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Ugly Water
Ugly Water
My little sloth talks about her ugly water
In a roaring ocean
Of fear and hatred
Roaring outside
Inside her little room
She stands by the room
Holding it closed
Always holding
As she feels the pressure of it
About to overwhelm everything
Leaking
Like the seeping of dread
She looks and
It was a mistake
Because she forgot to hold the door closed
Workpost 50: Fundamentals
Today is kinda busy and I want to focus on fundamentals – clearing out my todo list, getting all the UNIT ONE things crossed off my list, editing my interview with Danuta Hinc etc.
I also want to focus on the thing that I’ve put off for months, setting up my black out curtains. If I can get that set up today, then I will have accomplished something big.
If I’m able to sort out all the fundamentals. Then the next things to focus on for my business are the following:
- AI Consulting mood board
- Art coaching sketching
- Hubspot and CRM exploration
Water In the Basement
Water in the Basement
There was water in the basement today
My mom handed me a garbage bag
To throw away things
That we couldn’t wash
The saddest thing
Was a cardboard sculpture of myself
Because I knew
It was sodden and sad
Paper hair plastered on the side
Like a sad version of a bad hair day
I remembered when it was new
When my art professor told us about Chris Gilmour
The sculptor who used cardboard instead of stone
Intricate cars and motorcyles
Precisely detailed in warm brown
And gave us the assignment to create a sculpture of ourselves
But my sculpture
Wasn’t like Gilmour’s at all
It was all messy cardboard
Hot glued together
It didn’t look like me
But it felt like me
When I looked into the eyes
I remembered the way I felt
My mind was all stars and night and imagination
Some part of me
Is afraid to let it go
It’s a familiar sad feeling
Like what I felt when I let go of the girl I loved
Only
This time
The person I’m letting go of
Is the person
Who made the sculpture
Years ago
When I look at this sculpture that I made in wood and mixed media class, I remember what I felt in college. So young and full of promise. That I could be anything, do anything. That I didn’t have to think about the rest of my life. Part of me always wants to go back. And it is hard to admit that that part of my life is over.
I think about this when I wait for nighttime. It is nighttime when I will see how things are going to unfold. I hope she will show me her vulnerable side, her emotional side again. The parts of her that I knew I needed in my life when I first met her. But I know, I cannot force her to be that person for me. That there is a possibility, that she won’t. That she will be closed and I’m so sad that I may have to say goodbye to the person I was when I was in love with her.
I Wish I Could Hold Her
I Wish I Could Hold Her
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
Workspace 21: Be the Underdog
I’ve been thinking more about rejection and working through some of my thoughts with it.
I want people to validate me to feel confident being myself. But validation and confidence are completely different.
Confidence is all about being ok with not getting other’s approval and validation, being ok with not being the strongest, the smartest, the most attractive. I want to find a way to let go of seeking approval from everyone. That is seriously holding me back.
The first thing I realized is that I need to be clear about what I value outside of approval.
I love solving difficult problems. I love learning, growing, and improving myself. I love creating. I love meeting new people and connecting with those people on a deep level. I love consuming art and music, writing and dance.
Being rejected doesn’t stop me from pursuing those things. In fact, people who reject me might realize my path is one they admire and want to follow.
The second thing I realized is that I can use rejection as motivation. It’s just a challenge to my ego. It makes me stronger.
I don’t want anything handed to me. The hero has the slay the dragon. I want to be the underdog, and I strive for greatness.
