Core Wounds 7

Today I was arguing with a friend about the popular streamer Pokimane, and I was getting really really angry. I wanted to know why. 

I realized recently that the reason why I hate her is because she represents everything I detest and loathe about women, feminism, and society. 

While I’ve always been sympathetic to women and women’s struggles growing up – I was always close to my sister (who is a year and a half older and very close) and has always felt closer to women as a whole growing up (I did a lot of art and often had mostly friends that were girls), when I grew older things changed. I still can appreciate the struggles that women face in terms of objectification by society and trying to find a place within male-dominated positions in society (such as the C-suite, IT, and sales) but my view on feminism has shifted from strong positive feelings to mixed feelings and sometimes outright hatred.

The way I see it, feminism is the reason for the following experiences I’ve had in my life:

• Seeing all myself and other male colleagues who were above average intelligence struggle to find employment after college while all the women I knew had offers through the wazoo (even when they were average). What is even more interesting about this is that I work in a STEM field (I suspect recruiters try to hire an even number of men and women, but since women are so rare, they are in higher demand).
• Learning that the “wage” gap between men and women was about 1 cent to the dollar when correcting for the same years of experience (women naturally have less when they have kids) even though they most common statistic cited is 18 cents to the dollar.
• Getting constantly ignored and rejected in the dating scene without a hint of empathy from women (who seemed to have no idea the privilege that they had in this respect).
• Literally felt afraid to ask women out because of experiences that made me feel like a woman might accuse me of harassment (nothing happened, but it’s a constant fear most men share after Me Too went from exposing some serial harassers to just talking about guys women think are “creepy”).
• Seeing many women in my career perform average or below average claim that their work is not appreciated that they suspect discrimination is the reason that they are not promoted or raised.

It’s ok for women to reject men. It’s ok for women to want equality and to question why they were not promoted. It’s ok for women to point out times when they feel harassed and uncomfortable. Also, it is a valid concern that women have to choose between being a mother and being successful in their careers.

However, I hate the fact that feminists simply don’t understand or don’t care how hard it is for men. They support toxic women and toxic behavior as if women are always right. They often condone dismissing and invalidating problems that men face today. Men never talk about this because we feel like complaining is weakness and we should just “man up”. 

Here are the types of things I hear women say:

“Oh, so you were afraid that it would be seen as harassment? Just don’t harass you’ll be fine.” (Are you fucking kidding me? I know many great women but are you literally suggesting every single woman has perfect morals? Why even have innocent until proven guilty? What if she misread something?)

“Are you SURE she is actually mediocre? Maybe it’s just your bias?” (Yes I fucking know, they aren’t able to get the same work done at the same quality).

“Suck it up, everyone gets rejected.” (Have you ever considered that it is waaay MORE rejections than you can imagine? How about a bit of empathy?)

“It’s men’s turn to get discriminated against.” (So we are taking turns now? Should we resume discrimination against women again in a few years for payback?)

“He’s disgusting and creepy.” (Ok some men are…but sometimes this is just used as a way for women to justify hurting the feelings of someone they cannot be bothered to empathize with).

Men surely have many advantages and privileges in society, but so do women, just in different areas. As Jordan Peterson says (yes I know he’s a bit extreme but he’s the only one speaking the truth sometimes), men are much more likely to be lonely, depressed (commit suicide), unemployed, and go to prison. Women have lower expectations to perform than men (although this can backfire into mansplaining as people assume women know less) and have a much bigger selection when it comes to dating. Also, if they are attractive, they can get away with almost anything. You name it – being boring, rude, incompetent, even immoral.

I highly suspect that MOST women, if they lived a day in a man’s life would find it is significantly harder (despite gaining a number of privileges). They would realize how so many “nice” people are so much meaner when you are a man, that no slack is given to you or your feelings (crying will only get you laughed at), and that women can be extremely cruel and manipulative to men.

This brings me back to Pokimane. I don’t know her well enough to say for sure, but she strikes me as someone who gets away with fake and toxic behavior because she is famous, attractive, and a woman. And I fucking hate it.

Recently she announced getting to Immortal in Valorant on her own and lashed out against people who said she was boosted (got a rank via help from other people).