Every time I am afraid
I feel confused and helpless
I ask myself
What should I do?
My mom told me what I should do
My dad told me what I should do
But maybe I outgrow their voices in my head
Maybe they become possibilities
Of what I could do
Maybe what I needed from my mom and dad
When I was confused
Is the space to self soothe
A safe place to feel the confusion
So the path would become clear to me
Something I was thinking about in this video is how I love challenges, but I don’t like failures. But maybe the most important thing to do, or a really good outcome for a challenge is failure, and I can focus on failure if I want to. I think maybe a big part of failure, is unexpected outcomes. It isn’t important that you didn’t succeed at what you originally went for, but how you grew in the process of trying and discovering what unexpected things were on the other side.
The cofounder part is also really interesting in writing down what I want so I can recognize someone when I see them.
Sales relationships makes me think about reaching out with all my goals and involving people on a journey because that is the thing that interests me the most, it is the thing that I can connect with people on very easily and naturally.
Marketing is making me think that failure might also be about the story you can tell afterwards. The story is not about success, it is about the exciting hook and premise. Failure is one of the most interesting ends to a story, although it can be depressing.
Today I want to address the core wound that I am undesirable and a bad person specifically because I want to make other people happy.
He looked sad in the sharing circle
I’m having a rough time
He said
He didn’t say much more
And I don’t think
Anyone else knew
That this was a call for help
Only me
I see that you usually are very happy
I said
I feel that you must really be going through a lot
And I want to tell you
That it will be ok
He smiled
And I felt
Happy
I knew
During the meeting
He was judging me
Trying far too much
To try to speak for me
I was angry
But I bided my time
When he tried to take control
And asked if I wanted to show the customer something
I said no
Then
After the meeting
Fresh from my success
I let myself be still and quiet
Let the doubt creep into his mind
Let him understand
That I knew exactly what I was doing
That I was the one
In control
When I left, I made myself a deal. If it was meant to be, she would reach out and try to make it work. If it wasn’t, I would at least set both of us free to pursue our lives.
If it wasn’t meant to be I wonder why. I told her she could be forever for me. When I had her, I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. But now I feel more alone than ever. I wonder if she can even love a man with her trauma. I wonder if she’s more immature than I thought. I wonder if I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. She wasn’t after all, able to give me what I needed.
All I can do is sit and try to feel the feelings of heartbreak, anger, shame, and fear. And enjoy creating art from it.
Today created a video to myself.
Sometimes we don’t always win. Sometimes we have to be ok with losing. Sometimes we have to be ok with not being good enough.
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
I think about seeing her
I want it tomorrow
I want it in the next minute
In the next second
To feel the warmth of her smile
Hear her little laugh
And sometimes, I worry
It will never happen
That life will keep us apart
I know that there are certain problems that need to be solved
Problems don’t go away I told her
She avoids them anyway
Until they are about to ruin everything
I hate her for making me feel
There is no hope left
That she accuses me of just stressing her out
Lashes out at me angrily
I feel pain because I know
She loves me
And wants to make me happy
Maybe I was too hard on her
But can I take the pain
Of watching everything burn
Letting the problems stack up against us
She’s so sensitive
And beautiful
And soft and understanding
Perhaps, I can be strong enough
To feel the fear
That I will lose her
I often cope with feelings of fear by trying to solve problems and remove obstacles. It’s who I am. It is the hardest thing to just let something I want more than anything slip away. Maybe I’m too hard on people, on myself for trying to fix everything. Sometimes, you just have to enjoy where life is right now, and process your fear and just trust everything will work itself out.
They say that even peanut butter turns to diamonds when you crush it hard enough
peanut butter
spread onto the sandwiches in a million homes
by the knives of moms in aprons every morning
turned rare and special
under the treads of an iron industrial tractor
the ones I found
took the shape of words of a girl
laughing, crying, and clinging on to me
like the warm reflection of faraway lands
in the morning dew
I let myself fall in
and it was like the sigh of the ocean
the freedom of running as hard as you can
before your lungs remember they need air
but then
it slipped away away
and trying to catch it
I wondered
if those diamonds fall back
to peanut butter
when the tractor moves on
This poem is about mourning the loss of who someone was and celebrating all the magic they brought to your life before learning to accept them for who they have become. It is my first iteration.
