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Workpost 54: Fears
Byjack
I’m starting work on the new branding project but I’m feeling some fears:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of being misunderstood and not heard
- Fear of being seen as bad, lazy, unproductive, dumb
I feel trapped. Shoulders, fear in center of chest. I don’t know what to do to be seen as productive.
I feel overwhelmed. I feel out of control. Nerves vibing in my chest. Clenched stomach. I don’t know what will work.
I feel like a failure. Pain in my chest. I don’t know what I’m doing.
I’m imagining failing. I feel worthless. Head, chest, cold, numb tingling.
Grounding
I may not satisfy other people’s ideas of productivity, but I can satisfy what I see as productive. I can focus on my personal growth and the growth of my companies.
I don’t know what will work but I know what I can try.
I’m adventuring into new territory – that’s why I don’t know what I’m doing.
This gives me the opportunity to process the I’m unworthy wound.
Reframe
This is my opportunity to help other people grow in what they understand as productivity.
Embrace people knowing what you are working on, practice being proud of your process (like emotional processing). -> Big trigger from dad being skeptical of my process and feeling like I need to justify
Big failure literally always leads to big growth and learning. Let’s chase failure. I shouldn’t feel guilty as failure is all on me.
Ok, that makes me realize a lot of this comes from my dad constantly being skeptical, not trusting me, and dismissing my process. I feel always I need to justify myself.
It leads to a very strong I am trapped wound. Shoulders compressed and pain in chest.
Also some I am misunderstood, I am a failure, I am not trusted.
I wonder if that’s how he was treated? I wonder if he has those wounds too.
To grow from it, it occurs to me that he needed an explanation, a justification, and was skeptical because of his own internalized judgement – not because there was something wrong with me.
His comparison of me with other people was all due to his own shame.
Demanding an explanation is from own lack of trust in himself, he can’t understand my trust in myself.
Additional processing:
I did some more processing later in the day. I felt super tired but I kept feeling pressure to work. I feel fear that if I don’t get a certain amount of work done, that I will be rejected.
My dad would say that I didn’t plan the day out well enough, I was not efficient enough, or that I need to work harder.
I felt that fear in my chest as a I am not good enough wound.
In reframing I came to the conclusion that even though my dad had no boundaries around the amount of energy he could put into work, doesn’t mean I cannot.
I choose to put boundaries around my work, and to stop working or move on when I feel I’ve given as much as I can give within the course of the day.
Workpost 35: Naps
Byjack
I feel tired.
My body buzzing with pain in my stomach.
My eyes are sluggish.
Last night, I went to bed at 11, but fell asleep after 1AM.
I feel totally drained.
Maybe its time to go back to bed for a little.
So I wrote that at 8 in the morning. I just took a nap after cooking for the entire morning with delicious tea eggs and soup. Then I spent a few hours napping and now I feel much better.
I really think my productivity is so much worse when my health is worse.
More napping, meditation, and exercise in the future! Napping if I’m sleep deprived, meditation and exercise if I’m not.
Today, the aim I want to focus on is content creation. I want to finish my post, and workout and meditate for the rest of the day.
Matches: Continued
Byjack
Match 1: Video Editing Planning
Goals: I really want to feel less shitty and tired and I want to come up with a direction for my podcast edit and how I can edit it in 40 minutes or less.
Here are the metrics for scoring:
- Energy rejuvenation (1-5)
- Confidence in solution (1-5)
- Creativity (percentile)
- Raw efficiency, work over energy (percentile)
My plan for my warmup is just for go for a long 15 minute walk.
Plan for work session:
UNIT ONE: Analyze video (10 min)
- Might want to create a good intro
- who are you and what have you done
- What would help her as a writer?
- Creative process from start to end
- Talking about book in a way people want to read it or get greater insight
- Greatest struggles as a writer
- What like to write about
- What do other people probably want to know about a writer?
- Where come up with ideas
- Interesting passages from book
UNIT TWO: Process/look at other ideas (10 min)
Going all in on Judy Blume masterclass video:
As soon as you tell me I can’t do something,
I’m going to do it.
I hope that in sharing with you what
I’ve learned over 50 years of writing that it will help
you find your way as a writer.
As a 12-year-old, I was obsessed by the idea of growing
breasts and getting my period.
But there was no place that I could read about it.
When I started to write, I was determined to be honest.
So I’m going to share with you the practical side of writing.
There’s nothing more important than character.
You’re living with these people for years.
You had better feel for them.
Do some exercises.
Have your character write a letter to you.
The first draft is pure torture for me.
I hate every second of it.
I have a messy mind, and my writing
is a process of cleaning up the mess,
then slowly making a story.
I will be able to show that to you.
I got a particularly nasty review once.
It got to me, and I took my typewriter,
and I held it over this arroyo.
And I was going to throw it in.
I thought I cannot do this anymore.
And then this little voice went off in my head.
Wait, you’re going to let this one review stop you
from writing?
That’s crazy!
That’s one opinion.
