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Setting Boundaries With Others

Byjack

I recently had a situation at work where I felt like I needed to set some boundaries. In order to get more strategies on how to do it, I went with my trusty expert Thais Gibson, who I feel is the absolute best when it comes to coming up with scripts and strategies with processing feelings, dealing with attachment styles and setting and enforcing boundaries.

Taking what Thais says in this video and adding in my own knowledge, I have come up with the follow step process for setting boundaries.

  1. Rage pad: write down or record yourself saying everything you want to say to the person. This gives permission to anger and allows you to process it.
  2. Determine whether or not a boundary was crossed, and if so, what specific one?
  3. Try to empathize as to why that boundary was crossed
  4. Communicate in this format:
    1. Communicate in the positive the boundary violation (what they did, not what they didn’t do). <Insert empathy> At the same time, this is not acceptable under any circumstances.
    2. Explain what you want instead
    3. If repeated violations, add in consequences

Make it really obvious to the person what is going on.

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Knowing When You Are in Danger

Byjack

What was really striking about this commentary is about how amateurs play chess vs grandmasters, and how grandmasters play vs computers.

This is interesting because Hans Neiman was accused and proven multiple times of being a chess cheater, someone who uses chess engines to play certain critical moves.

If he actually is, his gameplay is more similar to an AI moving rather than a human.

What is interesting about that is that human seem to react a lot to emotional threats, when they are not actually in danger, thus putting themselves in greater danger.

I can relate to this a lot in Valorant, and I wonder if understanding the greater picture better in Valorant will help me understand how much danger I am in, and not unnecessarily put myself in more danger by peeking just because I feel threatened.

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Profit in Peace 11: Moving On???

Byjack

Ok, I decided something weird that I’m not sure is going to work yet.

I decided that I’m going to keep this challenge going on forever and we will have different objective driving it constantly. It will be a sort of daily journal where I get to focus on Profit in Peace, finding my ikigai, tapping into my coaching energy, feeling into my body, working on my challenges, and discovering that the world is a magical place.

It will continue to be labeled like the other challenges, but it is different in the sense that it doesn’t have a specific end date. The end date might be just when this mentality, thinking of this as a Profit in Peace no longer serves me. Which might be never.

You know in a way this should be called Blog Post. Because it is the most blog post of blog posts. The sole purpose of these posts is literally to work on my life through my blog. But “Blog Post” just doesn’t evoke what I need for it to evoke, so we ain’t doing it.

So what is the focus for today?

Today we have a similar bent to yesterday but a little more focused on gaming. In no particular order, I want to:

  • Play lots of valorant and create poems about how I feel about dropping to gold 1 and STILL losing
  • Cook lots of food, be creative and have fun eating
  • Watching another 20 minutes of the VOD review
  • Work on my knee challenge
  • Go for a run

Yesterday, I went for a short run.

Here is a poem about it:

Tingling in My Back

That’s the feeling when I push myself

My knees not ready for the impact

I want to massage my stomach and back

I’m aware of others watching

I wonder if Alice would be embarrassed of me

I want people to like me

Especially the girls

I think about how I learned to control what other’s thought of me

And that’s when everything went to a place

Shaky and scary

I remind myself

What others feel

Is out of my control

I’m proud of my innovative knee exercises

They make my prickly knees

Feel warm and supple again

I just came back from my most recent run. Today I focused on processing the anxiety being surrounded by everyone’s opinions of me. I realized a couple of things.

Dr Bea Mackay

She told me an exercise

The same one

Every session

Breath in breath out

I realized

It isn’t about other people

They never mattered

Neither did their opinions

I’m them

As a trigger for my pain

The sharp inhale

To take the pain

The release of the exhale

Filling me with warmth

From head to toe

The point was never to win their approval

It was to feel my pain

It is so interesting how Dr. Bea Mackay’s exercises are so similar to Wim Hoff’s. And Wim Hoff’s exercises are about enduring and thriving in pain too, just his are about cold and her’s are about emotions. No wonder so many people talk about the Wim Hoff method bringing them relief from chronic anxiety.

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Profit in Peace 10: Wrapup and Moving On

Byjack

I’ve completed the profit in peace challenge but there is a few things I want to wrap up.

  1. I want to go through the recordings again and see if there is anything I want to add to my previous posts
  2. I want to do some more actions as necessary
  3. I want to go back to my original profit in peace mentality as the real challenge is not actually peaceful to me
  4. I want to watch another 20 minutes of the coaching VOD and try some running and thinking today
  5. I also want to revisit the sleep and knee challenge as those will contribute to my overall physical vitality and energy
  6. I want to revisit the challenge objectives as I now completed the real challenge by JT Franco but want to keep going based on my coaching goals

Profit in Peace 9: Day Five

Byjack

I’m sooo tired. This is completely the wrong energy in the morning for me.

It is disrupting my peace.

