Thoughts From the Conference

Byjack

It’s been a few days since I last wrote in this blog. I sometimes, I feel like I’m pushing a heavy bounder up the hill when I write. But I decided today I’m going to work through that and deliver something special. I remembered something that inspired me today. Writing isn’t about putting words together, it’s about clear thinking. And I love clear thinking.

Today, I was at the CLIO conference. CLIO is a software that law offices use.

During their keynote, author James Clear gave a speech about his bestselling book, Atomic Habits.

Clear on how to remove bad habits.
Clear on how to form new habits.

He said a lot of things I already knew like that fact that forming habits are about creating small triggers for bigger actions (like putting on your shoes is the habit for running) and that powerful habits that are about who you want to become instead of achieving goals.

However, there is one new thing that stuck me.

He said that your physical space determines how successful your habits are. Look at the spaces that you are in for most of the day and that will tell you a lot about what habits are.

I want to institute these new habits:

  1. Meditate more
  2. Journal every night
  3. Involve more people into my work
  4. Create more videos

And here is how I plan to implement them:

  1. Meditate
    • Atomic habit: Put on my mask, lay down on my couch, and turn on shamanic drumming
    • Changing my physical space: Place an eyemask next to my couch
  2. Journal
    • Atomic habit: Write the date, and the words wins and worries
    • Changing my physical space: Using pillow in my lap to write
  3. People
    • Atomic habit: When I have a big project write down people’s name who I can ask for help
    • Changing my physical space: Keep space clean enough for guests
  4. Videos
    • Atomic habit: Set up the camera
    • Changing physical space: Create multiple shoot locations in apartment

In other news, the CLIO conference was so good for business. Everyone was friendly, looking to network. We had so many good conversions and met a lot of potential customers and partners. Some thoughts:

  1. When people are at the top 1% of success, they tend to be far more relaxed and composed about success. They aren’t in a rush for a quick win. In that way, they may already be winning.
  2. A huge part of marketing, partnerships, and sales is about finding the right place to find the right people who want to work with you. Something I think about my coaching business is where might that be?

Finding Myself

Byjack

Today I went for a walk. It was cold, but amazing otherwise, I felt happy.

I realized that I don’t feel like myself because I feel so lonely. I miss feeling safe with people that I trust, who understand me. I think about how I lost my art. My dreams, my worlds. And I think more about this artist part of me and I realize I also lost the romantic part of me.

There was always a softer side to me. It wasn’t always about attachment theory and working on myself. I don’t regret going down that path at all, but I feel sad for the Jack who was left behind. The Jack who cries when he listens to the story of two sisters stuck in a Chicago together and one feels she betrayed the other one because she left her alone to sleep in the same bed as the flight attendant: https://www.thisamericanlife.org/175/babysitting/act-two-17

Or Neistat’s story about his girlfriend Candice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dALypGk3xbI

For me, even by telling the story, shows the depth of their love. They cared enough for these moments to be some of the most important in their life.

I think I always sought out a love story of my own. This is what I loved about college. So many opportunities for my love story to happen. This is why I wanted to learn daygaming, I just loved the idea of meeting someone on the street.

It’s why I liked the idea of dating my current girlfriend. Everything about it felt like a movie. Dating a girl on the other side of the world, and traveling to meet her in person. Finding my little sloth despite everything working against us.

I don’t want to forget the romantic in me. I want to be around people who see the magic like I do, and I feel safe around. People who allow me to get out of the fear and anxiety response long enough to feel more deeply. People who accept my story, who want to hear the truth, not what they want to hear. After all, a story about people being fake happy about everything is not a romantic one.

I think this is at least one part of the art that I’m missing. Art is one part exploring worlds, another part allowing you to feel deeply and effortlessly. Maybe another part is vulnerability, of pain.

This is what “high” art is missing. Feelings are lost behind academic musings. Worlds are exchanged for high philosophy. Pain is exchanged for numb confusion.

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Workpost 34: Refocusing

Byjack

My eyes hurt. I feel tired. My face is numb and buzzing. I feel heat and buzzing up my back. I feel like I pulled an all niter when I haven’t.

Today is the time when we learn how to be successful while taking care of ourself.

This is the challenge that is brought before us today.

I’m going to be drinking lots and lots of water.