I enjoy finding and supporting new writers,
and this is a chance for me to reach more of you.
I always ask myself, why would anyone
write if they didn’t have to?
I mean it’s so hard.
So this is for all of you who feel that you have to.
I’m Judy Blume, and this is my Master Class.
Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell.
*Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interview
Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)
Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
Walk through the step by step creative process
*Images or animation if possible
Talk about a challenging emotional experience
Resolution if possible
Deeper philosophical point
End
UNIT THREE: Create plan for actual editing (currently thinking one short, one long) (10 min)
UNIT ONE: Gathering clips
UNIT TWO: Gathering broll
UNIT THREE: Compositing
Bonus time: shot list
- Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell. Should be humorous and controversial.
- Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interview
- To kill the other
- Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)
- Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
- Walk through the step by step creative process
- Images of process
- Talk about a challenging emotional experience with resolution if possible
- Deeper philosophical point
- Some sort of ending
Bonus time: animation thoughts
Trying out pencil 2d!
Postmatch Review:
Overall, this was very fun and rejuvenated my love for editing and video.
- Energy rejuvenation – 4 I don’t feel 100% but my energy went up TONS since I started working
- Confidence in solution – 2 I feel the plan is really solid but the timing seems a little tight to get all of this done
- Creativity – 70th percentile, pretty good, not revolutionary. But I don’t think most people could do this.
- Raw efficiency, work over energy – 80th percentile, I think most sessions and people can’t be this productive in 40 minutes that was actually insane.
Match 2: Video Editing
Goals: I want to be excited about this video edit, feel satisfied, while boosting my confidence in pushing out videos faster with less effort
Here are the metrics for scoring:
- Excitement in the edit (1-5)
- Satisfaction in the edit (1-5)
- Efficiency (percentile)
- Fun (1-5)
- How ME it is (percentile)
My plan for my warmup is to hype myself up – play music, tell friends etc. + motivation.
Clean, write on my board.
UNIT ONE: Gathering clips (10 minutes)
Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell. Should be humorous and controversial.Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interviewTo kill the other
Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)- Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
Walk through the step by step creative process- Images of process
- Talk about a challenging emotional experience with resolution if possible
Deeper philosophical point- Some sort of ending
UNIT TWO: Gathering broll
UNIT THREE: Compositing
Postmatch Review:
- Excitement in the edit – 2 I’m not that thrilled about the cut so far
- Satisfaction in the edit -1 I’m not all that satisfied in the edit
- Efficiency (percentile) – 60% I’m better than average but a bit slow compared to experienced video editors
- Fun (1-5) – 3 I had quite a lot of fun
- How ME it is (percentile) – 15% not a lot of me in it so far
Match 3: Video Editing + MEified
Goals: I was right that the last match did not finish the process of editing. It was just too much. But I did make REALLY good progress. The only problem is, it’s not ME enough. This last challenge, I want to get the edit done, and I want to inject some Jack magic into it.
Metrics for scoring:
- How ME is it (percentile)
- Completeness & polish (percentile)
For my warmup, I’m going to watch a bunch of my videos.
Ok the warmup didn’t work, I’m gonna play some nice music and meditate. Me is goofy, profound, soft, and emotional.
UNIT ONE: Compostiting
UNIT TWO: MEify
UNIT THREE: Finalize
Postmatch Review: It ended up taking two hours. I’m tired now!
- How ME is it – 65% it does feel real, and grounded but not as me as I could make it
- Completeness & polish – 65% its actually not bad at all, could use some broll and animation
Workpost 59: Feeling frustrated
Byjack
I’m really struggling to process some feelings right now.
- I am working through the stressful emotions that come up when I see an attractive girl
- I am working through overwhelmed and frustrated emotions with my current project for my AI consulting
- I am working through fear and stress I feel working on my pipelines
- I am working through feeling of fear and anxiety around money
Let’s work through them one by one.
Attractive girl
Guilt, shame, deep desire
Center of my chest, painful clenching
Stomach clenching
I am bad
I am defective
I am ugly
I am guilty
I am rejected
I won’t ever find beauty or be happy
What if the perfect one is out there
It’s not about the perfect person who meets all your needs. It’s the relationship that meets all of your needs.
Why do I place all my hopes and dreams on a person? Because I want to be happy and I’ve only felt that in shallow relationships. I like meeting people. I like the feeling of possibility in life of variety.
Can I meet those needs in a relationship? Can I find novelty and excitement in a relationship?
Why is desire such an important need for adventures for me? Just because I’m in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can’t be attractive. But I want to find someone attractive, then for them and me to do the little romantic dance. I worry when I’m in a relationship, that’s not possible anymore.
I think honestly the fear comes from lack of needs being met in the relationship. Specifically around safety, social needs, chemistry, and inspiration. I feel if I felt if I felt safe to talk openly about people that are attractive and my partner is secure enough in herself, I felt my social needs are met, I felt strong chemistry, and inspired I would not find others attractive.
