Deep Reflections Late At Night
I was in a men’s support group tonight and I was mulling over some of the recent discoveries I had:
- I realized that the right person in your life will be someone who will accept everything about you. Someone who isn’t like that may just not be right for you.
- I usually walk away at the first sign I feel someone doesn’t understand me. I learned not to give up so quickly if it’s someone I love. If they care about you, they will try to understand. It may take some time, but they will.
- I realized I have a very deep-seated hatred of women that is shoved down so deep I didn’t know it existed. I feel this has affected my life in profound ways and I want to explore this deeper and understand why.
- I realized that the way I work myself to death isn’t healthy and I need to find a better way.
I chose to explore the last realization – how I approach work. Through the discussion and coaching, I realized the following:
- I feel deep shame for asking for help because I feel like this means I’m not good enough and disorganized.
- I think of everything in terms of lone wolfing everything – when in fact I work on a team. The work I do benefits the company I work for, my colleagues and my customers (as I believe in the product).
- There is no shame in asking for help.
- In the past, when I used to troubleshoot customer issues, I would work until 4 am in the morning and not feel like it is work because I know who it is for, and how I am helping them (I felt good about it).
I resolve going forward, that every time I get overwhelmed and feel the urge to procrastinate I’ll do the following:
- Ask myself who I am helping
- Myself for the money and experience I will gain
- My family, and friends because of the money and time, and experience I can share with them if I succeed at my work
- My colleagues for how my work will benefit their lives and careers
- My customers for whom my work will transform their businesses and their personal careers.
- Focus on doing the work to help them (not just to get it done).
- I will never forget the story of the teacher who said the moment that teaching transformed for them was the moment that they stopped trying to teach, and focused on helping their students learn. This feels like that moment to me.
- Ask myself who I am helping
I need to be kinder to myself. To enjoy my life when I’m tired and my body is hurting. I should eat out, take breaks, watch tv. There is no shame in asking for help. I’m on a team. Most of all, I should focus on how my work will help others not just myself.