Something I was thinking about in this video is how I love challenges, but I don’t like failures. But maybe the most important thing to do, or a really good outcome for a challenge is failure, and I can focus on failure if I want to. I think maybe a big part of failure, is unexpected outcomes. It isn’t important that you didn’t succeed at what you originally went for, but how you grew in the process of trying and discovering what unexpected things were on the other side.
The cofounder part is also really interesting in writing down what I want so I can recognize someone when I see them.
Sales relationships makes me think about reaching out with all my goals and involving people on a journey because that is the thing that interests me the most, it is the thing that I can connect with people on very easily and naturally.
Marketing is making me think that failure might also be about the story you can tell afterwards. The story is not about success, it is about the exciting hook and premise. Failure is one of the most interesting ends to a story, although it can be depressing.
Today I want to address the core wound that I am undesirable and a bad person specifically because I want to make other people happy.
He looked sad in the sharing circle
I’m having a rough time
He said
He didn’t say much more
And I don’t think
Anyone else knew
That this was a call for help
Only me
I see that you usually are very happy
I said
I feel that you must really be going through a lot
And I want to tell you
That it will be ok
He smiled
And I felt
Happy
I knew
During the meeting
He was judging me
Trying far too much
To try to speak for me
I was angry
But I bided my time
When he tried to take control
And asked if I wanted to show the customer something
I said no
Then
After the meeting
Fresh from my success
I let myself be still and quiet
Let the doubt creep into his mind
Let him understand
That I knew exactly what I was doing
That I was the one
In control
When I left, I made myself a deal. If it was meant to be, she would reach out and try to make it work. If it wasn’t, I would at least set both of us free to pursue our lives.
If it wasn’t meant to be I wonder why. I told her she could be forever for me. When I had her, I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. But now I feel more alone than ever. I wonder if she can even love a man with her trauma. I wonder if she’s more immature than I thought. I wonder if I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. She wasn’t after all, able to give me what I needed.
All I can do is sit and try to feel the feelings of heartbreak, anger, shame, and fear. And enjoy creating art from it.
Today created a video to myself.
Sometimes we don’t always win. Sometimes we have to be ok with losing. Sometimes we have to be ok with not being good enough.
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
I think about seeing her
I want it tomorrow
I want it in the next minute
In the next second
To feel the warmth of her smile
Hear her little laugh
And sometimes, I worry
It will never happen
That life will keep us apart
I know that there are certain problems that need to be solved
Problems don’t go away I told her
She avoids them anyway
Until they are about to ruin everything
I hate her for making me feel
There is no hope left
That she accuses me of just stressing her out
Lashes out at me angrily
I feel pain because I know
She loves me
And wants to make me happy
Maybe I was too hard on her
But can I take the pain
Of watching everything burn
Letting the problems stack up against us
She’s so sensitive
And beautiful
And soft and understanding
Perhaps, I can be strong enough
To feel the fear
That I will lose her
I often cope with feelings of fear by trying to solve problems and remove obstacles. It’s who I am. It is the hardest thing to just let something I want more than anything slip away. Maybe I’m too hard on people, on myself for trying to fix everything. Sometimes, you just have to enjoy where life is right now, and process your fear and just trust everything will work itself out.
They say that even peanut butter turns to diamonds when you crush it hard enough
peanut butter
spread onto the sandwiches in a million homes
by the knives of moms in aprons every morning
turned rare and special
under the treads of an iron industrial tractor
the ones I found
took the shape of words of a girl
laughing, crying, and clinging on to me
like the warm reflection of faraway lands
in the morning dew
I let myself fall in
and it was like the sigh of the ocean
the freedom of running as hard as you can
before your lungs remember they need air
but then
it slipped away away
and trying to catch it
I wondered
if those diamonds fall back
to peanut butter
when the tractor moves on
This poem is about mourning the loss of who someone was and celebrating all the magic they brought to your life before learning to accept them for who they have become. It is my first iteration.
