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Workpost 44: Overwhelmed
I feel like it was an absolute slog getting back on my blog. I felt like I had to force myself. I’m afraid what happens if I don’t force myself. I just want to ignore everything. I’m not happy right now.
I feel so overwhelmed with work and stocks.
I really wish I could go back to those days when I wrote in my blog and I felt like I was on track and going places. I feel so frustrated. I feel a strong desire to take action, but its as if I don’t have the leverage.
I feel so angry
I want to break to tear be violent
I feel trapped like an animal
I don’t want to write blog posts
I don’t want to process my feelings
To do taichi
Fuck all this shit
I just want to be left alone
I feel lost and alone
Very lost
I don’t know what to do
It’s as if I lost the motivation somewhere
Workpost 30: Refocus
My mind feels wild
Like a disordered pair of weeds
Blowing in the wind
They seek home
Somewhere to rest their aching knots
And yet
I cannot find any purchase
The loose threads of my mind struggle
To connect into anything cohesive
Today I was feeling confused about a question:
Why do I no longer feel any motivation to do coaching? Is it because I’m scared to propose a $20,000 product? Am I scared to start a community?
And so I went for a walk. On my walk, I determined that it was because I desire to focus more than anything. Currently, I am focusing on posting for 50 days on LinkedIn and it’s taking a lot of energy. I need to be able to have fewer things on my plate.
However, when I sat down to write this journal. I realized that I’ve lost my way in these posts. I no longer do the hard work to grow and articulate how I am feeling. When I did, my poem revealed to me that I feel extremely lost and scattered in my mind. I’ve forgotten the helpful intentions I use to set myself into the mode of preparing my day:
- You are in my house
- Take your time, be patient
- Be ok with silence
- Take risks
- My house is a place where anything is possible
- Connection theory + flow theory
When I immerse myself in these intentions, I feel the distinct taste of possibility coming back to me and my world is opened wide enough to do the planning that I want to do in these posts.
Today I want to continue the work of yesterday and I want to focus on three things:
- AI project
- Linkedin post process
- To do list
Workpost 49: Onwards
Make up something for the answers to each of my questions:
- What are my target audiences and how can I reach them in a way that is consistent with my vision?
- What is a way that my funnel will achieve my mission and vision in some way?
- How do I make the funnel effortless and almost self-perpetuating somehow?
AI Consulting
- Target audience is startup or small businesses
- My vision is to help them reach their full potential
- I think the best way to reach them is probably through a facebook funnel
- That means walking them through some free content, free newsletter, and possibly free community
- Maybe 3 offerings: strategic consulting, innovation project, business overhaul
- Strong brand on brighter future
- Once funnel is created, should be able to just talk to consultations, maybe live streams
Art Coaching
- Target market are people who are looking to or about to retire
- My vision is to foster the creation of more masterpieces
- Best way to reach them is to hand out business cards at conferences
- I think the best way to achieve my mission is by having some content on a website that is inspirational for artists, magical, fun, simple way to book a free consultation
- Create a business card that is magical and artsy
- Strong brand around dreams
- Once funnel is created, just go to conferences and hand out business cards
Ok, now that I worked through all of that, time to go through the same stuff as yesterday:
UNIT ONE: Logistics
- Log the new DBA documents
- Switch Epiphany AI over to a new account
- Switch expenses that are related to business over to new business bank account
- Apply for a second business credit card
UNIT TWO: Longterm planning
- Answer the question, how much time and money do I want to put into each experiment?
UNIT THREE: Business planning
- Finish business plans
- Finish financial plans
- Finish self growth plans
- Finish marketing plans
Final Updates:
- Brand for funnel of Art Coaching is children’s books, fairy tale, fantasy. The website is an invitation to start an adventure.
- Plan for AI consulting is to explore CRM pipelines such as Zoho, Zapier, and Hubspot
Workpost 60: Anger
I feel a lot of frustration and anger about not seeing any results with my ads.
I feel anger because:
- I worked so hard and intelligently compared to so many people, yet I didn’t really get any sort of results, not even site clicks
- I don’t understand why this is happening. I get it if people come to the website and don’t convert. I don’t get it that no one even goes to the website?
- I feel extremely angry that my client will take it as further evidence that they are correct (“you just need to be viral” “its not words and images that will get you there” “no one cares about your values” “people wont buy even if its free”)
I think the reasons why it’s failing is because the offer or the video is not good in some way. There must be something wrong with it.
Maybe its possible that the audience settings are not perfect either.
The reality is that my client has no idea what is going on and just wants us to succeed.
He knows that I’ve been working super hard at this project and I’m sure he appreciates it.
He has certain biases that he wants to enact, but those will have to wait until after my period.
Workpost 67: Feeling a little scattered
Today I feel a bit scattered between cooking and working on multiple things at the same time. I feel the need to create some order or at least some vision for today.
Here are the possibilities today:
- Work on consulting work
- Work on my AI business
- Work on my art coaching business
- Watching hunger games
- Work on my relationship
- Cooking
Workpost 9: Depression
I’ve been feeling that I need to take a bit of a departure from what I normally write in these workposts because I need to write more about my emotions, and let tools like my todolist take over the structured work elements of my day.
Caged
I feel caged in the prison
Of my own ambition
Unable to do anything
But work
Mindless work
Though I know I love work
It gives me purpose
I can’t shake the feeling that
I’m not happy
Some free part of me is no longer free
I’m starting to feel like a major issue with how I’m approaching life right now is balancing between structure and freedom. I created so much structure to assist me in achieving all my goals, but now I have too much structure. I feel the need to relax and indulge myself a bit and I don’t know how to hold onto both. I suspect there are too many challenges that I am splitting my attention between and the fewer the better. I will seek to finish as much work today as possible so as to not split my attention as much.
I think something else I’ve been thinking about is cleaning my apartment and making it something other than just work. Perhaps that would create the spaciousness and happiness I need. Maybe I need to go outside more, not to do anything in particular, just to walk and think about things. In fact, I wonder if I would worry about having a huge number of things to do if I was able to just walk and think about them.
On second thought, I will try one more day with my multitude of goals, I will not try to finish one to free up my attention. Instead, I will try to find a way to work on all of these goals walking, or at the gym hanging, or crawling around my apartment. Maybe I can make art too! Use art to work through any challenge I have. I will also focus on cleaning up my apartment as much as possible.