Protected: Workpost 51: First Proposal

Today I’m tired and might be mildly sick. But I’m going to make the most out of it.

Today I would love to create a new landing page concept. It could level up our business by a lot.

For fun, I would like to play Valorant again. It was super fun last night.

I would also like to do some drawing while relaxing outside. That would be really nice.

Finally, I want to do some jiujitsu and maybe take a nap.

It would be nice to make some good money today as well.

There are a couple of things I’m feeling into.

1. I wonder if I have prediabetes since I do not feel well after eating sugar. I feel a bit numb and my stomach doesn’t feel good. I feel it in my kidneys as well.
2. I really want to tackle my bloating and take it seriously. I was able to find way to tackle my knee issues, I should be able to tackle them too. My first thought is just to massage right below the belly button softly but for a long time, it tends to work and is very gentle.
3. I want to refocus on my businesses, maybe create some challenges around them now that I’m excited and motivated to work on them again.
4. I want to do what I set out in the last workpost, cleaning out my to-do list as cleanly as possible.

Ok here are some of the symptoms of prediabetes:

• Increased thirst – yes at night
• Frequent urination – nope
• Increased hunger – nope
• Fatigue – not really more than usual
• Blurred vision – nope
• Numbness or tingling in the hands or feet – nope, more on the back
• Unexplained weight loss – nope
• Dark spots on the skin – nope
• Skin tags – nope
• Slow healing of cuts and wounds – nope

So I probably don’t have prediabetes, just don’t respond well to glucose spikes or processed sugars.

In terms of bloating, I want to keep it simple, just doing very light circles right below my belly button really is causing me to feel like my gas is leaving. I want to make it a habit to do that when I’m feeling bloated.

Also, when I feel stressed, I want to focus on breathing. I want to charge my watch more often and use it to check my stress levels.

I’ll leave my business planning to dedicated blog posts, but overall, my next step is to improve my working tools and setup.

Here is what I decided today.

In order to succeed at the project I am currently working on, I need to focus on developing my business, get me into the right headspace of possibility, positivity, fun, innovation, and purpose.

I don’t need to develop anything external (website, logo) but I do need to develop tools and processes to get me into the right headspace.

Here are some original ideas:

1. 7 whys to understand purpose
2. Write a science fiction story of the role of the clients company in the future, write an origin story to the company
3. Try to tell the science fiction with the brand, website, ads
4. Design thinking – how might we solve X problem
5. What does level 3 look like? What does level 1 and 2 look like?
6. What problem are we solving for humanity?
7. What crisis are we pushing the boundaries in?
8. Mindmap – fill the whiteboard
9. What games can we play with our employees?
10. How can we make it fun for our clients?

Here is the main blueprint concept I am working with:

1. Build the future: create home base to live in
   • Brand
   • Mission
   • Vision
   • Website
2. Recruit more people for that future: I need you!
   • Lead magnet
3. Work together for the future: we build it together
   • Offer
4. Make it science fiction: push it past what is now
   • Technology innovation
   • Process innovation

I’m really struggling to process some feelings right now.

1. I am working through the stressful emotions that come up when I see an attractive girl
2. I am working through overwhelmed and frustrated emotions with my current project for my AI consulting
3. I am working through fear and stress I feel working on my pipelines
4. I am working through feeling of fear and anxiety around money

Let’s work through them one by one.

Attractive girl

Guilt, shame, deep desire

Center of my chest, painful clenching

Stomach clenching

I am bad

I am defective

I am ugly

I am guilty

I am rejected

I won’t ever find beauty or be happy

What if the perfect one is out there

It’s not about the perfect person who meets all your needs. It’s the relationship that meets all of your needs.

Why do I place all my hopes and dreams on a person? Because I want to be happy and I’ve only felt that in shallow relationships. I like meeting people. I like the feeling of possibility in life of variety.

Can I meet those needs in a relationship? Can I find novelty and excitement in a relationship?

Why is desire such an important need for adventures for me? Just because I’m in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can’t be attractive. But I want to find someone attractive, then for them and me to do the little romantic dance. I worry when I’m in a relationship, that’s not possible anymore.

I think honestly the fear comes from lack of needs being met in the relationship. Specifically around safety, social needs, chemistry, and inspiration. I feel if I felt if I felt safe to talk openly about people that are attractive and my partner is secure enough in herself, I felt my social needs are met, I felt strong chemistry, and inspired I would not find others attractive.

I want to switch my mindset over from comparing and wanting to meet my needs via others, and focus more on the relationship. Looking elsewhere is giving up on the relationship and if I really want to look elsewhere, I want to first end the relationship.

I don’t want to neglect my needs anymore.

I want to first meet my needs myself, then in the relationship:

1. Safety – self acceptance and kindness
2. Social needs – be in touch with moment, who people really are
3. Chemistry – spending more time on self care, self massage
4. Inspiration – reminding myself of the greatness I am capable of, of the change I can create

For the relationship, I want to continue working through needs course.

I feel fear in my chest when I think about my relationship. I feel uncertainty.

No matter what happens I will find peace and happiness because of the way I engage with the world.

My little emotional processing toolkit for meeting my needs:

1. Radical acceptance, hold myself, be curious, somatic
2. Self love, massage
3. Be in the moment, see things how they are

Chemistry

The indescribable feeling

Like the beauty of the red in the roses

Unfurled

Cutting in the corners, filling then in

This feeling of a world around you

That you carry everywhere you go

Our worlds meet

The openness to connect with me

Ok, this raises so many questions it is time to move along

Project Frustration

I feel lost, overwhelmed, and misunderstood.

What if I fail? What if its all for nothing? I don’t know what to do. It feels like so much work.

I don’t know what to do to be effective. I feel the time is running out so fast.

I need to focus on the end goal. Ignore everything else, its just a bonus.