Something I was thinking about in this video is how I love challenges, but I don’t like failures. But maybe the most important thing to do, or a really good outcome for a challenge is failure, and I can focus on failure if I want to. I think maybe a big part of failure, is unexpected outcomes. It isn’t important that you didn’t succeed at what you originally went for, but how you grew in the process of trying and discovering what unexpected things were on the other side.
The cofounder part is also really interesting in writing down what I want so I can recognize someone when I see them.
Sales relationships makes me think about reaching out with all my goals and involving people on a journey because that is the thing that interests me the most, it is the thing that I can connect with people on very easily and naturally.
Marketing is making me think that failure might also be about the story you can tell afterwards. The story is not about success, it is about the exciting hook and premise. Failure is one of the most interesting ends to a story, although it can be depressing.
Today I want to address the core wound that I am undesirable and a bad person specifically because I want to make other people happy.
He looked sad in the sharing circle
I’m having a rough time
He said
He didn’t say much more
And I don’t think
Anyone else knew
That this was a call for help
Only me
I see that you usually are very happy
I said
I feel that you must really be going through a lot
And I want to tell you
That it will be ok
He smiled
And I felt
Happy
I knew
During the meeting
He was judging me
Trying far too much
To try to speak for me
I was angry
But I bided my time
When he tried to take control
And asked if I wanted to show the customer something
I said no
Then
After the meeting
Fresh from my success
I let myself be still and quiet
Let the doubt creep into his mind
Let him understand
That I knew exactly what I was doing
That I was the one
In control
When I left, I made myself a deal. If it was meant to be, she would reach out and try to make it work. If it wasn’t, I would at least set both of us free to pursue our lives.
If it wasn’t meant to be I wonder why. I told her she could be forever for me. When I had her, I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. But now I feel more alone than ever. I wonder if she can even love a man with her trauma. I wonder if she’s more immature than I thought. I wonder if I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. She wasn’t after all, able to give me what I needed.
All I can do is sit and try to feel the feelings of heartbreak, anger, shame, and fear. And enjoy creating art from it.
Today created a video to myself.
Sometimes we don’t always win. Sometimes we have to be ok with losing. Sometimes we have to be ok with not being good enough.
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
I think about seeing her
I want it tomorrow
I want it in the next minute
In the next second
To feel the warmth of her smile
Hear her little laugh
And sometimes, I worry
It will never happen
That life will keep us apart
I know that there are certain problems that need to be solved
Problems don’t go away I told her
She avoids them anyway
Until they are about to ruin everything
I hate her for making me feel
There is no hope left
That she accuses me of just stressing her out
Lashes out at me angrily
I feel pain because I know
She loves me
And wants to make me happy
Maybe I was too hard on her
But can I take the pain
Of watching everything burn
Letting the problems stack up against us
She’s so sensitive
And beautiful
And soft and understanding
Perhaps, I can be strong enough
To feel the fear
That I will lose her
I often cope with feelings of fear by trying to solve problems and remove obstacles. It’s who I am. It is the hardest thing to just let something I want more than anything slip away. Maybe I’m too hard on people, on myself for trying to fix everything. Sometimes, you just have to enjoy where life is right now, and process your fear and just trust everything will work itself out.
They say that even peanut butter turns to diamonds when you crush it hard enough
peanut butter
spread onto the sandwiches in a million homes
by the knives of moms in aprons every morning
turned rare and special
under the treads of an iron industrial tractor
the ones I found
took the shape of words of a girl
laughing, crying, and clinging on to me
like the warm reflection of faraway lands
in the morning dew
I let myself fall in
and it was like the sigh of the ocean
the freedom of running as hard as you can
before your lungs remember they need air
but then
it slipped away away
and trying to catch it
I wondered
if those diamonds fall back
to peanut butter
when the tractor moves on
This poem is about mourning the loss of who someone was and celebrating all the magic they brought to your life before learning to accept them for who they have become. It is my first iteration.