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What Should I Do?

Byjack
What Should I Do?

Every time I am afraid

I feel confused and helpless

I ask myself

What should I do?

My mom told me what I should do

My dad told me what I should do

But maybe I outgrow their voices in my head

Maybe they become possibilities

Of what I could do

Maybe what I needed from my mom and dad

When I was confused

Is the space to self soothe

A safe place to feel the confusion

So the path would become clear to me

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Core Wounds 8

Byjack

Today I wanted to look at the core wound of feeling like no one will truly understand me and or truly love me.

Sharing Circle

I was in the circle

Of kings they said

I didn’t want to be there

I was just too sad

But they opened up the space for me

To tell my story

Of how I fell in love with a girl

Who I felt others wouldn’t approve of

But I still loved

How I felt like things went wrong

But not because I broke them

But because life

Sometimes

Isn’t easy or simple

I cried

When I thought about it

Felt safe to feel it

Like the time when I was at the party

Solomon turned to me

And said

I know how that feels

And Tim asked me to

Channel it into the karaoke 

My pain my loss

I feel that pain now

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Profit In Peace 17: Preparation

Byjack

This morning I feel damn tired. And I feel stressed.

I know I have to pack my bags for home, check into my flight, and cook all the raw food in the fridge.

I also want to play more Valorant since I never have time for more than 2 or 3 games without interrupting my bedtime. I finally placed an alt account in Silver 1 and I’m loving it, not having to think very hard, just play for the fun of it.

I would also love to work on my French challenge and spend some time with the mimic technique. I was thinking last night about using connection theory to understand what it would take to think in French, instead of just being really good at translating in my head from English to French and the answer that came to me is that I just need to mimic a lot of French speakers, and not just mimic what they say, but how they say it.

Also, for today, right after my morning run, I would like to continue and finish my next section of my VOD review and perhaps plan out some posts for my art coach Instagram.

Just came back from my run and I have to say, I want to be out there more. A walk out in the world is a wonderful way to think through stuff.

A Sacred Thing

The biggest disservice that they did me

Was getting me onto the ideal of controlling

How others feel about me

Because controlling how others feel

Puts ME into a cage as well

The mask of their surface wants

Is forced upon my face

And I would trade my freedom

For their approval any day

I think, as I walk past people

That how someone feels about you

Is a sacred thing

There is no need to change how they feel about us

Just as much as we can seek to understand not control our own feelings

To look upon the world

Without fear

Means to own the world again

Health Checkup 10/25/2021

Byjack

I feel worried about posting about this topic since it can be kind of gross.

However, I feel that physical health is one of the most important things to understand in life as it controls your energy levels, affects your mental strength, and dramatically affects your physical attractiveness or beauty.

Tracking and problem solving my health issues will not only help me but may provide inspiration for others.

Digestion

Symptoms: bloating, gas, diarrhea, distended belly, sensitivity to cold, stress, and exhaustion

Brainstorm:

  • Raw ginger – seems to add an overall boost to blood flow (yang qi) and stomach circulation
  • Farmhouse Culture Gut Shots – tastes absolutely disgusting, feels like it may actually help
  • Unlocking/moving/stretching hips – ever since my knee injury, my hips are tight and contribute to the blockage in my stomach
  • Stomach massage – helps smooth out the knots and blockage points
  • Increase overall circulation – qi gong, running and cardio all help increase overall circulation and remove blockages overall
  • Activate digestion while eating – eat slower and smell food more
  • Eat less – to 70% fullness

Current Focus:

I need to improve my baseline before going after a specific treatment plan. The baseline will focus on two basic areas: overall circulation, reducing strain. The goals need to be very small so they are easy to maintain.

  • Circulation – eat ginger every morning, run around the block once every morning (minimum 5 min)
  • Reducing strain – focus on eating as little as possible, meditate once in the morning and night (minimum 5 min)
Hair

Symptoms: thin hair (but seems to be thickening), itchy scalp, hair falling out, dandruff

Very strange that my hair is thickening but falling out at the same time. Pretty sure my massage is working but the new hair growing in is so thin it falls out easily.

