Recently I’ve been feeling immense pressure with the sensation that I’m somehow running out of time.
I feel a lot of frustration and anger in my chest.
I feel like I have no time anymore to work on the projects, and making progress in my own WordPress. I feel burning rage and frustration in my chest and stomach.
It might be the I am out of control wound.
I’m really angry at myself for procrastinating and not being able to get anything done.
Today I did come up with a really cool idea for an AI benchmark for:
Creative writing
Problem solving
Research
Contracts
I also feel overwhelmed. I feel like there is so much work to do, I don’t know where to start. I am overwhelmed. I am not able to deal with it.
I have a lot of projects I’m working on and it is scary to feel that I don’t know how to handle that.
I feel pressure because there are all difficult challenges that are important to me.
I failed big at succeeding in them…I’m so proud of myself!
This is a good thing. To fail big is to learn big.
The lessons are slowly being revealed.
The first question is…what did I need when I was in the overwhelmed state?
Well, I needed to feel the feelings, to be ok with just processing first.
After feeling the feelings to the fullest, what I need next is to find the courage in myself to face the challenge. To remember that I’m capable of anything.
And after feeling embracing the challenge, thinking tactically how I want to face it, and specifically, what small steps I want to take.
I want to take everything that I know as a small task and add it to my todolist. We will start there.
Today I feel tired. My kidneys ache. They feel bloated and stagnated. My stomach feels slow. My head iches on the top. My eyes are dry. I feel burning inflammation up my back and spine. My skin is flaking on my face.
These past few days have felt exhausting, extremely stressful, and demoralizing. Last night, I asked myself the question, how do I get out of this.
I didn’t know the answer then, but my answer today during my walk was to take my stress seriously.
And just now, I had a realization that I have the systems developed to do extraordinary things. I just need to utilize them and follow their principals.
Systems in place:
Daily walk to ponder questions I am stressed about
Daily workpost to grow myself, plan for greatness
Clean space to deal with stress, clean place = clean mind
Meal prep strategy for healthy cheap meals with little stress – fridge containers, tacos, lettuce wraps
Whiteboards to write strategies
Off computer working systems (working while walking, running errands, working out, eating out)
Todo list strategy – focus on one thing at a time, prioritize
Clean after working hours to transition, decompress
Crawling to get cardio in small space
Walking backwards and tibialus for knee
Hanging for shoulders and posture
Working out after and before meals for better absorption, muscle growth, and recovery
Journaling to ask myself questions at night
Walking with no effort
I have absolutely everything I need to build a life where I can do almost anything I want, achieve anything I want.
Right now, I want to focus on two things: recovery and priming
Priming are stuff like cleaning, wiping off my whiteboards, clearing out tabs, filling markers, mealprep, todo list grooming
Recovery means lots of sleep, rest, hydration, and exercise. Specifically paying attention to anytime I want to game to see if I feel stressed or uncomfortable, taking a break when that happens.
To top off this post, I want to attach something that I want to erase from my whiteboard, but want to save forever:
Reasons Why I’m Ready
I’ve developed very deep and powerful life theories (flow, connection) → these theories can give anyone direction in darkness, I forget them but they come back when I need them
When faced with pain I’ve always come out stronger (ACL) → pain is the greatest teacher
I’ve proven that I can complete hard challenges (knee, sova) → I can achieve the challenges I set my mind to
I can solve problems few people can solve (triage, nikola) → normal rules don’t apply
I’m deeply attuned to emotions (coaching, art, philosophy) → makes it much easier to connect with people
I used to walk up to girls on the street → Nothing is something I can’t handle. There is nothing that I can’t ask for
No matter how badly I fail there are people who still love me
The point is not to get there, be productive or succeed, the point is to find a meaningful problem, problems we want to solve → we will never have no problems but we can choose which problems we want to contend with
Happiness doesn’t come from acing the past but seizing the now → its never too late to be happyIt’s near too late to fix it with a degree in engineering and parents who don’t mess with me
I have lots of assets and saving and a degree in engineering and parents and a sister all with money saved
This morning I had a very slow start. Seems to be the same for a lot of days.
