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Even If She Wanted Me Back

Even If She Wanted Me Back

Even if she wanted me back

I wonder

Will it be like before

No secrets between us

No unspoken words

Or will I feel like I’m on a sinking ship

The water at my chest

Threatening to drown me

The words she used to hurt me

Only hurt

Because I trusted her enough

To expose my naked heart

I know if she asks

I will try to open my heart again

But I worry

That invisible locks

Have already formed

To protect me

And she doesn’t have the willpower

To find the keys

 

I am scared knowing that the amount of pain between us may be too much to overcome. Pain is always an invitation for growth, but how much is someone willing to grow? I worry sometimes I made a huge mistake. I did it because of the feeling that it was over already. That staying would have been just trying to push along a dream, squeeze out the last bit of real connection that we had. I felt that I had to try to give things enough space for perspective. I wonder sometimes if she even has the capability to feel the love I felt for her. Whether it was just an obsession for her, when it was love for me.

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