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Byjack

After almost 3 months away from home, I’m finally back and I’m reminded of the life I built here. Peaceful, open, free, and lonely. There are so many possibilities and spaciousness to fill my life with wonderful things.

Today I want to focus my time in building the life that I want to live in the next few months when I will be transitioning to a part time role in my day job in order to spend more time on coaching and building my life up.

Here are some things I want to do:

  1. Unpack
  2. Clean & Tidy
  3. Cut my nails
  4. Look into Gi Doctors
  5. Look into a sleep study
  6. Spend some time with the gf
  7. Cook food
  8. Plan my trip with my brother and sister
  9. Cross off any remaining things on my todo list

Basically, I want to have a clean slate for the next stage of things such as:

  1. Finding a part time gig where I can exercise without hurting myself
  2. Signing back up for jiujitsu
  3. Editing youtube shorts of coaching sessions
  4. Setting up more coaching sessions
  5. Working on sales plays for AI consulting
  6. Researching into buying a house

I went for a morning walk and I wanted to express some appreciation that I gained from my journeys.

Parents House, appreciations for:

  • Health
  • Cooking
  • Playing games with my brother

France, appreciation for:

  • Walking
  • Beauty of old buildings
  • Cuddling

My happiest times in my parent’s house were eating food, and spending time with my brother and parents.

My happiest times in France were spending time with my girlfriend and coming up with crazy schemes.

I was also stressed in both places. In my parent’s house, it was being watched by my parents. In France, I felt very unsafe. Unsafe in stores, on the streets, unsafe in the Airbnb (afraid to break or spill things), unsafe while working (afraid not to be productive).

I think safety is something I want to work on as France is somewhere I would like to feel more at home at.

Workpost 49: Onwards

Byjack

Make up something for the answers to each of my questions:

  1. What are my target audiences and how can I reach them in a way that is consistent with my vision?
  2. What is a way that my funnel will achieve my mission and vision in some way?
  3. How do I make the funnel effortless and almost self-perpetuating somehow?

AI Consulting

  • Target audience is startup or small businesses
  • My vision is to help them reach their full potential
  • I think the best way to reach them is probably through a facebook funnel
  • That means walking them through some free content, free newsletter, and possibly free community
  • Maybe 3 offerings: strategic consulting, innovation project, business overhaul
  • Strong brand on brighter future
  • Once funnel is created, should be able to just talk to consultations, maybe live streams

Art Coaching

  • Target market are people who are looking to or about to retire
  • My vision is to foster the creation of more masterpieces
  • Best way to reach them is to hand out business cards at conferences
  • I think the best way to achieve my mission is by having some content on a website that is inspirational for artists, magical, fun, simple way to book a free consultation
  • Create a business card that is magical and artsy
  • Strong brand around dreams
  • Once funnel is created, just go to conferences and hand out business cards

Ok, now that I worked through all of that, time to go through the same stuff as yesterday:

UNIT ONE: Logistics

  1. Log the new DBA documents
  2. Switch Epiphany AI over to a new account
  3. Switch expenses that are related to business over to new business bank account
  4. Apply for a second business credit card

UNIT TWO: Longterm planning

  1. Answer the question, how much time and money do I want to put into each experiment?

UNIT THREE: Business planning

  1. Finish business plans
  2. Finish financial plans
  3. Finish self growth plans
  4. Finish marketing plans

Final Updates:

  1. Brand for funnel of Art Coaching is children’s books, fairy tale, fantasy. The website is an invitation to start an adventure.
  2. Plan for AI consulting is to explore CRM pipelines such as Zoho, Zapier, and Hubspot
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And I Didn’t Cry

Byjack
And I Didn’t Cry

It was on my run that I decided, I needed to leave

Dread in my heart

Peace in my head

And I didn’t cry

I told her shortly after

Fear in my head

Anxiety in my stomach

And I didn’t cry

I saw the message she sent me

Pain in my soul

Shame on skin

And I didn’t cry

Tonight I told a council of kings

Of a girl I loved

Too young

Too far

Too virtual

I told them I knew it was still special

I told them that I knew she gave up

I told them that I knew I had let go

That I cannot fix or change someone

Just because I need them

I knew it was the right thing to do

And finally

I cried

 

Tonight was a transformative experience for me. I sobbed today like I haven’t in years. It’s as if the pain, the shame, and the fear were just holding everything back. When I let go, all I felt was sad. I felt relieved, at peace, but so sad I cried for a long time.

