I’m in a new place
And I feel lost
When I asked her why
She told me
It’s because I am coping with the emotions
By not feeling them
That my old life
Gave me a lot of my needs
And that it will take time
For me to find it again
I asked myself
In the men’s group
What I should do
And the answer
Was to be alone
In nature
And to be ok
With everything
Being a complete
Mess
I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.
I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.
Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.
I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.
I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.
On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,
I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.
Ugly Water
My little sloth talks about her ugly water
In a roaring ocean
Of fear and hatred
Roaring outside
Inside her little room
She stands by the room
Holding it closed
Always holding
As she feels the pressure of it
About to overwhelm everything
Leaking
Like the seeping of dread
She looks and
It was a mistake
Because she forgot to hold the door closed
Today is the day to make things up for myself.
Reminding myself of the mantra:
Today I want to establish the finances, goals, and structures of my businesses.
This means finishing the following things:
Here is how I want to divide it up:
UNIT ONE: Logistics
UNIT TWO: Longterm planning
UNIT THREE: Business planning
UNIT ONE: Logistics
UNIT TWO: Logistics
UNIT THREE: Business Planning
Sometimes I hate her so much
I want to break everything in my house
Smash it to pieces
Hit her so hard
I can feel some sort of relief
In my heart
So angry
That she refuses to give me
The girl I’m so in love with
Instead
She makes herself hard to love
She thinks she is taking back control
That this is what confident people do
That she will somehow stop the pain
If she ruins everything first
She’s afraid
That she will disappoint me
She doesn’t know
That she was enough
That even in my anger
All I wanted
Was to get her back
That I love her
And I chose her for a reason
She doesn’t know
All her pushing me away
Makes me so angry
Makes me so sad
Scared
Tired
Tired of being forced to ask myself again
If she is worth it
Tired of feeling doubt
When I already know
That she is the one
I saw this anime recapped last night and I felt it was really inspiring. It was about a guy who needs to create an unprofitable company in order to win money in a game. But in not fearing failure and instead trying to embrace it, he found it hard to not succeed. Obviously this is fiction, and people would find it easy to fail in real life, but there is a part of this that rings true for me.
When you aren’t afraid of failure, it is hard to stave off success. Everything is about having a strong mindset.
Today I want to just focus on the main ideas I said in my previous post:
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.
I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.
Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.
I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.
I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.
On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,
I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.
Ugly Water
My little sloth talks about her ugly water
In a roaring ocean
Of fear and hatred
Roaring outside
Inside her little room
She stands by the room
Holding it closed
Always holding
As she feels the pressure of it
About to overwhelm everything
Leaking
Like the seeping of dread
She looks and
It was a mistake
Because she forgot to hold the door closed
Today is the day to make things up for myself.
Reminding myself of the mantra:
Today I want to establish the finances, goals, and structures of my businesses.
This means finishing the following things:
Here is how I want to divide it up:
UNIT ONE: Logistics
UNIT TWO: Longterm planning
UNIT THREE: Business planning
UNIT ONE: Logistics
UNIT TWO: Logistics
UNIT THREE: Business Planning
Sometimes I hate her so much
I want to break everything in my house
Smash it to pieces
Hit her so hard
I can feel some sort of relief
In my heart
So angry
That she refuses to give me
The girl I’m so in love with
Instead
She makes herself hard to love
She thinks she is taking back control
That this is what confident people do
That she will somehow stop the pain
If she ruins everything first
She’s afraid
That she will disappoint me
She doesn’t know
That she was enough
That even in my anger
All I wanted
Was to get her back
That I love her
And I chose her for a reason
She doesn’t know
All her pushing me away
Makes me so angry
Makes me so sad
Scared
Tired
Tired of being forced to ask myself again
If she is worth it
Tired of feeling doubt
When I already know
That she is the one
I saw this anime recapped last night and I felt it was really inspiring. It was about a guy who needs to create an unprofitable company in order to win money in a game. But in not fearing failure and instead trying to embrace it, he found it hard to not succeed. Obviously this is fiction, and people would find it easy to fail in real life, but there is a part of this that rings true for me.
