Today I want to spend some time solidifying knowledge from my project for my AI consulting business.
I also want to spend some time on my art coaching business. Also, I want to spend some time gaming and working on my project.
I think I will spend 1 hour on each of those things. AI consulting business in the morning, project in the afternoon, art coaching at night.
The reason why is that I’ve been out of balance, spending so much time working late at night. I need a little recharger. I want to work at stage 2 (like 60-70% max workrate).
If I feel 3 hours of work is at the lower end of stage 2, maybe it’s 40%, max workrate is maybe 8 hours. That makes sense, I think 8 hours is pushing it for absolute maximum amount of effective work (you can obviously work ineffectively for longer than that).
But now I think about it, maybe it is less about how many hours I work, but more how intensely I think. I dunno, interesting concept.
Ok so after feeling out of sorts all day, there is feeling I want to process:
Hopelessness and exhaustion. After obsessing about the project for many hours every day, I gave it my all, and all in all I think I failed. I got a few “this is great” “good work” but deep down I don’t feel people were inspired and even if they were, I don’t see a vision anymore. I’m not excited for the vision and I feel extremely tired and burnt out.
I feel sharp pain and burning in my heart and buzzing exhaustion in my head and eyes, and tension in my stomach.
The wounds coming up are: my work is meaningless. Nothing I do has any impact. Everything feels gray and uninteresting.
Feels almost like a stitch in my side but in my heart instead. My eyes feel sore and dry and my mind feels numb. There is a strong feeling of emptiness in my head, almost like meditation but instead of open, I feel drained, empty.
I feel anger in response, frustration burning in my abdomen, hatred for feeling so stuck by people who are not inspired. I feel disconnected. I am alone. I have no meaning.
There is also fear in my heart that nothing will have meaning, even coaching and AI consulting.
I feel really burnt out.
I feel pressure not to get left behind, to face the overwhelming work with little motivation to spare.
Ok, well I felt the feelings for some time. Here is my response:
- This is good, because it allows you to take a break from work and focus on what you love
- My client always tells me that having a good vision is not enough…that’s his coping mechanism he learned as a child, it doesn’t mean I have to agree or stop my creative process to prove him wrong
- My job is to be inspired and spending time on things that inspire me is not a waste of time
- Maybe it will be a good opportunity to meditate and see what comes up