Workpost 75: Recentering

Byjack

It’s been a few days after my deadline of September 12th.

I haven’t created business cards for my art coaching business. I haven’t learned the principles of javascript or front-end development or created a game.

The other day a friend was asking me about how to start a side gig and I had so much to tell him, yet these days I’m feeling a bit down and undermotivated.

A few realizations are perking me up a little.

Realization 1: My coaching program is not overvalued.

I want to charge $25,000 per year for my coaching program to help someone create a masterpiece. Before even pitching it to anyone, I felt like this was too big of an ask, I should lower my rates etc.

But as I thought about it deeper a few things occurred to me:

  • I will be spending a lot of time with a client. I plan on spending 2 hr every other week with clients on formal coaching sessions, but that’s not it. My entire professional attention and all my skills are aimed at helping my clients succeed. So outside of formal coaching sessions (in person if I can manage it). I will be taking calls emails, and setting up times to do virtual sessions. My goal is not to be a doctor you see for checkups or an art class you regularly go to. My goal is to understand your art inside and out, and be a true partner, mentor, strategist, and guide in your process. I think $25,000 for a year is an absolute crazy steal for that.
  • I’m not focused on getting clients that are poorer or don’t really have the funds. That would be both unethical and a bad fit. I already offer another class that can satisfy that demographic of people where it is more like a regular class, albeit a somewhat vetted and serious class (and not serious at the same time). I’m focused on the people who have the money and the passion to back it up, and we can spend some time to do something special. For someone retired with several millions of dollars, this will be nothing to them as long as they want it enough.

Realization 2: The process is complicated, but I have my blog

The whole point of this blog is be a place where I can incrementally work on works of progress and get better at things over time, instead of getting the final version all at once. If I don’t use this blog, I can also use my google drive, google docs, and slides to draft out things step by step and track overall progress in the blog.

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Singing Relaxed Solved

Byjack

I’ve always wanted to find a way to sing relaxed no matter what position I’m in, standing, sitting, playing the piano.

I figured it out finally.

It’s actually quite simple.

Relax everything, specifically the jaw, shoulders, and stomach.

Put all the tension right above the stomach (at the diaphragm).

AI Gaming + Art Coaching Days 60/63

Byjack

Ok, we are in the home stretch for the first part of this business experiment.

The first big question I set out to solve is what is my lead magnet for art coaching? I know that I want to offer some free intro sessions, but it is now apparent to me that I want to do other types of lead magnets with people as well because I can’t do a free intro session with just people at the farmer’s market or at a conference (potentially at a conference but I’m not so sure).

Here are the potential lead magnets I have so far:

  1. Prompts for dream creative projects
  2. Artist masterpiece problem diagnosis
  3. Free 1 hr Masterpiece planning call to determine creative project, project timeline, and plan
  4. Free 2 hr coaching call after intro call

The second question I am pondering, is how do I make money off of the AI business?

I guess the answer to that, is that it doesn’t really matter if I make money off of it (at least initially), I just need to get good at dev because that in itself will make me money if I want to.

Workpost 74: Mondays

Byjack

Today is a Monday, the start of the week. I feel tired but pretty good overall. I did not sleep much last night, but constantly going outside has done wonders for my energy levels.

Ok time to go through the questions from yesterday:

  1. How am I going to balance contract work with my businesses tomorrow? Well I just need to solve the first part of the harder coding problem, then I should be good for tomorrow to finish up.
  2. What can I do to make sure I get enough sleep for jiujitsu? I don’t need to go to jiujitsu today, but going outside helped with the exhaustion as well as taking a nap.
  3. What is the plan for getting customers for my businesses? I have some lead magnets planned out for art coaching, just need to find events in which to meet people.
  4. Should I sign up for a consultation with a Fiverr coach for javascript? Should I work first to get an understanding of full stack? I think first I get a primer on the full stack.
  5. Should I start looking for someone to build my coaching website? Nah, but soon.
  6. What can I give away at the fairs? The main this is free planning sessions to plan out dream creative project and business cards.
  7. What is the next step for my woodcut art style? What is the plan for the business cards? The plan is just to work on them as I can while I sign up for speaking engagements and fairs for networking.
  8. When am I going to create my powerpoint for my coaching website outline? ASAP, this is probably more time-sensitive than the business cards.

Finding Myself

Byjack

Today I went for a walk. It was cold, but amazing otherwise, I felt happy.

I realized that I don’t feel like myself because I feel so lonely. I miss feeling safe with people that I trust, who understand me. I think about how I lost my art. My dreams, my worlds. And I think more about this artist part of me and I realize I also lost the romantic part of me.

There was always a softer side to me. It wasn’t always about attachment theory and working on myself. I don’t regret going down that path at all, but I feel sad for the Jack who was left behind. The Jack who cries when he listens to the story of two sisters stuck in a Chicago together and one feels she betrayed the other one because she left her alone to sleep in the same bed as the flight attendant: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/175/babysitting/act-two-17

Or Neistat’s story about his girlfriend Candice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dALypGk3xbI

For me, even by telling the story, shows the depth of their love. They cared enough for these moments to be some of the most important in their life.

