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Two Important Questions

Byjack

I was thinking about the concept of how Alex Hormzi approaches learning. The idea that you purpose things in a way expecting to fail at first, but you pursue them in such a way that you make it hard for you to fail. That the chances that you will fail is lower than the chances of success.

I was thinking about what made emotional or spiritual success. And that brought me to a few different ideas. They all centered around one thing, the relationship with oneself. I believe that the relationship that you have with yourself dictates the freedom and happiness you have in life. Some ways in which I am not a kind or loving friend or parent to myself are:

  • Thinking my needs are not important, especially if they make it less convenient for other people
  • Shaming myself and comparing myself to other people
  • Lashing out at myself when I’m not the best or successful
  • Yelling at myself for making mistakes
  • Putting on the pressure that if I’m not stressed I will not perform
  • Being disgusted by my weakness

What if I took this idea from Alex Hormzi? What if I accepted I am going to be a shit friend and parent to myself but I am going to ask myself what I need to do to make it harder to be unkind and unloving toward myself than it is to be kind and loving?

Well, what would the most loving parent do for me?

  1. Value my emotions and encourage me to explore them
  2. Hold me close when I’m upset or feeling weak and vulnerable
  3. I am the most important person in their life, they will drop everything if I need them
  4. Be interested in hearing about new adventures and failures and lessons
  5. Does not see me as a static person but as a sum of everything I’ve been, where I’m now, and where I’m headed
  6. Guide me when I’m feeling lost or need to defend myself

I want to know how I can make it impossible for me to not do that for myself.

Some ideas come to mind:

  1. Create a meditative time to watch my own content (read my journals, watch my videos, listen to my recordings). It feels like 1,4 and especially 5. As a side effect, this can create GREAT opportunities for understanding what kinds of videos I can make.
  2. Write down and read my thoughts when I feel lost, scared, angry, ashamed or frustrated. Create a place to feel hurt. This can hit at 1,3, and 4, and maybe 6 if I write responses to things I write.
  3. Work on dance therapy especially the following elements: allowing the world to hold you, inward closing comfort, sensual movement and touch, outward releasing movement

I don’t know how to come up with a strategy on how to mix this in with my life yet but some of my ideas includes:

  • Using therapists as a safe space to practice
  • Using people who are close as a way to practice
  • Using camera off meetings as a way to practice
  • Using youtube videos and coaching as a way to practice

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Profit in Peace 16: Saying No

Byjack

It is funny because I said no today to the real Profit in Peace challenge today to say yes to my own personal challenge that I created for myself. Today he had a bunch of giveaways and gave away a product for $1 but I realized that it is going to take too much of my attention away. I don’t even want it for $1, maybe not even for free.

I’m very stressed today for all the stuff I have to do for work, I’m very proud of myself for finding a really awesome amazing transition from work to gaming last night and always having a good peaceful nighttime, it is what I always wanted and I finally got it.

Today I need to post my update for the knee challenge, already have it recorded, but need to post it.

I also need to kick off things for the French challenge. No idea how that is going to go.

Finally, the Profit in Peace challenge sparked something in me. I realized that I bought Alex Hormozi’s book $100 Million Leads which will be SUPER helpful in building my coaching practice…actually will help me in my overall career as well. I think there is some super valuable information in there.

On top of that, now that I’m thinking of it, I have some other really good books for business and sales and coaching, Sell Like Crazy by Sabri Subi and The Prosperous Coach by Steve Chandler.

Lots of interesting things going on. I feel like really much more in balance than I have been in a long time.

Routine-wise, I’m better than I’ve ever been. I have a routine working hours, good bedtime, great winddown time, and a great morning routine. I’m keeping up with the breathing and I love yous and it is going great.

I suppose that only thing that I want more of is more friends and interactions outside myself.

Perhaps it will help when I get more time in the morning. Today I will really try to do some work outside of my apartment even if it isn’t in the morning.

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Workpost 35: Naps

Byjack

I feel tired.

My body buzzing with pain in my stomach.

My eyes are sluggish.

Last night, I went to bed at 11, but fell asleep after 1AM.

I feel totally drained.

Maybe its time to go back to bed for a little.

So I wrote that at 8 in the morning. I just took a nap after cooking for the entire morning with delicious tea eggs and soup. Then I spent a few hours napping and now I feel much better.

I really think my productivity is so much worse when my health is worse.

More napping, meditation, and exercise in the future! Napping if I’m sleep deprived, meditation and exercise if I’m not.

Today, the aim I want to focus on is content creation. I want to finish my post, and workout and meditate for the rest of the day.

Core Beliefs 1

Byjack

Today I got into an argument with someone who is very close to my heart. Thinking about the argument later makes me think about what is painful about the relationship in general and the core wounds that it brings up.

Core wounds are damaging beliefs that we have about ourselves that we repeatedly look for evidence for (and traumatize ourselves constantly with). 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy teaches us that core wounds can be reprogrammed by finding evidence to the contrary. Thais Gibson recommends doing this for at least 21 days for the new beliefs to set in.

This is day one for me.

Core Wound 1: I’m not good enough (attractive physically and personality-wise)

Evidence to the contrary (I am good enough):

  • A girl in college who was very beautiful who I liked blushed every time I talked to her and liked me back. She was mean to other guys who showed interest.
  • When I was being myself and feeling confident recently, lots of women from girls on the plane, on the trail, at rental properties all seemed really eager to talk to me and help me. I’ve been told I have really good energy.
  • A girl that I love told me she likes the way I look, likes my thin frame and my hands.
  • A girl in high school once had a crush on me after flirting with her once. I might have made an impression on her.
  • A girl who I met playing a mobile game with, added me on her Snapchat and would talk to me for hours, there must have been a reason.

