|

In The Wreckage

Byjack
In The Wreckage

As I sit in the wreckage of my life

The pieces, strewn about the floor around my feet

I wonder

Has she read my messages

Does she now know

That it was all a misunderstanding

And that only by leaving

Did I finally draw out the truth

That could have prevented everything

I wonder what will happen next

And how I can stand up again

When all I want to do

Is lie on the ground

Curled up

Like a hibernating bear

Waiting for the summer

Similar Posts

| |

Workpost 42: Loneliness

Byjack

I felt very lonely today, so I watched two videos. I figured that whenever my knee feels bad I do research, but I don’t do a lot of research when I feel lonely.

Major ideas that might help me from this post:

  1. Think about how to help others to feel less lonely. It’s weird that I always think about who can make me feel less lonely, but I actually don’t need other people for that. Helping others will help me feel less lonely.
  2. Emotional perfectionism definately sounds like me. Thinking about how it might be possible for me to connect with people even if they aren’t perfect friends and fill all my needs makes it a lot easier to connect with people.

This one really really really helped me because it answered one of my questions, why am I distracting myself all the time and going on YouTube videos and playing games. The simple thing is, I’m not a good friend to myself.

Main takeaways:

  1. A good friend is honest in a loving gentle way. Be honest with yourself in a compassionate way.
  2. A good friend is encouraging and pushes you to be a better version of yourself. Remind yourself what you are capable of, believe in yourself. Encourage yourself to be a good man, a strong man, despite what others want you to do.

For some reason, the idea of being a good man makes me feel really really calm for some reason. I know I have been fighting myself and that’s why I’m on my phone all the time.

I wanted to spend some time thinking more about my ideal friend:

  1. Someone who is accepting of me, a good listener, empathetic
  2. Someone who wants to go on adventures with me
  3. Someone who encourages me to dream big, believe in myself

Writing Prompt: Comfort Item

Byjack

Prompt: What is a comfort item you enjoy? Why?

I love my couch. It is white but that is just a custom cover I bought for it. The cover cost me a pretty penny, about one hundred and fifty dollars. My dad said it wasn’t worth it. My couch wasn’t always mine. I bought it on Facebook Marketplace for about two hundred fifty dollars. It expands to be a queen-sized bed.

I love it because it always can give me a safe place to sleep when I’m spending late nights on my computer. It’s a nice place to meditate. I have more memories of sleeping on my couch than on my bed. The white cover is a bit scratchy but I like the feeling of it on my skin. It feels a bit like the canvases for my paintings before I put paint on them. Underneath the off-white cover is hiding a beautiful deep blue. I like thinking about how its still pristine under the cover.

Workspace 47: Goals for Today

Byjack
  1. Come up with my strategy for door-to-door sales*
  2. Finish website for coaching*
  3. Work on personal development and my relationship
  4. Work on my left knee
  5. Research who to hire for viral video*
  6. Research conferences for art coaching
  7. Come up with an approach for AI consulting company*
  8. Fix DBA paperwork*
  9. Figure out financial strategy for businesses*

Final selection:

  1. Come up with an approach for AI consulting company
  2. Figure out financial strategy for businesses
  3. Come up with my strategy for door-to-door sales
|

My Father Tells Me It’s Going to Be Hard

Byjack
My Father Tells Me It’s Going to Be Hard

As I sit on the chair and explain to him my life dreams

I was so caught up in listening to his objections

And explaining to him how it would be successful

I forgot to tell him that this is what makes me feel alive

I forget to tell it to him in a way

That he wouldn’t respond with judgement

And disgust

As if one’s purpose was something flimsy and cheap

Not the energy

That created the great figures

He admires so much

Workpost 10: Shortpost

Byjack

Today I want to write a short post because I want to strike a better balance today between work and indulgence, between freedom and routine.

Yesterday I did have fun, but my need for productivity left me feeling stressed because I didn’t get much done. At the same time, I want to fully enjoy what I did yesterday which was play and watch a lot of Valorant.

If I’m able to do that, go outside and be more active, as well as go to sleep at a good nice, I’ll be pretty happy.

Right now, I feel like shit cuz I went to bed at 1am but that’s ok…I needed to unwind a bit!

So this is going to be a short post because I’m gonna get started with work right away. I want to get enough work done, that I can start trying out this working while walking outside and going to the gym and working on art.

I did this yesterday for a very little time and it was absolutely awesome. I drove to go get food and while I was walking I was asking chatgpt about a coding problem I had and thinking about it.

It felt really good. Productive, free, and fun! Now I need to take that code, implement it, make it work so I can be active again and solve the next piece of the puzzle.

| | |

Workspace 22: Relax

Byjack

I had a slower start to the day. I started the day on my phone, waking up a bit early because my new retainer is bothering me when I sleep.

I watched some Valorant, talked to my girlfriend, and now I have a flight in about 3 hours. I want to leave in about 2 hours. I still have to take out the trash, eat up some more food and load the dishwasher.

I did a bit of a workout and I found out a couple of things that help with regaining energy, and gathering chi:

  1. Butt-clenched breathing: sounds a bit weird but it works. Lie down, clench the sphincter muscle (what you use to hold in poop) breath in. Then relax and breathe out. Repeat.
  2. Tummy circles: put the left hand over your stomach, then your right hand over that. Make circles over your stomach in the clockwise direction. Do it lightly. Then put your hands in the same area in your back and repeat.
  3. Extremity exercises: this can be any exercise that works your extremities. For example, doing a dead hang and focusing on clenching really hard with your hands but leaving everything else relaxed, or doing heel raises with the tips of your toes super engaged with everything else relaxed.
  4. Meditation: lie down close your eyes and walk down a staircase while counting to 10. Imagine the smell of wet stone, always puts me in a meditative state really quick for some reason.

Anyway goals for today. Just relax! I want to get all the chores sorted out and just spend the rest of my time relaxing.