I think I always sought out a love story of my own. This is what I loved about college. So many opportunities for my love story to happen. This is why I wanted to learn daygaming, I just loved the idea of meeting someone on the street.

It’s why I liked the idea of dating my current girlfriend. Everything about it felt like a movie. Dating a girl on the other side of the world, and traveling to meet her in person. Finding my little sloth despite everything working against us.

I don’t want to forget the romantic in me. I want to be around people who see the magic like I do, and I feel safe around. People who allow me to get out of the fear and anxiety response long enough to feel more deeply. People who accept my story, who want to hear the truth, not what they want to hear. After all, a story about people being fake happy about everything is not a romantic one.

I think this is at least one part of the art that I’m missing. Art is one part exploring worlds, another part allowing you to feel deeply and effortlessly. Maybe another part is vulnerability, of pain.

This is what “high” art is missing. Feelings are lost behind academic musings. Worlds are exchanged for high philosophy. Pain is exchanged for numb confusion.

Workpost 73: Progress

Byjack

I am trying some new things out to update my routines and actions from the last post.

  1. My morning routine: short walk outside. No computer or phone until I walk outside and get some good sun exposure.
  2. My reset. If I feel overwhelmed, take a shower or go into my closet.
  3. Practicing the transition from my chair to my door: I’m going to mark a tally on my “Active Life” tracker calendar (shout out to my girlfriend <3).

In trying out this new “Active Life” tracker, I decided the following today after trying it out today:

  1. I will leave the apartment as many times as I can
  2. If I feel tired and want to sleep, I can just go to the gym and come back after
  3. If I want to play Valorant or doomscroll, I can go out, do some quick work, then come back and go on my phone

I’m also proud of myself for doing some sketching today in the “woodcut” style that I plan to use for my business card.

I like it a lot but I want to continue on working on making it more clean like this:

Some thoughts:

  1. It helps to look at a photo reference
  2. Might help to sketch out a design beforehand
  3. Need a harder brush (sharper edges) for the image

Now it’s time to plan my day and look at yesterday’s questions.

  1. What am I going to do about my art coaching and AI gaming companies?
    • Am I behind schedule and if so what do I do about it? Yes, I am behind schedule. I think what I need to do about it is that I want to focus more on the business side of things. For coaching that means finding clients and for AI gaming I’m not sure yet. Either way, I need to start figuring out what it looks like to run the business.
    • Should I extend the schedule? Maybe a little, but at the moment no.
    • Am I losing money? Yes, but this is something I want to do and get better at. The best thing to do for me is to not to have a gameplan, just run with what I have until the money runs out. Perhaps I could also try to find a business partner or something to level up to the next step or collaborate with my current business partner more.
  2. How do I get out of my procrastination phase and get working? Leaving the apartment more. Doing a deep clean of my apartment.
  3. What do I do about my art coaching website? Create a powerpoint for it, create a basic website.
  4. How do I get everything done in such a short period of time? I don’t need to. I failed at section one of the business, but that’s ok. Failure = growth. I learned that not taking faster action to get to sales doesn’t work as well. Maybe I need to get more people involved to help me or to just bounce ideas off of.
  5. Should I start registering for fairs? Yes most definitely, also think more about what I can give away.
  6. Should I pay someone to design the website for me? I absolutely could, it probably is a very good idea.
  7. How am I going to get the motivation to start drawing? How do I start drawing consistently? I need to find the joy in just creating this new art style.
  8. How do I start going to the gym and working outside the apartment consistently? Through my “Active Life” tracker! And from being the hero, and valuing my body as a temple. And by leaving the apartment every time I want to do something unhealthy (going outside, then coming back and gaming etc.)
  9. How will I start cooking again and cleaning up my apartment? Where will I find the time? We can do it piece by piece, we also don’t need to cook immediately, just work on it slowly.
  10. How will I prepare for the next week of work? How do I balance my other businesses? I should focus work on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays for a specific time period (8-5). Then trust in the process. If I leave the apartment a lot, things will get done on all fronts.
  11. When will I continue to work on my Javascript projects? What is the breakdown between AI work time and coaching work time. Not sure, we have a couple of options. We can focus on coaching, switch gears to AI therapist (as greater chances of monitization), or try to create a release schedule. Or forget about getting something out as being a full stack dev would be pretty valuable and worthy skill on its own right.

Now to write some of the questions I have for tomorrow:

  1. How am I going to balance contract work with my businesses tomorrow?
  2. What can I do to make sure I get enough sleep for jiujitsu?
  3. What is the plan for getting customers for my businesses?
  4. Should I sign up for a consultation with a Fiverr coach for javascript? Should I work first to get an understanding of full stack?
  5. Should I start looking for someone to build my coaching website?
  6. What can I give away at the fairs?
  7. What is the next step for my woodcut art style? What is the plan for the business cards?
  8. When am I going to create my powerpoint for my coaching website outline?