I want to switch my mindset over from comparing and wanting to meet my needs via others, and focus more on the relationship. Looking elsewhere is giving up on the relationship and if I really want to look elsewhere, I want to first end the relationship.
I don’t want to neglect my needs anymore.
I want to first meet my needs myself, then in the relationship:
- Safety – self acceptance and kindness
- Social needs – be in touch with moment, who people really are
- Chemistry – spending more time on self care, self massage
- Inspiration – reminding myself of the greatness I am capable of, of the change I can create
For the relationship, I want to continue working through needs course.
I feel fear in my chest when I think about my relationship. I feel uncertainty.
No matter what happens I will find peace and happiness because of the way I engage with the world.
My little emotional processing toolkit for meeting my needs:
- Radical acceptance, hold myself, be curious, somatic
- Self love, massage
- Be in the moment, see things how they are
Chemistry
The indescribable feeling
Like the beauty of the red in the roses
Unfurled
Cutting in the corners, filling then in
This feeling of a world around you
That you carry everywhere you go
Our worlds meet
The openness to connect with me
Ok, this raises so many questions it is time to move along
Project Frustration
I feel lost, overwhelmed, and misunderstood.
What if I fail? What if its all for nothing? I don’t know what to do. It feels like so much work.
I don’t know what to do to be effective. I feel the time is running out so fast.
I need to focus on the end goal. Ignore everything else, its just a bonus.
Workpost 76: Feeling scattered
Byjack
I have so many things I sorta want to work on but I feel scattered. Part of the problem is that these new glasses are making me dizzy and I don’t really like them very much.
Here are some of my options:
- Figure out how to talk to retirement homes about art coaching
- Create art coaching website
- Write about social anxiety and process
- Process feelings of being a failure
- Improve vision
- Get better at video editing
- Work on my art
- Work on my music
- Improve my bloating
- Work on my sleep
- Work on my digestion
- Work on skool games
I feel lost and I just gravitate towards anything that has some level of an answer for me.
I feel that maybe there one answer to a lot of things. I strongly believe my bloating is due to stress. And while there are many ways to work on stress, I feel breathing might be one of the most powerful ways to manage stress.
If I focus on breathing, I can also focus on singing as it involves breathwork. I also believe it will make a big difference in my digestion and maybe even social anxiety.
So what if I focus on breathing for stress, bloating, anxiety, and singing. What if I make a video about it, hitting another area as well. What video format do I want to follow?
I think I’ll keep it simple, and follow Beau Miles, one of my favorites.
Workpost 64: Slow Start
Byjack
These days I feel a bit lethargic. It might just be because I’m recovering from 5ks and need more rest than normal. I also just feel a lot of pressure overall. I see these mornings as a way for me to slowly set up my house, set up my mental space as a good place to work.
I like to go through my to do list, my calendar, and work things out.
On thing that occurs to me when I’m thinking through my to do list is that I’m way to ambitious and unfocused. The point of the to do list is to brain dump and really find the most important high priority thing (using emotional priority not logical priority).
And before I even think about prioritizing, I want to get back to building my house – you are in my house, take risks, be ok with silence, take your time.
Today my main goal is to finish my business cards and website for my art coaching.
Another main system or habit I want to institute, if I miss a time block to do something on my calendar, I delete the event and add it back to my to do list.
Workpost 54: Fears
Byjack
I’m starting work on the new branding project but I’m feeling some fears:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of being misunderstood and not heard
- Fear of being seen as bad, lazy, unproductive, dumb
I feel trapped. Shoulders, fear in center of chest. I don’t know what to do to be seen as productive.
I feel overwhelmed. I feel out of control. Nerves vibing in my chest. Clenched stomach. I don’t know what will work.
I feel like a failure. Pain in my chest. I don’t know what I’m doing.
I’m imagining failing. I feel worthless. Head, chest, cold, numb tingling.
Grounding
I may not satisfy other people’s ideas of productivity, but I can satisfy what I see as productive. I can focus on my personal growth and the growth of my companies.
I don’t know what will work but I know what I can try.
I’m adventuring into new territory – that’s why I don’t know what I’m doing.
This gives me the opportunity to process the I’m unworthy wound.
Reframe
This is my opportunity to help other people grow in what they understand as productivity.
Embrace people knowing what you are working on, practice being proud of your process (like emotional processing). -> Big trigger from dad being skeptical of my process and feeling like I need to justify
Big failure literally always leads to big growth and learning. Let’s chase failure. I shouldn’t feel guilty as failure is all on me.
Ok, that makes me realize a lot of this comes from my dad constantly being skeptical, not trusting me, and dismissing my process. I feel always I need to justify myself.
It leads to a very strong I am trapped wound. Shoulders compressed and pain in chest.
Also some I am misunderstood, I am a failure, I am not trusted.
I wonder if that’s how he was treated? I wonder if he has those wounds too.
To grow from it, it occurs to me that he needed an explanation, a justification, and was skeptical because of his own internalized judgement – not because there was something wrong with me.
His comparison of me with other people was all due to his own shame.