I really really focused on the idea that everything could be turned into an advantage. And today, I realized that the reason why I have slow starts is because my stomach burns, aches, and has gnawing empty pain. It is so bad, it is hard to focus and feel motivated to work.
The opportunity this morning is to devise some techniques to help with my stomach and be able to test it with the worst possible conditions. In other words, if the techniques work now, they will work anytime.
I tried this video first, and it was pretty helpful.
Then I tried this video which was helpful, but too boring to finish:
Finally, I tried drinking hot tea, which seemed to help some as well.’
And then, even though my stomach starting feeling better, I ran into another problem with avengance.
This problem was simple. Absolutely no motivation to do anything, being that I still felt tired and overwhelmed. Instead, I wanted to play games and watch tv shows.
I’m going to take the same approach here: use this as an opportunity to test out some new ideas with productivity.
So I have many many techniques in this area already, but I want to innovate further today in a different direction instead of meditation, letting go, focus, etc.
I want to look at why, even in my overwhelmed state, do I want to play Valorant and Fallout Shelter, and how I can fundamentally apply the same things to the things I want to do.
Things I Want To Do
Consulting work
Linkedin posts
Coaching work
Working out
Before I forget, here are some additional mindsets I can add the useful pile:
Walking to vent stress, find peace, ask tough questions, get answers
Workpost is to innovate something
Main Reasons Why I Want to Play Valorant
Can work on a specific skill like aim, movement, gamesense
Want to level up really quick and be a top player
Inspired by demon1, tenz, oxy, and aspas – want to be the best as well
Like working with a team, getting clutch plays off, good vibes
Main Reasons Why I Want to Play Fallout Shelter
Get control of my vault
Satisfaction in optimizing my vault
Satisfaction in leveling people up, and getting new weapons
Why It Is difficult to get the same feeling with work?
There is no specific simple skill to work on
Nothing I want to level up in
No one to inspire me
No team to work with
Don’t feel in complete ownership of the project
In a hurry to get it done
What skills am I excited want to work on in terms of work?
Faster problem solving skills
Intuition + precise logic for accurate but rapid decision making
Ability to think deeper with less effort
Memory and recall with less energy
What do I want to level up in terms of rank?
Money
Intellect
Thought leadership
Communication and charisma
Who do I draw inspiration from?
Elon Musk
Alex Hormozi
Khalid Sharara
How might I work off my team more?
Showing off the results of my work
How might I feel more in control of my work?
Understand that charisma, leadership are part of what I need to own and protect my work, just because there are other players involved doesn’t mean I don’t own it
Using all this information, I want to develop a unit of work, called a “game” or “match” to simulate what I do in Valorant. In Valorant you play a match with a clear objective, and you warm up before the game, and take breaks after the game.
Game Structure
Warmup: 15 minutes
Use to do list, practice one skill at a time:
Faster problem solving/solution creation skills
Intuition + precise logic for accurate but rapid decision making
Ability to think deeper with less effort
Memory and recall with less energy
Main game: 45 minutes
Fights:
Capture questions and answers.
Level up in:
Money
Intellect
Thought leadership
Communication and charisma
Result Calculation:
How much do I think this work is worth?
How difficult intellectually was this work from 1-10?
What percentile do I place this work in terms of innovation?
Why do I no longer feel any motivation to do coaching? Is it because I’m scared to propose a $20,000 product? Am I scared to start a community?
And so I went for a walk. On my walk, I determined that it was because I desire to focus more than anything. Currently, I am focusing on posting for 50 days on LinkedIn and it’s taking a lot of energy. I need to be able to have fewer things on my plate.