I plan on practicing some tai chi.

I want to focus my attention on the very specific work that I need to do, and just relax afterwards.

By relaxing I mean, refuse to look at my todolist until I feel desire to. Go to the gym, drink water, do art therapy.

P.S. One note I want to make is that I remembered the point of these posts, to help do the hard work to achieve what I want, to be the person I want to be. The stepping stones to greatness.

Today I Search for the Simple Answers

I walk the way of water

Of scribbles on a paper

A simple job well done

The path isn’t clear for the weary

To find your place home

I search for my slice of Eden

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Workpost 30: Refocus

Byjack

My mind feels wild

Like a disordered pair of weeds

Blowing in the wind

They seek home

Somewhere to rest their aching knots

And yet

I cannot find any purchase

The loose threads of my mind struggle

To connect into anything cohesive

Today I was feeling confused about a question:

Why do I no longer feel any motivation to do coaching? Is it because I’m scared to propose a $20,000 product? Am I scared to start a community?

And so I went for a walk. On my walk, I determined that it was because I desire to focus more than anything. Currently, I am focusing on posting for 50 days on LinkedIn and it’s taking a lot of energy. I need to be able to have fewer things on my plate.

However, when I sat down to write this journal. I realized that I’ve lost my way in these posts. I no longer do the hard work to grow and articulate how I am feeling. When I did, my poem revealed to me that I feel extremely lost and scattered in my mind. I’ve forgotten the helpful intentions I use to set myself into the mode of preparing my day:

  1. You are in my house
  2. Take your time, be patient
  3. Be ok with silence
  4. Take risks
  5. My house is a place where anything is possible
  6. Connection theory + flow theory

When I immerse myself in these intentions, I feel the distinct taste of possibility coming back to me and my world is opened wide enough to do the planning that I want to do in these posts.

Today I want to continue the work of yesterday and I want to focus on three things:

  1. AI project
  2. Linkedin post process
  3. To do list

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Workpost 28: Taxes & Art Therapy

Byjack

Today I feel very tired but at least better rested than normal. I really want to finish my taxes today and I also want to experiment with art therapy and exercise to help get through the stress and effort of finishing.

My initial thoughts about art therapy is that it is all about reconnecting with your body…to do flow theory or follow what you feel. Art is about touching the forms with lines and paint, music is about creating sound, dance is about moving your body.

I’m doing more research. Here is a video that talks about using art to find a safe place:

Here is another video:

Current art therapy ideas:

  1. Express what you feel kinesthetically
    • Scribbling
    • Banging on the piano
    • Flow theory dance
    • Free writing
  2. Create a safe space, express what feels safe
    • Drawing
    • Writing
    • Music
  3. Repetitive motions
    • Shapes
    • Chords
    • Motions

But how does this translate to greater art creation? How does this create a world?

Thinking about this more, art creation is about the following:

  1. What you want to share with others
  2. What you find beautiful
  3. What you feel wonder about
  4. What stories you want to tell
  5. What is quirky, unique, and creative
  6. What worlds you want to live in and provide others

I have a couple ideas of how to transition from therapeutic art to art art:

  1. My therapy exercise (take a problem and solve it in the story by making the main character face a problem 10x more painful)
  2. Express what emotions you are feeling strongly
  3. Capture a memory
  4. Start with a characters
  5. Start with world
  6. Do a fanfic
  7. Daydream

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Workpost 25: Tired and Weak

Byjack

Tired

I feel so tired

And weak

I just want to sleep

But the worries gnaw at me until I am awake

I look for comfort

Anywhere I can find it

I’m just feeling exhausted and I wonder what it takes to get well rested again. Maybe I can try to take a nap. Right now my physical health is the most important things to me. My eyes ache. My back aches. My sinuses ache.

The main issues that I’m working through is trying to understand what I am selling for coaching and also what I am selling for AI. For coaching I figured out the high price which is 25,000 for helping someone make their dream (creative) project a reality, whether it is a book, video, painting, etc.

I’ve been told multiple times to look for things that might be more affordable, but I actually thought about it a lot and I don’t think I can think of anything like that.

I just want to work on coaching a few clients who want to do something really special, beautiful, and profound.

Turning my attention to AI, I want to do something similar. Make the impossible possible. Provide 10x value, charge high prices.