Demanding an explanation is from own lack of trust in himself, he can’t understand my trust in myself.
Additional processing:
I did some more processing later in the day. I felt super tired but I kept feeling pressure to work. I feel fear that if I don’t get a certain amount of work done, that I will be rejected.
My dad would say that I didn’t plan the day out well enough, I was not efficient enough, or that I need to work harder.
I felt that fear in my chest as a I am not good enough wound.
In reframing I came to the conclusion that even though my dad had no boundaries around the amount of energy he could put into work, doesn’t mean I cannot.
I choose to put boundaries around my work, and to stop working or move on when I feel I’ve given as much as I can give within the course of the day.
Workpost 35: Naps
Byjack
I feel tired.
My body buzzing with pain in my stomach.
My eyes are sluggish.
Last night, I went to bed at 11, but fell asleep after 1AM.
I feel totally drained.
Maybe its time to go back to bed for a little.
So I wrote that at 8 in the morning. I just took a nap after cooking for the entire morning with delicious tea eggs and soup. Then I spent a few hours napping and now I feel much better.
I really think my productivity is so much worse when my health is worse.
More napping, meditation, and exercise in the future! Napping if I’m sleep deprived, meditation and exercise if I’m not.
Today, the aim I want to focus on is content creation. I want to finish my post, and workout and meditate for the rest of the day.
Matches: Continued
Byjack
Match 1: Video Editing Planning
Goals: I really want to feel less shitty and tired and I want to come up with a direction for my podcast edit and how I can edit it in 40 minutes or less.
Here are the metrics for scoring:
- Energy rejuvenation (1-5)
- Confidence in solution (1-5)
- Creativity (percentile)
- Raw efficiency, work over energy (percentile)
My plan for my warmup is just for go for a long 15 minute walk.
Plan for work session:
UNIT ONE: Analyze video (10 min)
- Might want to create a good intro
- who are you and what have you done
- What would help her as a writer?
- Creative process from start to end
- Talking about book in a way people want to read it or get greater insight
- Greatest struggles as a writer
- What like to write about
- What do other people probably want to know about a writer?
- Where come up with ideas
- Interesting passages from book
UNIT TWO: Process/look at other ideas (10 min)
Going all in on Judy Blume masterclass video:
As soon as you tell me I can’t do something,
I’m going to do it.
I hope that in sharing with you what
I’ve learned over 50 years of writing that it will help
you find your way as a writer.
As a 12-year-old, I was obsessed by the idea of growing
breasts and getting my period.
But there was no place that I could read about it.
When I started to write, I was determined to be honest.
So I’m going to share with you the practical side of writing.
There’s nothing more important than character.
You’re living with these people for years.
You had better feel for them.
Do some exercises.
Have your character write a letter to you.
The first draft is pure torture for me.
I hate every second of it.
I have a messy mind, and my writing
is a process of cleaning up the mess,
then slowly making a story.
I will be able to show that to you.
I got a particularly nasty review once.
It got to me, and I took my typewriter,
and I held it over this arroyo.
And I was going to throw it in.
I thought I cannot do this anymore.
And then this little voice went off in my head.
Wait, you’re going to let this one review stop you
from writing?
That’s crazy!
That’s one opinion.
I enjoy finding and supporting new writers,
and this is a chance for me to reach more of you.
I always ask myself, why would anyone
write if they didn’t have to?
I mean it’s so hard.
So this is for all of you who feel that you have to.
I’m Judy Blume, and this is my Master Class.
Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell.
*Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interview
Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)
Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
Walk through the step by step creative process
*Images or animation if possible
Talk about a challenging emotional experience
Resolution if possible
Deeper philosophical point
End
UNIT THREE: Create plan for actual editing (currently thinking one short, one long) (10 min)
UNIT ONE: Gathering clips
UNIT TWO: Gathering broll
UNIT THREE: Compositing
Bonus time: shot list
- Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell. Should be humorous and controversial.
- Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interview
- To kill the other
- Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)
- Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
- Walk through the step by step creative process
- Images of process
- Talk about a challenging emotional experience with resolution if possible
- Deeper philosophical point
- Some sort of ending
Bonus time: animation thoughts
Trying out pencil 2d!
Postmatch Review:
Overall, this was very fun and rejuvenated my love for editing and video.
- Energy rejuvenation – 4 I don’t feel 100% but my energy went up TONS since I started working
- Confidence in solution – 2 I feel the plan is really solid but the timing seems a little tight to get all of this done
- Creativity – 70th percentile, pretty good, not revolutionary. But I don’t think most people could do this.
- Raw efficiency, work over energy – 80th percentile, I think most sessions and people can’t be this productive in 40 minutes that was actually insane.
Match 2: Video Editing
Goals: I want to be excited about this video edit, feel satisfied, while boosting my confidence in pushing out videos faster with less effort
Here are the metrics for scoring:
- Excitement in the edit (1-5)
- Satisfaction in the edit (1-5)
- Efficiency (percentile)
- Fun (1-5)
- How ME it is (percentile)
My plan for my warmup is to hype myself up – play music, tell friends etc. + motivation.