When you aren’t afraid of failure, it is hard to stave off success. Everything is about having a strong mindset.
Today I want to just focus on the main ideas I said in my previous post:
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is
I’ve been playing pokemon go so much recently. I’ve made a lot of progress in the game, but I really worry that I’m getting addicted because of how stressed out I am right now.
I stressed out about my relationship and about my career path moving forward. I want to make sure that work does not take over my life and that it stays aligned to what I want to do moving forward.
Every time I feel stressed, I reach for the pokemon go. Holy shit, I am addicted.
I feel very tired, but no longer sick. That is a good thing at least.
I’m going to walk around the airport. And this time, instead of catching pokemon, I am going to meditate and think.
On the plane I meditated on some of my issues and I came to a big realization. The first step to feeling or processing any pain is to notice and name the pain that exists. I spend so much time avoiding thinking about painful emotions or experiences, avoiding thinking about how things hurt me it makes it hard to face the pain at all since I’m not taking the first step,
I want to focus on doing that more now as the first step to processing more emotions.
Ugly Water
My little sloth talks about her ugly water
In a roaring ocean
Of fear and hatred
Roaring outside
Inside her little room
She stands by the room
Holding it closed
Always holding
As she feels the pressure of it
About to overwhelm everything
Leaking
Like the seeping of dread
She looks and
It was a mistake
Because she forgot to hold the door closed
Today is the day to make things up for myself.
Reminding myself of the mantra:
Today I want to establish the finances, goals, and structures of my businesses.
This means finishing the following things:
Here is how I want to divide it up:
UNIT ONE: Logistics
UNIT TWO: Longterm planning
UNIT THREE: Business planning
UNIT ONE: Logistics
UNIT TWO: Logistics
UNIT THREE: Business Planning
Sometimes I hate her so much
I want to break everything in my house
Smash it to pieces
Hit her so hard
I can feel some sort of relief
In my heart
So angry
That she refuses to give me
The girl I’m so in love with
Instead
She makes herself hard to love
She thinks she is taking back control
That this is what confident people do
That she will somehow stop the pain
If she ruins everything first
She’s afraid
That she will disappoint me
She doesn’t know
That she was enough
That even in my anger
All I wanted
Was to get her back
That I love her
And I chose her for a reason
She doesn’t know
All her pushing me away
Makes me so angry
Makes me so sad
Scared
Tired
Tired of being forced to ask myself again
If she is worth it
Tired of feeling doubt
When I already know
That she is the one
I saw this anime recapped last night and I felt it was really inspiring. It was about a guy who needs to create an unprofitable company in order to win money in a game. But in not fearing failure and instead trying to embrace it, he found it hard to not succeed. Obviously this is fiction, and people would find it easy to fail in real life, but there is a part of this that rings true for me.
When you aren’t afraid of failure, it is hard to stave off success. Everything is about having a strong mindset.
Today I want to just focus on the main ideas I said in my previous post:
You can’t willingly choose to be with someone
For 308 days
And not love them
I feel unsure as to whether I want
To be with her
But I love her so much
I don’t think she knows
Because last time we spoke
I was all harsh and tired and angry
I cry every time I think about what she said
That she looked up airbnbs for me
That she was excited for me to visit her
I love the way she swings her feet when she is excited
I love the little snuffles she makes when she sleeps
I was afraid she had no empathy
But she always did for me
How sad she felt when I am sad
I wish I could hold her
Protect her from the world
It’s complicated because
I feel like maybe
I can’t be in a relationship now
That I need to be able to explore freely
See what else is out there
Why do I have to hurt my little sloth
For me to get what I want?
I’m happy when she is happy
And I hurt when she hurts
I want to be her friend forever
To comfort her when she cries
To make her laugh and smile
To be there for her when no one else is