal: Shoot 3 videos, spend 3 hours on each. I have 2 days to do this.
I think today this will be my primary focus.
The videos I want to choose are:
Ok, so in doing this exercise I realize that I have to pivot. none of these ideas are going to take 3 hours to make. I need to choose something that is really really fast to make.
My new top 3:
Ok time for Goal 2.
UNIT ONE: Focus on my craft – become a coach I would hire for 1000 per month | Day 1 Create plans
I’m trying to clean as fast as I can
I wonder what feeling I’m running from
When I look at the art supplied filling the closet
That I slept in last night
I feel like I want to cry
My heart hurts
Is there a point to setting up
My own place
If I have no one to share it with
I miss
Feeling safe
Everything just feels
So empty
Just like me
I was feeling extraordinary pain in my heart because everywhere I look, everything from TV Shows to notification sounds reminded me so much of her, and I was hit by the realization I may NEVER talk or hear from her again. I may never laugh and smile at something she sent me. I may never be able to tell her something exciting from my life, may never joke around and have fun together.
It was so painful I did a “shamanic journey” meditation in order to connect with my feelings and try to grow from the deep excruciating pain that I feel from losing her. Here are the steps:
My internal landscape was all storm and hard edges. I asked, “How do I deal with this pain? How do I deal with the overwhelmingly painful feelings I feel whenever something reminds me of her? How do I even go on with my life?”
I received the answer: Many things in life I actually put on hold because she took up so much of my life. I can focus on those things. To name a few:
Then I was filled with despair. “What if I forget her? I loved her with all my heart and cherish so many happy memories that I’m not ready to let go of yet.”
I received the answer: There are still many, many things that remind me of her, and all of our happy memories. She will always be with me in a way. I can always turn to those things to remind me of her even if it is painful.
Today I’m walking around with Yad
And I feel anxious because I don’t know what will happen next
What should happen next
But as I move
As I talk to girls
To guys
I feel more and more
Like this is the adventure I was looking for
This is the freedom I’m looking for
I don’t know where this is going
I just need to be able to stay in my body
And have courage
I’m so scared
But I feel a little hope now
This poem is about feeling so lost all the time. Not wanting to meet anyone or talk to anyone, but feeling so incredibly isolated and lonely. I’m afraid of wasting time but I don’t know where to focus my energy. But right now I realize that I just need to have an adventure and make an effort to overcome my fear of getting close to people or showing them who I am.
It’s not important to make the right decision, more so that I am able to feel the feelings.
I was thinking about the concept of how Alex Hormzi approaches learning. The idea that you purpose things in a way expecting to fail at first, but you pursue them in such a way that you make it hard for you to fail. That the chances that you will fail is lower than the chances of success.
I was thinking about what made emotional or spiritual success. And that brought me to a few different ideas. They all centered around one thing, the relationship with oneself. I believe that the relationship that you have with yourself dictates the freedom and happiness you have in life. Some ways in which I am not a kind or loving friend or parent to myself are:
What if I took this idea from Alex Hormzi? What if I accepted I am going to be a shit friend and parent to myself but I am going to ask myself what I need to do to make it harder to be unkind and unloving toward myself than it is to be kind and loving?
Well, what would the most loving parent do for me?
I want to know how I can make it impossible for me to not do that for myself.
