Takeaways:
Lessons overall:
Some ideas:
My sister and I have this joke about the empress. According to a tarrot reading, my sister needs to rely more on her “inner empress”. What does this mean? Well apparently the emperor card stands for searching out and controlling the world, while the empress waits for the world to come to her.
This actually is in line with a thought process I had myself about being yourself.
Feeling free to be yourself = happiness. Feeling like you cannot be yourself is the root of ALL unhappiness. But how to be yourself is another very difficult story.
One way is a method I like to call, “Letting the empress take the wheel”.
Overall, I feel like this is an excellent rough cut, great pacing and energy but it lacks polish.
To work on the polish I will:
* I wrote this on Jan 15th…gonna leave it as a journal entry for now.
I feel unhappy right now. I feel like I can’t work on the things I want to work on. I feel stressed out that my relationship won’t work out. I don’t know what I’m doing here in France. I actually very much dislike the country. I am worried that coaching is not the thing that I actually want to do. I find it hard to find myself and feel myself in this relationship. I wonder if that is because of me not knowing myself, coaching not being the thing I want to do, or if this is the wrong place for me.
Right now I don’t feel like working on coaching or thinking about coaching.
I want to work on something that is purely interesting to me and something that is actually fun.
I think that thing right now is making a story creation bot in python using large language models.
In order to write a halfway decent story, I believe you need a couple of things:
My initial attempt at deathmatch:
Watching Tenz’s deathmatch
Some reflections:
My second attempt:
Its much better, but I do feel more pain in my finger from the pressing the mouse and it my biceps.
Some more thoughts:
Some thoughts:
I Wish I Knew Why
Maybe it was the defiance
Or feeling like I couldn’t have a reasonable conversation
Maybe I was just tired of having a virtual relationship
Or just feeling like she had no drive
That everything was just too difficult with her
That she couldn’t connect with me on art, music, dance, and singing
Maybe none of that is true
And my exhaustion is making me depressed
And I think my unhappiness is because of her
I wish I knew
Because I just didn’t have the will to fight for us anymore
I half wanted her to say she didn’t want it anymore
I wish I had a reason for hurting a girl who was
So devoted to me
So kind and sweet
A girl who I still care so deeply for
It hurts
My eyes drip with sadness
I hope she’s going to be ok
I hope she finds happiness
I hope the deep pain within her
Heals
I feel sad