Brainstorm:

  • Vigorous scalp massage – increase blood flow and already thicken hair a great deal
  • Wash hair – more often, with cold water and apple cider vinegar if possible to reduce inflammation and increase circulation
  • Oil/fatty acids – use huge amounts of conditioner and castor oil to thicken hair and prevent breaking and falling out

Current Focus:

I need to cleanse and increase circulation

  • Wash hair every day with cold water and apple cider vinegar, need to use lots of conditioner to counter the stripping effect of washing your hair too much
Knee (injury)

Symptoms: afraid to put pressure or impact, no feeling at surgery area, pain

Brainstorm:

  • More movement – motion is lotion to the joints
  • Increased muscle mass around the joint – muscle is needed to support the joint
  • Gua sha – need to tear up the scar tissue around the area and increase blood flow
  • Warmup/loosen hips – hips are too tight reducing range of motion

Current focus:

I need more circulation

  • Gua sha (or graston) for at least 5 min per day
Posture and Alignment

Symptoms: jutting forward head, misaligned hips, shoulders rounded forward

Brainstorm:

  • Cobra yoga pose – let the hips relax into better balance
  • Wall posture exercises – strengthen back muscles
  • Foam roller stretch – stretch chest muscles
  • Practice standing/walking – try to establish perfect alignment
  • Move joints more – joints are where everything attaches, moving the joints mean more relaxed and fluid movement

Current focus:

I need to see a chiropractor and also just slightly improve posture while doing things bad for posture (computer, phone):

  • Find a chiropractor within my health insurance
  • Focus on finding a comfortable way to look at the phone with head back (put your phone on your knees)
Vision

Symptoms: dry eyes, headaches (happens not very often), worsening vision

Brainstorm:

  • Relax into looking farther – stretches eye muscles
  • Move vision more – gets the eye muscles to work a little more
  • Do more active sports – forces your eyes to focus on things moving and far away
  • Blink more – resets the eyes

Current Focus:

I want to just relax my eyes more when looking at far away things, rather than trying to move closer.

Workpost 50: Fundamentals

Byjack

Today is kinda busy and I want to focus on fundamentals – clearing out my todo list, getting all the UNIT ONE things crossed off my list, editing my interview with Danuta Hinc etc.

I also want to focus on the thing that I’ve put off for months, setting up my black out curtains. If I can get that set up today, then I will have accomplished something big.

If I’m able to sort out all the fundamentals. Then the next things to focus on for my business are the following:

  1. AI Consulting mood board
  2. Art coaching sketching
  3. Hubspot and CRM exploration
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Profit in Peace 15: Workplace Reflections

Byjack

I had quite a stressful workday as I expected but I wanted to jot down a couple of reflections today:

  1. Reminding myself of my boundaries (time, respect, honesty, empathy, and possibility) really helped
  2. It also helped to note down what I cannot control before every major meeting (usually something related to how someone felt about me)
  3. I noticed that keeping pace with my todo list was helpful:
    1. Keep all tasks that come to mind in my todo list (use it as a mental trashcan to throw all my worries)
    2. Reorder todo list to whatever I am working on right now (move something to the top if I am currently working on it)
    3. Do tasks immediately if they are low-effort
    4. Do sweeps (try to do everything on the todo list)
  4. Focus also helped
    1. Close as many tabs as possible
    2. Focus on one thing at a time

I was thinking about how to transition from work to Valorant more effectively since I usually start to feel dead and I end up watching youtube and ordering food and that kind of makes it hard for me to stay sharp when gaming and I end up feeling even more stressed and awful.

I think cleaning is a really good transition point. Cleaning reduces stress and is a great way to transition slowly…if I’m worried that there will still be a call coming in and I might have to go back to work, cleaning makes it easy to go back to work without feeling like I am not ready to transition to the next thing. In fact, if I clean, even if I go back to work, I will still be more ready to game after the work is done because my space is now clean.

I also like the idea of a mental dump to write down everything you are thinking about at the end of the day so that you can pick it up at any point today or tomorrow or the day after.

Finally, I like to look at the schedule for the next day and mentally prepare for it to know what you can do today to give you a lot of spaciousness tomorrow.

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Workpost 36: Satisfied

Byjack

I feel tired today. Back is stiff. Eyes are blurry. Fatigue racks my body.

At least today, I tried to nap and relax in the morning. Will, try to continue today.

My goal is to feel satisfied enough by the end of the end so when I enforce strict bedtime at 11PM, I will feel good about it.