Some ideas come to mind:
I don’t know how to come up with a strategy on how to mix this in with my life yet but some of my ideas includes:
Every time I read her words
My hatred for her grows darker and angrier
That I have no choice but to respect her
That she is significantly better
And I’m just jealous
She ruined this game for me I’m sure
It took me so long
To find the drive to learn
To explore
To have fun
Yet all the things I taught her
How to use smurfs
Trying out duelists
Buying on the second round
She realized makes sense
She isn’t even as toxic anymore
Yet she still thinks she’s better
Still thinks that hunting for kills
Wanting to put other people down
Is correct
It’s a poison
I can’t play the game anymore without it seeping in
Talking to her
Ruins me
Yet she is too bored to talk about anything else
Because all she respects
Are people who do well in the game
And are mean to everyone else
She cannot fathom
How little respect I have for those people
That I hate them more than anything
That I never wanted her to be like that
That what I truly respect
Is the love for learning
Passion for the game
Looking for new ways to explore and have fun
To take on the challenge
And rise up to it
To bring others with you
Now I am horribly upset
And I don’t know how to even recover
Life feels empty and all I feel is hatred
All I want to do is make her feel pain
Nothing I cared about in life matters to me anymore
Nothing seems fun
I hate everything
I wish
She was good at the game
Was passionate
Wanted to share it with me
Wanted to teach me
Wanted to work together with me in the game
Wanted to play together
Have fun
Explore together
But all she cares about
Is using it to put other people down
It’s funny
In the beginning
She made me love this game
More than anything
Now I hate it
I feel really tired today. I am worried about my sleep cycle. At least I went to bed 30 minutes earlier than I did the night before at 1:30 AM. I really feel I need more sleep than that to be healthy.
I suppose I can commit to taking a nap today.
Something I was wondering, is if I put positive, confident people on a pedestal. I mean, they can’t be that great right? I like how calm I can feel around them, but I can get that anywhere. In fact, one of the ways that I want to develop myself as a coach is to live more by the coaching mindset (you’re in my house, be patient, take risks, be ok with silence). If I live by that mindset 24/7, not only will I get more clients, I will also feel more calm in everything that I do.
Ok now onto the projects:
Goal: Shoot 3 videos, spend 3 hours on each. I have 2 days to do this.
I think today this will be my primary focus.
The videos I want to choose are:
Ok, so in doing this exercise I realize that I have to pivot. none of these ideas are going to take 3 hours to make. I need to choose something that is really really fast to make.
My new top 3:
Ok time for Goal 2.
UNIT ONE: Focus on my craft – become a coach I would hire for 1000 per month | Day 1 Create plans
I’m trying to clean as fast as I can
I wonder what feeling I’m running from
When I look at the art supplied filling the closet
That I slept in last night
I feel like I want to cry
My heart hurts
Is there a point to setting up
My own place
If I have no one to share it with
I miss
Feeling safe
Everything just feels
So empty
Just like me
I was feeling extraordinary pain in my heart because everywhere I look, everything from TV Shows to notification sounds reminded me so much of her, and I was hit by the realization I may NEVER talk or hear from her again. I may never laugh and smile at something she sent me. I may never be able to tell her something exciting from my life, may never joke around and have fun together.
It was so painful I did a “shamanic journey” meditation in order to connect with my feelings and try to grow from the deep excruciating pain that I feel from losing her. Here are the steps:
My internal landscape was all storm and hard edges. I asked, “How do I deal with this pain? How do I deal with the overwhelmingly painful feelings I feel whenever something reminds me of her? How do I even go on with my life?”
I received the answer: Many things in life I actually put on hold because she took up so much of my life. I can focus on those things. To name a few:
Then I was filled with despair. “What if I forget her? I loved her with all my heart and cherish so many happy memories that I’m not ready to let go of yet.”
I received the answer: There are still many, many things that remind me of her, and all of our happy memories. She will always be with me in a way. I can always turn to those things to remind me of her even if it is painful.
Today I’m walking around with Yad
And I feel anxious because I don’t know what will happen next
What should happen next
But as I move
As I talk to girls
To guys
I feel more and more
Like this is the adventure I was looking for
This is the freedom I’m looking for
I don’t know where this is going
I just need to be able to stay in my body
And have courage
I’m so scared
But I feel a little hope now
This poem is about feeling so lost all the time. Not wanting to meet anyone or talk to anyone, but feeling so incredibly isolated and lonely. I’m afraid of wasting time but I don’t know where to focus my energy. But right now I realize that I just need to have an adventure and make an effort to overcome my fear of getting close to people or showing them who I am.
