Regaining My Purpose In Dance

Byjack

Today I had a dance lesson that refocused things for me. See for a while, I felt stuck in dance and even singing and piano to a degree. I felt like I was doing exercises for nothing. Actually, I feel that way with French too.

But I realized recently that doing drills in dance isn’t like doing drills in Valorant (or maybe it is). It isn’t about getting the most kills or winning rounds. At the end of the day, dance is a lot more about painting. It’s about creating something.

Practicing dance is about creating a style, figuring out the kind of experience, world, and impression I want to create on the dance floor at a club, in a party, or just in my house. It is about finding my voice. 

A big part of every learning endeavor is about finding motivation because it is always really hard in the beginning, really fucking hard to keep going. When my dance teacher asked me to find inspiration for dance, I didn’t know where to look because none of it made sense to me. Now I sort of understand. I want to create a style or a set of styles that feel like me. The inspiration just helps give me clarity on what that style is. I’m thinking contemporary dance, with some popping, waving, locking and isolation.

Thinking about it now, when I started writing this blog post, I realized it goes much farther than that. It goes to learning French, which is about finding my voice and the way I want to express myself in a new language. Singing and piano is about finding the things I want to create in music. Art is about bringing to life the kinds of paintings that I want to exist in the world, paintings that feel like me (I’m imagining some quirky abstract art now cuz I love that shit).

Art is about finding the spacing in life that you love, your favorite food, your favorite movie, book and song and combining that with the joy of expressing yourself. Art is about creating a beautiful space in the world for yourself and other people.

Think about a painting. A beautiful painting that you hang on the wall, or sell to someone else to hang on their wall. Think about the way that it would transform the space, create joy and wonder. That is what art is about. I think some people get lost. They think about is about technique. Or worse, they think art is about theory and about ideas. Sure art is all those things, but it isn’t ABOUT those things. The theories, the technique is all a PART of a feeling, an aesthetic that will make the world more comfy and beautiful in your eyes.

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The Beauty of Eternal Loneliness

Byjack
The Beauty of Eternal Loneliness

When I met her

I felt whole

Her love

Insistant, constant

Made me feel safe

Made me feel free

Accepted

Made me want to feel

Devoted

But when the loneliness came back

I tried to lean

On her

And I leaned instead

On a wall of toothpicks

Left behind

When I fell

The toothpicks scattered around me

I’ve never felt more alone in my life

I tried to fill something missing in me

With her

So much

I forgot

No one is forever

We are alone

From the moment we draw our first

To the last

And when I tried to desperately fill

The loneliness with her

The loneliness that was a part of me

I also lost

The one person

Who was there

Before she came

After she leaves

The only one

Who can be alone together

With me

Me

 

There is no shame in loving hard, loving deeply. All love comes with sadness and a special sort of sadness that can be so unbearable we try to cover its beauty. But don’t be afraid. Love is the most beautiful emotion we feel. 

We seeks people who can heal us, compliment us and challenge us. It is the best thing in the world to seek out such people. Finding other people can be the most rewarding experience ever.

However, when we feel lonely, it reminds us to ask ourselves the question:

  • How do I feel? Let the answer come to you.
  • What would make you happy? What if you gave yourself permission to fail?

If we worry too much about losing someone:

  • We feel the feelings
  • A reminder that we are always alone
  • We let our frustration out in a way that feels good (running, hitting something)
  • Creating art that feels good
  • Focus on the present, that is all that exists

We should never be afraid to love. But we should be afraid of trying to replace ourselves with them.

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From New York to Austin: Dance Practice

Byjack

I found some cool walls in NYC and decided to do some footwork practice

  • Like it switching footwork and rhythm
  • Could work on integrating body movement more, play with isolation and connected movement
  • Could work on integrating elements like the spin more seamlessly
  • Practice without music is nice cuz you make your own beat!

Then I practiced in a store window on the street. You can see a guy in blue recording me in the background!

  • Great isolation
  • Need to work connection area around the hips (feel like the movement ends)

Next, I flew to Austin, Texas. I found this cool industrial area where they had not developed anything yet.