Clean, write on my board.
UNIT ONE: Gathering clips (10 minutes)
Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell. Should be humorous and controversial.Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interviewTo kill the other
Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)- Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
Walk through the step by step creative process- Images of process
- Talk about a challenging emotional experience with resolution if possible
Deeper philosophical point- Some sort of ending
UNIT TWO: Gathering broll
UNIT THREE: Compositing
Postmatch Review:
- Excitement in the edit – 2 I’m not that thrilled about the cut so far
- Satisfaction in the edit -1 I’m not all that satisfied in the edit
- Efficiency (percentile) – 60% I’m better than average but a bit slow compared to experienced video editors
- Fun (1-5) – 3 I had quite a lot of fun
- How ME it is (percentile) – 15% not a lot of me in it so far
Match 3: Video Editing + MEified
Goals: I was right that the last match did not finish the process of editing. It was just too much. But I did make REALLY good progress. The only problem is, it’s not ME enough. This last challenge, I want to get the edit done, and I want to inject some Jack magic into it.
Metrics for scoring:
- How ME is it (percentile)
- Completeness & polish (percentile)
For my warmup, I’m going to watch a bunch of my videos.
Ok the warmup didn’t work, I’m gonna play some nice music and meditate. Me is goofy, profound, soft, and emotional.
UNIT ONE: Compostiting
UNIT TWO: MEify
UNIT THREE: Finalize
Postmatch Review: It ended up taking two hours. I’m tired now!
- How ME is it – 65% it does feel real, and grounded but not as me as I could make it
- Completeness & polish – 65% its actually not bad at all, could use some broll and animation
Workpost 59: Feeling frustrated
Byjack
I’m really struggling to process some feelings right now.
- I am working through the stressful emotions that come up when I see an attractive girl
- I am working through overwhelmed and frustrated emotions with my current project for my AI consulting
- I am working through fear and stress I feel working on my pipelines
- I am working through feeling of fear and anxiety around money
Let’s work through them one by one.
Attractive girl
Guilt, shame, deep desire
Center of my chest, painful clenching
Stomach clenching
I am bad
I am defective
I am ugly
I am guilty
I am rejected
I won’t ever find beauty or be happy
What if the perfect one is out there
It’s not about the perfect person who meets all your needs. It’s the relationship that meets all of your needs.
Why do I place all my hopes and dreams on a person? Because I want to be happy and I’ve only felt that in shallow relationships. I like meeting people. I like the feeling of possibility in life of variety.
Can I meet those needs in a relationship? Can I find novelty and excitement in a relationship?
Why is desire such an important need for adventures for me? Just because I’m in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can’t be attractive. But I want to find someone attractive, then for them and me to do the little romantic dance. I worry when I’m in a relationship, that’s not possible anymore.
I think honestly the fear comes from lack of needs being met in the relationship. Specifically around safety, social needs, chemistry, and inspiration. I feel if I felt if I felt safe to talk openly about people that are attractive and my partner is secure enough in herself, I felt my social needs are met, I felt strong chemistry, and inspired I would not find others attractive.
I want to switch my mindset over from comparing and wanting to meet my needs via others, and focus more on the relationship. Looking elsewhere is giving up on the relationship and if I really want to look elsewhere, I want to first end the relationship.
I don’t want to neglect my needs anymore.
I want to first meet my needs myself, then in the relationship:
- Safety – self acceptance and kindness
- Social needs – be in touch with moment, who people really are
- Chemistry – spending more time on self care, self massage
- Inspiration – reminding myself of the greatness I am capable of, of the change I can create
For the relationship, I want to continue working through needs course.
I feel fear in my chest when I think about my relationship. I feel uncertainty.
No matter what happens I will find peace and happiness because of the way I engage with the world.
My little emotional processing toolkit for meeting my needs:
- Radical acceptance, hold myself, be curious, somatic
- Self love, massage
- Be in the moment, see things how they are
Chemistry
The indescribable feeling
Like the beauty of the red in the roses
Unfurled
Cutting in the corners, filling then in
This feeling of a world around you
That you carry everywhere you go
Our worlds meet
The openness to connect with me
Ok, this raises so many questions it is time to move along
Project Frustration
I feel lost, overwhelmed, and misunderstood.
What if I fail? What if its all for nothing? I don’t know what to do. It feels like so much work.
I don’t know what to do to be effective. I feel the time is running out so fast.
I need to focus on the end goal. Ignore everything else, its just a bonus.
Workpost 76: Feeling scattered
Byjack
I have so many things I sorta want to work on but I feel scattered. Part of the problem is that these new glasses are making me dizzy and I don’t really like them very much.
Here are some of my options:
- Figure out how to talk to retirement homes about art coaching
- Create art coaching website
- Write about social anxiety and process
- Process feelings of being a failure
- Improve vision
- Get better at video editing
- Work on my art
- Work on my music
- Improve my bloating
- Work on my sleep
- Work on my digestion
- Work on skool games
I feel lost and I just gravitate towards anything that has some level of an answer for me.