The Bubble
The Bubble
Our words to each other
Are poor feeble tools
Unwieldy, inefficient, inaccurate
Yet they built something
We fumbled yes
It’s part of our practice
And make me feel hope
That when we meet
We find ourselves
In a place where all else disappears
Except the two of us
Our minds
Our emotions
Mixing
Like water in a bowl
A place where words dissolve
Like mints
Into their true feelings
And our minds as one
Find a place
Outside space and time
Ugly Water
Ugly Water
My little sloth talks about her ugly water
In a roaring ocean
Of fear and hatred
Roaring outside
Inside her little room
She stands by the room
Holding it closed
Always holding
As she feels the pressure of it
About to overwhelm everything
Leaking
Like the seeping of dread
She looks and
It was a mistake
Because she forgot to hold the door closed
Workpost 50: Fundamentals
Today is kinda busy and I want to focus on fundamentals – clearing out my todo list, getting all the UNIT ONE things crossed off my list, editing my interview with Danuta Hinc etc.
I also want to focus on the thing that I’ve put off for months, setting up my black out curtains. If I can get that set up today, then I will have accomplished something big.
If I’m able to sort out all the fundamentals. Then the next things to focus on for my business are the following:
- AI Consulting mood board
- Art coaching sketching
- Hubspot and CRM exploration
Water In the Basement
Water in the Basement
There was water in the basement today
My mom handed me a garbage bag
To throw away things
That we couldn’t wash
The saddest thing
Was a cardboard sculpture of myself
Because I knew
It was sodden and sad
Paper hair plastered on the side
Like a sad version of a bad hair day
I remembered when it was new
When my art professor told us about Chris Gilmour
The sculptor who used cardboard instead of stone
Intricate cars and motorcyles
Precisely detailed in warm brown
And gave us the assignment to create a sculpture of ourselves
But my sculpture
Wasn’t like Gilmour’s at all
It was all messy cardboard
Hot glued together
It didn’t look like me
But it felt like me
When I looked into the eyes
I remembered the way I felt
My mind was all stars and night and imagination
Some part of me
Is afraid to let it go
It’s a familiar sad feeling
Like what I felt when I let go of the girl I loved
Only
This time
The person I’m letting go of
Is the person
Who made the sculpture
Years ago
When I look at this sculpture that I made in wood and mixed media class, I remember what I felt in college. So young and full of promise. That I could be anything, do anything. That I didn’t have to think about the rest of my life. Part of me always wants to go back. And it is hard to admit that that part of my life is over.
I think about this when I wait for nighttime. It is nighttime when I will see how things are going to unfold. I hope she will show me her vulnerable side, her emotional side again. The parts of her that I knew I needed in my life when I first met her. But I know, I cannot force her to be that person for me. That there is a possibility, that she won’t. That she will be closed and I’m so sad that I may have to say goodbye to the person I was when I was in love with her.
I Wish I Could Hold Her
I Wish I Could Hold Her
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
Workspace 21: Be the Underdog
I’ve been thinking more about rejection and working through some of my thoughts with it.
I want people to validate me to feel confident being myself. But validation and confidence are completely different.
Confidence is all about being ok with not getting other’s approval and validation, being ok with not being the strongest, the smartest, the most attractive. I want to find a way to let go of seeking approval from everyone. That is seriously holding me back.
The first thing I realized is that I need to be clear about what I value outside of approval.
I love solving difficult problems. I love learning, growing, and improving myself. I love creating. I love meeting new people and connecting with those people on a deep level. I love consuming art and music, writing and dance.
Being rejected doesn’t stop me from pursuing those things. In fact, people who reject me might realize my path is one they admire and want to follow.
The second thing I realized is that I can use rejection as motivation. It’s just a challenge to my ego. It makes me stronger.
I don’t want anything handed to me. The hero has the slay the dragon. I want to be the underdog, and I strive for greatness.