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The Cavern Inside My Heart

Byjack
The Cavern Inside My Heart

I think I love her more now

I think about her

And I feel warm inside

But when I ask for the things I need

And they are met with derisive laughter

Blame

And defiance

I feel angry

That the girl

I knew was the one for me

Is gone

And left a girl who only knows about fairness

When a relationship isn’t about

Counting things

But about giving

Feeling safe

Listening

Talking on the phone

Holding hands

Being intimate

A relationship is about risk

Not about playing it safe

And my rage like a burning wildfire

Sweeps towards her friend

All that they broke together

And she takes the ruined pieces and proclaims

I am responsible

Dares to deny me

What I want

My love for her burns equally bright

And smells of rosewater

Whispered promises at night

The trust we created

How I imagine it feels to cuddle with her

Under the blankets

I miss her

Like a great big hole has opened in my chest

And I cannot close it

Because no matter how many times I ask

There is another thing

Another game

Another reason

Why she cannot call

I feel abandoned

And I don’t want to be alone

But I feel guilt when I talk to other women

I don’t want them

I only want her

If only

She would offer herself to me

Fully

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Valorant 34: Deathmatch

Byjack

My initial attempt at deathmatch:

Watching Tenz’s deathmatch

Some reflections:

  • I’m not back at deathmatch at all
  • I need to get better at flicking
  • Tenz tries to micro adjust to one tap, strafes for 1-3 shots then crouch sprays
  • Takes more time on the people who arent looking at him

My second attempt:

Its much better, but I do feel more pain in my finger from the pressing the mouse and it my biceps.

Some more thoughts:

  • Add more movement into the aiming to make it more smooth
  • Flick faster
  • Work on using less force when pressing the shoot button

Some thoughts:

  • I definitely have a really good feel for DM and my mechanics are fairly good
  • I can use DM to practice thinking about angle advantage
  • Tenz is calmer, moves a little slower and intentionally moves crosshair to hold specific angles instead of swinging everything
  • I need to keep a focused crosshair on one area unless I’m swinging
  • Think of everything as holding angles, even swinging, you are swinging to hold another angle
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Two Important Questions

Byjack

I was thinking about the concept of how Alex Hormzi approaches learning. The idea that you purpose things in a way expecting to fail at first, but you pursue them in such a way that you make it hard for you to fail. That the chances that you will fail is lower than the chances of success.

I was thinking about what made emotional or spiritual success. And that brought me to a few different ideas. They all centered around one thing, the relationship with oneself. I believe that the relationship that you have with yourself dictates the freedom and happiness you have in life. Some ways in which I am not a kind or loving friend or parent to myself are:

  • Thinking my needs are not important, especially if they make it less convenient for other people
  • Shaming myself and comparing myself to other people
  • Lashing out at myself when I’m not the best or successful
  • Yelling at myself for making mistakes
  • Putting on the pressure that if I’m not stressed I will not perform
  • Being disgusted by my weakness

What if I took this idea from Alex Hormzi? What if I accepted I am going to be a shit friend and parent to myself but I am going to ask myself what I need to do to make it harder to be unkind and unloving toward myself than it is to be kind and loving?

Well, what would the most loving parent do for me?

  1. Value my emotions and encourage me to explore them
  2. Hold me close when I’m upset or feeling weak and vulnerable
  3. I am the most important person in their life, they will drop everything if I need them
  4. Be interested in hearing about new adventures and failures and lessons
  5. Does not see me as a static person but as a sum of everything I’ve been, where I’m now, and where I’m headed
  6. Guide me when I’m feeling lost or need to defend myself

I want to know how I can make it impossible for me to not do that for myself.

Some ideas come to mind:

  1. Create a meditative time to watch my own content (read my journals, watch my videos, listen to my recordings). It feels like 1,4 and especially 5. As a side effect, this can create GREAT opportunities for understanding what kinds of videos I can make.
  2. Write down and read my thoughts when I feel lost, scared, angry, ashamed or frustrated. Create a place to feel hurt. This can hit at 1,3, and 4, and maybe 6 if I write responses to things I write.
  3. Work on dance therapy especially the following elements: allowing the world to hold you, inward closing comfort, sensual movement and touch, outward releasing movement

I don’t know how to come up with a strategy on how to mix this in with my life yet but some of my ideas includes:

  • Using therapists as a safe space to practice
  • Using people who are close as a way to practice
  • Using camera off meetings as a way to practice
  • Using youtube videos and coaching as a way to practice