I feel that maybe there one answer to a lot of things. I strongly believe my bloating is due to stress. And while there are many ways to work on stress, I feel breathing might be one of the most powerful ways to manage stress.
If I focus on breathing, I can also focus on singing as it involves breathwork. I also believe it will make a big difference in my digestion and maybe even social anxiety.
So what if I focus on breathing for stress, bloating, anxiety, and singing. What if I make a video about it, hitting another area as well. What video format do I want to follow?
I think I’ll keep it simple, and follow Beau Miles, one of my favorites.
Workpost 64: Slow Start
Byjack
These days I feel a bit lethargic. It might just be because I’m recovering from 5ks and need more rest than normal. I also just feel a lot of pressure overall. I see these mornings as a way for me to slowly set up my house, set up my mental space as a good place to work.
I like to go through my to do list, my calendar, and work things out.
On thing that occurs to me when I’m thinking through my to do list is that I’m way to ambitious and unfocused. The point of the to do list is to brain dump and really find the most important high priority thing (using emotional priority not logical priority).
And before I even think about prioritizing, I want to get back to building my house – you are in my house, take risks, be ok with silence, take your time.
Today my main goal is to finish my business cards and website for my art coaching.
Another main system or habit I want to institute, if I miss a time block to do something on my calendar, I delete the event and add it back to my to do list.
Workpost 54: Fears
Byjack
I’m starting work on the new branding project but I’m feeling some fears:
- Fear of failure
- Fear of being misunderstood and not heard
- Fear of being seen as bad, lazy, unproductive, dumb
I feel trapped. Shoulders, fear in center of chest. I don’t know what to do to be seen as productive.
I feel overwhelmed. I feel out of control. Nerves vibing in my chest. Clenched stomach. I don’t know what will work.
I feel like a failure. Pain in my chest. I don’t know what I’m doing.
I’m imagining failing. I feel worthless. Head, chest, cold, numb tingling.
Grounding
I may not satisfy other people’s ideas of productivity, but I can satisfy what I see as productive. I can focus on my personal growth and the growth of my companies.
I don’t know what will work but I know what I can try.
I’m adventuring into new territory – that’s why I don’t know what I’m doing.
This gives me the opportunity to process the I’m unworthy wound.
Reframe
This is my opportunity to help other people grow in what they understand as productivity.
Embrace people knowing what you are working on, practice being proud of your process (like emotional processing). -> Big trigger from dad being skeptical of my process and feeling like I need to justify
Big failure literally always leads to big growth and learning. Let’s chase failure. I shouldn’t feel guilty as failure is all on me.
Ok, that makes me realize a lot of this comes from my dad constantly being skeptical, not trusting me, and dismissing my process. I feel always I need to justify myself.
It leads to a very strong I am trapped wound. Shoulders compressed and pain in chest.
Also some I am misunderstood, I am a failure, I am not trusted.
I wonder if that’s how he was treated? I wonder if he has those wounds too.
To grow from it, it occurs to me that he needed an explanation, a justification, and was skeptical because of his own internalized judgement – not because there was something wrong with me.
His comparison of me with other people was all due to his own shame.
Demanding an explanation is from own lack of trust in himself, he can’t understand my trust in myself.
Additional processing:
I did some more processing later in the day. I felt super tired but I kept feeling pressure to work. I feel fear that if I don’t get a certain amount of work done, that I will be rejected.
My dad would say that I didn’t plan the day out well enough, I was not efficient enough, or that I need to work harder.
I felt that fear in my chest as a I am not good enough wound.
In reframing I came to the conclusion that even though my dad had no boundaries around the amount of energy he could put into work, doesn’t mean I cannot.
I choose to put boundaries around my work, and to stop working or move on when I feel I’ve given as much as I can give within the course of the day.
Workpost 35: Naps
Byjack
I feel tired.
My body buzzing with pain in my stomach.
My eyes are sluggish.
Last night, I went to bed at 11, but fell asleep after 1AM.
I feel totally drained.
Maybe its time to go back to bed for a little.
So I wrote that at 8 in the morning. I just took a nap after cooking for the entire morning with delicious tea eggs and soup. Then I spent a few hours napping and now I feel much better.
I really think my productivity is so much worse when my health is worse.
More napping, meditation, and exercise in the future! Napping if I’m sleep deprived, meditation and exercise if I’m not.
Today, the aim I want to focus on is content creation. I want to finish my post, and workout and meditate for the rest of the day.
Matches: Continued
Byjack
Match 1: Video Editing Planning
Goals: I really want to feel less shitty and tired and I want to come up with a direction for my podcast edit and how I can edit it in 40 minutes or less.
Here are the metrics for scoring:
- Energy rejuvenation (1-5)
- Confidence in solution (1-5)
- Creativity (percentile)
- Raw efficiency, work over energy (percentile)
My plan for my warmup is just for go for a long 15 minute walk.