I’m happy, I think two mentalities that are helping me are:

  1. Whenever I want to do something unhealthy or distracting (youtube, Valorant, etc.) first leave the apartment then do it when I come back. I usually get more done, are more in touch with my body and don’t feel the need to self medicate after.
  2. At the end of the day, imagine what I wished I got done, what would make me happy if I got done and turn those things into a list of questions to tackle and solve tomorrow.

Stuck

Byjack

I feel exhausted. My head feels numb. I feel hot and tired. My back aches.

My heart feels heavy. I feel angry at myself. So helpless. My mind in a fog.

My apartment is a mess. I just want to cry.

I can’t work. I just play games all day long. my eyes feel tired.

It’s 2 o’clock in the morning. All I want to do is eat and play video games. The pull is so strong in my heart like there is a strand of honey getting pulled.

I feel a numb panic deep in my chest. I’m afraid of failure. I’m scared I will disappoint myself and everyone around me. Pushing myself to make my business cards is only making me curl up even harder.

It was a long week. I’m exhausted. But the work just keeps coming.

I guess I can cancel tai chi tomorrow. Sleep in.

Tonight I can clean my apartment until I feel more peaceful.

I know I can use the gym as a way to process emotions, but I don’t use it.

I feel this pull, this overwhelm, like the honey being pulled, from my heart.

I’m capable of anything. Even rising from this challenge. This is important because as I get more successful, there will be days I feel exhausted, and in those moments, I need to find a way to find balance, to find peace.

I also want to learn to embrace failure. Failure is so scary to me. There is an image in my mind of my business cards being a complete disappointment and I feel a pit in my heart. A horrible amaturish website I’m not proud of and I can’t fix it.

Everyone starts somewhere. Everyone starts at the beginning. The people who are exceptional, who are savants are not people who started at the middle. They are people who enjoyed the beginning.

But how can I enjoy this? I feel so scared it won’t be good.

Makes me think of this video:

In this video, Jesse talks about how play allows us to feel pressure while still being able to learn.

That fun is the key to this.

But what is the key to fun? What would make this fun for me, regardless of the outcome, what would make designing and drawing fun for me?

What would make it an infinite game, not just a finite game focused on an end goal?

It’s true, the thought of designing business cards does not sound fun to me at all. It sounds like a slog. But maybe that’s because I’m worried about failing.

Ok, what if I tried to merge my painterly style with “woodcut” style prints. What if I created a new drawing technique that I could use to create cool stuff for friends and to sell as products?

That definitely sounds more like play to me.

So what about going to the gym, because I like it so much when I actually go, but I find it hard to go to begin with.

What if I saw it as supercharging myself – which it really is doing. Whether I go to lift weights or just to hang from the bar and stretch it really is building my body up to full potential. It might even solve my sleep problems.

And what about sleep, why do I not want to go to bed? Because if I go to bed, tomorrow, I wake up with tons of problems. Well maybe, that’s not a bad thing. Maybe before I go to bed, I fill my to do list with questions that I want to search out the answers to.

Here are the questions I have today, that if I knew the answers to I would rest easy:

  1. What am I going to do about my art coaching and AI gaming companies?
    • Am I behind schedule and if so what do I do about it?
    • Should I extend the schedule?
    • Am I losing money?
  2. How do I get out of my procrastination phase and get working?
  3. What do I do about my art coaching website?
  4. How do I get everything done in such a short period of time?
  5. Should I start registering for fairs?
  6. Should I pay someone to design the website for me?
  7. How am I going to get the motivation to start drawing? How do I start drawing consistently?
  8. How do I start going to the gym and working outsite the apartment consistently?
  9. How will I start cooking again and cleaning up my apartment? Where will I find the time?
  10. How will I prepare for the next week of work? How do I balance my other businesses?
  11. When will I continue to work on my Javascript projects? What is the breakdown between AI work time and coaching work time.

UNIT THREE: Planning (day 4)

Byjack

Art Challenge

Create a beautiful website and business card that will inspire magic and creativity in a way that I don’t have to explain to people what I mean create it for my younger self

Creating it like a gift for all my future clients

Business card is a gift and does not need to be similar to my website

Website is hogwarts, the business card is the invitation

Business cards will be trading cards:
-paintbrush
-pen
-writers block
-plot armor
-chiruscuru

Website will start as a powerpoint story -> website layouts
Worlds are waiting to be created
Villian imagined, dragons born, heroes conceived

AI Challenge

My way to get into the industry is simple. I need to learn node.js, react.js and maybe AWS in order to have a foundation to create whatever app that I want to.

Once I have those three or so elements, all manner of apps are possible