It’s not important to make the right decision, more so that I am able to feel the feelings.
I was thinking about the concept of how Alex Hormzi approaches learning. The idea that you purpose things in a way expecting to fail at first, but you pursue them in such a way that you make it hard for you to fail. That the chances that you will fail is lower than the chances of success.
I was thinking about what made emotional or spiritual success. And that brought me to a few different ideas. They all centered around one thing, the relationship with oneself. I believe that the relationship that you have with yourself dictates the freedom and happiness you have in life. Some ways in which I am not a kind or loving friend or parent to myself are:
What if I took this idea from Alex Hormzi? What if I accepted I am going to be a shit friend and parent to myself but I am going to ask myself what I need to do to make it harder to be unkind and unloving toward myself than it is to be kind and loving?
Well, what would the most loving parent do for me?
I want to know how I can make it impossible for me to not do that for myself.
Some ideas come to mind:
I don’t know how to come up with a strategy on how to mix this in with my life yet but some of my ideas includes:
Every time I read her words
My hatred for her grows darker and angrier
That I have no choice but to respect her
That she is significantly better
And I’m just jealous
She ruined this game for me I’m sure
It took me so long
To find the drive to learn
To explore
To have fun
Yet all the things I taught her
How to use smurfs
Trying out duelists
Buying on the second round
She realized makes sense
She isn’t even as toxic anymore
Yet she still thinks she’s better
Still thinks that hunting for kills
Wanting to put other people down
Is correct
It’s a poison
I can’t play the game anymore without it seeping in
Talking to her
Ruins me
Yet she is too bored to talk about anything else
Because all she respects
Are people who do well in the game
And are mean to everyone else
She cannot fathom
How little respect I have for those people
That I hate them more than anything
That I never wanted her to be like that
That what I truly respect
Is the love for learning
Passion for the game
Looking for new ways to explore and have fun
To take on the challenge
And rise up to it
To bring others with you
Now I am horribly upset
And I don’t know how to even recover
Life feels empty and all I feel is hatred
All I want to do is make her feel pain
Nothing I cared about in life matters to me anymore
Nothing seems fun
I hate everything
I wish
She was good at the game
Was passionate
Wanted to share it with me
Wanted to teach me
Wanted to work together with me in the game
Wanted to play together
Have fun
Explore together
But all she cares about
Is using it to put other people down
It’s funny
In the beginning
She made me love this game
More than anything
Now I hate it
I feel really tired today. I am worried about my sleep cycle. At least I went to bed 30 minutes earlier than I did the night before at 1:30 AM. I really feel I need more sleep than that to be healthy.
I suppose I can commit to taking a nap today.
Something I was wondering, is if I put positive, confident people on a pedestal. I mean, they can’t be that great right? I like how calm I can feel around them, but I can get that anywhere. In fact, one of the ways that I want to develop myself as a coach is to live more by the coaching mindset (you’re in my house, be patient, take risks, be ok with silence). If I live by that mindset 24/7, not only will I get more clients, I will also feel more calm in everything that I do.
Ok now onto the projects:
Goal: Shoot 3 videos, spend 3 hours on each. I have 2 days to do this.
I think today this will be my primary focus.
The videos I want to choose are:
Ok, so in doing this exercise I realize that I have to pivot. none of these ideas are going to take 3 hours to make. I need to choose something that is really really fast to make.
My new top 3:
Ok time for Goal 2.
UNIT ONE: Focus on my craft – become a coach I would hire for 1000 per month | Day 1 Create plans
I’m trying to clean as fast as I can
I wonder what feeling I’m running from
When I look at the art supplied filling the closet
That I slept in last night
I feel like I want to cry
My heart hurts
Is there a point to setting up
My own place
If I have no one to share it with
I miss
Feeling safe
Everything just feels
So empty
Just like me
I was feeling extraordinary pain in my heart because everywhere I look, everything from TV Shows to notification sounds reminded me so much of her, and I was hit by the realization I may NEVER talk or hear from her again. I may never laugh and smile at something she sent me. I may never be able to tell her something exciting from my life, may never joke around and have fun together.