This is a really strong core wound for me. I often compare myself to others and feel like I’m less attractive. I feel that no one really likes me.

Core Wound 2: My emotions are not good and push people away

Evidence to the contrary (My emotions are good and bring people closer):

  • A lot of my art tends to come from my emotions and feelings and lots of people like them
  • Because of my emotions, I tend to be more honest, open and empathetic in support groups
  • I tend to connect with a lot of women by emotions. It’s why I like to have girls as friends and a lot of girls like me.
  • Emotions make me experience things more deeply, like when I cry watching Moana.
  • My emotions help me read other people much better because I can feel what they are feeling.

I always feel, especially with some people, that my emotions are too much and push people away. I worry people like hard and cold unemotional guys since they are stronger and don’t need anything. I also sometimes want to be strong and dominant and I don’t know how to reconcile that with emotions.

Core Wounds 9

Byjack

I kind of dropped the ball on these because I don’t know if I feel like challenging my core wounds, but I think I need to keep going for the 21 days at least. It is interesting because you are supposed to focus on one core wound. I don’t know which one I would focus on, but maybe if I just keep going there is one that I will want to focus on.

I was talking to a friend about how it is hard to work on yourself sometimes. What I told her is that it is sometimes scary to think about who you might change into, but I think there is another reason. Sometimes it is hard to work on yourself because in order to work on yourself you first need to look at yourself in the mirror and face who you are, and that isn’t easy to do.

I think a big core wound or belief is that there is something wrong with me, that no one will actually like me if they know who I really am, that I’m weak and creepy and unattractive.

She Said I Made Her Day

Walking up to her out of the blue

On the streets of new york city

On the college campus

They both told me

I made their day

The next girl

Will think you are the one

She told me

And when I asked the girl

Lost in her own world

In a song she just found

Whether or not she thought I was attractive

She said yes

I felt she wanted to say more

But was too shy

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Valorant 27: Confidence

Byjack

I’ve been thinking more about confidence in Valorant and it actually made me think a lot more about what makes confidence. I originally was interested in how to multitask because I thought that was what would make me stronger in Valorant, but I wasn’t able to find any useful information on it.

I ended up searching multitasking in sports, and I was specifically in interested in the basketball videos when they talked about confidence.

The first video was this:

Ideas:

  • Confidence is not about positive or negative thinking
  • There are two ways of thinking
    • Logically and analytically
    • Intuitively
  • Confidence is about trusting the second type of thinking
  • Timing cannot be thought

Ideas:

  • People often rely on outside sources of confidence
    • Success
    • External Validation
    • Comparing ourselves with others
  • These outside sources of validation are not reliable
  • Confidence comes from being able to trust yourself
  • Trustworthiness is from people who follow a code
    • Ex: Warrior code “no man left behind” (inspires confidence in your unit because other people won’t leave you behind)
    • Ex: Courage over success, valuing courage over failure or success validation
  • Code must be specific and have specific actions you take to fulfill it
  • Mantras can be helpful

So as they say in the video to do, I am writing down the things I use for confidence in Valorant:

  • Success – high KDA, increasing elo
  • Comparison – high KDA compared to others, higher rank
  • Knowledge and practice – learning techniques and practicing them
  • Performance – being able to predict moves, hitting my shots

What I admire in other players:

  • Clarity in thinking
  • Creative plays
  • Fast reactions
  • Precise mechanics
  • Boldness/confidence

I’ll take each of these a step further to draft out my code. I’m going to see if I can break down what I make each of these things mean:

  • I make success mean that I’m smart that I’m special
  • I make comparison mean that I’m special, that I’m a valuable or worthy person
  • I make knowledge and practice mean I’m smart and that I deserve to be heard
  • I make performance mean that I’m special and I’m capable

For the second list:

  • I make clarity mean that someone is smart
  • I make creativity mean intelligence, specialness, worthy of love and admiration
  • I make fast reactions means someone is attractive
  • Precise mechanics I make it mean someone is capable, valuable and worth a lot
  • Boldness and confidence I make it mean someone is valuable and special

To think about it further my code might need to address:

  • Inner value – what is valuable about myself
  • Inner specialness – what do I think is special about myself
  • Inner love and admiration – what do I love and admire about myself
  • Inner capability – what makes myself capable

I don’t really know what my code can be but one aspect that keeps coming up for all of these things are valuing feelings and focusing on radical permission.

Those are two things that I feel make me unique, I value myself and are a way to find freedom and give myself love and admiration.

I suppose I can also focus on the challenge in life, the idea of courage or challenge over success is something else that I admire about value about myself. Deep thinking, letting the answer of hard questions come to me as well.

The ways that I could act out this code in Valorant:

  • Check in to how I’m feeling
  • Vocalize my feelings
  • Check in to how others are feeling
  • Let the energy carry action
  • Let the plan form in my mind
  • Create a challenge at the start of every round
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What She Saw In Me

Byjack
What She Saw In Me

I saw a video today

About how we should love ourselves

For things

The people we love

Saw in us

She loved my appearance

Thought I was handsome

I’ll indulge in my appearance

Feel proud

Groom myself

She loved my intelligence

I’ll indulge in that

Try to decipher

The world’s problems

She loved me for my emotions

I’ll indulge in that

Seek to find emotion

In art

In myself

In other people

She loved me for my skill

I’ll indulge in that

Not being afraid

To take the game

To new levels

She loved my laugh

I’ll indulge in that

Surround me with humor

She loved me because she understood me

I’ll indulge in that

Confide in her

Confide in people who get me

She loved me because I needed her

I’ll indulge in that

Seek to be taken care of

To be cared for