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The Go For It Mentality
There are many different mentalities that can offer deeper insight, faster learning and a deeper connection to the present moment.
My favorite mentalities are:
- Meditative/Let It Come Mentality
- Be patient
- Don’t do anything
- The right answer will be clear if you keep feeling and noticing what comes up
- Good for staying in the moment and being yourself
- Self Reflection/Feedback Loop (learning) Mentality
- Look for ways to observe yourself by recording yourself somehow
- Use the objective, nonjudemental self observation to get clarity on where to improve
- Good for rapid learning
- Process Emotions Mentality
- The action you focus on is feeling
- Use breathing and physical activity to feel as strongly as possible
- Very good for emotional growth
However, I recently found a new mentality that actually helps with areas of life that I had trouble with recently. I noticed in rapid active situations like social situations (parties), or sports, or dance or singing overthinking can be a major issue. Using the meditative mentality and or the processing emotions mentality is helpful but ultimately keeps you in your head. Staying in your head isn’t always a good thing because it can actually make it very hard for you to focus on the present moment (even though those exercises usually help you reconnect with the moment).
I’m not entirely sure where this idea came from, but I think it came from daygaming (approaching girls irl). I started using it in gaming then dance and singing practice (all things where being in the present moment is part of the experience).
I call it the “Go For It” Mentality. Basically, you imagine what you want to do (the perfect action) and then just try going for it.
A couple of major points:
- Everything is seen as practice (and is very useful when practicing in the moment type skills like language, singing, dance, sports etc where thinking is going to get in your way and you want to focus your instincts).
- Repetition is the goal since it is practice, nothing is seen as the final end all be all.
- As you keep repeating, you adjust every single time until it feels more and more right. This is one way that you can start bringing in the other tools and mindsets in order to have a really beautiful time.
What We Owe Ourselves
I’ve been making everything a workpost these days. Because I like it. I like feeling the pride that I’m getting work done. But today, I’m going to try something a little different.
I want to write a little different. Not as a workpost, but a journal entry or maybe an essay.
I want to try writing with more of my emotions, seeking to express and be understood rather just recording my thoughts.
Today I felt very angry with myself. I felt like a failure. It’s been days and every day feels like a repeat of the same nightmare. Wake up, work, play Valorant, go to bed.
The deadline for my entrepreneurship endeavor feels like it is creeping closer and closer, and nothing feels like it is getting done. I feel like I’m drowning under the waves of my anxiety and stress. What if three months pass, and I get nothing done, just like I’ve gotten nothing done in the last 3 months?
In times like this, I feel desperate for answers. I search and I search for some answer to hold onto, some insight that will unlock my mind and set me free from this torment.
The answers didn’t come cleanly. But they did come.
First, I thought about my worries and wins. I wrote them down.
I thought about how really big goals aren’t completed by thinking about the goals, but about who you want to become, and being that person every day.
I thought about how focus was about letting things go, being ok with certain things slipping away.
I remembered my theories: connection theory, and flow theory. I used flow theory to feel my discomfort and soothe myself. Flow theory told me to hold my arms up in the wide circle, almost as if I was giving a hug to an imaginary friend. I needed to do this when I felt the feeling of letting myself down. Like I needed to hold myself and remind myself that I really cared.
I asked myself what I was willing to give myself, what I was willing to do today in order to prove to myself that I cared. And I wrote this:
Website Copy Draft
The path to greatness doesn’t have to be a lonely one
Have you always wanted to write a book, create a comic book, or start a youtube channel?
I specialize in helping people who are retired start one their second career…a career in creative expression.
I believe that there are 3 pillars to success in creating any artistic masterpiece – structure, creativity, and emotional honesty.
Master all three and you will have a work that will feel honest, raw, playful, and beautiful.
But it’s a lonely path to seek this on your own.
That’s where I come in.
With a unique background of both art and engineering, I uniquely understand the feeling and structure, and psychology required to complete the masterpiece of a lifetime. I won multiple awards for art as a child, and got a full scholarship to college for fine art. I am versed in multiple forms of art be it painting, videography, writing, music, and dance. I also studied mechanical engineering and have won awards in the corporate setting for my dedication to the details, practicality, and results orientation.
Together, I can help you express what it is that you want to express in a beautiful, deep, and artistic way.
Tomorrow, I will ask myself the same question. What am I willing to do for myself, my future me.
An Absolute Puzzle
I am completely confused and upset by how this girl that I play Valorant went from having so much fun to always getting annoyed and mad.
