I did not wake up feeling good. I went to bed at 11:40 (much earlier to my credit! I ended up not working on one of my projects and didn’t play Valorant). However, I couldn’t fall asleep because I just showered and my body was too hot.

This morning, I went for a walk and I crawled for about 30 minutes. Crawling feels EXTREMELY good. I found a way to do it very naturally. I think it is funny how great hardship yet again provides so much value. I know how to crawl because I had to learn how to walk properly after messing up my knee so much that it hurt to walk. In learning how to walk I have a clear idea of how to shift my weight and do the same thing when I crawl. I’m going to try to crawl more throughout the day.

Other than crawling, I did feel extremely happy last night driving around but again in the morning I feel kind of lonely and depressed and I wonder again what I can do to soothe that.

Perhaps, I will play some Valorant today, do some art and music, and more crawling because those things all make me happy. I also reached out to a lot of friends yesterday and a lot of people wanted to talk today so maybe I will talk to them too. I am excited to go on the trip to California with my brother and sister!

As for the different projects, here are my thoughts:

1. AI Consulting: I’m happy with the new direction, but nervous about shooting the videos
2. Art Coaching: Really excited about my new ideas, interested in creating the materials that I’ve been planning for
3. Art Coaching Product Research: Feeling pretty anxious about this since this is what I dropped yesterday due to time constraints
4. Demo work: feel bored by it
5. I also want to revist my knee challenge for my spar with my friend coming up and my knee challenge for the same reason

I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m feeling tired lonely and unmotivated.

Feeling into more my feelings, I feel exhausted. Probably need to just hang for a bit.

I went to go hang for a bit and I feel a little better. However, I still feel pretty tired.

One thing that I want to point out is that I at least slept much better last night than previous nights and was able to go to sleep around 1 am instead of 2 or 4.

One of the things that I’ve been struggling with is mewing. Just like last time, I think I don’t know what to do with my jaw. I’m thinking I will focus on keeping the tongue in the top of my mouth and a good posture and not worry about closing my jaw because that feels uncomfortable (and for some reason my mouth gets really dry).

I’m trying to get back into my coaching mindset:

1. You are in my house – this is a big one because I feel out of control of my life at the moment
2. Don’t be afraid to be silent
3. Take risks
4. Be patient

Well I got an artist interview in about 6 minutes, but after that, I want to go somewhere fun and write about the artist interviews as well as compile my notes.

After almost 3 months away from home, I’m finally back and I’m reminded of the life I built here. Peaceful, open, free, and lonely. There are so many possibilities and spaciousness to fill my life with wonderful things.

Today I want to focus my time in building the life that I want to live in the next few months when I will be transitioning to a part time role in my day job in order to spend more time on coaching and building my life up.

Here are some things I want to do:

1. Unpack
2. Clean & Tidy
3. Cut my nails
4. Look into Gi Doctors
5. Look into a sleep study
6. Spend some time with the gf
7. Cook food
8. Plan my trip with my brother and sister
9. Cross off any remaining things on my todo list

Basically, I want to have a clean slate for the next stage of things such as:

1. Finding a part time gig where I can exercise without hurting myself
2. Signing back up for jiujitsu
3. Editing youtube shorts of coaching sessions
4. Setting up more coaching sessions
5. Working on sales plays for AI consulting
6. Researching into buying a house

I went for a morning walk and I wanted to express some appreciation that I gained from my journeys.

Parents House, appreciations for:

• Health
• Cooking
• Playing games with my brother

France, appreciation for:

• Walking
• Beauty of old buildings
• Cuddling

My happiest times in my parent’s house were eating food, and spending time with my brother and parents.

My happiest times in France were spending time with my girlfriend and coming up with crazy schemes.

I was also stressed in both places. In my parent’s house, it was being watched by my parents. In France, I felt very unsafe. Unsafe in stores, on the streets, unsafe in the Airbnb (afraid to break or spill things), unsafe while working (afraid not to be productive).

I think safety is something I want to work on as France is somewhere I would like to feel more at home at.

* I wrote this on Jan 15th…gonna leave it as a journal entry for now.

I feel unhappy right now. I feel like I can’t work on the things I want to work on. I feel stressed out that my relationship won’t work out. I don’t know what I’m doing here in France. I actually very much dislike the country. I am worried that coaching is not the thing that I actually want to do. I find it hard to find myself and feel myself in this relationship. I wonder if that is because of me not knowing myself, coaching not being the thing I want to do, or if this is the wrong place for me.

Right now I don’t feel like working on coaching or thinking about coaching.

I want to work on something that is purely interesting to me and something that is actually fun.

I think that thing right now is making a story creation bot in python using large language models.

In order to write a halfway decent story, I believe you need a couple of things:

1. Strong characters
2. Strong plot
3. Premise, moral or lesson
4. Great dialog