My thoughts:

  • I’m about done with this challenge
  • I feel absolutely horrible tired and I don’t want to continue
  • This is the opposite of peace for me
  • A line of credit is better than a loan for businesses
  • I don’t know why JT is with this 7 figure profit guy, seems kinda scammy
  • It is important to know the right question to ask
  • The question sometimes isn’t how, it is who
  • Your potential is relative and contextual
  • It is about the place and the people
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Profit in Peace 8: Day Four

Byjack

I feel really tired today. I really like this course but I’m having a couple of worries:

  • I don’t know what products to sell because I like utilitarian stuff, things to make things and all those items, quality matters a lot and there are existing players
  • For more complex items, I don’t know if my RFQ will require a lot of work (cad models and blueprints)

Anyway, excited to see what happens today.

Thoughts and questions:

  • Money is like soldiers
    • There was a village that borrowed soldiers from other villages until they became an empire…they become Rome
  • “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Einstein
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Ugly Water

Byjack

Ugly Water

My little sloth talks about her ugly water

In a roaring ocean

Of fear and hatred

Roaring outside

Inside her little room

She stands by the room

Holding it closed

Always holding

As she feels the pressure of it

About to overwhelm everything

Leaking

Like the seeping of dread

She looks and

It was a mistake

Because she forgot to hold the door closed

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I Felt Relieved Sort Of

Byjack

I Felt Relieved Sort Of

When she didn’t want to talk about it

But it hurt

Like it always hurts

When I feel

This chasm

Between us

Her on one side

Telling me

I’m anorexic

Me trying to tell her

That we cannot control others

That we need to take responsibility for our emotions

It feels like abuse

Emotional abuse

The words that’s she says

I just realized

I never thought about that before

Because I am so used to my parents doing it

To me

To each other

I feel relieved

Sort of

Because I want to think about

Her soft skin

And her warm body

So sweet and kind

I don’t want to argue

And fight

Yet

I realized today

That doubt and comparison for me

Are the symptoms of repressed unhappiness

Maybe that’s obvious

I made a video about it once

About how comparison is about having a need that is not met

How we compare ourselves with others because we feel a lack

But I didn’t want to think about what that meant for us

That we aren’t compatible

I guess I don’t believe that is true

She feels right in the light of day

Like when you wake

From a bad dream

Yet

I am reassured

To know

My doubts are there too

In the light

Normal

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Profit in Peace 7: Day Three

Byjack

I didn’t do the powermoves yesterday. Dunno how I’m already so burned out.

Dunno how to find my power or center again.

This is very interesting for me, like the logistics portion for me.

Thoughts and questions today:

  • Alibaba is not a marketplace, its a directory of manufacturers
  • You can send them an RFQ and they can produce your product
  • Certification used to make something eco friendly
  • Click hearts on suppliers that look good > Favorites > Select all > Contact Supplier
  • High quality images
  • Talk about benefits not features
  • Use canva for images
  • Turn off on keywords that are not delivering, put more money into the keywords that are delivering
  • 20-30 per hour for sourcing agent
  • about 400 for each project
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Profit in Peace 6: Day Two

Byjack

Today is the second day in the Profit in Peace Challenge live sessions. I feel really tired. I was dreading this so much.

Questions/thoughts:

  • Calling Amazon a startup sounds like a scammy thing to say
  • I’m so tired of forced enthusiasm
  • I like this analogy
    • If you and your friend start a hot dog stand, and your friend is better than you at cooking, beat him by finding a starving crowd
    • The right bait for the right fish
  • Knowing your customer is about knowing your customer like you know your loved ones when buying Christmas presents
  • Introvert advantage is knowing yourself and knowing what you want
  • Become aware of your own patterns
  • Go to your favorite room in your house, pretend you have 100,000 dollars. Do a window shopping spree.
  • Think about how to create words that describe the whole niche but not specific, hard to find results
  • Pinterest is where people look at what they want to buy, amazon is where people search for the actual item
  • Pinterest > Etsy in 6 months > Amazon 6 months
  • Pinterest extra is an extension that you can use to see the number of saves
  • We are looking for at least 40% margin
  • Six Ps checklist
    • Popularity
      • Look for search volume on amazon (at least 20 thousand)
      • Cerbro reverse product search to find searches
    • Powerplay
      • How much of a difference can we make in this niche
      • Do we have a unique product
      • Is there a dead end search?
    • Persona
      • Do we understand who is this for?
      • Pinterest and internal research
    • Profit
      • Helium10 x ray tool
      • Find supplier on alibaba
      • Look and see how much it takes to manufacture
      • Then do a profitability calculator on a product with a similar size and weight since amazon charges based on size and weight for shipping
      • Need at least a 40% margin because other costs will bring the margin down to 25-30%
    • Practicality
      • Is it practical for you to pay for the costs of sourcing and making your product
    • Powerhouse
      • What is the second and third idea and are they cohesive ideas?