Facts that I know:
- Used to beg me to play constantly, only stopped because I was too busy with work so I said no all the time
- Used to laugh and think I was very funny in games
- At first, was resistant to smurfing, but after she was convinced, had a ton of fun trolling on smurfs including doing frenzy only challenge
- Used to be afraid to talk in voice chat, only talked to me
- Spent all her time talking to me on Valorant and ignored her relationship because of how much she liked playing with me
She used to be my favorite person to play with for several months:
- Was always fun and chill
- Could make jokes or talk about deep stuff
- Made me feel special because she only wanted to play with me
- Would actually listen to strats unlike some girls who would get defensive when given any feedback
- Was very smart and improved a great deal in the time we played
However, somehow, after months of having lots and lots of fun, everything has taken a dramatic turn:
- Gets annoyed when she isn’t doing well and takes the game very seriously
- Gets annoyed when I’m taking the game too seriously but also gets mad when I goof off
- Wants everyone to be mean and toxic yet gets upset when people are toxic back
- Is mad when I’m goofing off and think I’m somehow trying very hard to be funny
- Claims that unrated it doesn’t matter if she wins or loses but gets mad when she loses
- Claims smurfs don’t matter but somehow gets mad when she loses on a smurf
- Somehow is able to have fun with other people and refuses to play with me now
- Cannot seem to remember any of our happy times and insists that she never had fun
Some factors that I think may contribute:
- May have been taught by someone that being slow and boring is a very bad thing, seems to be overly concerned with it and projects onto other people
- May feel a really strong pressure to do well, seemed to take the game extremely seriously after her friend started playing on it
- May also feel a great deal of pressure to play well and be less toxic around me because she wants it to work out, the pressure may cause her to do worse, and be even more toxic
- May feel a sense of superiority or arrogance? When we first started playing, she kept telling me she was afraid I would stop playing with her because she was lower elo than me. I never did, but always wondered if she would stop playing with me if she got better than me.
Altogether I can’t really make sense of this phenomenon and it does bother me a great deal. I suppose on some level I must accept that something about Valorant and playing with me triggers her in some deep way and that I shouldn’t let that stop me from having fun. It does make me sad that things have changed so dramatically and I lost my favorite Valorant buddy.
Valorant has become significantly less fun for me now. It almost feels like work, instead of a game that I loved. There was a period of time when I was playing with her that I truly let go of the need to win and actually just had fun. I don’t know what I need to do to get that feeling back. I hope she finds a way to have fun as well, but it breaks my heart that it isn’t with me.
Finding the First People On Social Media
I had a thought today. I have a friend on Instagram who has a handle @theirname1. I was wondering who got the handle without the number at the end. I was thinking, they cannot be that old since Instagram itself is not that old. And why stop there…why not look at the people who old the handles for the most common names? Like who owns @bob? Or @john or @mary? Do famous or rich people ever buy those handles or are they owned just by early adopters?
To Love and Lose Love
A dear friend of mine who I was deeply in love with just cut ties with me. And I’m surprisingly calm.
Part of it is because I don’t think there is much left unsaid or anything I really regret about the whole friendship/relationship we had. I loved so many things about her. The way she made jokes, the sound of her voice, the patience and love she showed me at my worst. I will never forget that and I think she’s changed my life in ways she probably doesn’t even know.
I only wish she felt safe enough, trusted me enough, to tell me about how she truly felt. The worries, the emotions, the anger she was going through, I wish she trusted me enough to be open about it – so I could be as loving as she was for me and be closer today for it. In the end, she gave up on me – just like I had almost given up on her earlier in the friendship.
There are two things that still make me feel like someone is ripping apart my heart with a fork:
- The fear that I wasn’t ever really special to her. That maybe she will turn around and say and do all of the things she said and did for me to the next person down the line. Maybe she has already found that next person. Maybe that is why she left. This hurts me somewhere so deep it’s hard for me to face fully.
- The hope that she will come back. Hope is pure torture. I’m afraid it will drive me mad if I dwell on it too long.
There are more steps of grief, more growing I will need to do. But this is how I feel right now.
Recap Video Ideas
This is a recap of an exercise I did a few weeks ago. I was watching a ThinkMedia youtube video about how to succeed at youtube. He went through and exercise looking at 3 things in this order: passion, proficiency, and profit.
Basically, he said to make a list of all the things that you are passionate about, either things you like or things you hate, and things you do even if you weren’t getting paid to do it.
My list was:
- Making money
- Finding leverage
- Valorant
- Corporate life (hate)
- Coaching
- Challenges
- Superhuman abilities
- Graphic novels
- Children’s books, fantasy
- Health
- AI
- Surface level thinking (hate)
Then, he said to take that list of things and think about what we have at least 1 year of proficiency in, where we have been doing that thing semi-successfully. So I narrowed down my list to:
- Making money
- Valorant
- Feeling stuck in life
- Deeper thinking
- Coaching
- Health
- AI
Then, he said to narrow down that further into things that we could build an audience around, something people need or would want to buy. Here was my list:
- How to get started with a business
- How to aim
- How to get unstuck in life
- How to unlock your potential
- How to repair your body
- How to use AI to improve your life
I don’t know if I have any interest pursuing youtube in this way, but it was an interesting exercise to reflect on.