Plan for work session:
UNIT ONE: Analyze video (10 min)
- Might want to create a good intro
- who are you and what have you done
- What would help her as a writer?
- Creative process from start to end
- Talking about book in a way people want to read it or get greater insight
- Greatest struggles as a writer
- What like to write about
- What do other people probably want to know about a writer?
- Where come up with ideas
- Interesting passages from book
UNIT TWO: Process/look at other ideas (10 min)
Going all in on Judy Blume masterclass video:
As soon as you tell me I can’t do something,
I’m going to do it.
I hope that in sharing with you what
I’ve learned over 50 years of writing that it will help
you find your way as a writer.
As a 12-year-old, I was obsessed by the idea of growing
breasts and getting my period.
But there was no place that I could read about it.
When I started to write, I was determined to be honest.
So I’m going to share with you the practical side of writing.
There’s nothing more important than character.
You’re living with these people for years.
You had better feel for them.
Do some exercises.
Have your character write a letter to you.
The first draft is pure torture for me.
I hate every second of it.
I have a messy mind, and my writing
is a process of cleaning up the mess,
then slowly making a story.
I will be able to show that to you.
I got a particularly nasty review once.
It got to me, and I took my typewriter,
and I held it over this arroyo.
And I was going to throw it in.
I thought I cannot do this anymore.
And then this little voice went off in my head.
Wait, you’re going to let this one review stop you
from writing?
That’s crazy!
That’s one opinion.
I enjoy finding and supporting new writers,
and this is a chance for me to reach more of you.
I always ask myself, why would anyone
write if they didn’t have to?
I mean it’s so hard.
So this is for all of you who feel that you have to.
I’m Judy Blume, and this is my Master Class.
Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell.
*Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interview
Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)
Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
Walk through the step by step creative process
*Images or animation if possible
Talk about a challenging emotional experience
Resolution if possible
Deeper philosophical point
End
UNIT THREE: Create plan for actual editing (currently thinking one short, one long) (10 min)
UNIT ONE: Gathering clips
UNIT TWO: Gathering broll
UNIT THREE: Compositing
Bonus time: shot list
- Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell. Should be humorous and controversial.
- Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interview
- To kill the other
- Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)
- Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
- Walk through the step by step creative process
- Images of process
- Talk about a challenging emotional experience with resolution if possible
- Deeper philosophical point
- Some sort of ending
Bonus time: animation thoughts
Trying out pencil 2d!
Postmatch Review:
Overall, this was very fun and rejuvenated my love for editing and video.
- Energy rejuvenation – 4 I don’t feel 100% but my energy went up TONS since I started working
- Confidence in solution – 2 I feel the plan is really solid but the timing seems a little tight to get all of this done
- Creativity – 70th percentile, pretty good, not revolutionary. But I don’t think most people could do this.
- Raw efficiency, work over energy – 80th percentile, I think most sessions and people can’t be this productive in 40 minutes that was actually insane.
Match 2: Video Editing
Goals: I want to be excited about this video edit, feel satisfied, while boosting my confidence in pushing out videos faster with less effort
Here are the metrics for scoring:
- Excitement in the edit (1-5)
- Satisfaction in the edit (1-5)
- Efficiency (percentile)
- Fun (1-5)
- How ME it is (percentile)
My plan for my warmup is to hype myself up – play music, tell friends etc. + motivation.
Clean, write on my board.
UNIT ONE: Gathering clips (10 minutes)
Something really special about Danuta and unique about her personality, show don’t tell. Should be humorous and controversial.Beeroll on books and images from life, maybe emotional points of interviewTo kill the other
Some sort of intro to talk about what this is about (maybe introduction)- Something about how she gets started with creative process, or something about art or creativity.
Walk through the step by step creative process- Images of process
- Talk about a challenging emotional experience with resolution if possible
Deeper philosophical point- Some sort of ending
UNIT TWO: Gathering broll
UNIT THREE: Compositing
Postmatch Review:
- Excitement in the edit – 2 I’m not that thrilled about the cut so far
- Satisfaction in the edit -1 I’m not all that satisfied in the edit
- Efficiency (percentile) – 60% I’m better than average but a bit slow compared to experienced video editors
- Fun (1-5) – 3 I had quite a lot of fun
- How ME it is (percentile) – 15% not a lot of me in it so far
Match 3: Video Editing + MEified
Goals: I was right that the last match did not finish the process of editing. It was just too much. But I did make REALLY good progress. The only problem is, it’s not ME enough. This last challenge, I want to get the edit done, and I want to inject some Jack magic into it.
Metrics for scoring:
- How ME is it (percentile)
- Completeness & polish (percentile)
For my warmup, I’m going to watch a bunch of my videos.
Ok the warmup didn’t work, I’m gonna play some nice music and meditate. Me is goofy, profound, soft, and emotional.
UNIT ONE: Compostiting
UNIT TWO: MEify
UNIT THREE: Finalize
Postmatch Review: It ended up taking two hours. I’m tired now!