However, when I sat down to write this journal. I realized that I’ve lost my way in these posts. I no longer do the hard work to grow and articulate how I am feeling. When I did, my poem revealed to me that I feel extremely lost and scattered in my mind. I’ve forgotten the helpful intentions I use to set myself into the mode of preparing my day:
You are in my house
Take your time, be patient
Be ok with silence
Take risks
My house is a place where anything is possible
Connection theory + flow theory
When I immerse myself in these intentions, I feel the distinct taste of possibility coming back to me and my world is opened wide enough to do the planning that I want to do in these posts.
Today I want to continue the work of yesterday and I want to focus on three things:
It was really easy to write in my notebook about my AI game.
Perhaps it will get harder when I actually try to code it.
I came up with the basic architectures.
Super Basic MVP Stack
Streamlit
Python vector db
Free MySQL
Production Stack
WordPress + NodeJS
AWS
VectorDB
MySQL
I also came up with a bunch of mini challenges that will help me get to the Basic MVP done.
Goals for the MVP are:
Determine the overall AI technologies needed
Come up with estimated overhead to run the game
Raise money/interest
Mini Challenges for MVP:
Create and pull from vector databases in python
Work on data structures:
Story summary
Last 3 transactions
Story summary
Main objective
Geography
Locations
Lore
Physical properties
Characters
Stats
Age
Race
Health
Strength: A character’s physical strength, such as how much they can lift or punch
Dexterity: A character’s precision, agility, and nimbleness
Constitution: A character’s physical fortitude, such as how well they resist damage and disease
Intelligence: A character’s raw IQ and ability to learn
Wisdom: A character’s spellcasting ability
Charisma: A character’s spellcasting ability and saving throws
Location
Updates
Backstory
NPCs
Stats
Location
Backstory
Motivation
Relationship matrix
Time
Visibility mechanism (to see who gets to see and interact with a new transaction)
Overall prompt
Story summary mechanism
Query past with locations and time
Develop multi session chat in streamlit
Teach LLM examples
Battle
Non standard battle
Player enjoyment
Plot armor
Changing objective
Map movement mechanics
Later development challenges:
Explore invalid response resistance (create a way to repair responses)
Explore cost-cutting and LLM selection
Explore personality extraction (of NPC’s or characters)
Explore context length restriction problem solving
Writing all this down I’ve come up with two steps moving forward:
Even simpler MVP – completely prompt based
After getting interest, develop simple MVP into NodeJS + frontend
Then work on full final product
Tool calls might be a gamechanger as well as vector databases
I’ve done it. I hit the wall of sinking dread, exhaustion, and boredom in this project.
I don’t want to create a DND game focused on storytelling with AI. AI just isn’t good enough, masterful enough, creative enough to create a rich world.
I want to focus on creating a game similar to the games I always wanted to create, focused on strategy and cool mechanics based in a system that allows for infinite creativity.
I need to create a system that builds a reality, not tells a story, and lets the player interface with it in a seamless way.
That means I’m adding a challenge:
Think about how to allow for the user to have multiple inputs
Speech – what your character says
Action – what your character attempts to do
Question – what you want to ask the DM
Separate the types of responses
Speech and actions get translated into story
Questions are responded to
Think of how to use fewer words and show more
Character sheet
Map
Voice input and output
Also, I take back what I said, I can make a game on LLMs that tells a story, even though the thought of it makes me queasy in my chest for some reason.
I have then the challenges related to storywriting:
I’m just feeling exhausted and I wonder what it takes to get well rested again. Maybe I can try to take a nap. Right now my physical health is the most important things to me. My eyes ache. My back aches. My sinuses ache.
The main issues that I’m working through is trying to understand what I am selling for coaching and also what I am selling for AI. For coaching I figured out the high price which is 25,000 for helping someone make their dream (creative) project a reality, whether it is a book, video, painting, etc.
I’ve been told multiple times to look for things that might be more affordable, but I actually thought about it a lot and I don’t think I can think of anything like that.
I just want to work on coaching a few clients who want to do something really special, beautiful, and profound.
Turning my attention to AI, I want to do something similar. Make the impossible possible. Provide 10x value, charge high prices.
