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Profit in Peace 22: Feeling Like Shit
Byjack
I feel like total shit. I didn’t sleep well and the back of my eyes hurt and I’m tired and bleary and a little cold. It is taking everything to not play games all day. I feel what gives me anxiety in this house isn’t just the expectations from my parents…but also the amount of stuff. There is too much stuff to feel comfortable around here. To feel calm.
I have been thinking about this idea a lot. The idea of “Whatever you feel the world is withholding from you is what you withhold from the world.”
I feel that this can help with a lot of the turmoil in my mind.
Always And Forever
Byjack
Always and Forever
She told me that this was probably our last fight
But if that were true
If one fight was able to erase
All we built together
The world would make no sense
I think
We are meant to fight
A hundred more times
A thousand more times
We are meant to fight each other for the rest of our lives
Until we don’t need to fight anymore
And maybe it’s only then
We might separate
Because
Every time we fight
It feels like the end of the world
But really
It always brings us closer together
Always makes us stronger
I just wish
I was able to be there for her
When we are fighting
To comfort her
Tell her everything was going to be alright
To give her strength to get through it
Workpost 1: Coming Back
Byjack
I realized something about my structure today. I stopped making these posts. I lost my progress with going to sleep on time. I started feeling really overwhelmed and like I never had enough time to do anything, even though I have more time than ever.
What I realized that I love working. Intentional, driven, honest work. I don’t like the work where you have to ignore your feelings, your values, your morals, or your intelligence. But I love the work that is driven at improving yourself, being present, and making enough money to set you free.
I did an experiment when I stopped calling these posts “Profit in Peace” because that name comes from a program that isn’t mine, a program that had a similar premise to what I’m describing (making profit while being at peace emotionally), but it wasn’t actually about profit in peace, it was about selling things on Amazon.
So I’m trying out a new name for these posts. Workpost is my new name for my daily posts that use my blog as a working space for my ideas, businesses, personal development, and creative process.
Tired
Right now I feel tired
My stomach aches like the sour candy left on your teeth for too long
The bleariness drenching my head
Yet I seek
I seek for more
I dream of great profits
And when I wrote
Why I wanted them
“Life can be a magical place”
“And I want to live that life”
It is starting to make so much sense why I often write poems because they are such a good way to express where I am without resorting to logic.
Today I want to focus a bit on two things, AI Consulting and my art research and my art program.
For AI consulting, I want to tackle the first step of my plan which is to make a name for myself in AI.
My focus is primarily Linkedin, Facebook, and Twitter because those are probably the three main areas I will pull clients.
The aim of step one is to build up credibility amongst people that I may contact. It can be credibility with people who aren’t particularly savvy in technology so the content needs to be directed at my potential audience.
In a way, I would like the content to be a preview of what consulting will look like.
I have 10 days to do this step. Counting today that would be until the 27th of February.
Lets break it down further.
Goal: Be known, give preview of consulting
UNIT ONE (3 days): Bootstrap trial and error
- Make a ton of shit
- Get feedback
- Make more shit based on feedback
UNIT TWO (3 days): Harden process
- Choose my favorite processes
- Try to pump out tons of stuff
- Tinker and document process
UNIT THREE (3 days): Pump out content like a machine
- Make as much as possible (pump out content!)
- Feedback and reflection
- Pump out more
BONUS (1 day): Look for automation/outsourcing, try to make as low effort as possible
Switching gears to Art/Creative Coaching, the point of the first 4 months is to change the lives of my clients, and sort of start my group coaching program. I want to use this to increase my rates drastically. The end of this part will be June 18th.
Goal: Change the lives of my clients via one on one, group coaching and any other methods available to me
UNIT ONE (1 month): Take risks, experiment
- Brainstorm ideas for each client
- Explore ideas of how to change the client outside of the sessions
- Bring other people into the mix
- Experiment with my routine before a session
UNIT TWO (1 month): Reflect on coaching sessions, meditate, innovate
UNIT THREE (1 month): Take big risks with group coaching
BONUS (1 month): Document journeys, testimonials
I haven’t quite figured out the structure for advancing in coaching. It was extremely difficult to come up with things for UNIT ONE and those aren’t even steps and subunits, they are just ideas I can try. I think it is because coaching is such an intuitive thing for me. It is hard to structure it. What I feel I almost need is another coach. Maybe I will build my bot for that and utilize Dan.
Deep Reflections Late At Night
Byjack
I was in a men’s support group tonight and I was mulling over some of the recent discoveries I had:
- I realized that the right person in your life will be someone who will accept everything about you. Someone who isn’t like that may just not be right for you.
- I usually walk away at the first sign I feel someone doesn’t understand me. I learned not to give up so quickly if it’s someone I love. If they care about you, they will try to understand. It may take some time, but they will.
- I realized I have a very deep-seated hatred of women that is shoved down so deep I didn’t know it existed. I feel this has affected my life in profound ways and I want to explore this deeper and understand why.
- I realized that the way I work myself to death isn’t healthy and I need to find a better way.
I chose to explore the last realization – how I approach work. Through the discussion and coaching, I realized the following:
- I feel deep shame for asking for help because I feel like this means I’m not good enough and disorganized.
- I think of everything in terms of lone wolfing everything – when in fact I work on a team. The work I do benefits the company I work for, my colleagues and my customers (as I believe in the product).
- There is no shame in asking for help.
- In the past, when I used to troubleshoot customer issues, I would work until 4 am in the morning and not feel like it is work because I know who it is for, and how I am helping them (I felt good about it).
I resolve going forward, that every time I get overwhelmed and feel the urge to procrastinate I’ll do the following:
- Ask myself who I am helping
- Myself for the money and experience I will gain
- My family, and friends because of the money and time, and experience I can share with them if I succeed at my work
- My colleagues for how my work will benefit their lives and careers
- My customers for whom my work will transform their businesses and their personal careers.
- Focus on doing the work to help them (not just to get it done).
- I will never forget the story of the teacher who said the moment that teaching transformed for them was the moment that they stopped trying to teach, and focused on helping their students learn. This feels like that moment to me.
- Ask myself who I am helping
I need to be kinder to myself. To enjoy my life when I’m tired and my body is hurting. I should eat out, take breaks, watch tv. There is no shame in asking for help. I’m on a team. Most of all, I should focus on how my work will help others not just myself.
I’m Not Allowed to Waste Time
Byjack
I’m Not Allowed to Waste Time
I was standing in the morning
And jumped in place
When I heard her come down the stairs
She was going to catch me
Wasting time
She told me to do exercises
But I wanted to focus on my breathing
Stare into space
Feel my thoughts
I had to bring reasons
Like armor
To defend myself against her assault
Wash your clothes
Go outside and exercise
Take a nap
Or the screaming
Rejection comes next
Anger
Chaos
Danger
Like a time bomb
Set off by too many times
I didn’t give a reason to her
That I knew what I was doing
In my room writing this down
I await the assault
And brace myself with a list of explanations
Of why I’m up here
Coding | Strategy | Technology
Financial Software
Byjack
I want to do some planning to work on a software that will help me keep track of my financial situation while also taking far less of my time.
What I want the financial software to help with:
- Verify credit card transactions
- Make me aware of money in vs money out
- Make me aware of potential savings strategies
- Ideally teach me some javascript