- How ME is it – 65% it does feel real, and grounded but not as me as I could make it
- Completeness & polish – 65% its actually not bad at all, could use some broll and animation
Workpost 59: Feeling frustrated
Byjack
I’m really struggling to process some feelings right now.
- I am working through the stressful emotions that come up when I see an attractive girl
- I am working through overwhelmed and frustrated emotions with my current project for my AI consulting
- I am working through fear and stress I feel working on my pipelines
- I am working through feeling of fear and anxiety around money
Let’s work through them one by one.
Attractive girl
Guilt, shame, deep desire
Center of my chest, painful clenching
Stomach clenching
I am bad
I am defective
I am ugly
I am guilty
I am rejected
I won’t ever find beauty or be happy
What if the perfect one is out there
It’s not about the perfect person who meets all your needs. It’s the relationship that meets all of your needs.
Why do I place all my hopes and dreams on a person? Because I want to be happy and I’ve only felt that in shallow relationships. I like meeting people. I like the feeling of possibility in life of variety.
Can I meet those needs in a relationship? Can I find novelty and excitement in a relationship?
Why is desire such an important need for adventures for me? Just because I’m in a relationship, doesn’t mean I can’t be attractive. But I want to find someone attractive, then for them and me to do the little romantic dance. I worry when I’m in a relationship, that’s not possible anymore.
I think honestly the fear comes from lack of needs being met in the relationship. Specifically around safety, social needs, chemistry, and inspiration. I feel if I felt if I felt safe to talk openly about people that are attractive and my partner is secure enough in herself, I felt my social needs are met, I felt strong chemistry, and inspired I would not find others attractive.
I want to switch my mindset over from comparing and wanting to meet my needs via others, and focus more on the relationship. Looking elsewhere is giving up on the relationship and if I really want to look elsewhere, I want to first end the relationship.
I don’t want to neglect my needs anymore.
I want to first meet my needs myself, then in the relationship:
- Safety – self acceptance and kindness
- Social needs – be in touch with moment, who people really are
- Chemistry – spending more time on self care, self massage
- Inspiration – reminding myself of the greatness I am capable of, of the change I can create
For the relationship, I want to continue working through needs course.
I feel fear in my chest when I think about my relationship. I feel uncertainty.
No matter what happens I will find peace and happiness because of the way I engage with the world.
My little emotional processing toolkit for meeting my needs:
- Radical acceptance, hold myself, be curious, somatic
- Self love, massage
- Be in the moment, see things how they are
Chemistry
The indescribable feeling
Like the beauty of the red in the roses
Unfurled
Cutting in the corners, filling then in
This feeling of a world around you
That you carry everywhere you go
Our worlds meet
The openness to connect with me
Ok, this raises so many questions it is time to move along
Project Frustration
I feel lost, overwhelmed, and misunderstood.
What if I fail? What if its all for nothing? I don’t know what to do. It feels like so much work.
I don’t know what to do to be effective. I feel the time is running out so fast.
I need to focus on the end goal. Ignore everything else, its just a bonus.
Workpost 76: Feeling scattered
Byjack
I have so many things I sorta want to work on but I feel scattered. Part of the problem is that these new glasses are making me dizzy and I don’t really like them very much.
Here are some of my options:
- Figure out how to talk to retirement homes about art coaching
- Create art coaching website
- Write about social anxiety and process
- Process feelings of being a failure
- Improve vision
- Get better at video editing
- Work on my art
- Work on my music
- Improve my bloating
- Work on my sleep
- Work on my digestion
- Work on skool games
I feel lost and I just gravitate towards anything that has some level of an answer for me.
I feel that maybe there one answer to a lot of things. I strongly believe my bloating is due to stress. And while there are many ways to work on stress, I feel breathing might be one of the most powerful ways to manage stress.
If I focus on breathing, I can also focus on singing as it involves breathwork. I also believe it will make a big difference in my digestion and maybe even social anxiety.
So what if I focus on breathing for stress, bloating, anxiety, and singing. What if I make a video about it, hitting another area as well. What video format do I want to follow?
I think I’ll keep it simple, and follow Beau Miles, one of my favorites.
Workpost 64: Slow Start
Byjack
These days I feel a bit lethargic. It might just be because I’m recovering from 5ks and need more rest than normal. I also just feel a lot of pressure overall. I see these mornings as a way for me to slowly set up my house, set up my mental space as a good place to work.
I like to go through my to do list, my calendar, and work things out.
On thing that occurs to me when I’m thinking through my to do list is that I’m way to ambitious and unfocused. The point of the to do list is to brain dump and really find the most important high priority thing (using emotional priority not logical priority).
And before I even think about prioritizing, I want to get back to building my house – you are in my house, take risks, be ok with silence, take your time.
Today my main goal is to finish my business cards and website for my art coaching.
Another main system or habit I want to institute, if I miss a time block to do something on my calendar, I delete the event and add it back to my to do list.