  • It’s really nice to play with the movement
  • I need to work on moving my whole body together then isolating
  • Specifically need to connect and incorporate the hips more

Then my sister and I were at a club and I practiced some dancing.

  • Felt self-conscious in the club, could have slowed down and played with the movement more
  • People in Austin are crazy…why is that girl stealing my spotlight??? LOL.
  • Really like the waving and smoother movements. Would have liked to see that lower down with the legs and hips instead of strict footwork.
  • Dancing to music is hard, need to feel it out.

How To Succeed At Really Difficult Stuff

Byjack

I was pondering today on the subject of doing anything really really difficult and I came across a realization.

People often go after really difficult stuff in the wrong way. By difficult things I mean anything that has a high degree of complexity and a steep learning curve. This might be mastering a new skill like the piano, playing a difficult game, getting big on youtube, or starting a new business.

People often try to get results too quickly. They immediately try to focus on success instead of having fun and its not productive. They move into what I call the “WORK” phase too fast. The “WORK” phase is characterized by the following:

  1. You are doing something “for real”. This can mean trying to make a business profitable or striking it out for real as a professional YouTuber.
  2. You want to execute a game plan for success. Success is a major focus, and failure is going to cost you something.

 

Instead of jumping into the “WORK” phase, with ANYTHING with a high degree of difficulty, you need to first go through a “LEARNING” phase.

This “LEARNING” phase is characterized by a couple of things:

  1. You have to be completely ok with failing and failing badly and over and over.
  2. You should focus exclusively on finding what you like about the thing you are doing (having fun).
  3. Exploring the thing, feeling out foundations should be the focus.

 

This is because success requires two things:

  1. Solid fundamentals borne from experience and mastery of the fundamentals
  2. Huge amounts of motivation due to the amount of hardship and failure you will experience.

 

The problem is, the “WORK” phase, when you have to perform and get results (make money off of your new business idea, perform on the piano, gain rank in the game) usually is not very fun. It is hard to build a good foundation or get motivation when you are so scared of failing.

The solution is clearly to not skip the “LEARNING” phase. Make sure you REALLY REALLY love the thing first, that you have tons and tons of fun, that you start to succeed without even trying before you start to TRY to perform when you switch over to the “WORK” phase. Maybe this means you start to make money off of the business you started, without even thinking about the business plan, or you start to rise in rank without even trying.

My visualization on the correct path for success.

The key part of the “LEARNING” phase is fun. Finding what you like about something is probably one of the most critical ingredients to success because motivation can pretty much overcome ANY obstacle.

Finding fun is both simple and difficult. Simple because all you need to do, is think about what makes you happy. Difficult because it is sometimes hard to pin down what makes you happy. You have to try many things. For me, letting yourself fail, is critical to having fun. With too much pressure, there is absolutely no room for play. I start every endeavor with the mantra, “I accept failure, it is ok/good to let myself fail”.

A Willingness to Endure Pain

Byjack

It is extremely hard to be yourself all the time. There will always be things that you want to avoid, that you are afraid of. Specifically, things that you don’t like about yourself.

Control gives the illusion of happiness. The fear of loss of control is like all fear and uncomfortable feelings. It is not something that needs a solution or be avoided. You don’t solve the lack of control by being more controlling. You don’t solve fear by avoiding your fear.

Emotions are meant to be reacted to, and the solution is meant to come to you, not something to be forced into existence. The most healthy way to process painful emotions is through physicality, expression and meditation:

  • Physicality – punching, running, yelling, screaming, crying and sort of physical release
  • Expression – writing, talking, recording a video diary
  • Meditation – letting the emotions come and go

I used to write that you should follow what you feel. Sometimes, you don’t KNOW how you feel. That’s ok. Clarity is about patience. The patience to wait for the answers to come, to be able to sit in the pain for long enough to see the truth.

And at the end of the day, clarity will bring an understanding of not just how we feel, why we feel it, but what we truly want. That is truly being ourselves, following what we want in the moment. Embracing that is the key to true happiness, confidence, and feeling truly alive.