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Workplace 20: Basics

Byjack

I’ve been feeling quite down and unhappy recently.

I’ve decided after some meditation, journaling, and deep breathing that I want to focus back on the basics.

Here are the basics I already covered:

  1. Morning blog post and walk
  2. Nighttime journaling (most nights)
  3. 11-12 PM bedtime

Basics I want to further incorporate:

  1. Music and dance in the morning
  2. Deep breathing when I feel drawn to distract myself (indicates pain)
  3. Focus on creating delicious meals, taking time to enjoy eating and cooking

I’ve been processing the rejections in my previous post and I wanted to write a poem:

She Stared at Me

I remember the times when they just stared at me

As if they were surprised that I would even dare to ask

The girl in art history class

In the library

On the bus

That stare

Then that feeling I was reaching

For empty air

Something that didn’t exist

The feeling of people watching

Seeing me fail

Yet now I think about it

I was quite brave

I am a brave person

Willing to take the risk

I often didn’t believe in what I was doing

When I was trying to pick up girls

But now

With my career dreams

I do

Isn’t that worth a few stares?

Don’t I get the opportunity to shock

People out of their square lives

Square thoughts

Into my world?

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Workpost 13: Inspired

Byjack

I feel tired. And yet I feel so inspired.

I ran with the ideas last night, of dance and music and I can say I feel extremely sad. Something about how much I miss this part of me. I feel sad about the weight I’ve been carrying around for so long. I feel sad because sadness acknowledges the pain in the world without shying away from it.

I watched this video last night:

I remember in art there is no right or wrong way to go about something. Just like in life. I feel we forget that a lot.

For some reason, I feel the desire to write stories. Here is a space for some freewriting:

A shark was washed onto the shore. That was the day when I asked my next door neighbor Amy to marry me. We were both 12 at the time. Amy was a quiet sort of girl, not shy, just took a while to think about things before she talked. When she did, she didn’t say much.

She looked at me up and down as if she was trying to size me up.

“So what do you say Amy?”

I wonder if this is how the shark felt. He was already dead when he was on shore, but his eyes seemed to look at you as if to say…well? What’s up?

“I don’t know,” Amy finally responded. Her fingers figeting.

“You don’t know?”

“Yea.”

“That’s ok!” I said. I was 12 and I felt invincible…

I feel sad because of how much of this I repressed within my self.

In terms of work, I feel I’ve done the experiment and I can officially say to myself, working on too many things at the same time does not work towards my strengths. I think I need to focus on one focus every day. If I get to a second one, then that’s good. Also, I can have many low effort progress toward every goal, but it can’t be the main focus.

In doing one main thing, I might be able to go to bed much sooner which is something of great concern to me.

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Profit in Peace 25: Traveling

Byjack

I’m now on the road and I feel absolutely exhausted. Tired from the travel to Austin, tired from not sleeping well, tired from getting up early today, and not sleeping well again.

I really want to just sleep and sleep for a long time.

Other than sleeping, I want to focus on taking care of myself, this means sparing no expense, and getting myself what I need when I need it.

This means fulfilling my needs through my values of Health, Freedom, Honesty, Respect, Empathy, and Ambition. This means using connection theory on myself.

The Gravel Road

My body feels like a gravel road

Worn and crunchy and bumpy

My eyes hurt

My energy spent

Tired

Yet scratchy throat

Sore knees

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Profit In Peace 18: Tired

Byjack

4 AM Again

It is 4 am again

But this time

I feel strange when I wake up

I feel happy when I read her messages

Then guilty

I am so tired

Her emotions are so attractive

My little sloth

Then I remind myself of the feeling

Of being trapped

Unable to leave

Into a life

Alone

Unhappy

Unheard

Anxious

I wonder if it’s her

Or me

That I feel so cold

Alone

I’m trying to understand the right thing to do

But as I write these words

I realize

That the right thing is to sit here

In my depression

Waiting patiently for the answers

To come to me

I Feel Sad

Because I love her

Her emotions like the ocean

I know her

Her little sloth fingers

And I still feel

It is over

I Can Be Brave

I feel overwhelmed

So many emotions

So tired

So much stuff to do

So little time

I tried to keep them down for now

But I realized

I don’t need to

I can work and cry

At the same time