The Bubble
The Bubble
Our words to each other
Are poor feeble tools
Unwieldy, inefficient, inaccurate
Yet they built something
We fumbled yes
It’s part of our practice
And make me feel hope
That when we meet
We find ourselves
In a place where all else disappears
Except the two of us
Our minds
Our emotions
Mixing
Like water in a bowl
A place where words dissolve
Like mints
Into their true feelings
And our minds as one
Find a place
Outside space and time
Ugly Water
Ugly Water
My little sloth talks about her ugly water
In a roaring ocean
Of fear and hatred
Roaring outside
Inside her little room
She stands by the room
Holding it closed
Always holding
As she feels the pressure of it
About to overwhelm everything
Leaking
Like the seeping of dread
She looks and
It was a mistake
Because she forgot to hold the door closed
Workpost 50: Fundamentals
Today is kinda busy and I want to focus on fundamentals – clearing out my todo list, getting all the UNIT ONE things crossed off my list, editing my interview with Danuta Hinc etc.
I also want to focus on the thing that I’ve put off for months, setting up my black out curtains. If I can get that set up today, then I will have accomplished something big.
If I’m able to sort out all the fundamentals. Then the next things to focus on for my business are the following:
- AI Consulting mood board
- Art coaching sketching
- Hubspot and CRM exploration
Water In the Basement
Water in the Basement
There was water in the basement today
My mom handed me a garbage bag
To throw away things
That we couldn’t wash
The saddest thing
Was a cardboard sculpture of myself
Because I knew
It was sodden and sad
Paper hair plastered on the side
Like a sad version of a bad hair day
I remembered when it was new
When my art professor told us about Chris Gilmour
The sculptor who used cardboard instead of stone
Intricate cars and motorcyles
Precisely detailed in warm brown
And gave us the assignment to create a sculpture of ourselves
But my sculpture
Wasn’t like Gilmour’s at all
It was all messy cardboard
Hot glued together
It didn’t look like me
But it felt like me
When I looked into the eyes
I remembered the way I felt
My mind was all stars and night and imagination
Some part of me
Is afraid to let it go
It’s a familiar sad feeling
Like what I felt when I let go of the girl I loved
Only
This time
The person I’m letting go of
Is the person
Who made the sculpture
Years ago
When I look at this sculpture that I made in wood and mixed media class, I remember what I felt in college. So young and full of promise. That I could be anything, do anything. That I didn’t have to think about the rest of my life. Part of me always wants to go back. And it is hard to admit that that part of my life is over.
I think about this when I wait for nighttime. It is nighttime when I will see how things are going to unfold. I hope she will show me her vulnerable side, her emotional side again. The parts of her that I knew I needed in my life when I first met her. But I know, I cannot force her to be that person for me. That there is a possibility, that she won’t. That she will be closed and I’m so sad that I may have to say goodbye to the person I was when I was in love with her.
I Wish I Could Hold Her
I Wish I Could Hold Her
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
Workspace 21: Be the Underdog
I’ve been thinking more about rejection and working through some of my thoughts with it.
I want people to validate me to feel confident being myself. But validation and confidence are completely different.
Confidence is all about being ok with not getting other’s approval and validation, being ok with not being the strongest, the smartest, the most attractive. I want to find a way to let go of seeking approval from everyone. That is seriously holding me back.
The first thing I realized is that I need to be clear about what I value outside of approval.
I love solving difficult problems. I love learning, growing, and improving myself. I love creating. I love meeting new people and connecting with those people on a deep level. I love consuming art and music, writing and dance.
Being rejected doesn’t stop me from pursuing those things. In fact, people who reject me might realize my path is one they admire and want to follow.
The second thing I realized is that I can use rejection as motivation. It’s just a challenge to my ego. It makes me stronger.
I don’t want anything handed to me. The hero has the slay the dragon. I want to be the underdog, and I strive for greatness.
The Bubble
The Bubble
Our words to each other
Are poor feeble tools
Unwieldy, inefficient, inaccurate
Yet they built something
We fumbled yes
It’s part of our practice
And make me feel hope
That when we meet
We find ourselves
In a place where all else disappears
Except the two of us
Our minds
Our emotions
Mixing
Like water in a bowl
A place where words dissolve
Like mints
Into their true feelings
And our minds as one
Find a place
Outside space and time