Core Wounds 7

Byjack

Today I want to address the core wounds of feeling creepy and uncomfortable in my own skin.

Awkwardness in the Library

I remember wanting to feel free

To say anything to anyone

To have the power to

Take my destiny in my own hands

And walking up in the library

Feeling so much fear

What if she gives me a weird look

Like the man in new york who beckoned to me

The girl who walked away

No I don’t

She said

We all exist

Here

Perhaps, they are only trying to do the same

To be themselves

To make the world

A safe place for themselves

I can live with them

Leaving

But I’m sad

That it makes me feel alone

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Valorant 24: Looking Forward

Byjack

I’m thinking ahead to my next goal in Valorant. I think the next step is getting to Ascendant. It is going to take a lot of work just getting back to plat. Here is a VOD review where I got 1 kill the entire game. I reviewed the VOD with my brother’s friend who is a big brained diamond player.

It’s actually interesting, I think I need people who are higher elo but not too much higher because I need someone who can explain a few things, not everything all at once.

Some of the main takeaways from the VOD review on areas I can work on:

  • Playing off of teammates (using the analogy of treating them as a sky dog / sova drone / skye cabbage)
    • Follow them in
    • Use them as a distraction and to gather information
    • If they die, no biggie, they aren’t worth anything to me dead
    • If I cannot trade, I can just fall off
  • Gather notes on what the enemy patterns are
  • Think about how they play worked for them in the past rounds
  • Peek and clear more confidently
  • Don’t be afraid to make noise and util to clear a site, even if they know I’m there, it’s better than planting with no knowledge of where they are
  • Use skye binds to peek, don’t waste the util
  • Any information on someone in the vicinity or at the areas of no control (at the start of the round, or when we give up control) should be treated with extreme caution
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From New York to Austin: Dance Practice

Byjack

I found some cool walls in NYC and decided to do some footwork practice

  • Like it switching footwork and rhythm
  • Could work on integrating body movement more, play with isolation and connected movement
  • Could work on integrating elements like the spin more seamlessly
  • Practice without music is nice cuz you make your own beat!

Then I practiced in a store window on the street. You can see a guy in blue recording me in the background!

  • Great isolation
  • Need to work connection area around the hips (feel like the movement ends)

Next, I flew to Austin, Texas. I found this cool industrial area where they had not developed anything yet.

  • It’s really nice to play with the movement
  • I need to work on moving my whole body together then isolating
  • Specifically need to connect and incorporate the hips more

Then my sister and I were at a club and I practiced some dancing.

  • Felt self-conscious in the club, could have slowed down and played with the movement more
  • People in Austin are crazy…why is that girl stealing my spotlight??? LOL.
  • Really like the waving and smoother movements. Would have liked to see that lower down with the legs and hips instead of strict footwork.
  • Dancing to music is hard, need to feel it out.

Taking Care of Myself

Byjack
Taking Care of Myself

It’s the hardest thing

The first instinct is to fix it

To figure out what would I need to do

To make it work

It’s hard to let that go, and take time for myself

To do the things that I need to do

I’m starting to figure out the mystery of why I lost motivation

And that clarity gives me hope

My first instinct would be to tell her

What was missing for me in the relationship

What I need for me to want this again

But maybe she doesn’t want to hear it

Maybe it’s too much for her already

And I know it is too soon anyway

I need to forgive myself

Be loving to myself

Sleep

Take care of myself

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Singing Relaxed Solved

Byjack

I’ve always wanted to find a way to sing relaxed no matter what position I’m in, standing, sitting, playing the piano.

I figured it out finally.

It’s actually quite simple.

Relax everything, specifically the jaw, shoulders, and stomach.

Put all the tension right above the stomach (at the diaphragm).

Feeling Awful Waking Up

Byjack

Yesterday, I went to bed late. I didn’t want to wake up the next day.

Today was the next day. And it sucked. Just like I had feared. I was tired. I was stressed. I was an hour late to a meeting that was at 8AM.

Today I wanted to find a new solution. I want to find a different way to look at things. And I think I found it.

Here are the key parts of my new mindset:

  1. Think about how much money I want to make today from 0 to about $500. Think about what projects I want to work on that will be worth that much.
  2. Think about how I want to increase the value of the company I am contracted to – so I can have a success story and be paid more.
  3. Take care of myself. Make tea, go for a walk.
  4. Go to a nice place to work, go through my to do list. Create my workpost for the day.

If work is demanded early without having time to prepare, compensate myself an hour. Then bring blankets and other comfy things to my chair to make myself comfy and allow myself to wake up slowly.