It was so painful I did a “shamanic journey” meditation in order to connect with my feelings and try to grow from the deep excruciating pain that I feel from losing her. Here are the steps:
My internal landscape was all storm and hard edges. I asked, “How do I deal with this pain? How do I deal with the overwhelmingly painful feelings I feel whenever something reminds me of her? How do I even go on with my life?”
I received the answer: Many things in life I actually put on hold because she took up so much of my life. I can focus on those things. To name a few:
Then I was filled with despair. “What if I forget her? I loved her with all my heart and cherish so many happy memories that I’m not ready to let go of yet.”
I received the answer: There are still many, many things that remind me of her, and all of our happy memories. She will always be with me in a way. I can always turn to those things to remind me of her even if it is painful.
Today I’m walking around with Yad
And I feel anxious because I don’t know what will happen next
What should happen next
But as I move
As I talk to girls
To guys
I feel more and more
Like this is the adventure I was looking for
This is the freedom I’m looking for
I don’t know where this is going
I just need to be able to stay in my body
And have courage
I’m so scared
But I feel a little hope now
This poem is about feeling so lost all the time. Not wanting to meet anyone or talk to anyone, but feeling so incredibly isolated and lonely. I’m afraid of wasting time but I don’t know where to focus my energy. But right now I realize that I just need to have an adventure and make an effort to overcome my fear of getting close to people or showing them who I am.
It’s not important to make the right decision, more so that I am able to feel the feelings.
I was thinking about the concept of how Alex Hormzi approaches learning. The idea that you purpose things in a way expecting to fail at first, but you pursue them in such a way that you make it hard for you to fail. That the chances that you will fail is lower than the chances of success.
I was thinking about what made emotional or spiritual success. And that brought me to a few different ideas. They all centered around one thing, the relationship with oneself. I believe that the relationship that you have with yourself dictates the freedom and happiness you have in life. Some ways in which I am not a kind or loving friend or parent to myself are:
What if I took this idea from Alex Hormzi? What if I accepted I am going to be a shit friend and parent to myself but I am going to ask myself what I need to do to make it harder to be unkind and unloving toward myself than it is to be kind and loving?
Well, what would the most loving parent do for me?
I want to know how I can make it impossible for me to not do that for myself.
Some ideas come to mind:
I don’t know how to come up with a strategy on how to mix this in with my life yet but some of my ideas includes:
Every time I read her words
My hatred for her grows darker and angrier
That I have no choice but to respect her
That she is significantly better
And I’m just jealous
She ruined this game for me I’m sure
It took me so long
To find the drive to learn
To explore
To have fun
Yet all the things I taught her
How to use smurfs
Trying out duelists
Buying on the second round
She realized makes sense
She isn’t even as toxic anymore
Yet she still thinks she’s better
Still thinks that hunting for kills
Wanting to put other people down
Is correct
It’s a poison
I can’t play the game anymore without it seeping in
Talking to her
Ruins me
Yet she is too bored to talk about anything else
Because all she respects
Are people who do well in the game
And are mean to everyone else
She cannot fathom
How little respect I have for those people
That I hate them more than anything
That I never wanted her to be like that
That what I truly respect
Is the love for learning
Passion for the game
Looking for new ways to explore and have fun
To take on the challenge
And rise up to it
To bring others with you
Now I am horribly upset
And I don’t know how to even recover
Life feels empty and all I feel is hatred
All I want to do is make her feel pain
Nothing I cared about in life matters to me anymore
Nothing seems fun
I hate everything
I wish
She was good at the game
Was passionate
Wanted to share it with me
Wanted to teach me
Wanted to work together with me in the game
Wanted to play together
Have fun
Explore together
But all she cares about
Is using it to put other people down
It’s funny
In the beginning
She made me love this game
More than anything
Now I hate it