Workpost 52: Exhausted

I feel overwhelmed and exhausted today. I want to finish a lot of things today but I feel overwhelmed thinking about it. Maybe it’s time to process more fears.

I have to finish my work today.

I feel it in the pit of my stomach, my chest this numbing roaring anxiety but also exhaustion and numbness in my head.

I feel like a failure. I’m panicking about not being able to get work done.

One thing that came up for me is that working really hard can help me sleep. All I need to do is fail at creating a package. All I need to complete the deliverable, it doesn’t matter if I do it in a shitty way.

Tony Robbins said to fall in love with your customer.

I want to see my customer succeed. I want to see them happy and thriving. I can make that happen.

I’m afraid to sleep. I’m afraid the day will pass me by.

Not being able to sleep means there is extra energy I have to use. I can use that energy to help my customer and myself. You don’t need to sleep until you feel that release.

I’m afraid I will play Valorant or do something else to cope. I’m afraid the day will pass me by. I’m afraid my addictions will drain me of energy.

Wanting to play Valorant is a sign for massage and addressing some of the physical issues I am experiencing.

These days I feel a bit lethargic. It might just be because I’m recovering from 5ks and need more rest than normal. I also just feel a lot of pressure overall. I see these mornings as a way for me to slowly set up my house, set up my mental space as a good place to work.

I like to go through my to do list, my calendar, and work things out.

On thing that occurs to me when I’m thinking through my to do list is that I’m way to ambitious and unfocused. The point of the to do list is to brain dump and really find the most important high priority thing (using emotional priority not logical priority).

And before I even think about prioritizing, I want to get back to building my house – you are in my house, take risks, be ok with silence, take your time.

Today my main goal is to finish my business cards and website for my art coaching.

Another main system or habit I want to institute, if I miss a time block to do something on my calendar, I delete the event and add it back to my to do list.

My goal today is to find balance, however that looks like…feeling like I can spend time meeting all my needs and progressing at the speed that I want to progress at.

For my AI Consulting, I want to spend some time this morning thinking through it a little more and following some of the steps I took in my project.

For my consulting project, here are the things I want to get done:

1. Draft up all the major pages in the website
2. Create a signup experience
3. Create a plan for all lead magnet ideas

Major pages:

1. What it’s like to work with us
2. What your customers will experience
3. Mission vision and values

Today the matches were a bit different. I focused on checking off major things I wanted to work on in my to do list for my own life.

Match 1

Reflections:

1. My warmup was entirely physical. Nothing was mental. Hard to understand what is the most effective warmup, but I feel like I’m going in the right direction.

Result Calculation:

1. How much closer does this work get to me to where I want to be? This work gets me significantly closer to where I need to be, not only just for my meeting with a mentor tomorrow, but also because it helps me get back into the coaching business.
2. How did I perform mentally (efficiency, depth, speed) from 1-10? I’d say my performance was maybe a 6. High efficiency, middling depth and speed.
3. What percentile do I place this work in terms of innovation? 5%. Not very innovative, business as usual.

I’ve been feeling really out of sorts recently. Not going to bed at a reasonable time. Not brushing my teeth. Not eating well. And it all comes down to pressure. Pressure to post youtube videos. Pressure to perform at work. Pressure to rest my eyes. Pressure to do jiujitsu.

I feel beyond overwhelmed and turn to the only outlet I saw…gaming.

It’s almost as if my unconscious mind felt I really needed to meet my need to succeed and the fastest and easiest way with the lowest chance of failure is to win a game. Makes sense I guess.

In any case, I would like to return to a couple of core tenants.

1. Extreme focus to deal with the overwhelm. I only need to focus on one thing at a time.
2. Being there for myself. Asking myself every step of the day, what can I do to be there for myself.

In keeping with the tenant of focus, here are the priorities in order:

1. Health – let myself take care of myself
2. Getting work done for my job (to the degree where I feel comfortable)
3. Youtube